5. Charlie

CHAPTER 5

Charlie

" I don't understand why we're going to this thing," I said for the fifth time. "You literally hate everyone that's going to be there."

Nix let out a sigh. "I told you Charlie! They invited some kids from the next town over! Maybe I'll actually find someone interesting. And you might too!"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I doubt it."

"Well, you won't find anyone with that attitude," he laughed, nudging me in the shoulder. "Come on! It's the last big bonfire before our senior year! We're both eighteen now and it's about time we had a little fun, don't you think? At the very least we can drink cheap beer and act stupid."

"You always act stupid."

"I know. That's why I'm going to this. It gives me an excuse to be myself."

"And for me to be someone I'm not. "

"Don't worry so much. I'm sure you can find a nice dark corner to hang out in and drink. Chances are everyone is gonna avoid us anyway." He glanced over at me, a smirk curling over his lips. "Maybe you can dance in the dark with me."

"Calm down, Lady Gaga." I turned and looked out the window as the dark trees flew by. "I still don't understand why you want me to go."

Nix sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win me over. But his expression grew somber as he stared out the window, driving us down the long winding dirt road.

"If you want to know the truth," he said at last. "I wanted you to go with me because… well, because I was too scared to go alone."

"What?" I scoffed. "You're not scared of anything."

"I'm scared of lots of things, Charlie. I just do my best not to show it."

"Like what?" I still didn't believe him.

"Like going to college by myself."

"But we're going to the same school."

"I know. Because I applied to the one you were going to, so I didn't have to go alone."

For some reason, that made my heart sing.

"I'm afraid of losing my freedom," he continued. "My creativity. I'm afraid I'll never finish this damn book I've been working on for two years now. And I'm afraid… of losing you , Charlie."

My heart did a weird sort of flip as he gave me a soft smile.

"You're not gonna lose me," I replied, reaching out and putting my hand on his knee. "You're family to me. You always have been from the day I met you. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't get rid of me."

His hand came to rest on top of mine, giving my fingers a squeeze. "Thanks, buddy. I don't know if I would've survived this whole school thing without you."

"Me either."

"Good thing your mom took pity on me when I moved in, huh?"

"I'm glad she did. I was pretty annoyed when she brought you over that first time. I can't tell you how many times she tried to get me to make friends, one way or another. But I'm glad she brought you."

A crooked smile filled Nix's face. "Listen to us. Carrying on like a couple of old biddies. All this mushy stuff is making me want a beer."

"Yeah," I nodded, pulling my hand away even though it was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

We turned a corner and Nix let out a gasp. "Thank god! We're here at last!"

I looked up, the light of a massive bonfire catching my eye. I could already hear the thumping of the music and see the dozens of bodies silhouetted against the flames, swaying back and forth with red cups in their hands. There were cars lined up and down the road and not a parent in sight. It was just the place for a bunch of high school seniors to cut loose one last time before they started their final year.

One last chance for Nix to find someone else before we headed off into the great unknown.

One last chance for my heart to break when that someone wasn't me.

"Come on," Nix said excitedly as he pulled the car to the side and threw it into park. "Let's go get a beer and see what this shindig is all about! "

I put on my best fake smile, for his sake, and pretended to be excited as I got out of the car. Jogging to catch up with him, I followed him up to the fire where he immediately spotted three kegs propped up on flat stones. He grabbed us both a cup, filled them to the brim, and handed one to me. Holding his high in the air, he shouted toward the sky.

"To the great fire of love that consumes us all. May we rise from the ashes as one to walk through life hand in hand!"

"Right… uh… to that," I replied, holding my cup up to the sky.

I'd heard that toast from him on more than one occasion. It was a play on his name and a salute to his favorite daydreaming subject. The romance he thought he'd never have. Not in Creekside at least. He was always coming up with poetic things like that. Although I found it a bit odd that he was doing it in front of a bunch of other people. Usually, it was just us down by the creek when he let out his creative side and allowed himself to be a bit silly. It was the part of him I liked the most.

