Chapter 12 Lottie

Chapter 12

Lottie

The first week in October was like a religion when it comes to baseball. Fall was not only in full swing, but for sports fans, it was the start of playoffs. Lucky for Chicago, the Cougars managed to come away with the divisional win and had positioned themselves well in the postseason.

Maggie and Olivia had stayed true to their word and gotten me tickets to the Cougars' first postseason game. However, they did more than just snag me tickets. Olivia, being the marketing mastermind that she was, convinced her boss to give an entire box to anyone from the Bobcats that wanted to come and support the Cougars the Monday night after the team won their fourth game of the season. The coach had given everyone the day off after the win and nearly everyone had been excited to spend their time cheering on their fellow Chicago sports team.

But of course, Olivia had to take a potentially fun day for me and make it a point of her enjoyment when she insisted I bring a date to the game. So instead of enjoying a beer and a hot dog while cheering on people that I considered my friends, I was listening to Cole talk about how he'd been a lifelong Cougars fan after his grandfather took him to his first game as a kid. Surprisingly, it was the first date I'd been on that I was enjoying, even with Derek, Hawthorn, and Nolan eyeing me the entire time from the other side of the box.

"Is that your sister?" Cole asked me as he spotted Olivia taking pictures from the visitor's dugout.

"That's her!" I waved like a maniac until Olivia noticed me and waved back.

"You two seem like you really love each other," he noted. "I've always wanted a sibling, being an only child and all."

"She can be a pain in my ass sometimes, but I love her."

The roar of the crowd stopped me from saying anything else as Tommy Mikals sent a ball flying over the outfield fence, giving the Cougars the lead. Popcorn went flying as the guys around me cheered louder than the fans in front of us. Their enthusiasm was enough for the Cougars' media team to put our box on the Jumbotron, earning an even bigger cheer from the crowd when they realized the Bobcats were here.

Cole tried to speak over the noise. "This might be the most epic first date ever."

I admired Cole's hazel eyes and dark brown hair that was cut close to his head. He was one of the more attractive men I'd gone on a date with. But there still weren't any butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him.

"You think so?" I gave him what I hoped was a flirtatious smile. Cole returned a smile of his own that gave me enough confidence to believe that he was interested in me too. Maybe he'd be the first date so far on this escapade that would make it to a second one.

"How often did you say you get tickets to these games?" Cole's eyes were locked on Jamil Edman as he stepped into the box. Jamil was having the best season he'd ever had in his career. He'd broken multiple MLB records so far and was on target to break a few more. He had skyrocketed into stardom over the last few months and had become a fan favorite player.

"I'm not sure. Olivia didn't mention. I had a deal with her for these tickets," I told him.

"Well, maybe you can make another deal with your sister for more." Cole leaned toward me with a twinkle in his eye. "Then maybe we can do this again for a second date."

My hopes blossomed when I realized that I hadn't been imagining it when I thought Cole was interested in me. I ignored the fact that he hadn't asked me many questions about myself; maybe he was too distracted by the game or the fact that it seemed like Nolan always had one eye on the two of us as if he were waiting to intervene again.

At least this time he and his friends didn't try to do any reconnaissance.

After the game, Cole and I walked toward his car. The anticipation was building quickly inside of me the closer we got. The back of Cole's hand brushed mine and for the first time that day I felt a tingle race up my arm at his touch.

Would he kiss me?

Do I want him to?

"I had a great time today," Cole told me once we stopped in front of a modest blue sedan that looked like it had been driven for many miles.

"Me too." Which wasn't exactly a lie. I did have fun watching the Cougars win the first game of their three-game series to move on to the next round of the playoffs.

Cole stepped forward and I knew instantly that he was going to kiss me. I held my breath and watched as he got closer and closer until I let my eyes flutter shut. His lips pressed awkwardly against mine at first but after we relaxed, I realized he was quite a good kisser.

When the two of us pulled away, I watched his eyes lock on to something over my shoulder.

"Hi, man. I was hoping I could meet you before the day was over." I turned around to see Nolan coolly assessing Cole. "The season has been going great this year."

