35

Reliving the Past

The spring grass is freshly sprinkled with a light rain, but Runa insisted we take a walk outside the castle's walls.

Peering over my shoulder, Nikolaj is a few feet behind us.

Runa snickers at my lingering stare, and I elbow her, which only makes her laugh harder.

"Stop doing that!" I demand.

She snickers more, swinging our arms together. Her brown hair blows in the wind, a strand getting caught in my vision, and I fight to remove it. Our steps sync into the same rhythm, and her head rests on my upper arm, fingers removing loose strands from my face.

The sweet scent of flowers usually calms my senses, but it does nothing for my worry over Mother being gone this long.

Father used to travel on business alone, and when Mother was required to venture outside of Axidoria, she always had one of us with her. But I can't stop thinking about what she told me before she left.

My sweet daughter, you will do a great many things while I am away.

Her silky, sweet voice echoes in my mind, hating that I've done nothing while she's been away. I'm normally good at dedicating my time to the tasks she does, helping her more since Father passed.

The memory of Father before his last trip seeps into my bones.

I swallow the thought down, focusing on the scenery.

Runa rubs soft circles in my palm to calm me and reassure me. It brings joy as I return the circles in kind. She is sweetness and joy, appeased to be a part of everything.

The sunshine to my rain cloud.

Always.

My lip ticks upward, amused by her teasing me about ogling Nikolaj. I probably deserve it and should keep my longing stares at a minimum.

"I'm enjoying the view same as you," she teases, the two of us always commenting on men as handsome as Nikolaj.

"We don't need him to catch us staring," I tell her as my slippers catch on a thick pile of mud.

The mud-stuck shoe stops both Runa and me. I lift my skirts to my other foot closely tied with being stuck like the other.

Runa braces herself on the ground to help pull me and my shoes out, but Nikolaj lifts me with ease, placing me next to my sister. His auburn hair is damp, but a sweet smile graces his cheeks as he swipes away the sweat along his brow.

"Easy there, Princess," Nikolaj says.

Runa gives me a side-eye, hinting she is up to no good. I dismiss her intent, gazing at Nikolaj while forcing the butterflies in my gut to settle.

"Thank y—"

A searing chill prickles to life inside me.

What the—

I clench my stomach as something fierce and painful forces me to topple over.

Niko catches me and holds me tight. "Whoa. Easy there, are you alright?"

The chill in my abdomen sinks deeper into the pit of my stomach while goose bumps prickle along my skin. The sensation creeps up the length of my spine as a frigid kiss shoots my posture upright and away from Niko's warm, tender touch.

Runa arches a brow, echoing Niko's concern. "Tove, are you—" she starts, but I can't stop my dreadful, looming thought from voicing itself out loud.

"M-M-Mother is—th-this is—"

Horror settles into my bones at this feeling waking within me.

Magic.

No.

"I can't… I can't—"

I croak, covering my mouth as tears cascade down my cheeks. My body convulses, my heartbeat hammering and blurring my vision.

No, no, no. This isn't real.

Mother is not dead. She can't be dead. This is just anxiety.

I am okay. I am okay.

Just breathe.

I pinch my eyes shut, focusing on my breathing to calm the panic. But a soft touch lands on my shoulder, my sister's serene voice seeking to soothe me.

"Tove, I am here. What's wrong?"

I recoil from her, scowling. "Don't touch me! I-I don't—"

A sharp chill rumbles in my gut again, controlling my movements. A whimper escapes as my knees hit the muddied plains beneath me.

I fold my arms over my stomach as I heave choked sobs as reality sinks in.

Mother is… gone.

I scream, panic and grief crash against my already weeping heart. "No! Please. I am not ready!"

Runa moves, kneeling and taking my hands into hers. I look up at my sister, her jade-green eyes tearing up as she takes in my own tears.

Our parents are dead.

"Tove?" she whimpers through her quivering lip, the question lingering in the air between us.

I wrap my arms around my sister, the two of us hugging each other tight, as if the Makers will condemn and break us apart. We cling to one another as the grief seizes full control.

Nikolaj wraps his arms around us, cradling us close. His tall, broad-shouldered form seeks to protect us from further harm. His messy red hair and light stubble rubs against the side of my face.

"I am so sorry," Niko whispers softly, his voice cracking.

Runa wails.

Darkness sinks over my life, and the urgency to go into a frozen slumber claws at me. Something kisses my breath away as the three of us hold each other, a bitter cold still plunging me deep into the unknown.

I turn to prepare for my new reality, but a small inkling of frost appears around me. My eyes widen in horror at what this chill is doing.

I break free of their hold. "Oh no."

I stand and sprint for the castle.

Runa and Nikolaj simultaneously say something, but it is muted by my command to them. "Run! Get far away from me!"

I scream at this frost to stop. Yet the more I cry, the more magic releases from within as if it is trying to defend me. But the chill won't abate. And I can't help myself with my emotions.

Breathe. Run. Breathe.

Just breathe.

The thought of breathing dies as swirls of snowflakes escape from my fingertips, my mouth falling agape. But I refuse to stop sprinting, not until I can figure this out alone. I keep going, hurrying for the trees beyond our home.

