Chapter 7

SEVEN

Miko had a cramp in his neck and his right hip was uncomfortably pressed against a bed rail, but he didn't care. Those slight discomforts were nothing when his alpha was falling apart in his arms, sobbing into Miko's neck, wetting his shirt, and releasing a torrent of emotion. Miko ignored the tears running down his own cheeks. They weren't his own tears anyway, not really. He was crying for Linus's pain.

He wept for his alpha.

He didn't know how long Linus sobbed before those wrenching noises softened into quieter sniffles. Miko's nose was stuffed, his eyes sandy, and his feet were numb, but nothing was going to make him let go first. He was also aware of other people in the room, but when he slotted one eye open, his view was of the wall, wires and outlets. So he stopped guessing and gave comfort for as long as it was needed.

Linus muttered something then tugged the ends of Miko's hair. Miko reluctantly raised his head. Linus's face was blotchy, his eyes puffy and red, but his expression was oddly calm. "What did you say?" Miko asked.

"Need to blow by dose." Linus snorted then flinched. "Ow."

"Me too."

Liam appeared on the other side of the bed with a box of tissues. His own eyes were swollen but his cheeks were dry. Miko took a moment to wipe his face and blow his nose. Linus did the same, and then Miko tossed everything into a waste bin by the door. Isa was there, too, close by Liam's side. Miko hadn't spoken to Liam directly since yesterday, when Miko fled the hospital like a coward. But he saw no anger or reproach in Liam's eyes, only exhaustion and…gratitude?

"How is it possible to feel both better and worse?" Linus was still a bit stuffy but easier to understand.

"I think the ‘feeling worse' is going to last for a while yet," Liam replied. "But you are surrounded by people who love you, Linus. We'll be by you every step of the way."

"Every step, huh?" He released a harsh breath. "I can't even walk, Papa. When will I take a real step again?"

"You'll take a real step when you get your strength back," Miko replied, a little surprised by the ferocity in his own voice. "You'll do it in your own time, when your body is ready, and we will all be there to cheer you on. I won't run away again."

"Good." Linus grasped Miko's nearest hand and squeezed. "I need you but it feels so selfish to say that."

"It's not selfish."

"Yes, it is. I'm broken."

"You aren't broken, Linus, you're wounded. And wounds heal. I know it feels like everything has been taken away from you, but it's all still there. It's just a little further away than before. We all have to work harder to get you back to it."

Linus released a harsh, grumpy breath. "I'll never play soccer again."

"You don't know that. There are all kinds of prosthetics out there now, and if we can't find the right one in Sansbury, we'll go to another province. We won't stop searching until we find what you need."

"You keep saying we." He did that almost-smile lip quirk again. "These are promises I am definitely going to hold you to. I can't do this without you."

Oh, you dear, sweet alpha.

"You can," Miko said softly, giving Linus's hand a firm squeeze. "But you won't have to." He wanted to say it, to claim this alpha as his, to tell Linus about feeling the mating bond. But Linus had only been awake for a couple of hours. He was still absorbing his injury. Throwing the mating bond onto his lap was selfish. He glanced at Liam and Isa, grateful the pair hadn't said anything. "You're my very best friend, Linus Higgs. There is nothing I won't do for you."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome. We're also kind of breaking the visitation rules."

"Don't care. Will you stay?"

"I don't think I'm allowed. I'm not fam?—"

"We added your name to the immediate family list," Isa said. "There shouldn't be three of us right now, but Tarius came and got us when he heard Linus getting upset, so don't worry about it until a nurse kicks someone out. Linus needs all the support he can get."

"Thank you," Miko replied to both Isa and Liam. "Do you know how much longer he'll be in ICU?"

"Not much longer. Dr. Westin is coming back in a bit to do more cognitive tests but he sounds confident they'll have a room for Linus on a regular floor tonight."

"Thank goddess," Linus said. "Also, when do I get this fucking tube out of my dick? Maybe I can't get up, but I'm awake enough to piss in a bottle."

The perfectly affronted way Linus said that made Miko chuckle. That was the fiery, determined alpha he knew and loved.

"I'll ask your nurse," Liam replied then left the room.

"Peeing while sitting down is gonna be weird," Linus said to no one in particular. "Guess I'll be doing pretty much everything while sitting for a long time, huh?"

