36

The Ledge

Ablast of wind hits me, forcing my eyes open. Scanning my surroundings, I hover on the ledge of my balcony. Warm hands are wrapped around my torso, pulling me in the opposite direction. My movements are sluggish, my nightmare still hitting me through the repeated whispers against my hair.

"Please, please come back to me, Frostbite. Please wake up," the deep voice pleads once more.

I am dragged backward and swept away from my balcony, my backside making contact with a hard chest. That voice, the heat—

"Jer?"

Jerrick's breath hitches, and he stops and rotates me. The heat running through my body is swiftly removed, replaced with his cold hands on my shoulder and my cheek.

"Frostbite?" Jerrick asks, scanning me from head to toe.

His eyes are red, his hair messy, his clothing disheveled. By the time his blue gaze meets mine again, the shock of what almost happened sinks in.

My own breath catches at the temperature shift along with the terror in his eyes. And I can't believe he is here, in my chambers, right now.

Tears well in my eyes as I reach for him, my arms snaking around his waist and gripping his tunic. The side of my face meets his chest as I burrow into the rich cologne and leather, honing in on the scent as I struggle to ground myself after my nightmare.

A shuddering cry leaves me as Jerrick embraces me.

He laces his fingers through my hair and squeezes me. But the tighter he holds me, the harder it is to stop the choked sobs from escaping at the relief of being awake and in his presence.

"I've got you. I'm here." He rubs soft circles along my back as my tears soak through his tunic.

"Wh-What happened?"

He hesitates. "I-I came to check on you. Dorit told Jonas and me you had a nightmare earlier, and when we finished our meeting, I had to make sure you were alright." He breaks our embrace to hold my cheeks, wiping away my tears. "When I came up here, you were shouting, and the next thing I know, I was knocking down the door and seeing you standing outside on… on the ledge."

I try to look to where I could have met my death, but he tugs my attention back. "I tried to wake you, but you kept fighting me. And—I used my magic to try to wake you, to get you to stop what I thought you were going to do."

A lump forms in my throat, still unable to process how close I truly was, remembering in my dream the heat and the voice.

Jerrick's voice.

His features are distraught and pained.

It scratches underneath my skin, my chest aching and hating I am the cause.

"I know I used my magic on you, and for that, I apologize, but I needed you off that ledge." Jerrick takes a long sigh, lowering his head and avoiding my gaze as if he is in the wrong here.

But I am. I am the one hurting him every day.

My soul tears, a festering mournful song plaguing me from the pain I am inflicting on Jerrick. My efforts to help him and ensure the fighting does not happen need to be more earnest and intentional. I will never be able to live with myself if anyone in Palaena were to get hurt.

I feel that even more with Jerrick here.

The complexity of our meeting was jagged and splintered, but the time we've spent together has sealed those cracks, smoothing them over with a deeper, more meaningful understanding of one another.

I blink away my tears, taking a deep breath before reaching for his cheek and guiding him to me.

The bright and cocky king is gone, the moody and cursed man has vanished—but the broken and tortured soul of Jerrick stares back.

I release a long breath, taking in this man and knowing so much of our lives has been dictated and planned by our parents and by our bloodlines. But our experiences have brought us together for a reason, and I believe we are meant to bring healing to the two of us and our kingdoms.

That thought deepens my need to call off the fight and help break his curse.

I smile softly, my expression softening as I admire the beautifully complex person he is, inside and out. "Thank you, Jer."

Relief blossoms across his face and relaxes his body.

He returns a kind smile as I add, "I haven't had that happen in a long time."

Jerrick's eyes widen. "T-This has happened before?"

I nod sheepishly. "A few times since my family passed."

He regards me, brows pinched together as if he is restraining himself from something. But he takes my hand, rubbing it softly as I lower my own from his face.

I watch his fingers run circles along my hand, the repetitive motion soft, comforting, and distracting.

Knowing he might be one of the few people to understand my grief, I confess, "I relive my sister's death in my dreams, and sometimes, I think my subconscious tries to win over and take me back to her and my parents."

His hold on my hand tightens briefly before he recovers, returning to the soft circles. "That must be pretty awful."

I peek up through my eyelashes to offer him a tight-lipped smile. "It can be."

My attempt at lessening the gravity of my sleepwalking is caught, Jerrick meeting my eyes and lifting his lips. Warmth spreads across my chest at him being here and the little glimpse of his dimple.

But it vanishes as Jerrick takes a small step back. "Now that I have checked on you, I'll leave you to your slumber." He bows, turning for the door.

"Wait," I call.

Jerrick freezes midstep, meeting my gaze.

"Could—could you stay with me for a bit?" I ask, my bravery immediately leaving my body.

I brace for rejection and hold my arm, rubbing up and down to comfort myself.

Instead of speaking, Jerrick walks to the bed, lowering onto the mattress and patting the opposite end.

I hum and join him as he settles himself above the bedding. Pushing up on my toes, I climb into my side of the bed and pull the sheets over my torso. I lean on my side to face him, and he follows suit.

A chill drifts up my body as we stare at one another, and I shiver, trying to rub my arm as Jerrick reaches across. "Are you cold?"

I dip my head.

He adjusts his position, scooting closer and guiding my hands to his mouth, blowing on them to warm them.

Heat blooms in my core from his lips touching my fingertips, the cold within me melting away.

