3. Charlie

CHAPTER 3

Charlie

N ix lay spread out on the grass in the schoolyard, shaking his head. "I'm tired of these mountains. No matter where I go everything is uphill. And they make everything look so tiny." He let out a long sigh. "They make me feel… trapped. Like I'm a caged bird with clipped wings."

He reached his hand up toward the puffy white clouds, his fingers searching for something to grasp. But there was nothing there.

"I can see my freedom above me in the sky, but I'll never reach it. I… I hate it here."

He hated it here. Even though I was his best friend, and we spent nearly every moment together for the past six years. He still hated it. I couldn't pretend that comment didn't pierce me down to my soul. If he hated it so much, did that mean he hated me?

"I think it feels comforting," I replied, trying not to show my pain. "There's so much beauty here and everything is sheltered from the outside world. There are trees and plants that grow only in this valley because those mountains keep them safe. They'd die without it. "

I wanted to add ‘just like I'd die without you', but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Even after all these years, I was still too scared to tell him how I really felt. That I was pretty sure I was in love with him. Still, I told myself it was nothing more than a tiny crush, something I'd get over. Besides, he didn't date. He told me he wasn't interested in such a thing several times. So, I figured there was no reason to embarrass myself.

Nix turned my way, smiling wide. "You always find the good in everything," he said before turning back to the sky. "That's what I like about you, Charlie. You're my little ball of sunshine." He grinned at me then paused for a long moment, a serious expression filling his face. "I'm gonna get out of here someday, Charlie. And when I do, you should go with me." He glanced back at me again. "I'll be your mountain and I'll show you my sky."

My heart swelled as I looked his way, those beautiful green eyes staring back at me. I couldn't stop my cheeks from burning as I smiled at him. But it was short-lived as my gaze was pulled toward the top of the schoolyard and a group of boys headed our way.

"Oh no…"

Nix looked up and saw them coming. He scoffed but stayed where he was. Jordan Peterson and his flunkies didn't scare Nix. But they did scare me. Being the biggest three boys on the football team, they were imposing to say the very least. They'd been bullying me since kindergarten. And the day Nix showed up at school with me, they immediately began bullying him too. You'd think they'd get bored after a while, but they never did. Something about us keeping to ourselves and not participating in their stupid social hierarchy just rubbed them the wrong way.

"Would you look at that," Jordan laughed, pointing at the pair of us. "A couple of fairies laying in the grass. Where's your wings fairy boy? "

"Is that really the best he can come up with?" Nix grumbled, not giving them the attention they wanted. "Fucking pathetic."

"Pretty sure that one's too fat to fly anyway," Jordan's friend, Patrick, jeered.

My cheeks burned as I looked away. My weight was always their target, but they didn't usually attack me around Nix. They liked it better when we were separated and outnumbered. Since I was alone a lot, I usually just let them say whatever they wanted until they went away. It didn't matter if they were mean to me. I could take it. I was used to it by now.

"You couldn't get that ass off the ground with a crane," the other, Chris, added.

Nix was on his feet in an instant. "You shut the fuck up, you limp-dicked pieces of shit!"

My head snapped up, seeing him standing over me in a protective stance. The three boys, of course, immediately headed our way. I got to my feet as fast as I could, grabbing Nix's arm.

"Come on," I begged. "Don't start a fight with them. It's not worth it."

"Better listen to your boyfriend, Fi-Fi," Jordan sneered. "You don't want to tangle with us."

"Or what? You gonna get your boys to beat me up since you can't fight your own battles?"

"You better watch your mouth–"

Nix stepped forward, getting right in his face. "If you hit me, you'll lose your spot on the team. A star quarterback isn't much when he's warming the bench, is he? "

Jordan's face was red, his fists clenched at his sides. But Nix continued.

"From what I've heard, you're so fucking stupid that you're gonna get kicked off because of your grades, anyway. Too many hits to the head there Jordy?"

"You better shut your mouth you fucking fag ," Jordan hissed.

All hesitation left my body in a rush of adrenaline. Before I knew it, I had pushed Nix out of the way and my fist was flying through the air. It collided with his jaw in a flash of white-hot pain. I was certain one of my fingers was broken, but that wasn't going to slow me down. Hands were on my shoulders as I reeled back to punch him again, my fist flying wide the second time and hitting Jordan in the shoulder.