"Maybe not as long as you think, son," Isa said.

"And don't forget Tarek Bloom has lived the last eight years of his life in a wheelchair," Miko added, "and he was fully capable of going out there and becoming mayor. Your physical abilities have temporarily changed, but not your spirit or determination."

"I guess. But you don't have to walk to be mayor. You kind of need legs for soccer."

"Well, your stump is healing well," Isa said. "And we can start the process of shaping it and getting you fitted for a prosthetic while you're in rehab."

"Really? That soon?"

"Yes. Your surgeon says they've come a long way with prosthetics in the last ten years, especially when there are no post-surgical complications. You are young and healthy, and there's no reason to put it off."

"What about my concussion? I mean, I think my memory is okay and all, but don't people get dizzy spells sometimes? Or have balance issues? And my sense of smell is all fucked up."

Miko frowned. Those weren't unusual questions from someone in Linus's position, but they did seem a little defeatist, as if he was looking for reasons not to get back on his feet as soon as possible. Then again, Linus was the type of guy who asked a lot of questions when he didn't understand something, rather than pretending he knew it all and making a fool of himself later.

The scent thing surprised him, too. Linus had reacted to him like he'd scented him. As if he'd felt the bond but didn't have the words to express it. Had all that been wishful thinking on Miko's part?

"How long has your sense of smell been off?" Liam asked.

"Since I woke up, I guess," Linus replied. "Figured it was from the coma or medicine or whatever. Now I can't tell because I'm stuffy. Blech."

"There's apple juice on your dinner tray. Do you want to sip some? Maybe it'll?—"

"One step at a time, little one," Isa said to Liam as he placed a hand on the back of his neck. "Let's let the doctors figure this one out." To Linus he said, "Those are all valid concerns, and they are why Dr. Westin is still your neurologist. I'm sure he'll address the senses thing. And all your physical activity will be monitored while you're in the hospital, until you're able to do things on your own. And learning how to do those things is what the rehab therapy is for."

"Can he have visitors in rehab?" Miko blurted out.

"Yes, he can," Dr. Westin said, his deep voice startling Miko into nearly dropping Linus's hand. But Linus held tight as Dr. Westin approached and stopped at the foot of the bed. "In fact, visitors are encouraged and can absolutely help the patient's positive mindset while doing the therapy. It won't always be fun and you will get frustrated, Linus. You'll be angry and sad and all manner of things, but from what I've seen this week, you have an amazing support system. A positive attitude is just as important as your physical health."

"I have the best family," Linus said. His voice was hoarse again, and Miko rubbed his thumb against the back of his hand. Miko couldn't handle more tears again this soon. Not from his alpha. His bondmate, even if Linus didn't know it yet.

Dr. Westin studied their joined hands for several long seconds, but if he noticed anything about their scents, he didn't comment. Miko silently thanked the alpha doctor for his discretion.

"And as wonderful as it is to have your family close by," Dr. Westin added, "I do need everyone to step out for a little while so I can examine Linus."

"Of course," Isa replied. "Don't forget to mention your sense of smell."

Dr. Westin turned an expectant look onto Linus but seemed to be waiting on them to leave before delving deeper into the comment.

Miko loathed leaving Linus, even for something as important as an exam, but he did. A little piece of his heart remained behind as he followed Isa and Liam out of ICU and into the crowded waiting room that smelled faintly of pizza.

Dad was the first person Miko saw, and he tucked Miko into a firm, protective hug the way only his sire could. "You've been crying," he whispered.

"For Linus. He had a lot to let out."

"I can't imagine how he's feeling, but I'm glad you were there for him."

"Me too, Dad."

They pulled apart, and Miko accepted a hug from Omi, too. Their proud smiles meant the world to him. Tarius handed him a paper plate with a slice of pizza, and Miko moved to a chair so he could eat. His parents returned to their seats by Layne and Peyton, but tracked Miko with their eyes, curiosity oozing off them. They could have come with him and asked, but no. Miko put them out of their misery (and his with the curious stares) by quickly typing out a text.

I didn't tell L about mating bond but think he felt something.