Exhilaration plants itself in my core, blossoming into more frost from each step that touches the semi frozen grass.

When I make it to the plains outside of our home, I veer right, passing the Queen's Road, hoping to reach the lake near the border of our lands.

If I can get far enough and put distance between myself and the others—I'll try to think of what comes after that.

An ache pulses against my chest as I pound my feet hard into the ground. A whoosh of relief courses through me as water comes into view.

My feet throb when I stop running, and I hunch over, bracing myself against my knees. I watch my boots in a stupor as snowflakes trickle out from where I stand, bleeding into the grass, drowning it in frost.

Blinking again in disbelief, I swallow and attempt to even my breathing.

I can't help but marvel in awe of this—this power.

I've never seen anything like this.

The magic from earlier repeats itself. The ice stretches and manifests toward the lake. I follow it, watching it solidify. Curiosity has me stepping on the frozen land, testing its structure, and chuckling with wonderment. I ease one foot after the other, inching closer to the center.

The chill seeps into my bones, and I sense its power wanting to console me. The familiarity of peace forms, tugging at my heart as a cold hug envelops me.

My eyes close at the feeling, my arms wrapping around myself in response. I absorb and latch on to this magic as it pulls memories of heartbreak and grief away.

It is cold and dreary, yes, but somehow, these abilities seek to soothe me. The thought of quieting the magic gives me an idea to try to calm the ice storming within me.

I extend my hands, a pulling tug of power emanating outward—

CRACK!

I jolt, magic exploding from me in response, frost surrounding and turning everything in the vicinity into ice. When it relaxes, I marvel at the vast power of winter filling and clouding away this spring filled day.

But the faintest of voices stops my heart.

"T-T-Tove." Runa shivers.

I whip my head to my sister.

She breathes heavily, crying and shaking furiously.

Before I can even scold her for her actions, I stop dead in my tracks when I notice her feet are frozen to the bottom of the lake. Terror turns my blood cold as I am unable to hide my fear from lashing out.

"Runa, I told you to run away from me!" I hurry to her, hesitant to touch her.

A small line of frost trails up one side of her dress as she hugs herself to stay warm. "I-I didn't want you to be a… alone," she struggles.

That line of frost stops and stays steady before I turn my panic on her.

"I was trying to protect you!" I shout, worried at the sight of her clattering teeth and upset that I can't touch her.

I could make it worse.

"I… I am… am su-supposed to protect youuu, too," she says.

Another line of frost crawls up the other side of her dress. I glance around for Nikolaj, knowing he wouldn't let her run after me alone.

She knows my own thoughts, and she admits, "I… I… commanded Nikolaj… to… to… to stay put."

Of course she did. She didn't want him to become mortified by me and hate me. It breaks my heart to watch her dwindling.

"Runa… I'm… I'm not sure I can get you free." I stare down at myself, opening my palms. "I think this is my magic." I show her the flicker of snow hovering over my hand.

"J… jus… just try," she encourages through rattling teeth.

The frost slowly turns to ice along her body, drifting up to her knees.

Lowering to the ground, I eye her frozen feet, still hesitant to touch her. But if I do, I might reabsorb the magic.

I tremble as I extend my hands, resting them along the most frozen parts of her body, careful not to touch anything else. I pause and close my eyes, imagining ice melting.

But when I open my eyes, I am met with nothing.

I touch another area of her body, trying to not think of the frost growing. The magic around us even expands. I try to picture ice stopping and melting in my mind. But again, when I open my eyes, there is no improvement.

Ice now covers her waist.

Runa's arms are half stuck in place, her shivering getting worse. The breath she releases between each chatter is visible, landing on me and drying the wetness on my cheeks briefly, only to be soaked again with my own tears. Her doe eyes watch me encouragingly, the blue and purple hues lining her lips twist and knot my heart.

I can't help but plea internally. "Please."

Ice shoots up and over her arms, faster than the frost did, and she wails in response.

I jerk up, frantically touching her frozen hands in hopes I can cease the ice's movements. But when I look back, the fear settles into her panicked state.

She… she is afraid of me.

"I-I don't know what to do, Runa," I sob in complete defeat.

"P-P-P-Please h-h-help me, y-y-you must kn-know how to st-st-st-st-stop this," Runa pleads.

"I don't know what to do!" I scream, tears running down my face.

The ice moves again, and I flinch at the sound of her screams.

I can't stop myself from crying.

She is frozen up to her neck now as I shake uncontrollably, losing all faith in whatever this dark and evil magic is.

Why are the Makers punishing me?

Please, help me. Please. I don't know how to fix this.

Runa watches through her own tears, her drenched features stark with grief, fear, and panic. Her skin is losing all warmth that enlightened her.

My heart fractures at the pain I've caused. If I can't stop this—

"Tove, please!" she whimpers, the effort of speaking hurting.

The desperation in her plea fractures my soul, unlocking the gates of determination within me. The ice creeps up and around her head as I wipe dampness from my cheeks.

I find even footing and hug her waist, pinching my eyes shut.

Please. Please work.

