12. Benny

CHAPTER TWELVE

benny

We were lucky we won. I gave Rowan a hard time before the game about his head not being in it, but mine wasn’t either. I wanted nothing more than to drag him, caveman style, to my truck and steal him away.

And yes, I know it would have been hard for me to do that with his big ass, but it was my fantasy, and I’m a lot stronger than I look.

But we did manage to pull out the win, and I was stunned when Rowan didn’t fight me on riding to the theater together, though he’s doing the driving this time. Which gives me more time to ogle him on the way there.

He notices, but he doesn’t tell me to knock it off. I can tell he’s nervous by the way he’s gripping the steering wheel so hard. The whites of his knuckles are actually visible.

I don’t understand why he’s doing this to himself. He’s clearly not interested in Bianca, but I know he’s more afraid of the town finding out about us than going on a date with absolutely no future.

I’m not a total idiot. I know it wouldn’t be easy. I know we’d likely have to keep everything between us a secret. But I’m strangely on board with that if he’d just give us a chance.

One fucking kiss. Maybe we’d laugh after because it’s so awkward and my obsession would fade. Who the hell knows?

I’m a big believer in just going for it, though, and of course, Rowan isn’t that way at all. He holds everything in and close to his massive chest. All I know is it’s all I can think about lately.

I pinched my finger in the gate last night during my chores because my mind was not on closing it. Instead, it was on getting a taste of Rowan’s lips. I tripped up the stairs to the bus today going to the game because my mind was on what his hard body would feel like against mine. I’ve had more wet dreams in the past month than I’ve ever had. Waking up each time, sweaty and sticky, and not even remotely satisfied.

I just want to see if the reality is even close to this fantasy I’ve built up, and it’s bordering on a painful obsession.

I know I should just try to enjoy my date tonight, but as we climb out of his truck and approach the girls, who are waiting outside the theater for us, all I can think about is my caveman fantasy—just stealing him away.

Bianca and Kate are all smiles as we approach, and when we get into the theater for the movie they chose, I make a total ass out of myself by making sure I’m sitting directly next to Rowan. He’s sandwiched in between Bianca and me, while Kate is on my other side, but I’m not paying even the slightest bit of attention to her.

Rowan and I both got popcorn, and I can’t keep my eyes off Bianca’s hand dipping into the popcorn container on Rowan’s lap. I’ve never been a jealous person in my life, but every part of me wants to rip her hand away.

She’s not even touching him, but she might as well be.

“This movie looks so good,” Kate whispers in my ear, leaning in close as the movie starts. It’s too dark in here. I can’t see what’s going on next to me, and it’s making me paranoid.

I make some sort of grunt in response to Kate, but I know I can’t keep glancing to my left at Rowan, making sure Bianca is keeping her hands and her stupid lips off him. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. This is so unlike me, but I can’t seem to rein it in.

It’s freezing in here, but sweat is dotting my brow because of the nerves flowing through me, just thinking about what I’ll do if Bianca starts pawing at him like she was at the party last week.

I see her leaning over, her mouth near his ear, and I feel sheer panic, slapping his chest with my hand, startling them both. I let out a ridiculously loud laugh at the semi-funny joke on-screen. “Hilarious, right?” I say to Rowan, trying to cover.

He just looks at me like I’m totally insane, and that makes sense because that’s how I’m feeling right now. “Yeah,” he says and then settles his body a little closer to mine and a little further from Bianca.

I sit up straighter, preening a little bit, even though his move was subtle. Throughout the movie, I do my absolute best to cockblock him. Every time Bianca starts to reach for him, I’m there to laugh or drop something on the ground—anything to change the trajectory.

It’s messed up. I can acknowledge that, but I can’t stand to see her touch him. Something is happening to me, and I know he feels it too. I just need him to admit it.

After the movie, we all head outside to where we’re parked, and Bianca is sticking close to Rowan’s side. “So I was thinking...” she starts with that pretty little conniving smile on her face as she looks solely at Rowan. “I thought I could take you home, and Benny can take Kate home?”

She says it like a question, but it comes out almost like a demand as she grabs onto his arm and leans against him. “Uh...” Rowan looks caught again, that same look of fear he always has when a girl flirts with him.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I pipe up because over my dead body. “We’re practically neighbors, and we rode here together. And he drove me.”