"Thanks," Nolan replied curtly as he stared directly at Cole.

When Cole realized that Nolan wasn't going to elaborate any further, he gave me an awkward wave before jumping in his car. I watched him roll the window down with a manual lever once he was inside.

"I'll message you," he called after me as he started to drive away.

"And you should ignore it," I heard Nolan tell me from behind.

I turned around to face him. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked him.

Nolan looked at me like the answer to my question was obvious. "He's using you."

I clenched my fists to try and reel in the irritation building inside of me. First, he showed up with Hawthorn and Derek to my date at Formento's. Then he had the audacity to tell me that this date was using me and wasn't worth my time. I took a couple of breaths to try and control what came out of my mouth next.

"No, he's not," I argued with him. "I think he was really interested in me. I wouldn't mind going on another date with him. He might need one more to really warm up."

"That man had more of a hard-on for Jamil Edman than he ever will for you."

My mouth dropped open. "He kissed me, Nolan! And he leaned toward me practically the entire date. He was interested in me." I was beginning to wonder if I was losing my sanity when it came to Nolan Hill, because why did I feel the need to justify my date with him?

"That was not leaning, Lottie."

I watched a complicated mix of emotions cross Nolan's face as his eyes looked off into the distance. His eyebrows pulled together as if he were debating what he wanted to say next. The moment seemed to stretch on forever until his eyes drifted down to meet mine. His nostrils flared and I swore I could see his brown eyes turn nearly black.

Nolan closed the distance between the two of us until his large body took up every square inch of my vision. He was close enough that I could smell hints of cashmere and vanilla, close enough that I could see gold flecks in his brown eyes, and the wrinkles around them that he'd gotten from the way they crinkled when he smiled.

"This is leaning." His breath came out on a whisper as his head bowed down toward mine. His lips were a breath's width away from mine and I could feel the weight of his words as he spoke.

The air whooshed out of my lungs and my body froze in place as I was stuck in the center of Nolan's gaze. My heart beat so wildly I was afraid I was about to go into cardiac arrest.

Did Nolan know CPR?

"You're not just entering someone's space, Lottie." The only sign that Nolan was anywhere near as affected as I was in this moment was the rise and fall of his chest. His chest barely brushed against mine with each inhale, but every minuscule amount of contact set my chest on fire. "You're taking the first move and initiating that first display of affection. It's about the other person accepting that person's invitation, just like you are now. It's about being vulnerable."

My eyes widened when I realized that I had drawn closer to him and that was why there were only centimeters between us. The second Nolan had entered my personal bubble, he'd become my sun and I'd been brought closer into his gravitational pull. Suddenly I was keenly aware of how attractive Nolan Hill was —the sharp jawline, the way he smiled with his entire face, and those long lashes that framed his dark brown eyes.

As quickly as Nolan first stepped toward me, he was gone in a flash, suddenly five steps away from me. I was left flushed and disoriented as I tried to pull myself together. Tried to tell myself that I needed to put even more space between us. Tried to tell myself this wasn't professional. What if someone saw us? What would they say? I could get be fired.

My brain was spinning out of control, unable to keep my eyes off Nolan's tongue as it slipped out of his mouth and wet his lips, while every warning bell was going off inside of my head.

This was never supposed to happen. I was better than this—lusting after a player. But that still didn't stop the thundering of my heart as Nolan clenched his fists together like he was trying to keep himself from reaching out for me one more time.

"He wasn't giving you that, Lottie." Nolan's voice came out gruff and I noticed just how flushed he was as well.

Before I could get a word out, Nolan turned on his heel and left me standing there with the mess of thoughts bouncing around inside my head. I watched him weave between the cars still in the parking lot before disappearing long before I finally felt like I could move.

My fireplace crackled in the background as it tried to take the slight chill out of the air that had crept into Chicago with the beginning days of fall. The leaves outside of my apartment window had even started to show hints of oranges and reds. Olivia and Maggie had covered themselves with blankets as they lounged around my living room.

