37

Alone Together

My own smile appears more often as Jerrick and I work in the library, searching for answers. It still plagues and muddles my mind that there are no traces of evidence about the curse and no one present at home in Axidoria.

I remain vigilant despite that fact, knowing Betina is working hard and looking into my mother and father and confident Niko believes and trusts my judgment. I reflect often on his angry departure, wishing I could have done better about acknowledging him and his diligence, telling him how much I love him, and also wishing I trusted my gut when he first suggested battle.

I am putting all my faith in the Makers that Niko will come around and listen.

Jerrick suggested training today, and I found myself open to the change of scenery. There has not been any discomfort when donning the breeches or braiding my hair alone, simply spending another day with my husband.

When I looked back at my reflection this morning, I brightened, being around people I care about and feeling as if I have purpose for being better. That tug of joy is evident in the arena, my magic easier to manifest and control.

Frost, ice, and snow appear along my arms as well as expand outwardly now.

It is surprisingly comforting to see the progress I've made with little direction on Jerrick's part. Reading texts about meditation and magic manipulation while practicing in my downtime has done wonders. My progress is still minuscule in the wide depth of removing my ice. The effort behind withdrawing the amount I can expel exhausts me.

But I keep diligently praying to the Makers, hopeful I can build my stamina to remove more.

I need to do more.

Melting away my winter, however, feels impossible.

Jerrick and I have tried different methods of meditation, and each one leaves me more frustrated and exhausted. I might already be reaching the limits of my abilities, but I've only touched on calling my magic back to me…

It's hopeless, Tove. Just admit it.

No.

This is all part of my new plan. If I can manifest my magic and break Jerrick's curse, I can return home and hopefully remove or melt away my winter by then.

I try not to let the guilt of keeping secrets from Jerrick and Jonas eat at me as we research and practice, but I snuff the feelings away, trusting Niko will understand and arrive at the ball with peace in his heart.

Pulling away from my thoughts, I focus on an archery target, practicing blasting frost from my hands to a specific mark.

Jerrick is to my right, arms crossed and that damned dimple on full display.

It is hard to pry my thoughts away from him, but when I do, small pebbles of frost cascade out from my hand, but don't make it too far toward the target. Disappointment rocks through me, the consequence showing along my arms that my magic can work against me if I don't keep myself in check.

Jerrick advances in concern as I lift my hand to stop him. When he stops, I smirk and close my eyes, and I focus on leveling my emotions.

The frigidness of my magic tingles along my skin, quieting down toward a place of solace in my core. By the time I open my eyes, Jerrick stands in front of me, grinning wide as I jump in glee.

"That was amazing! I've never been able to do that so quickly!" I cheer as he studies me, his grin turning into a small smirk.

"All you need to remember now is to watch the control in your wrist. Using your magic is just like using knives," he says, removing a dagger from his belt.

He holds the blade, resting the hilt on his shoulder. Flicking his wrist lightly, Jerrick launches the blade across the room, landing a bullseye on the target.

I whip my head back to him, and a cocky grin appears as he finishes his thoughts. "The smallest effort can make or break where your target lands."

I nod in understanding, making a mental note to try again the next time we practice. I walk toward the washbasin at the edge of the arena, then wet a washcloth to wipe along my brow before leaving for one of my last meetings with Jonas for the masquerade ball next week.

"I better get going," I tell Jerrick politely, hating to end our training session. "Jonas and I need to wrap up some of the last details for the party."

Jerrick approaches the wash basin, dipping a second cloth and wiping his brow and neck and dumping it into the bucket, causing water to splash on me.

He crosses his arms.

"I won't keep you any longer then, but I have cleared our schedule for the next few days, so be sure to wrap up all last-minute details because you'll be indisposed," he says nonchalantly.

The meaning behind his words has me biting my lip, tempted to imagine what they mean. Maybe something lustful and full of desire. The picture painted in my mind seeps into my core.

I swallow thickly, trying my best to remove the filthy image from my mind.

When he stayed in my chambers, I woke the next morning with him still there. And Sweet Makers, I swelled at the bliss of it.

Jerrick nuzzled into me as he slept, his light snore and little mumbles initially what roused me.

But I still cannot remove the feeling of his hard length pressed into my lower back. The feel of him set my skin on fire, the desire to grind against him, to wake him and lose myself in him ran through my mind and surfaces in moments like this when he is so close.

Fucking Deities, getting along with him is making my attraction to him worse.

You are married to him, Tove.

I cower away from my tempting thoughts and ask Jerrick for clarification. "Indisposed?"

His eyes twinkle as he fastens his belt along his trousers. "I'm taking you on a hunt."

