Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

Zeppelin

I vaguely registered Eros shouting my name, horror lacing every syllable, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop. Or to care. Jaxon felt too fucking good, and he was taking my cock so damn well. As if he was made for me, he took my brutality easily, even moaning and begging for more, urging me on. Pushing me to just get out all the darkness residing inside my mind and my soul and bleed it into him.

“F-fuck,” Jaxon stuttered, gasping when I pegged his prostate. He groaned, his eyelids fluttering for a moment as he tried his damnest to focus on our man. I continued pounding into Jaxon, chasing my release, needing it as badly as I needed my next breath. Jaxon slid his arm out, reaching for Eros, and once they were connected, Jaxon moaned again, his fingers tightening around Eros’s.

“I’m— fuuuuck ,” he moaned, his eyes closing. “I’m fine, Eros. I swear I’m fine.”

“Y-you’re bleeding,” Eros choked out, but he wasn’t looking at Jaxon’s shoulder, where blood was running in a steady stream down Jaxon’s glistening back from where I’d bit him. He was looking at where my cock was tunneling in and out Jaxon’s tight hole, blood lingering on my cock with every stroke.

Even that wasn’t enough to make me stop. It should have been. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to. But I couldn’t .

Jaxon tugged him closer, just as I hit that spot inside of him just right, moaning my name as cum spurted from his cock. His hole tightened around me, milking my fucking cock, and I lost it. Shouting his name, I slammed my hips against his ass one, two, three more times, and then flooded his hole with my cum, filling him up and giving him everything I fucking had.

I pulled out of Jaxon, and he hissed a breath through his teeth in pain, his muscles locking up. Eros turned him around so he could lean against the counter, his worried eyes running over Jaxon’s face before he turned to look at me, looking even more concerned.

And seeing him look so worried, so fucking concerned… it broke something in me.

My chin wobbled, tears blurring my vision. Jaxon lurched forward and tugged me into his arms, banding his thick arms around me. I curled into him, sliding my arms around his waist and burying my face in the curve of his neck. My shoulders shook as I cried, my tears soaking his skin.

The therapy session I’d had earlier had been fucking traumatizing. Who the fuck knew I still had memories buried that we could bring to the surface? Even now, it still felt as if I could feel her hands on me, fingering open my hole with sharp nails. I could still feel those men holding me down, pinning me to her bed with ridiculously high thread-count sheets as she raped me.

The first and only woman to ever touch me like that. My gut churned, threatening to revolt, but I hadn’t eaten anything today, so there was nothing to throw up.

“It’s okay,” Jaxon soothed, tightening his arms around me to the point I almost couldn’t breathe. But my chest loosened. My mind slowly began to clear. If there was one thing I’d learned about Jaxon in the past few weeks, it was that when he cared about someone, he protected them fiercely and with every bone in his body. And I knew in his arms, like this, I was safe. Protected. No one could fucking touch me again here.

“You need a shower, baby,” Jaxon said softly as my tears began to slow. He lifted my head from the curve of his neck and gently swiped some tears off my cheeks.

“I’ll get a movie going and some hot chocolate. And I’ll roll you a blunt,” Eros said quietly. He cupped my cheek, his eyes glassy with tears, but he didn’t let them spill over. “I love you. No matter what happened to you, Zep. No matter what you think anyone might have taken from you. No matter how you’re feeling right now.” He slid his hand down over my neck to rest on my chest, right over my painfully beating heart. “ I love you . Never lose sight of that.”

I swallowed thickly and reached up, covering his hand with mine. “I won’t,” I swore, my throat raw, making my words come out gravelly.

Jaxon grabbed my hand and led me toward my and Eros’s room. I silently pointed to the bathroom door once we were in there, and he led me over to it, shutting us inside. He helped me strip out of my clothes before stripping out of his own. Once we were in the shower with the hot water beating down on our skin, he washed my hair and then bathed me. He never said a word. Never asked if I was okay. Never asked what I needed.

He just… took care of me. And fuck , I never knew I needed that. Someone who could take the reins for a little while without making me feel like I was submitting. I still felt in charge. I knew I could say one word, and Jaxon would back off if I wanted him to.

He was just grounding me. Reminding me I was safe. I was protected. I was loved.

My Adam’s apple bobbed as I swallowed. Did Jaxon love me? I fucking loved him. I loved him to goddamn pieces.

“I’m sorry,” I rasped.

Jaxon glanced up at me from where he was kneeling on the shower floor, washing my thigh. His hand paused, the cloth lingering near my knee. “What for?” he asked.

My tongue swiped over my bottom lip. I roughly cleared my throat. “I… I hurt you,” I explained. “Made you bleed. Probably tore you. I’m sorry. I—” My voice cracked.