I bite my lip as he looks up through his eyelashes. "Feeling warmer, Frostbite?"

I nod, breathless at the sight of him.

He releases my hand, allowing me to grab the covers and pull them up higher to shield myself. I fidget underneath the blankets at our closeness, my blood heating my cheeks the more he stares.

He gestures to the covers. "May I?"

Words still won't form, so I nod again.

He stands, and I hide under the sheets, my blush worsening. Boots clank on the stone floor, and a belt is unfastened.

I sneak a peek but have to return to normal because he faces me, peeling the blankets back and sending a gust of air around as he climbs in. My eyebrows rise a little in curiosity as he takes a long breath.

Jerrick lies close as he rests on his back, lifting an arm above him and tilting his head over. He then rolls and faces me, tucking a hand under his pillow and mirroring my movements.

We stare into each other's eyes.

"I—" We catch the other one wanting to speak and say in unison, "You go first."

I laugh out loud, and Jerrick smirks. Sweet Makers, his smile is devastating. My laugh quiets, and this peace over him being so close soothes me.

"I have to admit something," he says.

Alarm has me wondering what else he could possibly disclose to me. I remain silent, unsure of what to expect, and he takes my silence as a chance to speak.

"This isn't the first time I have checked on you."

Guilt forms a tight knot in my chest, worry churning into nausea. "Oh?" I ask curiously, part of me wondering if he has overheard anything of me reaching home.

"I try to check on you most nights before I go to my own chambers, to make sure you're alright."

My heart lurches in my throat at the confession. "Y-You do?"

Sweet Makers, does he know?

"It's just… I just—" He breaks off, looking down. "I remember the one nightmare you had on the road. I felt awful about it, knowing you had shit you were going through, and I felt terrible having added to that mess."

The rapid increase of my heart slows, relieved it was not what I thought it was, yet still skips a beat from his kindness. I fidget my feet under the covers, unsure of what I did to deserve this.

"Th-Thank you," I squeak, my skin heating when his eyes find mine.

Shame and embarrassment make me feel like an inferno. Especially when Jerrick's dimple appears. I wish my magic had been invisibility so I could hide from everything and everyone and not deal with any of this.

My thoughts drift to earlier in the night.

The way Niko and I ended our conversation, the nightmare, and Jerrick.

I bury my face into my pillow, ashamed of this mess I've made. I need to fix this—and fast.

"Frostbite," Jerrick begins.

I lift my head and pinch my features into something that hopefully conveys I am okay and not being tortured by this festering guilt.

He reaches and combs through my hair, moving it away from my face. "I am here, and I've always got you. You need only ask." His forehead rests on mine, and I close my eyes, my heart sputtering again.

I keep my eyes shut, hoping this moment will stop time, and I can remain here forever.

Everything between Jerrick and me has been chaos, yet we've worked together and have attempted to help each other. I want to let him in more. I want to help him and myself.

I care about everyone here. They all pushed and tugged their way into my fractured heart, having found and sewn pieces together that Niko and Betina have struggled to find for years.

Everyone here in Palaena has peeled away the tight mask I have become so used to wearing, making me feel seen more as a person beyond my abilities and beyond my role as a queen. They have each brought out a part of me I forgot existed, as if my heart and mind themselves had lost them.

But something about my time with Jerrick has gone deeper than that.

It's as if he has exposed every flaw, every issue, and every problem I've ever had with myself, that others have had with me, and doesn't back away. It was not something I imagined anyone doing because I thought I had to do that myself.

And yet here they all are, making me not feel like a monster.

And here is Jerrick, reaching and coaxing my soul to make me feel like… me.

"Please," he whispers, catching my attention as his breath warms my nose. "Will you consider that?"

I breathe in his scent, pulling away to gaze at him. Adoration and gratitude press against me as I touch his face, tracing the portion of his scar on his eyebrow.

He closes his eyes at the contact, leaning into my touch.

Guilt, stress, and responsibility feel lighter with Jerrick near, and it makes me want to help him beyond my own ends. Beyond learning my magic and saving my kingdom, I want to help him find the chance to find happy again as I have wished for myself.

With that feeling blooming in my heart, I incline my head earnestly, seeking to befriend him even more and build a better working relationship with a kingdom and a king I once thought to hate.

"Only if you allow me to do the same for you," I answer, lying on my pillow, a peace settling in my heart and making my eyes heavy.

Jerrick scooches closer, drawing me tight against his chest. "Deal."

I can't contain my giggle.

Our breaths steady and even out, comfort and safety drawing my arm to snake under his hold of me so that I might keep him close, too.

As we lie there, my mind focuses on Jerrick.

How his eyes twinkle each time he smirks, his scar wrinkles with his eyebrows when they furrow, and how he has one dimple instead of two.

I drift to the sound of his laughs when he threw food at me, how his hands hold mine and run circles, calming everything inside of me. But I focus most on his heartbeat matching mine as we lie intertwined, agreeing to help each other and to tackle problems together instead of alone.

"I want us both to find our happy again," I murmur into the quiet.

With his lips pressed against my forehead, a balm of protection washes over me.

"Me too," Jerrick utters in a hushed breath.

The comforting words are a soothing melody I repeat as I snuggle closer into my husband's arms, drifting into a peaceful slumber.

And for the first time since I lost my family, I feel safe from my nightmares.