My mouth slackens as panic sends out excuses. "I can't go on a hunt. I've never been on one. Jonas might need my help with the party. We still haven't made progress on your curse. I have to—"

Jerrick rests a finger on my lips, my mouth closing at the contact. He steps in, his intoxicating cologne clouding my sense of judgment.

Deities, I want to taste that scent along his skin.

Stop that, Tove!

"Never mind all that," he says, waving off my excuses and trying to entice me into his plans. "I want to give you a chance to try your magic outside of the training arena as well as see what I can do."

I swallow thickly, unsure still and nervous from the last time I went into a forest. I was bleeding and dying last time. It would be nice to not face that again.

His eyes gaze into mine with reassurance, as if he knows where my mind went. "I promise we will be safe."

I try to find a way out of this, but he lowers his hand when I sigh in vexation. "Will we have a hunting party?"

His crooked smirk appears and somehow finds a way to crowd me even more in this space, his being consuming me as his head shakes softly. Jerrick lowers his head, his upper body hunching over mine and making my breath catch.

He tilts my face up to meet his.

Jerrick leans in closer—closer.

I secretly wonder if he is going to kiss me. Anxiety refuses to settle, my body and nerves wrung tight as I lick my lips in anticipation.

"Just you and me." He steps away, stealing my thought with him and smiling deviously. "Be sure to pack accordingly."

He winks, pivoting away from the training arena.

I distract myself with my plait as I hurry to my meeting.

Viggo leaves Jonas's study when I make it down the hallway, his wavy brown hair disheveled and sweat along his brow. He scratches the light beard that sculpts his features handsomely. Viggo is quieter than most staff members here, but he has always been kind whenever we interact.

I smile pleasantly, hopeful he doesn't feel any hint of embarrassment around me. Yet of course, his warm tanned cheeks turn pink as he hunches, trying to hide and run away.

He bows in greeting. "Queen Tove, a blessed afternoon."

"Yes, it is, Viggo. Is Jonas well?" I ask, waiting for the day he will forgo pleasantries and open up more.

Dorit has told me everything there was about Viggo, including the part where she befriended him for a year before he gained the courage to speak with her.

I thought I was beating those odds on the occasions he would stay after meetings or conversations with Jonas, but the way he nods while politely skirting away hints I still have a ways to go.

One of these days.

I open the door and step onto the plush rug spread across Jonas's study. Jonas is hunched over his desk, shuffling a few stacks of paper as I enter, masking my breathing to prevent further questions. But he catches it as I flop into one of his comfortable chaises, lifting my feet up as I fan my cottoned tunic around me.

"Training going well?" Jonas asks without lifting his head.

Still breathless from my encounter with Jerrick and the brisk walk that brought me here, all I can give in a response is a "mmm-hmm."

His face wrinkles as his brown eyes meet mine, fondness glowing across his features.

A little thorn stabs my chest, envious of the happiness radiating from him and praying one day I, too, will have that. I shake it away before he can tell, eager to discuss our plans.

"Did you hear from any of the guests we invited from Axidoria and the other kingdoms?" I ask, hopeful I haven't ruined everything for my people.

He reaches toward a stack of letters on his right, sweeping them to the center of his desk as he beams.

"Yes," Jonas starts. "Our worries were valid, but I think with the three of us stating we have no intention of invading other kingdoms, they have taken the news better than we all expected. They want to plan a meeting for all six kingdoms at a later time. King Beauvais and King Bernard, with his daughters, will be the only ones in attendance at the masquerade ball, though."

I lower my head at the news, relieved other kingdoms received the marriage announcement well.

I am excited to reunite with King Bernard and meet King Beauvais for the first time. Northtry and Unterkirch are farther away, so it is understandable that the journey might be too long for them solely to attend a party.

My heart thunders to ask the next question, but I push through it, voicing my trepidation. "Any news from Axidoria?"

I adjust my position, inching closer to see if any of those letters might have Niko's or Betina's handwriting. Something. Too obvious with my efforts, Jonas aids me, pulling two letters from the pile and offering them to me. I dart my hand out, crinkling the paper from snatching them to read.

We humbly accept this invitation to celebrate the union of King Jerrick of Palaena and Queen Tove of Axidoria. As we have made strides in uniting our kingdoms, it is our highest honor to attend to meet and converse with our king and queen and staff members that serve our monarchs in Palaena.

Lord Nikolaj Drost,

Royal Advisor of Axidoria

His baritone voice reads each line in my mind, and I linger on his signature. Fear gnaws at me even as I run my fingers over his name. Is he coming as my advisor? As my friend? Or the man I want to marry?

The questions repeat as I read Betina's acceptance letter, hoping I will hear good news from her soon.

