14. Serenity

“Oh my goodness,” I said as Gareth held the door open for me. “Im so excited, but Im really nervous.”

Gareth chuckled softly, his hand a comfort on the small of my back as we walked farther into the little building. A cedar scent hung in the air, and eight little tables had been set up, all occupied by couples, except for one.

“You shouldn’t be nervous,” Gareth said as we made our way to the lone empty table.

“That’s easy for you to say,” I said my eyes trailing over the array of ingredients spread out on the table. “You have to remember, I’ve never taken a public class before. What if the teacher calls on me and I don’t know the answer?”

Gareth looked down at me, his pale green eyes sincere. “If it gets to be too much, or if you dont like it, just tell me, and well get out of here.”

I smiled up at him, silently conveying my appreciation for his support. He’d done nothing but be supportive since the day I knocked on his hotel room door, but hed gone above and beyond since he found that little list I had made a couple weeks ago.

The list had just been something Daisy had encouraged me to do, jotting down random things that Id love to try now that I had the freedom to. Taking a fun class with no pressure had been one of them.

Gareth had set up this couples’ mixology class as a result.

Gareth dipped down, capturing my lips in his. I lost my myself in the sensation of it, totally forgetting that we were in a room full of people until our instructor made his way to the front of the room and started introducing himself.

I quickly pulled out of the kiss to pay attention, and Gareth teasingly tugged me against him. “I wasnt finished yet,” he teased in my ear.

I playfully batted my giant away, hushing him and pointing to the teacher who was still speaking. “I have to pay attention,” I said, giving him a look that said I was taking this very seriously.

And I did, dutifully jotting down notes on the provided notepad as the instructor went over all of the ingredients before us. I listened intently as he explained that we would be making three cocktails tonight, the first two he would walk us through, showing us how to make them, and then for the third wed get to create our own. Nerves tangled under my skin, but by the time hed explained how to make the first cocktail, a classic old-fashioned, I was getting into a rhythm. I normally stuck with a few sips of champagne if I ever drank alcohol, so I was determined to branch out.

Gareth probably believed that this was just another task on my list that I wanted to try, and while it was, I also felt like it was a test for myself. I ‘d been thinking more and more about what I wanted to do with my future now that it was solely in my hands, and after having a conversation with Daisy about college, I hadnt been able to stop thinking about it.

Maybe it’d be the place for me to find some hidden talent that had been buried my whole life. And maybe I would go to college and find out that I had no talents other than socializing and supporting the man in my life, and if that was the case, then I would be fine with it.

But I couldnt deny that I had the urge to try. I also had that sense of doubt creeping over everything else that I wouldnt be able to make it in that kind of setting. Hence, taking my first class with actual students. It didnt matter that this was a couples’ class, or that it was in the art of mixology, a fun and exciting subject. It was a class, not some personal tutor who came to my house and only taught me what he was allowed to teach me.

I felt like if I could make it through this, then maybe college wouldnt be too far of a stretch.

I beamed when the instructor strolled by, complementing the visual presentation of the old-fashions Gareth and I had just finished making.

The instructor gave us a moment to try our cocktails, and Gareth and I clinked ours together before taking quick sips.

“Oh,” I said. “I think I made mine a little strong,” I continued, passing the drink to Gareth.

He took a sip, then smiled at me. “Thats a great old-fashioned,” he said, and I couldnt stop the little flutter that scattered through me at the compliment. He handed the drink back to me, and we continued to sip.

“I know you like bourbon,” I said after I set my drink down. “But whats your favorite cocktail?”

Gareth contemplated for a moment shrugging. “If Im going to have a cocktail, I’m a big fan of an old-fashioned,” he said, raising his glass. “But I like mine a little bit different from the traditional recipe.”

“How so?”

“I like more cherry and bitters,” he explained. “Ill make you one when we get to the third cocktail. What do you think youll make?”

“Im not sure yet.”

“Whats your favorite drink?” he asked.

“Thats a tough question,” I said. “Ive only recently been able to sample more than a sip of champagne, which I like well enough, but...” I hesitated, analyzing the rest of my response before I could stop myself.

“But?” Gareth urged.

“I dont see myself as a big drinker,” I said.

