14. Benny

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

benny

Today was brutal. I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Rowan. It’s all I’ve been able to think about—that and the next time I can do it. I haven’t seen him nearly enough today at school, and practice was busy.

He did block for me though, so there’s that.

I’m mentally preparing myself for a fight, though, as I get dressed after my shower. Knowing his first instinct is to always tell me no. But I’ve decided that the kiss and every kiss that comes after is worth the fight.

As long as I’m sure he wants this—I’m going to fight for us.

It’s like a switch has been flipped now, and I can’t turn back. I felt pretty hopeless after our double date, but then he kissed me. Now he’s unleashed a total monster. If he thought I was a pain in his ass before, he hasn’t seen anything yet.

There are only a couple of guys around, and soon it’s just Rowan and me in the locker room. “Coming over?” I ask quietly, just in case anyone is lingering or Coach is still around.

I’m pretty sure I heard his daughters running around in the hallway a moment ago, so he’s somewhere.

“Benny...” he starts, and I want to kiss his lips to shut him up before he tells me no.

“Just dinner and chores.” I grin over at him. “My dad is really liking the extra help with the chores.” I wink at him, trying to keep it light and easy, even though it feels anything but.

I want to kiss him again, yes, but I also have this need to crack him open and find everything out about him. I want to know everything. I want to be everything to him. I’ve never felt anything this intense before.

I’ve had a lot of girlfriends, and I thought they were serious relationships, but something about this just feels different. “Fine.” He wants to be grumpy with his answer, that much I can tell, but I don’t miss the hint of the grin there.

I’ll take it.

We drive our own trucks out to my house, and my parents seem pleasantly surprised when Rowan joins us for dinner again. I practically run out to the barn after dinner, telling my dad I won’t need his help because Rowan is staying. And by the time we get into the barn, my lips crash against his with a desperate fervor.

He kisses me back, hard and unyielding, his hands sliding through my curls, and I moan deeply when I feel his tongue stroking over mine.

I can’t get enough. I don’t want to come up for air, but he seems to have more strength than me, slowly pulling his mouth away from mine. “We better actually get your chores done or your dad is going to be pissed.”

I chase his mouth with mine, nipping and biting at his lips, sucking on the plump bottom one. “Can’t focus. You’re too hot.”

He chuckles, and it’s a gorgeous sound. He kisses me back, giving in, my back pressing against the barn’s inner wall. His hand slides under my shirt, and I nearly come in my jeans when his fingers brush over my nipple.

“Oh God,” I gasp in between heated kisses. “Don’t ever stop touching me.”

“I don’t want to,” he says, just as breathless. “But we need to feed the animals. I don’t want to let your dad down. I kind of like him.”

I pull away then, looking into his eyes and see he’s totally serious. “Boner killer, bringing up the parents.”

He just gives me the cutest little crooked grin, his hand dropping from my chest. “Yeah, I guess so.”

I look down at the bulge in his jeans and then down at my own matching erection and laugh. “Maybe not.”

He shoves my shoulder playfully and takes a step back. “Chores first.”

I like that he said first, so I don’t argue with him. We work together to feed the animals. Of course, I spend a lot of time talking to them and petting them because they need to know they’re loved. Then we lock them all up in their respective homes and clean up the messes they left in and around the barn.

It should be very unsexy, but by the time we’re finished, I practically tackle him onto a pile of hay in the corner of the barn, my lips all over his. He’s right there with me, and before I know it, both our shirts are gone. I’m all over him, straddling his strong thighs as I lean down and kiss him, climbing him.

I’ve always liked kissing, but this is on another level. I feel his hard cock brushing against mine, and maybe it should feel weird, but it doesn’t. It feels undeniably right, and I have to force myself to stop before I lose complete control.

I don’t want this to be over that fast. Who knows if tomorrow he’ll be pushing me away again in a total panic. I want to take my time. Really explore him. I rip my mouth away from his and sit back, taking him in. His dark hair is disheveled from our make- out session. His lips are puffy and red, swollen from my insistent kisses. His cheeks are flushed, and his strong chest is heaving with ragged breaths.

He looks wrecked, and it makes my cock jerk hard inside my jeans, begging for relief.

