32. Varian

Iregretted it as soon as I said it, but it was too late. I could already read the hurt on his face. "Arik?—"

"No, I deserve that." He shoved past me. "I'll catch you later."

I hated my face, my life, but when Arik's hands were on me, I felt so goddamn sexy. Every rejection was a cut straight to the heart.

Vallen's words echoed in my mind: If he wanted to, he would.

Was Arik just stringing me along?

Nothing felt real, but everything felt too real.

My feelings tangled themselves in a knot.

My chest got so tight I couldn't breathe.

What if he never spoke to me again?

What if I spent the rest of my life in love with someone who could never love me back?

I stumbled off the bus and tried to find him, but he was lost to the party. Too many lights and bodies.

Rejection became me.

Why did he have to be the hottest ball of mixed signals wrapped in irresistible packaging?

I wish I knew how to not wear my heart on my sleeve.

I should have believed my father when he told me no one else would love me all those years ago. People are more honest when they are drunk. Maybe he was trying to warn me to save me from a lifetime of rejection.

I hated myself for believing him and for not believing him at the same time.

I hate him for this endless wish on a star.

I wandered around, catching Serafin. "Have you seen Arik?"

"Don't you have his location shared?"he asked.

"No, but it wouldn't work in this mess anyway. It's not accurate enough."

"I put an AirTag on him so he wouldn't get lost, and that's pretty fucking accurate,"Ser admitted with a shrug.

"You did what?" I didn't know if that was the smartest thing I'd ever heard or the worst, but tonight, I'd take anything to find him."What would make you even think of doing that?

"We do it to Hael all the time. He gets lost easily."

"That's either really fucked up or genius. We might need to do it to Bronx…"

"If you don't want it?—"

"Hand it over!"