"So, you're telling us that Nolan Hill looked like he wanted to devour you?" Olivia asked from where she sat on my couch with a bowl of popcorn.

"I never said that," I sighed, as I continued to stare at the ceiling of my living room from where I lay in the middle of the floor.

Maggie reminded me of how I had recounted the turn of events after the game. "You said he was staring at you intensely and then basically tried to sweep you off your feet."

Once I finally snapped myself out of whatever trance Nolan had put me in, I had immediately called Olivia to see if she was still at the stadium. Maggie overheard me telling her what happened and declared that to unpack the events that had unfolded we needed popcorn and wine.

"He was staring at me intensely. I've never seen Nolan look at anything like that before. Not even during a game," I told them.

"Do you think he likes you?" Olivia tossed a piece of popcorn up into the air and caught it in her mouth.

"I thought he hated me when we first started working together. Recently, I thought that we were moving past tolerant to amicable. I never, in a million years, would have told you I thought Nolan Hill found me attractive. I just thought …" I trailed off when I remembered how Nolan had looked at me on the date that they crashed. He'd looked almost territorial as he watched me from across the room. Then again when he saw me still dressed from my previous date before New York—he'd looked like he was seeing me in a new light.

"He did take you to the top of the Empire State Building." Maggie was taking this all entirely too seriously. "That had to be the most intimate moment ever. I could just imagine the scene playing out in a romance movie."

"I wouldn't call it intimate. It felt more like a peace offering for our relationship, like he was acknowledging that I was helping him with his goals, so he wanted to do the same for me."

"I wish I could have been there to see the unflappable Nolan Hill get flustered by my older sister." Olivia had a cheeky smile as she tried to picture what I had just lived through.

"What are you going to do about it?" Maggie asked me.

"Nothing. There's nothing I can do about it," I told her. "That would be messy."

"Maybe you need a little messy in your life, sis." Olivia cocked an eyebrow at me in challenge.

"I said I needed to live life a bit more, not turn my entire life into a giant clusterfuck."

Olivia only shrugged her shoulders before she tossed another piece of popcorn into her mouth. "It would only be a clusterfuck if people found out. Look at Maggie, she and Tommy hid the truth of their very fake relationship to the entire world."

"Not very well," I reminded her.

"Hey!" Maggie exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to tell me otherwise. "That's fair," she sighed, and sank back into the couch cushions.

I wasn't about to take my turn at hiding a relationship with a professional athlete. That was the last thing I needed to spice up my life. All I had in mind was seeing more of the world, not risking everything I'd spent so long building.

But I knew that I feared more than just that. The way my entire body had wanted to turn into putty at Nolan's feet the moment he entered my personal space or the way I immediately wondered what it would be like if he had just kissed me had me panicking.

When I first started this dating journey for the bucket list, I hadn't fully realized the fear I had around it. The thought of falling in love with someone only to grow bitter and hateful like my parents lived in the back of my mind like a parasite. It wasn't until Nolan approached me in the parking lot that I recognized those feelings in myself. Maybe there was a good reason I hadn't dated anyone all these years. Maybe subconsciously I knew that was what would bring me the least potential of pain.

"How am I supposed to face him after this?" I whispered to Maggie and Olivia. Their faces softened as they looked at me.

Olivia reached out and squeezed my hand to reassure me in the same way I had done to her all those years when she was a kid. "Just act like nothing happened."

"We made so much progress on our relationship. What if he goes back to trying to avoid me? What if he thinks it will be awkward?" The question had been bouncing around in my head from the moment he had turned away from me in that parking lot. I was worried I'd be starting all over with him. I'd grown up to be skeptical of relationships after watching each of my parents fail the other. One day they'd both woken up and decided to stop choosing the other. They viewed their relationship as a mistake. I'd promised myself at a young age that I would never find myself in a similar situation. If I found the person who would stand next to me, no matter what, I was going to choose them every day.

"Then he's a complete idiot." Maggie moved to lie on the ground next to me and shortly after Olivia followed suit. The two wrapped their arms around me and I finally let the worries I'd been carrying with me slip away.