12. Varian

"Iwant to catch Second Star." I dragged Vallen with me for their open set.

"But why?" The worst thing about touring with my brother was that he knew me better than anyone else.

"So I don't have to stand in the crowd alone."

"You're going to get mobbed in there."

I pulled my hat lower. "It'll be fine. No one will be looking for us in there."

"Why not just watch from side stage like the rest of the bands do?"

I shook my head. "I want the full experience. I bet you anything once they get going the vibe in the pit will feel like magic. A spark of excitement, like all our beating hearts, combined to replace the base."

"Sometimes I forget you're an artist until you speak like that." Vallen shook his head.

"He's something else. I'm not the only one who sees it."

My brother turned to look into my eyes. "Stop falling for straight boys."

"It's not just me. Look at how their album is selling." I pushed my hair out of my eyes, avoiding meeting his. "Everyone is obsessed with him."

"This is different. I've spent every minute of your life with you. Do you really think I don't know you by now?" Val didn't keep looking at me. Eye contact made him uncomfortable, so it wasn't surprising he didn't push it.

"You don't get to pull the ‘you've known me my whole life' crap." Even if it was true, I wasn't giving in to the argument. I pushed further into the mass of people, and he followed. Finally, we stopped when we were near the stage. Since it was between bands, a lot of the people went to get drinks or merch.

"You know this is a dead giveaway, too," Val said, leaning against the barrier.

"What is?" I didn't think I'd done anything, subconscious or not.

"Getting this close to the stage." He nodded to our proximity.

"Maybe I just want the music in my face." I countered, still not admitting anything.

"That's not what you want in your face."

I gave him a flat look.

"The label told you to date women," Val said under his breath.

"No, they told us not to date anyone. We need to seem single and available to women. They didn't say anything about what I could do in my time." I hated it, but it was a thing with all the up-and-coming bands. Sex sells or whatever, but what it really came down to was the music industry was massively homophobic, and we had a better chance of making it if we were viewed as straight.

"As long as you remember what we are trying to do." He pulled at the neck of his shirt.

"Bet you didn't cut the tag out of that before we left," I said offhandedly, not answering his comment.

"I forgot."

"Want me to rip it out?"

He nodded and turned around.

I flipped the tag and carefully pulled it out, trying not to fuck up the seam of the shirt but failed. "Sorry."

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Half my shirts have holes. I'm starting to think it's my brand now."

"Since we lean toward the grunge side of things…" I moved closer to him as the lights dimmed and the mass pushed in. "Let's do this."

A single note played, and the crowd erupted.

"Fuck, they are loud." I fought my smile and wasn't surprised by the reception.

Vallen put his lips next to my ear so I'd be able to hear him. "Damn. We didn't get this kind of reception playing to twice the people."

I kept my eyes on the stage but leaned in so we could keep having our conversation. "They are going to be the poster boys for this scene. Just you wait."

We all got our first sight of them.

Arik walked out to stand in front of the mic center stage. His big personality had nothing on who he became when he performed. His tee pulled tight across his broad shoulders like he was built to play sports, not write music.

Arik wasn't singing yet. He had his lip caught between his teeth and his eyes on his fingers as he plucked the notes. He wasn't the best guitarist by far, and clearly self-taught, but the emotion in his music was something else. Smart lyrics filled with double and triple entendres.

He captivated the audience from the moment he came on. I couldn't look away, and neither could the rest of the festival. He demanded attention and held it. The audience held their breath, poised on a knife edge. He owned the stage.

Arik came in with a low, husky voice, capturing the crowd in a trance. He swayed his hips, moving with the music—no, becoming the baseline. He wasn't even playing base. His body moved with an instrument he wasn't even playing, but none of those things drew the audience in. I couldn't put my finger on what made him so magical or intoxicating because it wasn't only in person. He had the same effect on me as his album.

There were some bands that when you saw them live, they created a religious experience or even a transcendent one. When people went to go see live music, this was what they were looking for. Most headlining artists could bring this level of experience to their die-hard fans, but this kid could do it in a field full of people who didn't know a single one of his songs.

A part of me was jealous.

"I see the way you're looking at him," Val whispered into my ear about halfway through their set.

I lifted a shoulder. What could I say?

I knew the moment Arik spotted me. A smile curled over his mouth as he pressed it against the mic. He pushed his fingers into his hair and then pointed at me. Something a ton of artists did, to let me know he saw me, but wouldn't be too out of the ordinary and draw attention to us.

I gave him a two-finger salute.

He shook his head, but over and over, his gaze returned to where I stood with that fucking smile.

It felt like it was just the two of us, even in a field with eighty-thousand people.

* * *

"Okay, you were right," Val said when they played out their last encore.

"I told you." I nodded at the line for their merch table, which was busier than the headliner and had a substantial line. Their records would sell out fast.

"I know he's the new shinny hyper-focus but please don't fall in love with him while he thinks you're just friends." He paused. "You deserve someone who's serious about you."

"I swear to god I'm going to marry the first person who is serious about me." I laughed, but it wasn't really a joke.I craved someone who wanted me for me. Who didn't see my father.

"That's like asking the universe to send you a serious stage-five clinger."

"If it's Arik, I won't complain."

He rolled his eyes as we backed out of the crowd to go get ready for our set. "You need help."

"I'll get right on that therapy thing when we aren't touring twenty-four-seven."

Val stopped. "I need a coffee or some sugar. I'm dizzy."

"Did you eat today?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"They didn't have anything I'd touch in the lunch tent."

"You picky bastard. We need to get you some snacks for the bus and tell Fox not to touch them."

"Fat chance."

I sent a quick text to Arik while we made our way to the main stage to play our set.

Varian: You killed it.

"Should I invite Arik to watch us?" My thumbs hovered over the screen.

Val gave me a look. "That sounds like a bad idea."

"Cool. I'm past due for a bad idea."