34. Varian

Ialmost didn't believe he was serious, but then his thumb brushed over my head, and I knew I'd chase him to the ends of the earth—even if he kept rejecting me—for just one more minute of this.

"Well?" Arik prompted, like my groans weren't enough to expose my soul.

"Kiss me again." Because a part of me wasn't ready to believe this was real.

He surged forward, crushing his body to mine, eager and hungry, wrestling another breathless moan from my throat. None of the reserve I'd seen before. "Believe me yet?"

"If you keep kissing me like that, I will."

He flipped open the button on my jeans. "You get more when we're alone."

My heart beat erratically, threatening to fly out of my chest. "Whatever you want."

He paused mid-step back, leveling his chest. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'll keep them all."

"You're mine forever. No matter what happens." His words were final. Demanding but also sure.

I wished I had an ounce of his confidence.

"You gonna give me a promise ring with words like that?"

He wore a smug grin, dimples and all. "You dream too small. This, between us, is more than a ring or commitment. It's everlasting." I knew he believed every word he said. He wasn't the type to speak without cause.

My heart ached as he took my hand and lead me to the back lounge.

"Koa, that you?"

"Hey, get out," the woman said.

"You get out. What are you doing on my bus?" Arik replied with an authority that went straight to my dick.

They left in a frantic rush, barely grabbing their shed clothes.

"How'd you know it wasn't Hael or Ser?" I asked, not sure what to do or say as Arik closed and locked the door.

He turned on me. "Because I'm pretty sure Hael is fucking Kiernan, and Ser doesn't do hookups. That leaves Koa, but at his size, he walks a certain way, and I knew it wasn't him when they stumbled in earlier."

I nodded, wishing there was more light so I could see his face. "Oh."

He stalked toward me. "Is that all you have to say?"

"I don't want to talk. I want your hands on me."

"Only my hands?" He smoothed his palms over my hips.

"And lips." I wrapped my arms around his neck. The buildup was almost too much to take.

"Anything else?" he whispered across my throat.

"Every inch of you. I don't want you to stop until I've felt all your skin."

He exhaled heavily against my neck. "I can do that."

"Arik…"

"Yes?" He sucked on a patch of skin.

"Are you really okay with this?" I whispered into his temple.

"I've never done it before. Well, other than our messing around. But I'm not counting that the same as fucking." He dragged his lips under my jaw.

"You didn't answer my question." My anxiety pitched. I didn't want him to feel like he had to do this.

"How can I know unless I try?" A decisive snap of his hips brought our bodies together while his hands slid down to cup my ass. His dick was hard against me. "You tell me how I'm feeling."

My head fell back in a desperate gasp for air. "Hard. So hard." I'd had him in my hand, but he felt so much bigger pressed against me. I tugged at his shirt. "Can I take this off?"

"Do whatever you want. You have to show me." He backed off enough for me to pull off his shirt. When I tried to kiss him again, he stopped me."We're playing this fair since you have the advantage of experience. Take yours off." It was cute he thought anyone but him was calling the shots. Arik controlled every situation he was in.

I pulled off my shirt. "Now finish what you started."

"What's that?" He thumbed the open button of my jeans.

"Don't play with me."

"So we aren't taking this slow?"he asked playfully.

"We don't—" Before I could fully get words out, he slid my zipper down.

Fuck.

He grinned and slid his thumb over my tip. "I'm teasing you."

I hoped that was true as I pushed his sweats lower on his hips. He shoved the jeans off my ass, letting them fall down below my knees. I stepped out of them, glad I was barefoot and didn't have to mess with shoes. His hands splayed over my chest, brushing over my nipples and exploring the lines of my muscles. Arik's mouth found my flesh, and he walked me backward until we found the extra-wide couch.

"What happened to clothes for clothes?"

"You had your chance to take off my pants. You hesitated." He put a hand on my chest and shoved me backward.

I landed on my ass and scooted back. He crawled over me, knees between mine, and my hips jerked up. My fingers found the small of his back, digging in to keep his weight against me. He gave over, settling between my thighs. Our bodies slotted together like we were made for each other. Our mouths joined, and he kissed me deeper, opening every part of me.

His hand found my waist, pinning me to the couch, and he gave a slow roll of his hips. I was not responsible for the sounds I made. The friction was electric. I slipped my thumbs into the back of his sweats and dragged them off his ass. He lifted, but only enough for me to shove them all the way down, keeping his hand on my hip so I knew who was in control.

He kicked them off, then it was just boxers between us, and if he kept up his rut, I was going to come like it was high school again.

"I want these off." I was already inching down the material hugging his ass.

"Then take them off, Varian." His voice was hoarse.

"I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with." I couldn't feel like I'd forced him into this.

"And I want you to stop doubting yourself."

"You said…" I stopped, not sure what to say.

"What did I say?" He spread my knees wider with his, pressing a hand next to my head, taking some of his weight off me.

I instantly missed it.

"You said you're not really sure you're attracted to guys."

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've never been more attracted to anyone ever. Anyone." He drove the word home.

"But you said?—"

He cut me off. "I said I wasn't sure about dick. But clearly, I'm hard as a fucking rock. I love kissing you. I love your hands on me. Stop doubting me. I'm here. I'm in love with you—that's what I know. I want this."

It took me a minute to process what he'd said. I stared at him. "You're in love with me?"

"I told you earlier that I love you. Did you doubt it?"

My breath caught, and my head spun. I didn't believe it came out of his mouth. This guy I never thought would ever be invested in me, my best friend… And not just that, he thinks he might be in love. He's in love with me.

"Loving me is different than being in love with me," I said carefully, not wanting to reveal all my overthinking.

"I'm in love with you, Varian." He was steady, smiling knowingly. "How many times do I have to say it for you to believe?"

"At least a couple more." I loved the rawness in everything he did. I never wanted anything more than him. Than this. I could have lived in this moment forever and been happy. "I'm in love with you too. And I need you to kiss me."

He took my face with both hands, kissing me softly, leaving me needing so much more. "What do you want?"

"To be naked with you. To make you come."

He pressed his body back to mine. "That all?"

I nodded.

"I think you forgot something?" He resumed his torturous rock, producing a red-hot, all-consuming lust. An undeniable, blind want. There would be no satiating it any other way. I had to have him.

"What?" I said breathless.

"I'm going to make you come, too."