15. Rowan

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

rowan

This is bad. This is really bad. It’s Wednesday of Homecoming spirit week, and for some odd reason, it’s dress up as a rockstar or popstar day. I didn’t dress up.

I never do that shit. Sometimes, I’ll wear a hat for hat day, and Friday is always school colors day, so I wear my jersey, but that’s it. Of course, Benny loves spirit week, and today he’s dressed up as Freddy Mercury.

He couldn’t do anything about his blond mop of hair, but he’s wearing a white tank top and a black arm band. Even has a fake mustache and red leather pants.

He told me he was going to do this, but I still wasn’t prepared. He looks ridiculous and adorable all at the same time.

I can’t stop staring at him, and it’s a problem.

Of course, it becomes even more of a problem when Mya walks up to him, all proud and happy in her costume. She’s Taylor Swift, I’m pretty sure, with a white t-shirt, a short, short black sparkly skirt, and a black hat, complete with bright red lipstick.

She looks beautiful, and I can’t help but think Benny thinks so too. I watch them flirt and chat by his locker, both belting out tunes in over-the-top ways as people gather around to joke and laugh and join in the fun.

Of course, my surly ass stays far away from that, but my hands clench at my sides as I itch to go over there and mark my territory. Which is so far from okay. I just told him last night there’ll be none of that in public.

I see red when I watch Mya’s small hand drag up over Benny’s bicep and nearly lose my shit. “Benny!” I bark and startle pretty much everyone.

I hate that all eyes are on me, but he seems to have calmed instantly, his lips in a smile. “Yeah?”

“I need to talk to you about practice,” I grit out, my jaw clenched so tight I’m worried about my teeth.

He doesn’t miss a beat though, just saunters over to me without a care in the world. “Sure.”

I practically drag him away from everyone else, my caveman instincts kicking in, and I don’t even have time to panic as I find the bathroom and walk inside, bringing him with me. Thankfully, no one else is in here, and I quickly shove him into a stall, locking it before I turn to face him, trying to calm myself down.

“You okay?” He looks concerned now as he watches me.

“I’m fine,” I bark out, and he flinches a little. I feel like an asshole as he cocks his head to the side and looks at me.

“I wasn’t trying to make you jealous.”

“You sure about that?” I ask, my nostrils flaring and rage bubbling up. Mine. My Benny.

Which isn’t fair at all. I basically told him last night this isn’t a thing. It’s not fair to freak out on him for flirting with his ex.

“Rowan,” he says softly, his hand stroking over my cheek, and my eyes slide closed as I lean into his touch. “I swear it. I didn’t ask her to come over to me or anything. I was looking at you. I’m always looking at you,” he says softly, and I can feel his breath against my lips.

I open my eyes and see his are shining with concern. “I was jealous,” I admit, even though he already knows that. “Does she have to touch you?”

He smiles sweetly. “There’s only one person I want to touch me, Rowan. I think you know that.”

I start to shake my head, but he stops the motion with his one hand and firm look. “Don’t hide from me.”

“This is impossible,” I say, feeling defeated. I can’t be the person he deserves. I can’t be affectionate and touch him in front of everyone, but I’m a selfish fucker because I only just found what a kiss should feel like. What—God, what everything else could feel like—and I refuse to let him go.

I press my lips against his and kiss the hell out of him, his back pushed up against the stall. My hands roam over his hard muscles, and I touch him like I want to be able to touch him freely.

He moans softly into my mouth and wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me into him. My dick responds instantly, brushing against his hardness and craving more. His mouth on me last night—it was indescribable. I’ve never felt pleasure like that before.

It had always felt wrong when I was kissing a girl. I never dared to let it go any further, but last night, I let myself go. I let myself feel. And it was just plain... right.

“My Benny,” I say in between kisses, and he gasps softly, kissing me back. My lips are bruised and swollen, but I don’t let up until the first bell goes off.

“We have to go,” he groans, and I nod reluctantly. I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to go back into the crowded halls, where I have to once again go back to being the big dumb, quiet jock. “After practice?” he pants against my lips. “My barn?”

I grin, my stomach clenching because this cannot last. I know it can’t. I should tell him no. It’s right on the tip of my tongue—maybe try to restrict our trysts to once a week or some shit, but I look into those hopeful blue eyes of his, and I’m just a goner.

“After practice,” I say, and his entire face lights up with the way he’s smiling.

“Was your dad upset last night when you got home?” He’s still smiling, but there’s a hint of worry there.

My dad wasn’t home when I got there last night, so I assumed he picked up another shift or something. I couldn’t have been more relieved. I didn’t want to answer him, especially smelling like sex, with cum still in my underwear.

“He wasn’t home.”

Benny lets out a relieved breath, and it’s in that moment, I realize just how much he cares about me. “Good.”

My heart cracks because I’m going to hurt him. There are no ifs about it. I can’t ask him to hide forever, and I can’t not hide. No one can know about this thing between us. I meant that when I said it, and it won’t change.

But the fact that I’m going to hurt the person who has swiftly come to mean so much to me in such a small amount of time—so much that I ache with it—guts me.

“See you at lunch.” He presses a kiss to my lips, letting his hand drift over my still semi-hard cock. “I wish we had time for me to blow you again.”

“Benny,” I groan, my head falling back against the stall as my cock gives a violent twitch.

He doesn’t joke around though. His eyes are serious and full of heat as he looks at me, licking his lips and then leaning into me with his hand on my chest. “You taste so fucking good. I can’t get it out of my head.”

“You’re determined to give me blue balls, huh?”

He smiles sweetly, his cheeks flushing red. “Just thought you should know.”

I grasp the back of his neck and kiss him hard. “I can’t wait to be inside your hot little mouth again. Maybe next time, you’ll swallow the whole load, so you won’t be so hungry for it.”

It’s his turn to groan, and he licks his lips again, starving for it. “Today is going to be long.”

I laugh and kiss him. “Get out of here. Don’t be late.”

He kisses me one last time and then leaves the stall carefully, looking around and must see the coast is clear. He washes his hands and then leaves the bathroom entirely.

I go to the sink and wash my own hands, trying to calm my raging libido. I look at my reflection and try to breathe deeply, trying to ease the ache deep inside me. Not just the lust, but the sheer agony.

I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know how to avoid it.