28. Varian

We stilled, hands on each other and mouths a breath apart.

I didn't dare move or break the spell for fear of tainting his post-orgasmic clarity. But I watched it morph. His jaw flexed, and fear flashed in his eyes.

I struggled for words. What could I even say? ‘Sorry I coerced you into a hand job while you think you're still straight.'

I had visions of him throwing me out of the bus on the side of the road and having to call my brother for the worst walk of shame ever.

"I'm—"

‘Sorry' stopped on my tongue as he cut me off. "No."

"No? What does that mean?" I stumbled over my words.

"I don't want this to be a one-time thing." The fear remained etched in the lines of his mouth, contradicting his words.

"You don't?" I asked, trying not to let the swirls in his eyes set me on edge. "Tell me what that means."

"I liked your hands on me."

I nodded, not fully processing. "And what does that mean for you?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet." He rolled to his back, putting space between us. Which I didn't want.

"Okay." I traced my fingers over his hip, letting myself stay in the moment, not giving into any of the panic threatening to tell me all the ways I could fuck this up.

I thought he fell asleep, and I wouldn't blame him, but then he spoke.

"I want you to kiss me when you feel like kissing me."

"That's going to be a lot, star boy."

"Like how often?" he asked.

"Every time we are alone." I risked scooting close, pressing into his side.

"That often?"

"Do you even know how sexy you are?" I rasped my words against his ear.

"Pretty hot if I'm scoring a guy like you." The smile came through his voice, and it soothed some of the parts of me I didn't know needed it.

"You have no idea, star boy. None at all."

"Stay tonight."

"Don't I stay every night?" I pulled a blanket over us. "We are going to have to be up soon. You should sleep at least a little."

"I don't want to sleep."

"Why not?"

Arik opened one eye."Because I don't want to waste a minute of this. I don't want it to end."

"It's not going to end. We have the rest of the summer." I chuckled.

"I know, but I feel like we've already wasted so much time. I hate the idea of letting any more moments slip away."

"Sleep. Or you won't be able to perform."I kept him close.

"I'll make you go onstage for me if my brain is too tired."He laughed, and I loved it.

"As much as I would like to, I don't think your fans will take my voice in place of yours."

"Then you can hold me up, puppet me." He laughed and curled into me. Finally.

"Fine, you stay awake. I'm sleeping so I don't make any more bad decisions."

"What kind of bad decisions?"Arik asked, his voice pitching.

"Shh. No more questions."

He grumped but settled into my embrace.

* * *

I woke to an empty bunk.

Cold sheets where Arik had been.

How the fuck had he climbed over me to even get out?

I forced myself from the cubby, blinking as my eyes adjusted.

Arik sat with Serafin and Kiernan.

"Good morning," Arik said, lifting his chin toward the coffee. "Kiernan just made a fresh pot."

"What time is it?"

"Early. Ten. We're here already." Arik didn't take his eyes off me.

"Why are you up so early?" I asked carefully when I really wanted to know how the hell he'd gotten out of the bunk, but I didn't know how much he'd told his bandmates and his manager.

"I couldn't sleep. Not a big deal. I was writing and needed coffee."

I shouldn't be surprised. My hand itched to check his journal entry.

I brought my mug over to sit next to him on one of the bench seats, looking over his shoulder at his phone, which was open to his journal page.

i believe in stardust today

Magic made wishes come true on shooting stars

long nights i never want to end

movie marathon of all the ones You've never seen

days chasing the Heat

sharing our best and worst mEmories

tattoos my pArents will kill me foR

buT i'd do anything for more marks on my skin

I lifted a brow, staring into his eyes.

"Like it?"

"Yes."

He smiled. "Should I post it?"

I reached over him and hit the button. "Marks, eh? I think you've told me about those…"

He raised one shoulder, sitting back while pulling his knees into his chest. "I'm tired."

"Go sleep. At least get a nap."

* * *

We didn't talk about the tattoos, but the guys noticed them. They noticed how much time we spent together, but they didn't question that either. They let us do our thing. Maybe it was a well-known secret, and maybe it wasn't, but we were happy and that was all that mattered.

If I thought Orlando had been bad, a thousand guys trekking through the South while humidity strangled the festival put everyone on edge. Even the most hardened roadies turned into assholes.

Busses became unbearable. Not only for the heat but the smell of six to ten guys sweating their balls off. We'd taken to sleeping on a blanket or in hammocks outside until our call time. But on nights like tonight, the air pressed in tight, stagnant and suffocating.