“Damn,” Gareth said, shaking his head. “And here I signed you up for a mixology class. It was one of the top-rated couples’ classes in Charleston, and I just wanted to help you fulfill that list?—”

“I love it,” I said, cutting over him quickly and laying my hand over his on the table. “I promise. I only meant that even these past weeks, where Ive gotten to try more and more, Ive enjoyed it, but I cant shake the history that Ive had around it.”

Gareth tilted his head, but the dark flash in his eyes indicated he likely knew what I was about to say.

“Ive spent enough time around angry drunks that I still feel cautious around it.” Gareths shoulders dropped another fraction. “And of course, that doesnt apply to you,” I said knowing that Gareth enjoyed a cocktail or two, especially during the poker games. “Youve never once made me feel unsafe, Gareth. No matter how many times you insist that youre just another type of monster.”

Gareth parted his lips to respond, but the instructor made it back to the front of the room and started explaining how to make a mojito for the next cocktail. I smiled up at Gareth, before dutifully returning to my notes. And after we were done, we had another beautifully crafted cocktail to taste.

“You dont have to drink that,” Gareth said as we clinked our tall glasses together.

“I know I dont,” I said confidently, the certainty in that statement washing over me.

“Trust me, with you, I dont do anything I dont want to do. Because youve given me that option, and I still dont quite know how to thank you for it.”

I brought my drink to my lips, curiously tasting the bubbly concoction as the flavors of mint and rum and soda water danced on my tongue. Gareth mimicked the move before setting down his drink.

“You know you never have to thank me,” he said. “Especially for things that are inherently your right, like making choices of your own. You dont owe me anything.”

And yet despite those sweet and endearing words, I felt like I owed him something. Not out of any debt that he hung above my head, but because of my own sense of repayment. He certainly had offered me far more than Id ever be able to offer him, but I hoped with time I could become something equal to him in this relationship.

“I really love the mint in this,” I said tapping my fingers on the tall glass. “And the soda water,” I said. “The rum isnt bad either.” I tilted my head. “This may be my new favorite.”

Gareth smiled down at me, bending to kiss me quickly, and yet it was still enough to make me gasp.

“Tastes good on you,” he said.

My entire body flushed with heat, the combination of the chemistry we shared and the friendship wed built grew inside me so much I thought I would burst. It was hard to describe how intensely I felt for this man, but I had a good idea what the feeling was. I was just too terrified to admit it out loud.

The instructor took that moment to encourage us to create our own cocktail, now that we’d gotten the basics of mixing down.

I immediately set to work, an idea taking shape in my mind as I looked over the wide array of ingredients we had at our disposal.

In a mixing glass, I muddled some of the extra mint we’d used with the mojito, then added freshly squeezed lime juice, a good dash of passion fruit puree, and a little agave. I shook the ingredients together before filling another tall glass with ice and using a sifter over the mixing glass to pour the liquid over it. I filled up the rest of the glass with soda water and garnished it with a fresh sprig of mint.

By the time I was done, I was brimming with excitement and pride, really hoping the creation I made would taste good. I took a quick sip and smiled at myself, trying my best to not feel ridiculous at such a small accomplishment.

“Whatd you make?” I asked, eyeing Gareth’s lowball glass and the amber mixture inside with a hint of red to the tint.

“I made an old-fashioned my way,” he said sliding the glass toward me.

I took a sip, my eyebrows raising as the flavors hit my tongue. It certainly was different from the original wed made in the beginning. The bourbon flavor was still prevalent but there was a good deal of orange and cherry that would’ve made it almost too sweet if not for the extra bitters hed added.

“It tastes like a dessert,” I said grinning up at him. “What are you going to call it?” I asked, since the instructor said wed need to name our cocktails.

Gareth furrowed his brow, picking up his glass and taking a sip. “How about The Maxfield?”

“I love it,” I said handing him my drink. “How about you try The Serenity,” I said.

“I can already tell you, shes delicious,” he said before hed even brought the drink to his lips.

A flush danced over my cheeks, and that craving for him that never really went away intensified at the way he looked at me as he took a sip of my drink.

He nodded, smiling as he handed the drink back to me. “Just like I said, delicious. Sweet and bubbly with just enough bite from the mint. Theres no alcohol in that, is there?”

