15. Varian

Iwatched Second Star's set from the wings.

Arik spun around, jamming on his guitar like he was on top of the world. If I could bottle his energy and happiness and keep it forever, I would.

He was starlight in its purest form.

I basked in it.

After twenty-four hours of unfettered access, it was getting harder and harder to keep my distance.

Where was the line between our genuine friendship and the crush I'd developed somewhere along the way?

He smiled when his gaze found mine. It warmed me through. Sparking parts of me I thought had died. How could one person enact such a profound change?

After his forty-five-minute set, we drank until our call time.

Arik followed me to the side stage, where Dylan did last-minute checks after the set switch.

"Did someone get Ser a mic?" Vallen asked, plugging in his guitar when our tech handed it to him.

"We got his set up," Dylan replied in a hushed tone.

Playing a festival of this size with such quick turns on stages and only forty-five-minute sets was a thing. It was a wonder we got through it every night with the amount of equipment each band had. Thankfully, Warped did most of the heavy lifting with sound, but it still was a lot to unpack and repack daily, four shows a week.

"I can't believe you're really doing this," Arik said to both Ser and the rest of us.

"How did you get out of doing it?" Ser laughed, curling a finger at Dylan. "Give him his guitar."

"You rat bastard." Arik backed up, but I blocked his retreat, his back slamming into my chest.

"Sorry, star boy. You're coming with us."

"Fuck, no. I've already played with them." Arik took the guitar Dylan handed him. It was the one he'd played before and plugged in, ready to go. Dylan helped him with the strap over his head.

"So then you should be good to go." Ser smirked like he'd fucking caught Arik in a trap.

I was sure he and my brother worked this out together.

Arik turned around to face me, like that would get him anywhere. "Were you in on this?"

I barely contained my glee. "No, but I'm in on it now. No shot, I'm letting you walk away."

Arik hooked a thumb under the strap of his guitar like he'd take it off. "What are you going to do, block me onstage?"

Vallen stepped next to me to block the stairs.

"You fucking bet we are." Fox joined us, pulling his shirt off, with Bronx on his heels.

"This feels like a fucking mutiny, and it's not even my band." Arik shook his head. "What the fuck even is your set list? I only played the damn encore before."

Dylan was ready with that, too. Bro had played this so cool. I told myself to thank him later.

"I thought we had a thing, Dylan, and you're betraying me." Arik confronted Dylan, and I almost believed him.

"What can I say? You give good head, but Vallen does it better." Dylan winked at Arik.

Arik's mouth dropped open, and so did mine.

"Excuse me?" I waited for an explanation.

"Like you thought you could seduce Dylan away from me!" Val put a fist in the air triumphantly. "He's mine, bitches."

"I can't believe you're sleeping with Dylan and betraying our love affair." Ser clutched his chest, feigning hurt.

Vallen wheezed, laughing so hard.

I blinked, glancing between them. "No one told me you were all gay?"

"Don't be mad, sweetheart. I promise it didn't mean anything." Arik gave me a flat look, payback for joining the ambush.

How did I end up the straight one in this conversation? What a surreal moment. But Arik's willingness to joke about sucking dick gave me some hope.

"Oh, I'm mad. You'll be making this up to me!" I tugged the neck of my tee down enough to expose the MINE he'd written there. "Does this mean nothing to you?"

The rest of the guys gasped and pushed in to get a better look.

Arik pushed his tongue into his cheek and shook his head behind them all. "I meant what I said."

"You guys have sixty seconds," Dylan called.

Arik scanned over the paper. "Fuck."

"This is not over!" I whispered, stepping up beside him.

"No fucking shit," Val added. "I have so many questions."

"You and me both!" Ser scoffed.

Dylan gave us our cue, and we slipped onto the dark stage. The crowd screamed, knowing we were onstage, but they erupted when they spotted Serafin and Arik.

Fox started us in, and Arik stepped up next to me to play the intro. That motherfucker knew every note. He'd been called a musical savant before, and I could tell why. He leaned into me as he hit the pre-chorus, our shoulders rubbing together. He smirked and let his gaze flick to the Sharpie on my arm.

I shook my head, grinning right back, glad the MINE couldn't be seen and only half of the Property of. His name was hidden on my bicep, nicely tucked under the sleeve of my tee. But it felt good to have it there. Have it half out. Knowing they'd all know. Warmth bloomed through my chest.

Ser played, feeling out the vibe with Val and me for the verses. But he joined in our harmony at the chorus. Had he not had his own successful band, I would have immediately asked him to join ours.

I missed the contact when I had to sing, but Arik took the opportunity to bring his energy to the stage. All the guys in Dopamine-Fiend were introverts save for Fox, and he couldn't really get up from the drums to have the type of stage presence Arik did.

And he did it all without speaking.

The crowd ate it up. He flipped around and interacted all while playing. It was like watching a master class on rock star energy.

Watching him was exhilarating.

Serafin stayed for two songs, then bowed out.

Arik faded to the back, happy to be onstage and add an extra sound. He found some boldness as our set went on, tweaking our rifts and lines to add a deeper melody to what Val and I played. Motherfucker made it sound better, too.

He walked up to Val in one of our long guitar solos and stood face-to-face, their fingers inches apart as they both played.

They looked so fucking hot. Glistening with sweat under the stage lights, Arik's dark hair was a mess from all the times he'd shoved it out of his face, making it look like sex hair.

Jealousy ripped through my veins, my heart beating faster.

I knew how selfish it was, but I wanted all his attention to myself.

* * *

Since we were headliners, our set closed out the night, and we helped Dylan take it down as quickly as possible so we could go party. All of us high from the hype, we carried it to our bus. The front lounge overflowed with the band, our crew, and fans our manager had given backstage passes to. The beer flowed and someone came with joints.