My heart somersaults at the thought of embracing the two of them, regardless of Niko being upset with me about calling off his plan.

I yearn to see him and hold him. I yearn for his smile and his attentive ear.

I blink away the tears lining my vision. "Thank you for this." I sniff, folding the letters and returning them to the pile of accepted invitations.

Jonas takes them while helping himself into his high-backed armchair. A sigh escapes as he lifts his legs to rest along the edge of his desk, earning a smile from me.

As if we both know of the stress the other carries, we sit in silence and stare at the ceiling. A few stones are different in coloration, and I count them to calm my mind from other additive stresses of ruling.

"I am told you are going on a hunt with Jerrick," Jonas says into the quiet drifting between us.

His statement forces my own lungs to heave a long exhale, a new problem rising to the top of the pile of problems I'm already juggling. Luckily, Jonas finds my sigh is answer enough because he chuckles, easing his body and stretching.

He says, "While I've enjoyed planning a ball these last few months with you, a hunt sounds much more peaceful to me."

I scoff. "If you mean hiding in the woods, bodily odors in the air, and sweat caking every inch of your body, sure. A hunt sounds much more peaceful," I tell him, tilting my head back toward the ceiling.

"It could be fun," he suggests, as if he knows it will only be Jerrick and me.

Alone.

I drag my stare to him, skeptical this is somehow his and Jerrick's doing. I am met with a smirk, eerily like when his brother is up to something.

The small features of Jerrick in Jonas have me flicking my eyes away, fearful of my own thoughts betraying me again.

"It will be hot and boring."

I am not looking forward to revisiting Biala Forest.

A sharp phantom twinge drags along the right side of my shoulder blade. The memory of my injury is still fresh, even though I am fully healed.

My insides twist with every negative emotion swarming and seeking to drown me.

"You haven't been outside the castle walls very much. Maybe fresh air will do you well," Jonas suggests, standing up. "Besides, it's not like you must be here for any more arrangements for the celebration. I have it all sorted."

I rub my head across the soft armchair, my unease with everything coming to the surface. I don't want to leave because I want to find out more about Jerrick's curse. I don't want to leave and go into unfamiliar territory. My work here isn't finished.

"I could help you with—"

Jonas waves me off, approaching with happiness in his eyes. "I've got it, Tove. I always will." He rests a hand on my shoulder, lightly squeezing in reassurance.

I look at it before gazing up at my brother-in-law, my royal advisor, who has delivered everything time and again with little to no word of complaint.

"Go have some fun in the sun," he encourages, brotherly love pouring from him as he squeezes my shoulder again. "Just promise me I'll get my own time away when this is all over."

I snort, throwing him off guard before he joins in with his own laughter. "I'll be sure to tell Jerrick to grant you and Viggo time away after the ball."

His eyes shine at my mention of Viggo, a blush glimmering across his cheekbones.

I take his hand. "A holiday is long overdue for the two of you." I beam.

He huffs a laugh. "You're telling me."

I pat his hand as I sit up from my chair, dragging him into an embrace.

He stumbles and grunts his surprise, but he halts all movement when I squeeze him.

A familiar leather scent drowns my senses, followed by the scent of a forest. Oak and grass pair with leather, transporting me oddly to a comforting peace as my bond grows more with my time spent with Jonas.

I do not know if I will ever be able to stop showing my gratitude for everything he has done, everything he has counseled me on.

I wish I did this more for Niko when I first stepped into my role as queen.

I wish I did it more, even now.

But I can be better at showing my appreciation, starting with Jonas. I can't help but try to prove to him how much I care about him, too.

"You've done wonders on everything, Jonas. And I mean everything. You are the royal advisor every monarch needs. You deserve the world and more."

My brother-in-law returns the tightening hug, holding me closer as if protecting me from the world.

When we pull away, I stand and cup his face. Lifting on my tiptoes, I peck him on the cheek.

A memory from my past crashes against me, stealing my breath. When Runa and I were younger, we had always wished for another sibling, and I had prayed to the Makers for a brother. I remember giving up when it never came to pass.

But it finally did. I've finally gained the brother I've always prayed for.

My lip quivers at the finality of that revelation, and I pull Jonas in once more, tears drawing to my eyes for my brother-in-law—my family.

The words whisper in my mind as I try to swallow the emotions feuding within me.

"Thank you, Jonas, for everything."

My voice strains at the last word, my face scrunching up and burrowing into his embrace.

Jonas holds me close, simply existing and rubbing my back as my tears dampen his shirt. "Anytime, sis."

His response is tender and sweet.

Everything he is and everything he does is exactly what I had always wished for my brother to be.