"Don't you ever say that again!" I screamed as I was dragged away. "Or I'll fucking kill you!"

It wasn't until Patrick and Chris peeled Jordan off the ground that I realized it wasn't them pulling me away.

"Charlie," Nix said, his lips close to my ear. "Calm down. It's okay."

"No, it's fucking not!"

"Charlie," he said more forcefully. "I'm okay. He didn't hurt me."

His words broke the spell over me, and I felt my anger begin to fade. I was suddenly aware of the bulging veins in my neck and the pain in my right hand. I glanced down to see it was already bruising and beginning to swell.

"Come on," Nix said, grabbing my left hand. "Let's get out of here."

"But… it's only lunchtime… we'll get in trouble."

He lifted an eyebrow, pointing at Jordan. "We're already in trouble. "

As much as I wasn't the type to skip school, he was right. And I wasn't much in the mood for dealing with stupid teachers who were going to tell me I was wrong or that I should've gone to an adult for help when they knew damn well they would have done absolutely fucking nothing.

"Alright," I nodded. "Let's go."

Nix pulled me out of the schoolyard into the parking lot. He'd been old enough to take driver's training the previous summer, so he already had his license and an old clunker of a car. We scrambled in and he took off, getting us away from the school and out of Creekside itself. I didn't have to ask where he was going. After six years of spending nearly every waking moment together, I already knew where he was headed.

Reaching under my shirt with my good hand, I pulled out the opal arrowhead he'd given me the day the wildfire nearly destroyed the town. I'd hung it on a leather cord, wearing it every single day. The only time I took it off was when I went to bed. It was too sharp to wear all night, so I hung it over my lamp while I slept. On warm nights when I had the fan on, I loved to watch it twist and turn in the light, throwing rainbow reflections across the room.

It was my most treasured possession. Not because it was probably extremely valuable, but because my most favorite person in the entire world had given it to me. I caught myself playing with it whenever I thought of him, which was a lot lately.

Ten minutes later Nix parked his car on the banks of the creek where we hunted for fossils and gemstones during the summer months. I hopped out with him, going down to the edge and lowering my swollen right hand into the freezing cold water. This time of year, it was all snowmelt and barely above freezing. It numbed the pain immediately and the swelling started to subside. Eventually I was going to need to go to the hospital, but I wasn't ready to face it all just yet. Not while that disgusting word was still bouncing around my skull.

"You really clocked the shit out of Jordan," Nix chuckled, plopping down beside me on our favorite sitting boulder. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"He can't call people things like that," I hissed. "It's… It's not okay."

Nix nodded. "Well, I doubt he'll be calling anyone anything for a while. I'm sure you knocked one of his damn teeth out at the very least."

I felt a sudden rush of guilt. "Maybe I shouldn't have…"

"No," Nix said, cutting me off. "You did the right thing." He glanced over at me, his smile widening. "And it was nice of you to stand up for me like that." Then the smile faded, and he seemed suddenly nervous.

"Nix?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

He hugged his knees close to his chest, resting his chin between them. His breathing was shallow, and he wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Nix?"

"Would… Would you hate me if I was… you know… what they said?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Because I wouldn't blame you," he added. "Lots of people these days don't like them. It's all over the news. I even heard some of the teachers talking about how much they thought it was wrong for… you know… guys to like other guys."

I reached out and took his arm, pulling him off balance and into a tight hug before he could stop me. I ignored the pain in my right hand, squeezing him tight because I needed him to know how I felt .

"You're my best friend," I whispered, my face buried in his neck. "Your sexuality was never a factor in that."

His body relaxed as his arms wrapped around me. "Thank you, Charlie. I… I've been terrified to say that out loud for a long time. I thought… I don't know… that you might not want to be my friend anymore." He pulled me closer, his lips close to my ear. "You're the only good thing about this place." he whispered.

My heart swelled, filling my chest with warmth. I wanted to say a million things to Nix, to assure him he was loved no matter who he chose to sleep with. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him… that I'd thought of him as more than a friend for at least two years now. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted to kiss him. To make him mine.