“Fine. Then he can take me home, and Kate can drive you home in my car.” Bianca’s eyes are shooting fire at me, and I can’t say I blame her. I don’t give her a chance to say anything else though.

“Yeah. That wouldn’t make any sense at all.”

I look over at Kate and give her a small smile, not wanting to lead her on at all, but I’m sure after this disastrous date where I only said two words to her the whole time, she’s not feeling it anyway. “Thanks for coming tonight. It was fun.” I look over at Rowan and want to reach for him. I want to pull him out of Bianca’s grasp, but I’m pretty sure he’d actually murder me if I did.

“Uh, yeah,” he grips the back of his neck with his hand, and it’s painful to watch. “It wouldn’t make much sense. And I gotta take Benny to the high school to get his truck anyway. Thank you for coming out tonight.”

He’s a rambling mess, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him like this, but it doesn’t matter. He’s barreling toward his truck, and I’m following right behind him, happy as hell to be out of there.

We climb into the truck, and he starts it up, peeling out of there before I even get my seatbelt buckled. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Okay. So he’s mad.

That’s fine. I can handle mad Rowan. It’s actually pretty hot.

I shrug. “You didn’t want to take her home anyway. Don’t act all that upset.”

He lets out some sort of angry half-groan, half-yell and shakes his head. “Not just that at the end. Everything. Double date. Laughing and touching me all through the movie. You practically pissed on my leg to claim me.”

I shrug at that, unable to deny it. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not into water sports, but I’ll give anything a try once.”

He glares at me briefly before his eyes go back to the road. “Knock that shit off, Benny. We aren’t a thing. This...” He lets out a heavy puff of air. “This isn’t a thing. It can’t be. Why can’t you just let it go?”

The truth is I’m big on consent. I’m a consent king, and if I felt for even a second that he actually didn’t want me—that he didn’t have any attraction to me at all—I’d back off. It would suck, but I wouldn’t keep pursuing him.

But I know he’s lying to me and himself when he says this isn’t a thing. I know he feels it too.

“Because even though I didn’t expect this thing between us, I’m no coward. And I don’t back down.”

He reaches my truck in the empty high school parking lot and puts his in park. “You think I’m a coward?”

I’m careful with my answer because I know he’s not. I know he’s brave and strong. “I think you’re scared.”

He seems to think about that for a really long time. So long, I almost give up for tonight and hop out of the truck, but just as I make a move to grab the door handle, I hear him. “Why aren’t you?”

I drop my hand and then return my gaze to his face. “I didn’t say I wasn’t. I just know what I want, and I go after it. I’ll deal with the consequences later.”

He starts shaking his head at that, his hands on the wheel. “That’s not how the world works. It’s dangerous to think that way. You could get hurt. Or at the very least, lose a lot of friends. People will talk.”

“I can’t worry about that.”

“You are the most infuriating person,” he says, turning to look at me, his hands falling from the steering wheel. For a moment, I think he’s going to finally kiss me.

“Maybe it won’t be good,” I blurt out, and he cocks his head to the side, trying to figure me out. “A kiss. You and me.”

His eyes focus solely on my lips now, with so much expression. I can see the intense want there. “That’s not possible,” he barely breathes out, and I don’t know if he means the kiss wouldn’t be possible or that it not being good is not possible. His eyes meet mine again. “It would burn my world down, Benny.”

Liquid heat flows through my veins, and I lick my lips, knowing it would burn so good. There’s no doubt in my mind, but the way he’s looking at me—devastated and full of fury and lust—I know I need to walk away.

I don’t want to torture him. I don’t want him to be in pain. It’s crazy to think about how he’s been this thorn in my side for so long. We butt heads every chance we get. But now it feels like I’m losing a limb as I reach for the door handle, my shoulders drooped, and I push it open.

“Okay, Rowan. You win,” I say and climb out, unable to look at him as the defeat creeps through my body and mind. I close the door and head to my truck. He hasn’t pulled away yet, but as soon as I start my truck up and turn on the lights, he’s gone.

And I’m just going to have to figure out how to deal with that.