Even as a few of them turned to look, Nix simply drained his cup and began to refill it. I, on the other hand, took a tentative sip, hated the flavor immediately, and decided I would be nursing this single cup for the rest of the evening. Besides, one of us needed to remain sober enough to drive home and judging by the fact that Nix was now working through his second cup of cheap beer, that person was most definitely going to be me.

It didn't take long for Nix to drink enough beer to become friendly with all the people he'd come to hate over the years. I did my best to stay by his side, making sure he didn't get into too much trouble. However, more than once he jumped over the fire before I could stop him and on the third time he singed a hole in his pant leg. I barely had enough time to snuff out the embers before he was off again .

After an hour or so, I was exhausted. I realized I couldn't babysit Nix every second of the party. So, instead of trying to fit into the crowd or act like I wanted to be there, I went and found a quiet place to sit where I could watch. That way, just in case he got into any real trouble, I could be there to help.

The sound of the music was impossible to escape. However, I found a tall boulder a few yards up the mountain that made a good perch. I crawled up on top of it and swung my legs over the edge, staring down at the party below. My cup lay abandoned somewhere amongst the throng of bodies, but I didn't miss it. I did find myself wishing I could leave though. Nix and I could've had a much better night by ourselves back at my house than what was going on here. Although now that he'd found the kids from the other school, he at least seemed like he was having fun.

"H-Hey," a voice said from behind me.

My head whipped over my shoulder, nearly throwing my neck out. I hadn't expected someone to be there. And as my gaze came to rest on a familiar face, my surprise doubled. Instead of returning the greeting, I just furrowed my brows.

"What do you want, Patrick?" I made no attempt to hide my disdain. The last person I wanted to talk to was the guy that was trying to fuck my best friend. "Leave me alone."

"I… I wanted to talk to you, Charlie."

"Oh? You using my first name now instead of calling me Tubby or some equally shitty nickname?"

Patrick seemed surprised by my animosity, but not confused by it. "I… I'm sorry, Charlie. I just did it because Jordan did."

"That doesn't make it better," I scoffed. "Fuck you."

He nodded. "I deserve that. And worse."

Now that got my attention. None of the football boys, the kings of the school, apologized for anything. Ever. If I didn't hate him so much, I might've asked him why he suddenly felt the need not to be such an insatiable prick.

"What do you want?" I asked again.

"Just to talk for a second. Then I'll go."

I huffed in reply.

"Can I sit?"

"Whatever."

Patrick took a seat next to me, making sure to put a couple of feet between us. He knew better than to get too close. Depending on what he said next, I might be tempted to push him off the boulder and let him fall ten feet to the rocky ground below. It wouldn't kill him, but it would hurt like a son of a bitch. And that, I decided, would be deeply satisfying.

"How are you, Charlie?"

"Just fucking peachy. And I don't care how you are."

"Right…" Patrick nodded with a sigh. "I… I wanted to come up here and apologize to you."

I let out a barking laugh. "Right."

"No, I mean it! I've been feeling pretty awful about the way Jordan, Chris, and I have been treating you for years. And I just… I couldn't do it anymore. When you decked Jordan last year, I was surprised to find myself cheering you on. That I felt like Jordan deserved it."

"Not enough to tell the truth when the principal had me suspended for two weeks."

"I was afraid to say anything. Jordan… he can be kind of a dick. "

"Kind of?!"

"And Chris is no better. He's the one that gets rough whenever Jordan demands it."

"You're bigger than both of them. You're a fucking linebacker for fuck's sake! What do you have to be afraid of?"

Patrick froze up for a moment, his eyes full of fear. "Jordan… knows things about me that I've never told anyone."

"You mean like the fact that you're gay?"

His jaw dropped and he looked like he wanted to argue with me.