I try to calm my emotions, placing thoughts of Runa at the forefront of my mind instead of the frozen ice surrounding her. I try to imagine only the happiest of memories.

But then I remember I am not happy.

I don't have my father and now my mother. Yet I still try to think of Runa, knowing I still have her. I think about her sunlight, her happiness, and her love—

"T-T-T-Tove—"

I lift my head, and my jaw drops. Frost surrounds Runa's face.

No. No. No!

"Runa!" I gasp, my hands moving to her cheeks.

My eyes scan every detail of her, trying to find some improvement.

But it's not stopping.

I made it worse.

I'm so weak and so stupid.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

I cry, frantically touching her head, her shoulders, her arms, begging for this torture to end.

Magic can't kill her. It can't.

Why is it even doing this!?

"T-T-T-Tove, you h-have to let me g-g-go."

Runa's voice cracks with defeat.

I blanch, disbelieving, refusing to stop. "What!? No. Runa—"

"I-It's o-okay. The M-M-Makers have sp-spoken. This n-n-n-needs to h-h-h-happen."

"What!? No! Fuck the Makers. They just took our parents. I am not letting them take you, too!" I search again for that kernel of power within me to do something.

Runa takes a shaky breath, her wheezing voice cutting me deeper than a knife. "T-T-T-Tove, our kingdom n-n-needs you."

"I need you!" I sob.

I hold her again, internally chanting the words please and stop over and over, begging for this nightmare to end.

Her features pale more with each second, her blue lips form a tightening smile.

Why is she smiling?

Desperation and turmoil thrash against my panic and terror as the magic refuses to relent. The ice grows around her hair, her forehead, her face.

Straining to help her, I hug her as tight as I can, pinching my eyes shut in concentration. I steer my focus to silencing and snuffing out this stupid magic, needing it to listen and to stop doing this and stop hurting the people I love.

Runa clears her throat as my eyes remain closed, my full attention driven into stopping the ice—stopping it all.

"T-Tove, I l-l-love—"

Silence…

My heartbeat is all I hear through my ragged breaths as foreboding prickles up my spine.

Goose bumps ripple across my skin, the tension coiling tight in my chest, air itself incapable of filling my lungs.

Slowly, I open my eyes…

And I stare in silent horror at my completely frozen sister.

My heart stops.

I shake my head as tears drench my cheeks, the enormity and dread of what I've done ceasing time.

I shudder away from her body, the cold chill returning and running a blizzard within me, refusing to stop its own demise. Air clamps down as I struggle to breathe, tremors rocking through me as a defeated wail sends snow shooting out and around me.

"RUNAAAA!"

I scream in my defeated rage, collapsing onto the frozen lake at my dead sister's feet.

Through every harrowing gasp, I roar her name over and over and over—screaming and pleading for this torture to end, for this not to be real.

I lament for my mother, my father, for Runa.

But it doesn't stop.

The pain won't stop.

A sharp icicle wedges itself over my heart, preventing me from dying with them—being with them. I curse and shriek more, slamming my fists into the lake, desperate for this ice to melt and swallow me whole.

Even when my voice is hoarse and aching—I still scream.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM ALL AWAY FROM ME!"

Frost slams outward from my fists, my own tears freezing on top of the lake.

I crawl to my sister, wrapping my arms around her legs and burrowing into the cold, frozen statue, hoping it will spread and take me, too.

"Take me," I plea to the clouds above, only to be met with silence.

"Take me to my family! You can't leave me alone here!" I shriek.

A frigid burst of wind blasts through me as I plea the words, slamming a fist on the ground again. "TAKE ME!"

My voice breaks from the pain, the ice evolving around me yet not doing what I desperately seek for it to do.

I toss my hands, insistent on escaping this nightmare.

"KILL ME!" I roar as darkness surrounds me.

I cling to Runa's body, the void creeping and igniting a small hope within.

Praises and gratitude to the Makers are on the tip of my tongue when a rush of heat plasters itself against my back.

It latches onto me, warmth cascading through my blood. The searing inferno tries to separate me from Runa, but I fight it, unwilling to be parted from the last piece of my family.

The last piece of my heart.

"No! You can't stop me from being with them!"

I wrestle against the heat attempting to smother and silence me and my grief. My hold on Runa tightens despite the flames burning me from the inside out.

Maybe this is Letum coming to drag me into Oblivion.

I shrivel at the thought, refusing to be apart from my family.

A deep voice echoes in the wind, "Please, come back to me."

I pause, and my heart skips. My fight lessens as I sniff and wipe the tears with the sleeve of my shirt.

Into the darkened, frozen void, I question, "Father?"

Has he come to take me? Is this real?

Come find me, Father. Please.

I cannot live without you all. I want to see your face again. I want to see Mother's face again. I need to see Runa's jade-green eyes and tell her I did try, and I am so sorry.

Yet something strong and abrasive weighs down on my entire body, as if it is trying to steal the light from me. It coaxes my grip off Runa, yanking me away and toward my family. I weep with relief knowing I am reuniting with them and will not be alone in this world.

I welcome the deep voice into my mind, even as the unrecognizable pleading turns my vision black.

"Come back to me."