4. Charlie

CHAPTER 4

Charlie

I found myself at the edge of the creek in the shade, my hands laced behind my head as I laid back in the grass. It was one of those lazy days brought on by a sudden heatwave in late spring. With only one more year of high school left to go, I was finding it harder and harder to focus on my schoolwork. Thankfully there was only a month left before I could stop worrying about useless math problems and historical dates I didn't give a shit about. Instead, all my thoughts were taken up by what came after graduation.

College was the next logical step of course, and the one my mother wanted me to take. She wanted me to go to the public university up in Corvallis. That way I could come home every single weekend to do my laundry. That's what she said anyway, but I knew better. Being a single mom with no dating prospects, she was having a severe case of empty nest syndrome. And I had to admit, I was feeling a bit apprehensive myself. College was a big deal and a lot of money. I hadn't even decided what I wanted to do with my life yet. I had a penchant for ecology, that was certain. But it wasn't exactly the kind of career someone made a living off of. And living in Oregon meant the cost of living was already sky high. I had to find something that made money , but also didn't make me want to kill myself.

And that is where the true problem resided.

Banking? Nope. Business? Fuck that. Insurance? Seemed like a one-way ticket to jumping off a building. Software engineering? Really difficult but at least I could continue to be introverted. However, my attempts at learning anything engineering related had gone poorly thus far. But I wasn't about to give up just yet. When school ended, I was scheduled for a sort of summer boot camp for people wanting to learn to code. Thanks to Nix's stepdad who helped me write the grant, I was going almost completely for free.

Mr. McKean was a pretty decent guy although I don't think Nix ever forgave him for moving the family out into the middle of nowhere, Oregon. Over the years that animosity had softened, and I even heard Nix call him Dad on occasion. I spent a lot of time at their house, so I sometimes felt like he was my dad too in a way. I wasn't sure if that was because he felt bad that I didn't have a father or that the McKeans were such good friends with my mom. Either way, our two households seemed to blend most days. It felt like I was part of a much bigger family and that suited me just fine. It meant I got to spend more time with Nix, anyway.

That, of course, presented its own problems.

When I'd knocked out Jordan's teeth to defend Nix the year before, I was certain that I loved him. Maybe as a brother, or maybe just as a friend. At least that's what I tried to convince myself of when the shit hit the fan. But I did love him.

After he came out to me, everything began to change. Not only did it spur me to come out to my mother and accept a part of me I'd been hiding for a long time, but it also forced me to confront my feelings about him. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I only cared for him as a friend or brother, the truth was I laid away several nights a week unable to stop thinking about him. I found myself wishing he was in bed beside me with his arm draped over my waist.

When he smiled, I caught myself admiring the way his eyes crinkled at the corners or the cute dimple that only appeared on his left cheek. I loved his bright green eyes and the way they caught the sunlight. I loved the red of his hair that gave away the fiery, wild spirit residing within him. I even loved how he nearly always managed to get us in trouble and then back out of it before we got caught.

All of that admiration was getting difficult to hide. Nix was going to notice, eventually. If he confronted me about it, I wasn't sure I could lie. Then what would I do? Would I risk our entire relationship for a shot at happiness with him? Or would I turn him down and regret never trying in the first place?

Maybe, if I was lucky, he wouldn't notice. After all, the only person I ever came out to was my mother. I didn't see a reason to tell anyone at school. That would just subject me to more ridicule. And I'd never told Nix either even though I trusted him more than anyone else in the entire world. I was just too scared to tell him. Not because of the gay thing, but because I didn't want him to feel like I was stealing his thunder, his identity, or anything else that made him special. And I didn't want him to think that I wanted more from him.

I did, but that wasn't the point. Nix's happiness was far more important than my own and I'd learned long ago that a wild spirit like his couldn't be held down. I was grounded, down to earth, and subtle, the literal opposite of him in every way. He'd never be happy with someone like me. He needed to fly, and I wasn't going to clip his wings with my love.

Perhaps, in time, I'd find someone more like me and be happy. Until then, I had to keep Phoenix McKean at arm's length. He held too much sway over me to let him get any closer .

"I thought I'd find you out here."

Speak of the devil.

A figure came and flipped down beside me, throwing one leg over mine. He let out a long sigh as he laced his fingers behind his head as well and stared up at the trees.

"So? What are we looking at?"

"Trees. Blue sky. Maybe a bird or two," I replied.

"And?"

I didn't have to ask what he meant. I could read Nix's meaning without even looking at him.

"Thinking about college. What's next. That stuff."

"Ah. Bullshit. Gotcha," he grinned. "Why are you worrying about something so depressing?"

"Applications are due this fall. We should both have some idea what we're doing."

Nix shrugged. "I'll go to college. Whatever."

"Whatever?" I shouldn't have been surprised. This is the way he always acted when we talked about our futures. "That's all you have to say?"

"I mean…going to college is what we're supposed to do right? Plus, it'll give me four more years to work on my stories. Maybe by then I'll have a good one."

Ever since the day the wildfire came to Creekside, Nix had been writing. Something about the fire and our narrow escape spoke to him. I'm not sure what sort of inspiration he drew from those flames but whatever it was it stayed with him.

