16. Benny

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

benny

“Yes. That. There. Just like that.” I’m a sweating, babbling mess as Rowan works his way down my body. I thought for sure it would be me exploring his body tonight, but he took over.

I can’t say I hate it. Not even a little bit. He’s licking and kissing my groin, my thighs, his hands roaming over my bare stomach, but he’s avoiding my dick.

It doesn’t bother me in the least, though, because he’s still driving me wild. I might come just like this, and I wouldn’t be mad about it. His big hands slide over my abs just as he licks my entire hard length, and my back bows, my hips thrusting up at the contact.

“Rowan.”

He licks over the tip of my aching cock, and I make some sort of strangled noise I barely recognize as my own. “You taste good too,” he says, and holy shit. Yup, I’m going to nut right here and right now.

My dick jerks as he wraps his hot hand around it and licks the tip. It wouldn’t be embarrassing, right? It’s totally fine, just coming all over him before he even gets my cock in his mouth.

I can’t help it. He’s so hot. This morning, when he shoved me into the bathroom, I would’ve gladly dropped to my knees and worshipped that glorious cock of his, but I was more than content with just kissing him.

I didn’t like that I’d made him jealous—not because his caveman routine wasn’t hot—it was. So hot. But seeing the pain it caused him made all that pleasure muted.

I didn’t like that, and I didn’t do it on purpose. Truth be told, I couldn’t wait to get away from Mya and everyone else and move straight into his arms. I’m becoming addicted to him, and even though I know it’s going to end in disaster, I can’t bring myself to want to end it.

He slides up my body, and his lips take mine, softly and firmly at the same time. He takes over. And it’s because of this that I won’t end it. The way he kisses me. Strong and sure, but I can feel his fear at the same time.

I reach between our bodies and free his cock, groaning as he slides it against mine. We’re both leaking, and it makes the glide smooth as we rut against one another and kiss.

The head of his cock catches on mine, and I grunt against his mouth, chasing the release that’s so close to the surface. “Wanted to taste you.”

“You did,” I say, holding onto him and not letting him go. As much as I’d love to come down his throat, I don’t want to release his mouth. I kiss him, my lips pressed against his as we explore each other’s mouths, and I wrap around him, our cocks dragging against each other’s as we writhe in pleasure.

He goes over first, his hot cum splashing between us and setting off my own release. It feels like forever before I come down, and he’s still kissing me softly, bringing me back. His lips slide down over my jaw to my neck, sucking hard but not enough to leave a mark.

I wish he would.

Whether the world knows it or not, I’m his.

“Mine.” He kisses a little lower, over my collarbone, licking and sucking as I try to catch my breath. “My Benny.” I smile lazily at that, dragging my hand through his sweaty hair.

“I wish we could go to Homecoming together.”

That makes him pause, his whole body going rigid, and I curse myself for ruining the mood with my running mouth, but I can’t help it. Tomorrow is Thursday, and then Friday is Homecoming.

Mya asked me if I wanted to go with her, just as friends, but I turned her down instantly. I actually felt a little bad about how quickly I said no to her, but I don’t want to go with anyone except Rowan.

“We are.” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t totally reach his eyes, and I reach up, brushing my thumb over his cheekbone.

“You know what I mean.”

He sighs heavily and collapses next to me on the hay—that is so not comfortable, by the way. “Is that what Mya was talking to you about this morning?”

He’s observant for sure. I shrug. “I told her no, even though she just wanted to go as friends.”

He snorts obnoxiously at that, and I get a little hint of the guy I knew before he showed me the real side of him. Because I know deep in my heart the guy who kisses with so much passion and is quiet and caring—who helps with chores before we start really making out so we don’t disappoint my parents—that’s the real him. Not the over-the-top cocky asshole. “She wants your junk, not your friendship.”

I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly because he’s hurting. He’s jealous, and for whatever reason, he thinks we have to hide this thing between us. “I think she just wants to be friends with me. She thinks I’m in love with love or some shit. I don’t know, but she doesn’t know me as well as she thinks she does.”

He tugs his pants up, and I worry he’s going to leave, panic rushing through me, but he settles in next to me instead, propping his head on his hand. “You do love, love.”

I roll my eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting what my parents have,” I say defensively, but he doesn’t fight my pissy attitude with his own.

He reaches for my cheek and turns my head, so I’m looking at him before brushing his fingers over my wet lips. “No. There isn’t.”

I look into his eyes, the moment heavy. “I don’t want her.”

His expression is pinched as he drops his hand. “You should though, Benny. She’d be much better for you, and you only broke up with her because...”