Neither Arik nor I could sleep. We laid out watching the stars and got no alone time.

"Want to catch the sunrise? The bus call isn't until seven."

"Where at?"

"There's a trail right off the festival grounds. Looks like it's a short hike to the rise over there. We can smoke a bowl and watch the sun come up."

Arik turned his head, then checked his watch. "Let's go. There might be some air up there, too. I feel like down in this fucking valley, it can't reach us."

"I bet you're right. Too bad we didn't head up there sooner."

Arik sat up, pulling his Chucks on. "No shit. I could use some sleep." It had been a while for him, and I was starting to worry. "Bring the blanket."

"But we can't fall asleep, or we'll miss the bus."

"They aren't going to leave without two of the singers. Can you imagine?"

I laughed, shaking out the blanket before balling it up. I couldn't bear for it to even be over my shoulder and sticking to my skin.

We found the trail easy enough and climbed the steep terrain. Sweat dripped off my chin. Arik stopped and peeled off his shirt, tucking it into his waistband. I swallowed back my lust. I'd only gotten off once since I'd jacked him off, and it was a hurried shower deal by myself. I'd been dying to get him alone again.

I'd be tenting my shorts soon if I wasn't careful. I forced my gaze off him and focused on the trail. It took us more than an hour to get to the top, and light was already cresting the horizon. I spread out the blanket, but Arik didn't sit. He walked closer to the edge, lacing his fingers behind his head.

The orange light glinted off his sweat-slicked body, painting his tanned skin in my favorite colors.

"I thought you were scared of heights?"

"It's not so bad with my feet on the ground, but it makes my heart beat out of control." He turned toward me, grabbing my hand to press to his chest. "See."

I couldn't help myself; I grabbed the back of his neck, finding his lips. I wanted to taste Arik. Take him apart. Make him come again.

His forehead came to rest against mine. He kissed me again before we broke apart and wordlessly sat, watching the sun peek over the horizon. Wind whistled through the trees and blew my hair around my head. Arik's fingers trailed over mine, sliding between them.

"It feels so good up here." Arik tipped his head back, elongating his body.

I leaned over to lick a bead of sweat from his neck.

Arik groaned, pressing into my tongue, fingers tightening on mine. I nudged my nose under his chin and nipped at his skin. Another strangled groan worked in his throat.

"Is that okay?" I asked.

"I want you to touch me… No, actually, I don't think I'll be able to stand it another second if you don't."

I went for broke and flipped over to straddle his lap. Before I could kiss him, his lips found my nipple, and my head fell back. He bit savagely, earning a hiss. I threaded my fingers through his hair while his mouth moved over the warm expanse of my chest. He was slow, reserved, and I let him take all the time in the world as long as he didn't stop.

His fingers crept up my thighs, finding a home on my hips, and I lowered slowly to sit on his thighs, bringing us face to face.

I kissed him tentatively.

His smile was like heaven against my lips.

His hands crawled further up my sides, gripping my waist but freeing my hips. And I rocked my ass. He was hard. So fucking hard against my ass.

My entire body arched, tightening in a silent plea.

"We shouldn't. Not here," he said between kisses with no sign of stopping.

"No one's around." I rolled my hips, sliding our clothed dicks together.

His grip tightened, bruising fingertips into flesh, but he didn't stop me. In fact, he pressed me into his lap, amping up the tension.

The friction and pressure heightened between us, threatening to break.

"I'm going to…" I didn't want to stop. My brain was high and fuzzy, but I had enough mind to know if I didn't warn him, I might freak him out.

Arik didn't still, and I was so achingly hard. There would be no stopping it. He opened his mouth in a wordless cry, arching as his head fell back in pure ecstasy. He ground harder while I felt every pulse of his cock against mine. Warm and wet and intoxicating.

The noises he made will follow me for the rest of my life.

He didn't slow as his breathing snagged, and his head came back up. He grabbed my jaw, kissing me aggressively in a silent demand.

All the reservations I had to hold off my orgasm flew out the window, and I was utterly consumed by his lips. I came undone under the rut of his hips, blunt nails scraping over his scalp, wanting more. So much more.

There would never be enough of Arik.

He collapsed back, sprawling out with me still straddling him. I carefully climbed off, a sticky mess. We lay there, coming down, and his pinky slipped over mine. The breeze felt good on my damp skin.

"We should go. The bus is going to leave soon, and I don't know how we're going to get cleaned up before it does."

"We can crash in mine for the day so we can shower."

He picked up his head. "Your bus is a lot more packed. You sure you want to do that?"