The night wound down as people passed out or left to find someplace quiet to hook up. Our bus call time was in an hour, which spurred a lot of them to get moving.

Arik and I sprawled out on the sofa next to Ser, who was making out with two girls, which was weird for him. Vallen had vanished, probably to the back lounge with someone, as was his usual MO.

"Want to get out of here?" Arik said, glancing over at Ser, who did not give a single fuck we were next to him.

"Where do you want to go?" We didn't have much time.

"Let's go to my bus. It should be more chill than this."

"Considering half your band is here, it better be." I pushed to my feet, and the bus swayed. "Fuck, I'm way too drunk for this."

Arik grabbed my arm. "It's not a long walk."

I leaned into him as the ground shifted under my feet, eventually finding my sea legs. "I hate when you don't realize how drunk you are until you stand up."

Arik laughed. "I knew. You've been slurring your words for an hour."

I glared at him playfully. "You could have warned me."

"You were having a good time. Why would I?"

"So I'm not a mess!" I didn't mean any of it. It wasn't his job.

"I like when you're happy, and if that comes with a mess, I'll take it." He stopped in front of his bus, not making a move to go in.

"Take it, huh?"

"I said what I said." He nodded, a grin playing at the corners of his lips. He looked so fucking good standing in the moonlight. I never wanted this summer to end.

I gritted my teeth, biting back everything I wanted to say. None of it would come out right like this. I wished I had any indication he was bi. Any at fucking all so I could tell him I was a little in love with him.

"It's Arik! Oh my god," a couple of girls called.

"Can we get a picture?"

The moment came crashing to our feet, but Arik, being the guy he was, signed their shirts and stood for pictures that wouldn't turn out on their disposable cameras.

"So what does your arm say?" one of them asked as we were trying to wrap it up.

"It's a secret," I said, trying to be playful without having to tell them.

"So does that mean you have a girlfriend?" she pressed.

"I don't know what it means," I said, side-eyeing Arik, not wanting to piss him off.

He was notably silent.

"So what you're saying is you're not committed?" The girl had a look in her eyes.

"Our bus is about to leave. Raincheck?" Arik cut in.

"You don't have twenty minutes?" she asked. "You can have all three of us."

The other two didn't object.

"No," Arik's tone carried finality.

The girl looked between us, like she was trying to put together the pieces of our hesitation. Who turned down a threesome, after all? "Did you write it?"

"We can't be late for our call time, or we get left behind. Sorry." I cut it off because I didn't want to deny he wrote it. I liked that he did.

"Christ's sake. No means no," Arik said once the door closed behind us. He didn't stop in the front lounge, going to the back only to find it locked. "Fuck. I don't want to deal with anyone else tonight."

We lingered in the narrow hall, face to face. I wasn't sure what to say.

"It's okay. I have to get back soon anyway."

"Don't." He grabbed my shirt at the shoulder."Would you..." He trailed off.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Never mind."

"No, tell me. What do you need?" I whispered, not sure why I kept my voice so low.

He fought it for a moment and then lifted his face. "It's stupid, and it would be weird to ask. I'll be fine."

"Just ask. What's the worst I'm going to say? No? I'm your best friend." It was a bit manipulative to use that, but I wanted to know what he needed. He had no idea I'd do anything for him.

"It's stupid on a bus and doesn't really work. I didn't think it through." He chewed the inside of his cheek, slumped against the wall like his legs would give out any second.

I hadn't noticed how drained he was.

"What doesn't work on a bus? I have no clue what you're talking about."

"I don't want to be alone tonight, but it's not really doable with bunks. Someone's in the back lounge, and I don't exactly want to hang out in there with sex musk. It's stupid."

I lifted a brow, not sure what I wasn't understanding. "Do the other guys not ride the bus?"

"I told you it's stupid I feel this way. Please forget it. I feel like a moron." His hold on me loosened, and he stiffened in my grasp.

I was losing him. I had to figure out what he meant and fast. The best and worst part about Arik's cryptic as fuck lyric-writing brain is when he was feeling emo, all his damn sentences came out like this. "It's isolating because you are all in little pods with masks and ear plugs in?"

"I know it's dumb. It's lonely. I need to get a sex doll to sleep with or something, so I don't feel so alone, and I can be embarrassing in private." He changed from putty in my arms to steel.

"It's not stupid. I feel alone a lot when we are traveling for days like that. And everyone is so burned out from shows and extrovert-ing onstage, we don't even talk to each other. It's also just isolating being on tour. Especially when none of us are seeing anyone, so we don't even have someone to text or come see us. There is very little connection. It gets exhausting." I stepped in closer, not brave enough to press my body to his, but wanting him to feel like he wasn't alone.

His expression changed from an attempt to act nonchalant to a deep seriousness in his dark eyes and pulled brows. Like he was trying to figure out whether I was serious and we had the same experience. "You really feel that way?"

"I do. I get it." I resisted the urge to stroke his face and ease the lines of tension there. I hated how hard it was for Arik to open up.

"But the bunks aren't even a twin-sized mattress. So it's not like anything can be done about it."

"You never double-bunked with someone, like, in college? It can be done either laying opposite ways or if someone sleeps with their back against the wall." I laughed, making it seem like it wasn't a big deal, but inside I was dying for him to want me to spend the night with him in the tiny space. I could play a straight guy. "Clearly you've never been so drunk you'd sleep anywhere."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I'd like it," I said, looking into his eyes so he could see my truth.

"Will you stay tonight?"

My heart stopped.

Did I dare, or would this be the way I ruined our friendship?