But I couldn't risk it. No matter how I felt, I couldn't tell my best friend that I was in love with him. Because, if he turned me down, I'd be all alone in this tiny town with nobody to talk to or fossil hunt with or share my summers. I wasn't sure I could face the world without Nix at my side. So, I kept my mouth shut.

Nix pulled away from me, tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with a laugh. "You better get that hand back in the water or it's gonna swell up like a balloon."

I nodded, doing as I was told. But I kept my left hand on his, our fingers nearly laced together.

This would have to be enough.

"Charles James Miller!"

My mother yelled my full name the moment I stepped through the door and that was never a good sign. I took a deep breath, knowing Nix was probably getting the same treatment back at his house. It had been nearly two hours since we'd skipped school and drove off. I assumed by now that everyone knew what was going on.

Before I could barely get past the front door, my mother came stomping around the corner.

"Where have you been?!" she cried. Her gaze flitted to my swollen bruised hand and her eyes went wide. "Oh my god!"

"It's fine," I said, making myself and my voice as small as possible.

"Fine?" she barked. "It's clearly broken!" She put her hands on her hips, her brows knitted together in frustration. "Do you want to explain to me why you broke your hand attacking another boy at school today?"

I stood there for a long moment, trying to figure out how I wanted to tell her what had happened. There were several things I didn't want to repeat and secrets about Phoenix that I didn't want to reveal. Maybe even some secrets about myself. But how could I do that without her figuring it all out?

"I'm waiting, Charles," she said, putting on her best mom voice. Her shoe tapped on the tile floor, indicating she was losing her patience. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, she started talking again. "Are you just going to stand there and not tell me why you attacked one of your classmates today? Why you and Phoenix McKean ganged up on a boy, broke one of his molars, and left him bleeding in the grass while you two skipped school?"

"What?!" I baulked. "That's not what happened!"

She pointed at my broken hand. "That's all the evidence I need to prove otherwise." She gave me a good once over. "Unless you care to explain yourself instead of standing there like a bump on a log that's just been suspended from school for two weeks ! "

I let out a long sigh and attempted to gather up my courage. I would have to tell her the truth.

"Two weeks? That… that's a really long suspension."

"I know. Care to tell me what made that sort of punishment worth the punch? Because I can guarantee you this, it will be nothing compared to what I'm going to make you do around here, broken hand or not. So help me, I will make you paint this entire house top to bottom for no reason other than to make you miserable. You will wish that–"

"Mom," I said, holding a hand up to stop her. "I'll tell you."

She folded her arms over her chest. "Go ahead then."

I sucked in a deep breath to steady myself. "Those boys… Jordan, Patrick, and Chris… they've been picking on me since kindergarten. And Nix since he moved here. We've been telling the teachers about it since fifth grade."

"You've never told me about that!"

"Why would I?"

"I'm your mother!"

"The other adults didn't believe us," I said matter-of-factly. "So, I didn't think you would either."

She huffed, but didn't argue with me.

"Anyway… today Jordan was being terrible as usual. He was making fun of us, calling us fairies… calling me fat…"

"You're not fat!"

"Mom. I've always been fat. It's fine. I've made peace with it." She opened her mouth to argue, but I held up a hand to stop her. "But today, when Phoenix tried to stand up for me, they called him something I couldn't forgive."

She was quiet for a moment. "Well? What did they say?"

"They… They called him a fag , Mom."

A hand went to her lips.

"I couldn't just sit by and do nothing," I continued. "And honestly, I don't know what came over me. I was on my feet and had knocked Jordan to the ground before I could even think. I couldn't let them talk to Nix like that. I just couldn't!" I threw my arms up in the air, tears threatening once more. "Jordan has been a fucking asshole forever and someone needed to put him in his place! Nix is the sweetest person I've ever met and my best friend in the whole world. I won't just sit around and do nothing when other kids are being terrible to him! And I know you'll tell me I should've gone to the teachers or the principal, but they never fucking do anything! They just sit around and tell me to ignore it or try to be friends. And I don't fucking want to be friends with that piece of shit!"

"Charlie," Mom said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Language."

"S-Sorry," I muttered, shaking my head. "I just… I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Not after what he said. It was… unacceptable ."

My mother was quiet for a long moment before she lifted a finger and tipped my chin up, so we were eye to eye.

"You're right," she said.

