19. Rowan

CHAPTER NINETEEN

rowan

I have to make this good for him. I can’t believe we’re doing this. And maybe we shouldn’t, but as long as he’s on board, I don’t think I can stop. My hands are trembling as I put the condom on, sliding it over my hard-as-hell dick and trying not to come right then as I look down at Benny’s pink, ready hole.

I’m going to be inside him.

He licks his lips and watches me hungrily. “It’s going to be perfect.”

Ever the optimist, this one. The trust I see in his eyes though—knowing he really believes that—it’s my undoing. How can someone be so good? “Yeah? What if I come before I’m even inside you?”

He shrugs. “It’ll be hot.” He licks his lips again, his eyes on my dick. “Really hot.”

“Benny,” I groan—because the way he’s looking at me right now is anything but helping cool this fire inside me. I don’t think anything will be able to do that. Not with him.

“Get inside me, Rowan.”

“You’re so bossy,” I say as I grab my dick and position it at his entrance, but I don’t push inside. Instead, I lean forward, and I kiss him hard but also gently. Like I’m trying to remember every second of this moment.

I can’t explain it, but it feels pivotal. Maybe I can use this moment to get through the rest of my pathetically sad life. “I’m nervous,” he says softly, and I press a kiss to his mouth, holding there as my hand moves over his pulse point on his neck. I can feel how rapidly his heart is beating and know he’s not kidding. That even though he does trust me, this is new for him, and it’s scary.

He moves one hand up under my shirt and rests it over my heart—my heartbeat matching his.

“But I want this.” My eyes flutter closed for a moment, and I take a deep breath in, then release it.

“Me too,” I say and kiss him softly, starting to press inside him. His body doesn’t accept me right away, and I know he’s in pain. “Breathe,” I remind him, my mouth going to his ear as I hold onto him and press forward a little more, going as slow as I can. It’s freezing out here, but I’m sweating, trying like hell not to come or push inside him too fast. I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t know how many more times we’ll be able to be together, but I don’t want it to be because it sucked. Or because I accidentally hurt him. I need this to be good.

His hand is still over my heart, the other on my hip. “I’m okay.” I nod and kiss him softly, pressing more into him. Inch by inch, I take it agonizingly slow as he breathes through it and his body lets me in.

When I bottom out, a rush of air leaves my mouth as I rest my forehead against his. “You feel so tight and warm,” I grit out, my voice strangled just like my cock is being strangled by his tight heat.

“You feel so big,” he says, wiggling under me and making me curse as I try not to blow my load.

“Benny. Don’t move.”

He chuckles, and I feel it all the way down to my balls when he squeezes around me. “Then you move, Rowan. Make me feel good.”

I kiss him hard and pull back, not all the way out, but enough that I can push all the way back inside him, making us both moan and groan.

“Yes. Just like that,” he says, his head tilting back. I lick his throat as I push into him over and over again, never leaving his tight channel, never wanting to. I like that, even though I’m the one inside him, he’s making sure I know he’s okay. He’s taking care of me.

I want to make this good for him because I want to take care of him too, for once. Because Benny is good, and he deserves all good things. I suck on his neck and over his collarbone, pushing into him and trying my best to find that spot inside him that makes him curse and moan.

When I do find it, I can feel the pleasure he’s feeling. I can hear it and feel it as his ass clenches around me tightly and his fingernails dig into my flesh, but I can feel it. Deep inside, vibrating throughout my own body as I feed on his pleasure.

I stroke into him, nailing his gland over and over and pull back enough to watch his hand fly to his cock as he starts to stroke with vigor, chasing his release.

“Yes, Benny. Come for me.” My muscles are all strained tight as I fight off my own release, needing him to go over first. “Mine. So fucking mine.” I kiss his lips, and he cries into my mouth, his whole body going rigid as his ass grasps my cock, and I feel the heat of his cum between us.

“Holy shit, Rowan,” he says in a breathy tone, kissing my lips as I feel a euphoria come over me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s tingly and feels like I’m floating just as my body locks up, my muscles all taut and pulled tight, and I release into the condom and his warmth.