I wait for him to finish his sentence, but he just looks away from me. “Because we almost kissed when I was dating her.” It’s my turn to grab his face and force him to look at me. “Because I wanted to kiss you more than I wanted my next breath, and that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been in love with her.”

“It would be easier with her.”

“And you really think I want easy?” I say, a little amused because he knows me better than that. “I love a challenge.”

He smiles now. It’s small, but it’s there.

“Can I ask you something?”

He nods, but it’s a little stiff, and I know he’s nervous. “Why do you think it would be so horrible to come out as a couple?”

There’s a sharp, sudden fearful look in his eyes, like he’s sweating bullets, just hearing the words. “We aren’t a couple.”

I snort and release his face to pull up my own pants. Thank God, I always take a shower after coming in from chores anyway because I’m a wet, sticky mess. “Sure we aren’t.”

He doesn’t look irritated at that, but he doesn’t agree either. “The team. The other kids in our class. The school. The town. Everyone would know.”

“And?” I tug my shirt on because the hay is getting itchy, and he does the same, but then pulls me to his side and lets me cuddle into him.

“And it would get back to my dad.”

Ah, there it is. Not that the town wouldn’t be brutal, but I assumed it had a lot more to do with his dad than he’s ever said before. “Has he said anything?”

“Lots of things.” I hear his voice crack, and he won’t look at me. I don’t force him to. “Since I can remember, he’s always told me what being a man meant. Always correcting me as if I’m doing it all wrong.” He pauses, and I watch his throat work as he swallows. “It’s like he saw it before even I did.”

“Saw what?” I ask quietly.

He turns his head to look at me, his eyes shining with unshed tears, and I want nothing more than to take all his pain away. “That I’m gay.”

I nod, not wanting to pay too much attention to his admission. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable. “What did he do?” I can’t mask the anger and fear I’m feeling. If he hurt him...

“Nothing.” He shakes his head firmly at me, and I know he knows what I was thinking. “Really. He’s never laid a hand on me. It’s just... It’s like he’s extra careful to always tell me when he thinks something is weird. Or too gay , in his words. Or that the town will talk. Like when you brought me home.”

I flinch at that, I knew he was upset about me showing up at his house, but I didn’t even put it together that it was more about the way his dad had reacted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

He just offers me a small smile. “It’s not a big deal, but it’s why I went home with Bianca.”

I nod, things making more sense. “So you just pretend to make your dad happy? How long can anyone do that?” I’m not trying to be cruel. I really just want to understand.

He shrugs. “He’s all I have left, Benny.”

I want to tell him that’s not true, but I know what he means. He’s still his dad, even if he sucks. “Maybe if he saw that you were happy?—”

“No,” he instantly cuts me off. “He wouldn’t care. He’d kick me out, and I’d never see him again.”

I don’t think it would be a big loss, but when I look into his eyes, I can see he’d be devastated. I can’t want that for him. “So I guess I’ll just have to shake my ass for you in the barn instead of the school’s gym on Friday?” I try to lighten the mood, and he laughs, pulling me into his warm chest.

“I’m sorry, Benny.”

“Don’t be.” I force a smile. “I just came my brains out, and I have many plans to do it again and again. I’m the happiest guy in the world.”

He knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. The truth is I do want more with him. I want to shout it from the rooftops that he’s mine and I’m his Benny, but all I can do is hold out hope that someday, it’ll work out. Maybe his dad isn’t as much of a bastard as he thinks, and it would be okay.

If he isn’t abusive, then there has to be some hope.

“You’re thinking too hard, Benny.” His voice sounds almost sleepy, and even though it would be uncomfortable to sleep on the hay out in the chilly barn, I’d do it happily to get to sleep in his arms.

“I’m sorry your dad has let you down.”

His arms wrap tighter around me. “He was a really good dad once. I think. I was young, but I think I remember him happy before he lost her.”

I nod at that and cuddle into him even more. “Maybe he’ll be happy again someday.” And then you can be.

I don’t say that part out loud though. I don’t think he believes it, but he nods his head all the same and kisses my temple. “I have to go.”

“I know.”

He kisses me, and I kiss him back, not wanting this to end, but it does. He pulls away gently from me and then heads out to his truck before I go into the house, taking one sad, pathetic look back at the drive as he exits.

“Have fun doing chores, son?” My dad’s voice makes me jump, and I look to see him and my mother on the living room sofa, looking pretty amused.

“You scared the f—”—I stop and look at them both—“fudge out of me.”

They both cackle and give me a knowing look, but they don’t ask what Rowan and I were up to in the barn. I think they know. But neither of them looks bothered that it was a guy and not a girl with me in the barn—the reason my cheeks are flushed and my hair is messy.

Because they’re good people and great parents.

I wish Rowan had that too. It’s just not fair.