My brows furrowed in confusion. "I… I am?"

"Of course. That little bastard had it coming."

I caught myself beginning to smile. "He… He really did."

She reached up, placing a hand on my cheek. "You're just like your father. Always trying to protect other people. You're quiet like him too, so reserved until someone is in danger." There were tears forming in her eyes. "And I'm so proud of you for that. I'm proud of you for standing up for your friend and protecting him. Especially against jerks like that."

I nodded, trying not to cry myself.

"But," she sniffed. "You can't make a habit of this, okay? Phoenix is a big boy. You're both practically men at this point. There are other ways to deal with nasty people than knocking their teeth out, alright?"

I nodded. "Right."

"I'm gonna chalk this one up to teenage hormones and call it even."

My jaw fell slack. "I… I'm not in trouble?"

"No. You did the right thing." She gave me a stern look. "But next time you want to do the right thing, try a non-violent approach please."

"I can try that," I nodded.

"You're a good boy with a kind heart. Let's keep it that way."

"Okay."

"However," she said, glancing down at my hand. "We're gonna need to get that taken care of. As far as I'm concerned, healing a broken finger is more punishment than you need for what happened today." She patted me on the cheek and grabbed her car keys. "Come on. Let's go see what the damage is."

I followed her out to the car, feeling extremely proud and guilty at the same time. Proud that I'd protected my friend. Proud that my mother thought I was just as good as my father. But guilty that I'd caused her strife and probably no small amount of medical expenses. It was a good thing her work provided decent insurance because it was already hard enough to keep things going with just her income taking care of us.

I made a promise to myself that I'd make it up to her. Somehow.

Reaching under my shirt, I fiddled with the opal arrowhead and thought of Nix. I wondered how terribly things were going at his house right now. Would his parents be as understanding as my mom? They were good people, but a two-week suspension and a well-spun lie coming from Jordan and his friends was hard to defend.

"Is… Is Phoenix gay?" my mother asked, surprising me as she pulled out of the driveway. "I've never seen him hanging around any girls, so I was curious."

I nodded. "But don't tell anyone, okay? I don't want to betray his trust and I'm not sure if his parents know."

"Of course. It's just between us," she said. She was quiet for a moment. "But that's sort of lucky he is gay, huh?"

I looked up at her, my brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well… I…" She let out a long sigh. "Don't take this the wrong way, Charlie, but I know you two spend a lot of time together. You've been inseparable since the day you met." She glanced at me. "I couldn't help wondering if there was… well more between you two than just friendship."

My jaw went slack.

"And if you are gay, that's totally fine, honey. You know I love and accept you no matter who you are." She let out a little laugh. "Actually, if you were gay, then I don't have to worry about any accidental babies. That would be a relief."

Summoning up all the courage I had, I said the words I'd been too afraid to say for a long time .

"I… I think I might be… gay. "

"So, you and Phoenix are?"

"Just friends," I replied a little too quickly. My mother gave me a discerning look. "He's my best friend. We could never be more."

She clicked her tongue. "Never say never," she sighed. "Your father was my best friend for years before we ever dated. Did I ever tell you that?"

I shook my head, my heart doing flips in my chest. Could it be possible for Nix and I to get closer? To finally be more than friends in the way I'd been dreaming about for years? I wasn't sure. But I was sure that a small spark of hope had lit a fire in my belly.

"But what if he said no?" I uttered before I could stop myself. "He… He might hate me."

"Honey, I don't think Phoenix could ever hate you. That boy worships you."

Me? Why would Nix worship me ? What did she mean? Could she see something I didn't?

"Ask him sometime," she suggested. "Be subtle and see how he reacts. You might be surprised."

I was silent for a moment, trying to get my sudden rush of emotions under control.

"Hey Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Can you call Mrs. McKean and let her know Nix didn't fight today? I was the one that hit Jordan. Nobody else. He shouldn't get in trouble for that."

"You're not just trying to cover for him? "

"No," I replied. "I promise. Everything that happened was because of me. Because I had to protect him."

She nodded. "Alright. I'll call her as soon as I get you checked in at the hospital, okay?"

"Thanks, Mom," I replied. "For… For everything ."

She glanced at me, giving me a warm smile. "Of course, honey. You know I'm always on your side. No matter what."