Chapter 11 Nolan

Chapter 11

Nolan

"So, are we still not going to talk about how you had to death-grip the table on Sunday night at dinner when Henry and Lottie left?" Derek asked me as the two of us walked toward the practice facility to get some extra work in with Hawthorn the following Wednesday.

I knew he was only asking to get on my nerves and, well, it worked.

"I was not death-gripping the table when they left," I growled at him.

Derek's smile grew wider. "And you also didn't tell Lottie that Henry wasn't good enough for her because you care even the smallest bit about who she's on dates with?"

"Also no." I could feel heat spread across my chest, up my neck, and into my face as I tried to convince myself of something that I had come to realize this week might not be true.

"You're the one that even suggested we go to Formento's, remember?" I tried to remind Derek.

When I had first met Lottie, I didn't have anything against her personally. Her position was simply a reminder of the worst parts of myself that I didn't know how to fix. Now that she and I were beginning to work through the mess that I was, I was beginning to realize that maybe she wasn't as bad as I originally thought. That's all.

She was simply becoming someone I cared about like a friend, which was why I hated watching her leave with that tech idiot who didn't even hold the door open for her when they left.

"And you haven't gone from Nolan the Grinch to Nolan the Elf these last few weeks because of her?" Derek continued to press as we walked toward the locker room.

"It's only September. Why are you comparing me to Christmas characters?"

Luckily, Derek's line of questioning was silenced for the time being when we walked into the locker room to find Hawthorn talking with Caleb Willis.

"Hey, guys," I slipped back into my approachable team captain hat now that Caleb was present. "What's going on?"

"I just wanted to come in to get some extra work," Caleb told me as he laced up his cleats. "I've realized the size of the shoes I'm going to have to fill next year, and I think I'm going to need more practice than just what I'm doing during the week with the coaches."

The look that Hawthorn was giving me behind Caleb's back pushed a sigh out of me. My distaste toward the kid might have been a little unnecessary.

"We're getting in extra work today too," I told him. "You can join us. Derek can run a few routes for you."

Caleb's face lit up at the invite and I ignored the small part of me that felt guilty. I could have been lifting him up from the beginning of the season if I had just gotten out from behind myself.

"We'll meet you out there," Hawthorn told Caleb as he slapped the rookie on the shoulder.

As soon as the locker room door shut behind us, Hawthorn gave me the kind of smile that I wanted to wipe right off his face. "What's gotten into you these past few weeks? First you want to throttle Lottie's date for treating her poorly, then you extend an olive branch to Caleb after avoiding him like the plague all season."

"You and I both know it's not a what but a who ." Derek shared a smile with Hawthorn. Now I wanted to throttle both of them.

"For the last time," I ground out. "None of this has anything to do with Lottie. She's a great person and she's gone out of her way to help me figure my shit out. The least I can do is help her with hers."

Hawthorn and Derek exchanged a knowing look but were smart enough this time to keep their mouths shut.

"Lottie and I are like oil and water." I'm not sure why I felt the need to try to convince my two friends how Lottie and I would be the worst possible idea ever, but here I was. "She may be one of the most intelligent people I know, but she drives me crazy whenever she manages to outsmart me on something. Then she gives me this smirk like she knows she's beat me that makes me want to rip my hair out. We argue constantly. It would be a nightmare."

"Whatever you need to say to make yourself believe it." Derek gave me a sympathetic pat on the back before he went to jog down the field for his warmup.

"You get it, right?" I asked Hawthorn. "You and Sarah are like the perfect complements for each other. Lottie and I are most definitely not. I'm not sure why Derek won't let it go."

Hawthorn studied me for a few beats, as if he were debating on how he wanted to break something to me. "Let's not forget those few months when Sarah and I fought all the time because we were trying to get comfortable with each other. And let's also not forget that I would die for that woman if I had to. There's not a single other soul on this planet that understands me down to my very core. Blending two lives together can be difficult. You must learn how to mold some of the worst parts of yourself to be better suited for the person you're with. Because sometimes the perfect person for you is the person who will call you on all your bullshit."

My friend jogged away from me, leaving me standing there dumbfounded at his words. I had been counting on Hawthorn to call Derek crazy. Instead, Hawthorn had only caused me more confusion. This past month with Lottie had challenged me. She'd called me out on how I was trying to operate this season. She had forced me to be honest with myself and question if I was going to look back on this season with pride or regret. I didn't even want to try and unpack why I'd found myself caring about those stupid dates she'd been taking herself on. If I looked too closely, I was scared I'd have to put a name to what was happening.

"Thanks again for doing this." Caleb's voice pulled me away from the thoughts of a blonde-haired girl.

"I had plenty of people take the time to mentor me when I first joined the league," I told him. "It's only right if I pay it back."

For the rest of the morning, Caleb and I ran through different plays to help him get better acquainted with the offense that our coach ran. I was impressed with how eager he was to learn. His intuitive questions and ability to pick up on different things quickly reminded me a little bit of myself when I first entered the league. We both had a tenacious need to learn as much as possible with a ridiculous athletic ability that I knew would take Caleb as far as mine took me.

Derek and I walked him through different scenarios, and I was impressed by how smart he was when it came to football. The hours flew by as I coached Caleb on everything from his form to his timing. I felt more energized by the time we decided to call it quits than after returning from a bye week, and as the four of us walked out of the practice facility together, I wondered how I could ever leave football behind after this season.

It was what made up the very essence of myself. It was what I was good at. How was I supposed to find something else that made me feel the way sharing my knowledge of the game with someone else did?