I stroke into him over and over as he wraps his arms and legs around me, moving with me and whispering words of encouragement in my ear as I fall over the beautiful cliff and let go.

When I’m wrung out, I collapse all my weight onto him, but he doesn’t release me. His limbs stay wrapped around me as he kisses my temple and my cheek, gradually reaching my lips, and we just kiss.

It’s something so simple but life-changing all the same.

I don’t want to let go of him, but when his teeth start chattering, I force us both to get up and get cleaned up before we get dressed. I zip his coat up when he pulls it on and then tug the hood up over his head.

He gives me a cocky, sideways grin, like he knows he has me wrapped around his finger, but I can’t be bothered by it. We get in the truck, and I start it, turning the heat all the way up, and he settles in next to me on the bench seat.

“Best homecoming ever.”

I chuckle at that and kiss his temple, trying to warm him up as I wrap my arm around him.

But even I can’t argue with that. It’s a night I never thought I’d have. All the times I pictured my senior homecoming, I was convinced it would be a disaster. I’d be forced to take a date to the dance, and who knows how I’d get out of the inevitable kiss at the end. Maybe more.

But tonight wasn’t forced. It wasn’t an obligation.

It was downright perfect.

I wake with a start and look out the windshield of the truck, seeing the sun is starting to come up. I look to my right and see Benny is still fast asleep, leaning against my shoulder.

I can’t help but smile as I look over at him, his beautiful, flushed cheeks and pouty lips are so pretty, and I lean over and kiss him softly. He wakes up slowly and kisses me back, his hand going into my hair as he holds me to him.

“I have to get home. My dad will already be suspicious.”

“Mmm,” he says sleepily.

“Benny.”

He sighs softly and nods his head. “I know. You’re just so warm. This is nice.” He snuggles into me, and I really want to stay here with him. I’d stay here forever, I think.

So many emotions threaten to come out in that moment. I want to tell him that I’ll stay here forever. That I don’t want to go home. That I wish things were different and we could be together for real. But I manage to keep it all in. I kiss him again. “Are you okay? After last night?”

His bright blue eyes look up at me, shimmering with happiness I wish I could bottle up. “More than. I can’t wait to do it again.”

I kiss his nose. “I can’t either.”

“Tonight?” he asks hopefully.

I laugh. “You’re going to be insufferable.”

“Hell yeah,” he agrees and kisses me again before we finally part and drive separately to our own houses. I know he’ll be okay when he gets home. His parents might tease him for being out all night, but he told them before he probably would, so I don’t think they were worried too much.

He won’t be in trouble or anything.

I park my truck in the driveway and look up at the farmhouse that’s been my home since birth but never really felt like it after my mom died. My dad’s truck is here, and I don’t want to face him, but I know I should just get it over with.

I climb out of my truck and head up to the house, going in through the front door. My dad is sitting in the living room with a cup of coffee, annoyance all over his face. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Why? Were you worried?” I shouldn’t backtalk him, I know that. But it pisses me off that I know he wasn’t worried about my wellbeing. He’s worried about how it would look if anyone knew what I was up to last night.

And we both know he knows, but we don’t talk about it. Not ever.

“Where were you?” His voice is deadly serious. No room for teasing or joking around. Not like Benny’s family.

“It was Homecoming. We celebrated our win.”

“We?” He looks downright murderous as he stands from his chair. “Who is we?”

“The team,” I say, squaring my shoulders and preparing for the fight. The one that’s been coming for a long time.

“You smell like sex.” He sneers at me.

“That’s because I had sex.” I step even closer to him, sick of this bullshit. No, I’m not going to come out, but I’m sick of backing down to him. He’s already taken so much from me. I dare him to say anything else, but his jaw just clenches tight, as do his fists at his side, but he’s quiet. “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

I don’t wait for him to say anything else and head straight to my room, flopping down on my bed without even removing my coat.

I miss Benny.

I miss the feel of his warm body tucked up against mine without a care in the world.

With him, I feel an ounce of that too. Of not caring about anything else. And it’s really, really nice.