“You really are beautiful.” I look down at his defined pecs and brush my hand over them, marveling in the strong, warm, soft flesh and then drag my fingertips over every deep rivet of his defined abs. “You’re strong.”

My eyes meet his slowly, and I notice he’s looking at me, just watching my face as I touch him. “You’re the beautiful one, Benny.”

Girls always tell me I’m pretty. I used to find it amusing, but Rowan Kincaid telling me I’m beautiful will undoubtably be stuck in my memory forever.

I drag my fingers lower, trailing over the light line of dark hair from his belly button, leading into his jeans, and I watch as each muscle flexes under my touch. My mouth fills with saliva as I watch his hard, strong body tremble for me. I flick the top button of his jeans open and revel in the audible gasp from his lips.

My eyes flick up to his face, making sure he’s still on board, and he gives me the tiniest hint of a nod. I lean down and press my lips against his, kissing him softly. Letting him know he can trust me.

I don’t know if he’s ever been with a guy before. I know I haven’t, and I’m just going on pure instinct, but I’m not afraid. I’m excited as I kiss lower and lower. Down over his firm jaw and his neck, over each pec, loving the deep groan he lets out when I flick my tongue over his nipple.

“Benny, please.” He’s wriggling underneath me, almost like he’s in pain. Hell, he might be. My own balls are aching, and my dick is so hard, leaking into my jeans and jerking with each sound he makes.

I lick down every ridge of his insane stomach. I mean, I knew the guy was ripped, but this is something else. Not an ounce of fat, and so hard, it’s like granite. I settle between his legs, the hay beneath us anything but comfortable, but I barely notice it as I drag his zipper down, mindful of the massive erection he’s sporting.

Damn, the guy is hung. I mean, I’ve seen his dick before, and it’s proportionate to his bigass body. But right here in my face like this, hard and pushing against his black briefs, it’s a little bit of a different experience.

“Benny.” His fingers brush through my curls.

I look up at him. “Has anyone ever sucked this massive cock before, Rowan?”

He looks pained, his body squirming under mine as he gives a quick shake of his head. Holy shit, I was right. He hasn’t been with anyone before. Not like this. It’s a heady feeling, making sure this is good for him. But I’m up to the task.

I’ve had my fair share of blowjobs, and while I’ve never given one before, I’m confident I can do this. I slowly pull his jeans and briefs down in one move, letting his cock flop out and slap his lower abs.

I take it in, my gaze sliding over the thick, veiny flesh. He’s hard as hell, leaking from the tip of the perfectly shaped mushroom head. “Fuck, that’s a nice dick.”

“Have you even seen a hard cock besides your own?” he asks, his breathing making it hard for him to speak.

I grin. “Nope.” I lick my lips. “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the hell out of yours.”

“Benny,” he says on a laugh that’s so sexy, I don’t waste any more time. I lick up his shaft and over the tip, pulling a guttural moan from deep within his chest as he leans back, his fingers going into my hair.

I suck on the tip, exploring the new flavor and deciding instantly I like it and I want more. I take more of him inside my mouth, already feeling it in my jaw because he’s not only long, but thick.

I make sure to suck and lick the way I like, teasing the hell out of his tip to make up for the fact that I’m not even close to getting all of him in my mouth. He doesn’t fuck into my mouth, like I’d expect a guy like Rowan to do. I run my hands up and down his thighs, and I can feel them shake under my palms.

He’s close. I’m doing this to him. This big, strong guy who I was certain hated me. He’s trembling with pleasure and need because my mouth is on him. It’s almost too much for me as I hump into nothing, licking and sucking. Pre-cum bursts on my tongue, and I just want more.

“Benny. I’m close.” His hands tighten in my hair so good, I cry out in pleasure, humping the ground of the barn and probably some of the hay and not giving a shit.

Just as the first bit of his cum hits the back of my throat and I try to swallow, I’m losing it and pop off his cock, shouting my own release as his cum hits my chin and my lips. I manage to wrap one of my hands around his dick and milk every last bit out of him before I collapse, my head resting on his thigh, and we both lie there, panting and satisfied.

Okay, so maybe I didn’t totally nail the ending of my first blowjob, but I’d say it wasn’t bad.

“Benny.” His voice makes my eyes pop open, and it’s only then I realize I’d closed them. His hand smooths over my hair. “Come here.”