"Nix told me about your little proposition ," I growled. "And I told him never to fucking touch you." I glared at him with all the venom I could muster. "He agreed that you didn't deserve anything from him. Not after everything you and your asshole friends have done."

I watched Patrick tense, his jaw muscle knotting at his cheek. But then, as if something inside him broke, he slumped forward, his face buried in his hands. When he finally looked back up at me, I could see the tears in his eyes.

"You're right," he sputtered. "I don't deserve it. I've been so terrible to both of you. And I've called Nix awful things when you weren't around. Told him he was disgusting or unnatural just because I'd lose my friends if I didn't." He looked up at me. "But I don't believe any of it and I didn't mean it. I swear!"

I stared at him for a long moment before I finally shrugged. "So what? You still said it and you still acted like an asshole. I don't care how bad you feel about it when I know, come the first day of school, you'll be right there at Jordan's side again. That still makes you an asshole. Actually, it makes you the biggest asshole in the group because you know it's wrong and you continue to do it anyway. "

"I have to! Don't you understand? If I don't, they'll make my life a living hell!"

"Like you've done to me and Nix for the past twelve years?"

Patrick opened his mouth to argue, but snapped it shut when he realized there was nothing he could say to get out of the corner he'd backed himself into. He was stuck. A choice lay before him, and he didn't want to make it.

"You can sit here and apologize all you want, Patrick. But at the end of the day, it's just a bunch of meaningless words. You aren't saying you're sorry to make me or Nix feel better. You're doing it to make yourself feel less guilty so you can go on living a lie to make your life comfortable." I glared at him before turning back to the party below. "I have zero sympathy for you and your self-made prison."

He was quiet for a long time. Minutes passed as he sat three feet away, his breath shallow and raspy. For a moment I wondered if I'd gone too far. But then I squashed that soft-hearted bullshit and kicked those feelings away. Patrick deserved to be treated like this. Besides, I wasn't telling him anything but the truth and I refused to sugarcoat it for him because he wanted forgiveness without any of the work. Fuck that.

"You're right," he said at last, his voice low and shaky.

"Yeah. I know."

"What should I do?"

The question caught me by surprise. I'd half expected him to storm off, beat me up, or pitch himself off the boulder. But nothing prepared me to be asked for advice.

"Stop hanging out with Jordan, first of all," I said, trying to soften myself just the tiniest amount.

"But he'll tell everyone I'm gay. "

"And? What the hell does it matter?"

"If my parents find out… I don't know what they'll do."

"Then tell them yourself. Before Jordan gets the chance. There's still a week until school starts." I paused, a moment of curiosity taking over me. "How does Jordan know in the first place?"

Even in the moonlight, I could see Patrick's cheeks turn red with embarrassment. "I… I did some stuff with him at a party once when we were both drunk."

"Did he start that or did you?"

"He did."

I nodded, blowing out a sigh. "Fucking figures. The people yelling obscenities are always the ones with the secret." I turned back to Patrick. "Sounds like you have some firepower of your own if he starts spouting off at the mouth."

"You're asking me to go to war with the captain of the football team," he replied, shaking his head. "If I do that… I might never play again. Then I can kiss my football scholarship goodbye. I can't do that."

All the progress we'd made seemed to disappear in an instant.

"Whatever," I huffed, pushing myself to my feet. "Make your choice, Patrick. You can play it safe and be miserable for the rest of your life if that's what you want." I leaned down, pointing a finger in his face. "But one day you're going to wake up a middle-aged man with a wife, kids, and life you can't stand. And on that day, you'll have nobody to blame for your misery but yourself because you gave up all your happiness for ease ."

I took a few steps before I stopped, turning back to him .

"And Patrick," I growled. "If you ever try to fuck my best friend again, I'll make sure you wear dentures for the rest of your life. Understood?"

His eyes were wide with fear, which I found hilarious considering he had a good six inches on me. But he nodded anyway, clearly worried I might make good on my word.

"Good," I huffed.

With that, I headed back down to the party, a sense of pride filling my chest.