“None of that,” Jaxon said, going back to bathing me. “If I wanted you to stop, I would have told you to. I promised you I wanted it all—the pain you caused included. I don’t mind bleeding for you. I don’t mind hurting for you.” He stood back to his full height, dropping the cloth onto the floor before gripping my hips and dragging me against him, our bodies flush together. “A bit of physical pain for a few days is worth you not being lost in your head and spiraling.” He laced his fingers in my hair and brought our foreheads together. I shut my eyes, my heart slamming hard against my ribcage. “I love you, Zeppelin.”

“ Fuck ,” I rasped, gripping his waist, digging my fingertips into his skin. “ Fuck , Jax.” A tear ran down my cheek, and I sank into his heat, clinging to him. “I love you so fucking much,” I told him honestly, my voice thick with the sadness, trauma, and happiness swelling inside my throat. “I love you.”

He clutched me to him, pressing his lips to my temple and just letting them rest there.

Eros was sitting on the edge of the couch when Jaxon and I emerged into the living room. Immediately, he leaned back and opened his arms. Without a moment’s hesitation, knowing we both needed it, I crawled onto the couch and into his arms, letting Eros hold me.

“Better now?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“A little,” I quietly told him. I closed my eyes, listening as Jaxon sat down on the other end of the couch. He gripped my ankles and unfolded my legs so my feet were resting on his lap. Silently, he began to massage the sole of my left foot, and a quiet groan slipped from my lips, my body sinking into the cushions.

“Want to watch Transformers ?” Eros asked.

I shook my head and began playing with a loose string on his sweatpants. “No… I want to talk about what my therapist uncovered today.”

Eros stilled beneath me, but Jaxon never stopped moving. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. At either of them. Why was Jaxon so calm? How was he not reacting to any of this like Eros was?

“Okay,” Eros finally said. He began to run his fingers through my dark, damp hair. “We’re listening, baby.”

I drew in a deep breath. “Apparently, I still have some repressed memories—even after all this time. Dr. Clancy had a new piece of art hanging on the wall—a blonde woman in a red dress. It’s a damn good piece of art, but it triggered me. Looked too much like her . And I never remembered her until then.”

“Her?” Eros asked quietly as Jaxon switched to my other foot.

I nodded, still not looking at either of them. Instead, I just stared at Eros’s shirt, running my finger over the soft fabric. “Yeah—her. I never knew her name. She was only ever there that one night, but she was someone powerful. The way the other men listened to her and obeyed her orders…” I trailed off for a moment, trying not to sink back into that memory. Jaxon pinched the skin on my foot, and I jerked, looking down the couch at him, but he was focused on my foot, not even looking at me.

He’d pinched me because he realized I was sinking into my head. My chest tightened. He was too damn good at this.

“She had four of her men hold me down to her expensive bed. Fingered me open with her sharp ass fucking nails, which tore me, and then she…” I swallowed bile. “She fucked herself on my dick while she had another man fuck me in my bleeding, torn ass with no lube.”

More bile rose up my esophagus. Wasn’t that what I’d just done to Jaxon? How was I any better than them?

I was going to be fucking suck.

Jaxon pinched me again. I shot my gaze to his, and this time, our gazes clashed. “Don’t,” he quietly warned me, a dark undertone to his words that made me shiver. “We talked about that in the shower. I’m fine , Zeppelin. You’re nothing like any of them, you hear me?”

“He’s right,” Eros said, drawing my eyes to his. His hands came up to cup my cheeks, and he stroked his thumbs over my cheekbones. “I love you. You’re not a monster. You’re not a rapist. Jaxon consented . He made that clear to me with the way he wanted me to be connected with you two, even if it was just holding his hand.” His lips twisted with a playful smirk. “There was a lot of cum to clean off the kitchen counters.”

I snorted a laugh, my chest a little lighter after talking to them. I pulled back from Eros and rested my head in his lap, shutting my eyes. I was just so damn tired . I wanted to sleep now. I was safe with them. I knew neither of them would allow anyone to hurt me while I rested my exhausted mind.

“Zep?” Jaxon asked.

“ Hm ?” I hummed, not opening my eyes. Eros was beginning to run his fingers through my hair again, and it was quickly lulling me to sleep.

“Where were you? You said ‘she was only ever there that one night’.”

I snuggled deeper into Eros. “Somewhere in Miami. My parents sold me. I was trafficked.” Jaxon’s hands stilled on my feet. I pushed them into his palms, seeking more of his touch. “Please don’t stop,” I mumbled, my words slurred with sleep. “That was feeling good.”

He began rubbing at my soles again, and I let darkness claim me, slipping into a dream where trafficking wasn’t a thing and only Eros and Jaxon existed.