At first his stories were simple little things, and most of them were easily recognizable as rewrites of our favorite cartoons or movies. But as time went on, they took on a decidedly romantic tone, probably to make up for the lack of romance in his life. Our town was small and that left Nix with severely limited options. Most of the time, that meant no options at all. So instead of wallowing in self-pity, he decided to write the sort of love story that he would want to live through. He even let me read a few of them now and then. But I'd have to see him finish anything. All of his projects typically ended after the two main characters had met. Since he had no experience dating, he really wasn't sure how to continue.

There was a part of me that wanted to help him, to give him the experience that he's so desperately craved. That we both craved. But I stayed true to my convictions. I couldn't get involved with my best friend. It just wasn't a good idea.

"Oh my god," Nix sighed, sitting up on one of his elbows. "Did I tell you that one of Jordan's football buddies tried to get me to come over and hang out the other day?"

"What? Who?"

"Patrick."

"What the hell did he want?"

"I wasn't sure at first. But when I pushed him to explain himself the truth finally came out." He turned those beautiful green eyes on me, a mischievous grin pulling his lips. "Apparently, he wanted to experiment with me and thought I'd be into it."

My breath caught in my throat. A suffocating wave of jealousy gripped my chest. I must have made a face of disgust because he immediately began to laugh.

"Don't worry! I told him I wasn't interested." He fell back onto the grass. "It wasn't that long ago that he was helping Jordan bully us and lying to the principal about us trying to kick his ass."

"So…you don't want to do anything with him?"

"God no! Are you kidding me? He's way too much of a dickhead to waste my first blowjob on!" Nix clicked his tongue in disgust. "He doesn't deserve me."

"Damn right about that," I huffed.

Nix sat up again, his index finger bopping me on the nose. I looked up to see a wide grin on his face, like he was a Cheshire cat.

"What?"

"It's so cute when you get jealous."

"Pfft! Me?! Jealous? Why would I be jealous!"

"Just look at your face!"

I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't know what he was talking about. Or at least I pretended I didn't. Besides, could he blame me? Patrick, while being a dickhead, was also one of the hottest guys on the football team. Even Jordan didn't hold a candle to him. And now he wanted to experiment with my best friend? Why couldn't he just stay in the closet like he deserved? After years of bullying both of us, I wasn't about to accept him as one of my own.

"Patrick is a dick," I reiterated. "End of story. He definitely doesn't deserve you."

"You're right," Nix sighed, leaning back on the grass. "But I won't lie to you… I was a little tempted."

"What? Why?!"

"Because I'm seventeen and still a virgin. I've got needs, man."

"Yeah… "

On that front, I totally understood where he was coming from. Being a teenager with my libido and hormones through the roof, but no opportunity to work it out besides alone in my bed just wasn't cutting it. I wanted more than that and Nix did too. And I guess if I was being really honest, had I been in his position… Patrick might have looked tempting as well.

"What about you? Getting laid at all?"

I huffed. "I spend all my time with you. If I was getting laid, you'd know."

"No secret girlfriends?"

"No."

"Boyfriends?"

Heat prickled under my collar, but I kept my voice even. "No."

"Huh. I'm surprised."

"Why?" I laughed. "Fat and introverted aren't exactly the top two traits people look for in a sexual partner."

"Charlie," he replied, his tone serious. "Stop putting yourself down like that."

"Why? It's true."

"Being chubby and being introverted aren't bad things. They just are. I, for one, think you're incredibly handsome."

My cheeks burned and my heart did a backflip. I just hoped he didn't notice the way my fingers twitched before I put them back behind my head to keep them still.

"You're the only one," I muttered, trying to throw him off my scent.

"Someday," he said. "The people in this town are going to realize how much of a catch you are and by then you'll have already snagged the most beautiful person anyone has ever seen, and it'll be too late. They're missing out on you, Charlie. You're a catch."

There was something about the way he said it that made me do a double take. But my embarrassment quickly overwhelmed that feeling and forced me back into my self-deprecating habits.

"I seriously doubt that, Nix. You're the one that's gonna be hot. You already are."

"You think I'm hot?"

I rolled my eyes.

"No, no," he laughed. "Don't stop. I like the compliments."

"I know. That's why I'm stopping."

"You tease. Nobody edges me the way you do, Charlie. My poor ego just wants to cum."

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. "There's something wrong with you."

"What can I say? I've got dick on the brain."

"You mean dick for brains."

"Dick for brains is what I be, and I'll let you know what's more," he recited in a sing-song voice. "This dick I have reaches my knee and sometimes drags along the floor."

Both of us broke into hyena-like laughter as he finished his poem. We rolled in the grass until tears ran down our cheeks and we could barely breathe.

"Did… Did you just make that up?" I asked, trying to force air back into my lungs.

"Yep," he snorted. "And all true too! "

"Uh-huh. The poet laureate of rural Oregon. I'm sure they'll be selling your books at every bookshop from here to New York in no time."

He turned those big green eyes to me, a hand running through his messy auburn hair. "I sure hope so, Charlie-boy. I really do."

"I think you can do it," I said, biting my lower lip. "I really do."

"I just have to finish one of these damn stories first.

"When you do, you'll be the brightest star in the publishing world." I stared into those green depths, straight into his soul. "I believe in you. And I'll be cheering you on the entire way."

With a smile, he threw an arm around me, pulling me into a hug.

"You're the best friend a guy could ask for, Charlie. I love you, buddy."

"Love you too."

And I meant it. More than he'd ever know.