I climb lazily up his body and lay my head down on his chest, trying to ignore the sticky mess in my pants and just enjoy his body heat.

“Did you come?”

I nod with what I’m sure is a goofy ass smile. “I did.”

I swear I can feel him smiling, and then his lips brush over my temple. “I should get going.”

I nod but don’t make an effort to move off him. It just feels too good. “Your dad will probably worry.”

He snorts at that and laughs without any humor. “Nah, but he’ll wonder where the hell I’ve been tonight. And I don’t want to answer his questions.”

I stiffen a little at that. I haven’t seen his dad for a long time. He was always pretty quiet, even before he lost his wife, but he hasn’t come to any of the school stuff or community events since. I’ve seen him at the games, but he sits far away from everyone else.

“Are you two close?” I kind of already know the answer, but like I said, I want to know everything about him.

“Nah.” There’s a sadness to his tone, and I know I shouldn’t push him. But I can’t deny I’m curious. Thankfully, he doesn’t just leave it at that. “It’s been hard since my mom died.”

I absently drag my fingers over his bare shoulder and bicep, not bringing my eyes up to look at him because I don’t think he’d want me to see his vulnerability. “I’m sure it has. I know you both have to miss her.”

“We do,” he says as his hand smooths over my back.

“You think he’d be okay with this?” My heartbeat has sped up now, addressing whatever the hell this is between us when I know he doesn’t want to.

Sure enough, his entire body goes rigid under mine. “He can’t know about this.”

Yeah, I kind of figured as much. He starts to sit up, grabbing my arms—although gently—and moving me off him, so he can pull his pants up, ignoring the mess.

“No one can ever know about this, Benny.”

I grab my shirt and pull it on over my head, handing his to him. He stands up and buttons and zips his pants before pulling his shirt on, his eyes intense.

My chest aches deep inside, a wound forming because I knew in the back of my mind this would be a secret. But thinking it and knowing it for sure are two different things. I can’t deny it hurts.

He walks closer to me, his big hands engulfing my face as he forces me to look up at him. “I know it’s not fair to you, and we can stop this right now?—”

“No,” I say, shaking my head violently. The thought of never touching him again is the most terrifying of all. “I want this. I want you.”

He sighs deeply, swallowing hard, and I watch in total fixation as his Adam’s apple slides up and down his throat. “No one can know, Benny. I know you love this part... the beginning, but it can’t be like that with us.”

“What do you mean?”

He releases my face, but his hands just slide down to my hips, and his forehead rests against mine. I can smell the sweat and cum from our heated make-out session, and it makes it hard to focus, but I do my best. “At school, you can’t touch me. You can’t hold my hand or let anyone know what happened between us. I’m not going to come out. It’s not happening. Ever.”

“You don’t have to,” I say adamantly. I would never out anyone, and even though I’m not totally sure how he identifies, I know he’s not totally straight. I guess I’m not either.

“Ever, Benny. It’s not going to be like Dallas. You have to know that from the very beginning. No one can ever know.”

He seems truly distraught by that fact, but the way he says it—like it’s set in stone—makes my stomach ache. I’m not totally naive. I know I get a little lost in relationships. I get excited and want everything with that person, but he’s telling me that isn’t going to happen.

It’s going to be sneaking around and secrets.

Can I do that? Really do that?

I pull back enough to look into his pained eyes and stroke my hand over his cheek. “It’s okay. Really.”

He starts to shake his head, and I bring my other hand up too, grasping his face in a firm hold.

“I mean it. I don’t love not being able to touch you anytime I want to, but this thing with us... whatever it is, it’s worth it. I know it is.”

He tries to shake his head again, but I hold onto him. His shoulder drops, and he sighs heavily, carrying such an epic weight on them. “It can’t last. I can’t ask you to hide it forever, and there’ll come a day where it won’t be okay with you, Benny. We should just cut our losses now.”

“Not a chance,” I say stubbornly. I know he’s probably right. I’m going to get hurt, but the chance that this can be something greater—just that tiny little chance—it’s enough to take the risk.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

I chuckle before I pull his lips to mine and kiss the hell out of him, trying to make it last.

Not being able to kiss him like this anywhere except our little private part of the world is going to be torture.

So I have to do everything I can to make it last.