"Yeah, it'll be good to see my brother more than onstage." I laughed, searching his face for any sign of regret.

"Alright then." He stood and wiped himself off with his shirt the best he could before offering it to me.

I used my own, and then we both tucked them into our waistbands, kind of covering the wet spot in our shorts.

He didn't move to make our way back down the hillside. Instead, he stepped forward and placed his head on my shoulder. I didn't know what to do so I stood there, frozen.

"Everything okay?"

"I'm just…" He shook his head and kissed my collarbone. "Let's go."

We didn't speak on the way back down. Our bodies were so spent from the heat and lack of sleep, then orgasms, I only had energy to not fall on my ass on the steep incline.

"Look who the cat dragged in," Val said when we walked in.

Next to him sat Lindsay. That was new.

She glanced up from her phone long enough to give a wave.

I pointed at her. "What's up with this?"

"She's hitching a ride to the next stop. John told her it was okay since you're mostly with Arik." Val glanced between us, and I silently begged him not to ask questions in front of her.

"Cool. We are going to shower. After sweating all night and hiking this morning, we are gross as fuck."

"Why would you go on a hike?" Val asked, because while it wasn't out of character for me to hike, it was odd after staying up all night. I liked my sleep.

"We wanted to see the sunrise," Arik spoke when I didn't. "And it was way cooler up there. Wish I'd known—I'd have slept there."

"Fuck. Missed opportunity," Val said then made a face. "But aren't there, like, a lot of snakes here?"

"Are there?" I turned to look at Arik like he'd have any idea.

He shrugged. "Good thing we didn't die, I guess."

"What were you two doing?" John asked as he walked in, sounding a little accusatory.

"Just hiking," I replied, not sure what he was getting at.

"There are photos," John said.

Arik's head snapped up. "Huh?"

"Pictures. Of you two on top of a hill at sunrise. They are just breaking."

My heart had freed itself from my chest and wedged in my throat, making it impossible to form sentences.

I tried to play it cool, finally finding my words. "There was no one in sight. How?" Not that we'd been paying attention. Too consumed in one another.

"You know how cameras are nowadays. They zoom like crazy. So it was you two?"

"What are the photos of?" Arik asked through his teeth, side-eyeing me.

John turned his phone around to show us a shot of Arik standing with his face pressed into my shoulder. My hand was lifted like I wanted to curl it around his back but not touching him. Of all the things it could be, this was the best case.

"That it?" I asked, trying to act like I wasn't relieved and that it wasn't a big deal while also still internally freaking out.

"What do you mean? What else were you two doing?" John asked, glancing between us.

"Arik was having a moment. Who gives a fuck?" I said defensively.

"Why?"

"He's had a lot going on." Which wasn't a lie. I dug for something to say. "His parents aren't really supportive, and his ex is a cunt…" I met his eyes, hoping he didn't mind me saying all this.

"That girl is a cunt," Lindsay agreed. "Stupid, too, for losing you."

"Thanks," Arik muttered, giving me a slight dip of his chin to tell me it was okay.

"I'm going to get with the team and see what they want me to say. Yours too, Arik."

"Just don't say anything," I snapped. "If we give it attention, they'll think there is more to it. Ignore it."

John met my eyes, then nodded. "You're probably right."

"I've been doing this my whole life. They'll fucking post it, and it will run its course then die." I turned my attention to Arik. "That okay?"

He nodded again, staying silent. I hated it.

"Fine. I'll make sure Kiernan is on board, then." John walked to the back lounge, probably to make the call.

"Mind if I shower?" Arik asked.

He left quickly, and I sunk into a seat next to my brother, not at fucking all sure how to process what had just happened.

Vallen met my eyes and arched one brow. I lifted my shoulders in an answer only he would get. He laughed.

"Stop that," Lindsay said, reminding me she was right there.

"What?" Vallen asked.

"The silent sibling conversation thing." She sounded annoyed but amused. "I want to know what you're saying."

I held up a middle finger playfully. "Mind your business."

"Whatever." She huffed and got up, following John to the back lounge.

"What didn't they get a picture of?" Vallen asked under his breath.

"We weren't naked," I muttered, not making eye contact,"but it wasn't good."

"You know better. You were fucking raised in this life. What are you doing?"

"I'm stupid, okay? I'm fucking stupid."

"You need to be more careful."

"I know," I hissed. "If he ever gets near me again. He fucking told me we need to stop."

Vallen sat back with a sigh. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know, but I need to talk to him. He's got to be freaking out."

"No fucking kidding."