18. WES

18

WES

I lay Hazel in bed and climb back in beside her. I feel I'm moving on autopilot right now. I don't really know what to say, or how to act, I just know she doesn't feel well and I need to try and help her. I run my hands through her hair and try to come to terms with what she just told me.

I'm going to be a dad.

I can't even believe the words I heard her say to me. It doesn't feel real and I'm probably in shock and not processing any of this.

What now?

"I feel you vibrating beside me. Talk to me, Wes. I know I just dropped a huge bomb on you, and I know this isn't anything you ever wanted. Are you going to run again when things get too heavy?"

She deserves me to tell her the truth of how I'm feeling. She deserves to have me stay, to be all in one hundred percent. That's what a man is supposed to do.

But every time someone has depended on me, like life-changing depended on me, I failed them. Now the opportunity to fail two people is right in front of me, and it scares the shit out of me.

"I know what I'm supposed to say Hazel, but I feel like I can't get the words out. I also know you don't want to hear me tell you what you want to hear if it's not the truth."

She turns onto her back, staring at the ceiling and I take up the same position. "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, Wes. We've never done that before, so don't do it now."

I'm quiet, quickly playing every scenario I can imagine through my mind. A baby turns into a toddler turns into a teenager. And never mind that, how do I send my kid to school when his parents aren't married? So now comes a wedding and a house together and—my thoughts are cut short when she speaks sternly to me.

"Wes. You're shaking. If you want to go, you can. I'm not forcing you to be here."

"I want to be here," I reply honestly.

She turns her head toward me and I realize I've spoken before I've even thought about what I wanted to say. So after a few moments, I add, "I want this, Hazel. I want you. I want our baby."

I swallow hard, the words almost choking me even as I recognize the truth behind them. She watches me skeptically then replies, "Either way I'm doing this. This baby is coming soon, and I need to come to terms with the change my life is taking. You can say that you're on board, but actions speak louder than words. And if I'm being honest, your actions years ago still cut me. I worry that you're going to freak out again and bail on me without giving me any notice of why?—"

" You left me , Hazel," I grit out, then get out of the bed and stand by the window. "I accept responsibility for a lot of things because I know I was a giant fucking dickhead, but at the end of the day you're the one who left."

"You asked me to move in and then didn't show up when I needed you to," she says dryly. "I didn't ask for that. I never pressured you for anything more than what you were willing to give. I wanted to. I wanted you to commit to me and I kept waiting around hoping you'd eventually give me something."

"It wasn't fair of me to do that." I'm still looking out the window unable to face her. I was a jerk to her for so many years. I was immature and used it as an excuse, and then when she finally called my bluff and left it practically destroyed me.

"You think?" she retorts sarcastically.

I turn and face her and the look on her face is hard, determined, and I can tell she's close to being done with me completely. Baby or not, she's not going to keep giving me passes. The reality of this new situation makes her less likely to put up with my shit because I'm no longer the main priority in her life.

Our baby is.

Even though she's the one I want, have always wanted, for some reason it feels like I can't voice it. I mean, doesn't she know it already? I'm here now. Since she moved back to Magnolia Point, I've been right here with her.

Finally, I manage to say, "Let me show you, Hazel. I have a lot to make up for. Let me start now."

She continues to look at me like she doesn't really believe my words, but then gives me the grace she always has. "Okay, Wes. We're doing this together."