I shrugged, taking another sip. “I thought itd be fun to make a mocktail,” I said. “You know, to see how it would taste in comparison to the others. I like both, and I think its fun to have an option for when people arent in the mood to drink. Is that ridiculous, given that we’re in a mixology class?”

“I think its wonderful,” Gareth said. “Its good to think outside the box, go outside the norm.”

I beamed, pride washing through me from his compliment as we continued to sip our drinks, while the instructor walked around to congratulate us on all of our hard work over the last two hours. The other couples mingled amongst each other, and I noticed that not many were volunteering to come to our table.

And I couldnt really blame them. Gareth did look fifty shades of intimidating, especially with his white dress shirt sleeves rolled to the elbow exposing the ink on his arms. Pair that with how much of a giant he was and his usual scowling demeanor, and he wasnt the most approachable of people. To outsiders at least. To me?

He was the easiest person to talk to, just as he was the easiest person to be quiet around. He was the kindest, sweetest, and most perceptive man I’d ever been around. And yes, I knew he had a dark past, one that he recently started sharing stories about, but nothing could change my mind about him.

Id grown up around some of the vilest people imaginable, and I knew it would take time for him to realize that there was nothing he could do to change my opinion of him.

And it was during that train of thought that I realized there really was nothing he could do that would change my feelings toward him, and that only further solidified what I’d been grappling with the last couple of weeks.

“So, what do you think?” Gareth asked a half hour later as we climbed into the back of a large black SUV, one of Gareth’s drivers quietly driving us toward home.

I scooted closer to him in the back seat, smiling at him. “I loved it. I loved taking notes. I loved listening to the history of the cocktails and where they originated from, and I loved creating something on my own.”

“Im so glad,” he said.

“I think...” I took a deep breath, excitement fluttering through me. “I think I want to try going to college. Whenever I can get a job to save up some money,” I hurried to add, not wanting him to think that I was asking him to provide for me. He’d already done enough.

He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “You dont need a job, Serenity. If thats what you want to do, just tell me where youd like to attend, and well get you enrolled.”

“Just like that?” I asked snapping my fingers.

He leaned down, nuzzling me before kissing me softly. “Just like that. I know youre more than capable of securing your own employment and making your own money, but youre a Maxfield. You’re my wife. And Im sure youve noticed by now the pleasure it gives me in serving you.”

Searing heat slid down my spine, the warmth trickling into all sorts of delicious places at the way he looked at me. My mind and heart were a swirl of emotions, and I couldnt hold it in any longer.

“Can I say something,” I said quietly. “And you promise not to say anything back?”

Gareth studied me for a moment, contemplating what I was asking him. I appreciated him taking the time instead of instantly answering me, knowing that the man would never make me a promise he intended to break.

“I promise,” he said finally.

“I’m in love with you,” I said, and his eyes flared wide. “I know it’s soon, and I know that I have a hell of a lot of traumas to heal, but I dont want to hide anything from you. I cant deny it a second longer. I love you, Gareth. Not only because youve saved my life in more ways than youll ever realize, but because you brought me back to life when I felt like there was nothing worth living for. You make me laugh and gasp and ache and feel safe and yet adventurous and wild at the same time. And I dont need you to say it back. This has nothing to do with an obligation on your end, I just really wanted you to know how I feel.”

I could tell he was struggling not to respond, but I admired his willpower as I saw an array of emotions flitter over his face, and then he locked him down one by one.

“I wont break my promise to you,” he said. “But can I ask when Im allowed to at least address what you just said?”

“I just dont want you to say it back. You can say anything else. I dont want to you to feel like Im trapping you.”

“I would never feel that way,” he said. “And I know you’d never do that to me. I will say this though, I dont think Ill ever be worthy enough to deserve you. I was cut from the same cloth as the people that hurt you all your life, even as much as youd like to deny it. But, like I said before, Ill spend every day trying to be worthy of you.”

I shook my head, electing to kiss him instead of argue. I’d met his family and they were nothing like mine. I could absolutely see their ties to the life, but they weren’t cruel. I could see our future stretching out before us—a happy, passionate, exciting future—but I knew it would be filled with these types of debates. Me assuring him that he was better than so many of the people Id grown up with, and him never feeling like he was.

And as I lost myself in his kiss, doing my best to silently show him exactly how amazing he was, I could only hope that we were granted the time I needed for me to convince him.