Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Jaxon

Z eppelin’s admission left me silently spiraling as he fell asleep. Eros followed him not long after, both of them softly snoring, no doubt exhausted after the evening they’d endured. I was exhausted too, but I couldn’t bring myself to even try to sleep. Not right now.

Zeppelin was going to fucking crash and burn if he continued handling his therapy appointments like this. He wasn’t coping, and if more memories got uncovered, he wasn’t going to be able to keep using brutal sex to work through his newly uncovered trauma. I knew Eros couldn’t handle it, and I wasn’t sure how many more times I could take it either.

I slowly slipped off the couch, being careful not to wake Zeppelin and Eros before I walked into the bathroom, where I’d left my phone on the counter. I made my way out onto the expansive front porch and settled in one of the rocking chairs before dialing Logan’s number and lifting my phone to my ear.

I had to find a way to help Zeppelin, and Logan was the only person I knew who might be able to give me some advice on how to navigate this. Logan had been raped and beaten so badly, he’d needed surgery to recover and years of therapy. Hell, he was still going through therapy for all his trauma. There were years of it. But nothing had fucked him up as badly as that day Ezra had found him bleeding and broken, tied to his bed with his mother dead in the other room from a drug overdose.

“I’m going to start thinking we’re besties,” Logan teased when he answered, not even bothering with a hello. “What’s going on, best friend? Spill all the tea.”

“I need help,” I told him, my voice low and gruff. I was hurting for Zeppelin so much—and Eros by extension—that I couldn’t even find humor in his words. I was too raw—too flayed open by Zeppelin’s confessions.

“Okay… Is this we-need-to-hide-a-body help or I’m-having-another-midlife-crisis help?” Logan asked.

“Neither,” I snapped, getting frustrated. I sighed, swallowing down my frustration. None of this was Logan’s fault, and I didn’t like lashing out when it was unwarranted. “Can you be serious for two fucking seconds, Logan? I really need help.”

Logan sighed. “What’s going on, Jax? You’re freaking me out now,” he confessed, sounding worried.

I swallowed thickly and shoved my fingers through my hair. “Zeppelin… he attends therapy sessions twice a month,” I began to explain. “Today, he saw something that triggered him and unlocked a buried, traumatic memory. He… spiraled. It was fucking bad, Logan. And I don’t know how to help him. His way of coping is the gym and hard sex, but he can’t go on like this.”

“How bad of a spiral are we talking here?” Logan asked.

My throat clicked as I swallowed. “I… bled,” I confessed, leaving it at that, hoping he’d put the pieces together himself.

Logan hissed a breath through his teeth. “Jesus fucking Christ ,” Logan snarled. “Are you fucking okay?”

“I’m fine,” I rushed to tell him before he went on a rampage. “I’m fine,” I reiterated. “I promise. But that’s what I mean. He can’t go on like this, Logan. He… he’s struggling. And I can’t… I can’t fucking help him, Logan. Eros can’t either. And Zeppelin is… he’s fucking spiraling. What the fuck do I do?”

“The only thing I can recommend is more therapy sessions,” Logan said, his voice solemn. My gut cramped. Logan had Spencer and Ezra doting on him so effortlessly when he’d spiraled. But Zeppelin was so different from Logan. Logan could never imagine hurting either Spencer or Ezra. Zeppelin craved causing pain to both himself and others.

“Can you help him?” I blurted before I could stop myself.

“ Me ?” Logan asked incredulously.

I nodded, though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Maybe see if you can befriend him? See if he’ll open up to you? Maybe… maybe seeing someone else who’s come out on the other side will help him.”

Logan heaved a tired sigh. “I’ll see what I can do, Jax, but I’m not exactly friend material.”

I snorted at that. “I think you’ll see you two are more alike in personality than you’d like to think,” I admitted. “He’s just… a little rougher around the edges at his core than you are.”

“Clearly,” Logan muttered. “The mere thought of hurting Ezra or Spence like that makes me want to vomit.” I closed my eyes, my shoulders slumping. “You promise you’re okay though, Jaxon?”

“I promise,” I assured him, my voice quiet.

“Okay. Well, I need to go to bed. And honestly, you need to get some sleep, too. I’ll see about stopping by the tattoo shop tomorrow before I head home.”

“Thanks, Logan.”

I ended the call and stood from the rocking chair, turning to head back inside, only to come face to face with a pissed-off Zeppelin. Fuck. How much of that conversation had he heard? How long had he been out here?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck .

“Zep—”

He sneered at me. “You like gossiping that goddamn much, Jaxon?” he hissed, stepping further onto the porch and shutting the front door behind him so he wouldn’t wake Eros. “You just had to call one of your kids to talk about the fucked up mess I am?”

“I was just trying to help,” I promised, reaching for him, but he flinched back from me. With my heart in my throat, I let my hand drop back to my side. “Zeppelin?—”

“No,” he snarled. “Leave, Jaxon.” Something inside me fucking cracked . “Fucking leave . What happened to me is my business, and it wasn’t yours to share, you fucking hear me? Get the fuck off my porch and out of my fucking life, Jaxon.” A hole was forming where I’d cracked, everything falling into a dark abyss. “We are done . I’ve gone through too much and fought too goddamn hard just to have you talking about what happened to me to some kid .”

I clenched my jaw, my heart ripping apart in my chest all while anger brewed in my veins. Because no one came at my kids like that.

“Logan is not just some kid ,” I snapped at him, my hand tightening around my phone.

“He is to me,” Zeppelin said, his voice now void of emotion as if he’d just flipped a switch in his brain. It was eerie and bone-chilling. “Leave, Jaxon.” He tossed my keys at me, and I caught them as they smacked my chest. “We’re done. This is over.”

With that, he spun around and headed inside, leaving me ripped apart and hurting on his porch.