Miko couldn't be sure what Linus felt, especially with Linus's sense of smell temporarily out of whack. Scent was a huge part of alphas and omegas identifying their bondmates; it was a huge part of how Miko knew who Linus was to him. It was still early hours, though, and Miko wasn't going to panic over minor sensory issues after a coma. Linus had a long recovery ahead of him.

Miko's text seemed to placate his parents for now, until they could get somewhere more private. He kind of wanted to confide in Layne, who would completely understand Miko's feelings. Watching your alpha bondmate struggling with a condition you couldn't do anything to fix. Layne had gone through that with Peyton. But Layne had enough on his plate without Miko adding this particular problem to the weight of it. So he sat alone, while Layne and Peyton had all the support in the world in their corner.

Thankfully, no one bugged him about his visit with Linus, so Miko managed two slices of pizza and half a can of cola before Dr. Westin appeared and beckoned Liam and Isa into the corridor. Miko stood but couldn't see anyone's face or voice, even though the room was quiet. But Isa and Liam were both smiling when they returned after only a minute or two.

"Dr. Westin is comfortable moving Linus to an observation room for a day or two," Isa announced, "while we consider the best rehab center for him."

"So he won't be in the hospital much longer?" Tarius asked. "That's great news."

"Correct. We're going to meet with a discharge liaison tomorrow to discuss which rehabs have beds available and where we're most comfortable taking Linus. Obviously, we want one close to home, but we also want it to be the best choice for his particular injury."

"Is there anything else we can do for Linus tonight?"

"I don't think so, not tonight. By the time he's moved, visiting hours will be over. But I'm sure he will enjoy seeing all of your smiling, rested faces tomorrow." Isa's unsubtle way of telling them to go home and get some sleep, instead of ruining their posture on the hard waiting room chairs.

Miko hung back while Liam and Isa said goodnight to Kell, Jaysan and their other departing friends, as well as their elder sons. Dad and Omi hugged Peyton and Layne, but then his parents surprised Miko by not leaving, too. When the group had dwindled down to just their quintet, Liam said, "You didn't tell Linus about the bond."

"No, I didn't," Miko replied. "I know he felt something when I got closer and we touched. I think it helped him open up and really let go of his emotions. But he said he's having trouble smelling things, so I don't know what he scented about me. Obviously, neither of us said the words mate or bond, and I don't want to influence him during his recovery. Did Dr. Westin mention the smell thing?"

"He did. It isn't uncommon after a head trauma, so all we can do is wait and hope it comes back."

"Right." Everything in his life was a waiting game right now. But Miko couldn't be upset about that. At least he had both his legs. "And I haven't told anyone else about the bond besides my parents."

"We haven't either. Told others, I mean, because my own parents have been gone for decades. I want my son to know the joy of meeting his bondmate, but I recognize it isn't my place to mention it to him first. All I want is for Linus to come out on the other side of this and be happy."

"That's all I want, too. I'll do everything I can, everything he'll allow me to do. If Linus gets his scent back and feels the bond and brings it up, I'll be honest with him. But I still want to go at his pace and not rush new things at him. He's got enough to reconcile with his leg and any other side effects from the concussion."

"I agree," Isa said. "We all want what's best for Linus, and we won't always agree on what that is. As his parents, we will have strong opinions, but as his bondmate, we also welcome hearing yours."

Liam made an odd face, as if not quite agreeing with Isa speaking for him, but he didn't contradict his mate.

"Please tell Linus he can call me whenever," Miko said. "Night or day, it doesn't matter."

"We will," Isa replied. "Please, go home and be with your family. The real work is just getting started."

"Okay."

Omi held Liam in a long, tight hug, and the pair whispered a bit, their already raspy voices impossible to discern, even if Miko was a fan of eavesdropping. Miko leaned against his sire, grateful for the supportive arm across his shoulders, keeping him standing when part of him wanted to collapse on the floor in a wrung-out heap. Somehow, Miko managed to get all the way home and into the living room before his knees gave out.

His parents supported him from both sides and guided him to the couch, where they sat as a trio. The house was dark, except for a small lamp near the front door, and no one moved to turn on anything else. They sat in the silence and near-dark for a long time, the only sounds their collective breathing and the tick of the decorative wall clock. Miko soaked in the uniqueness of their direct attention and support while it was temporarily focused on him.

"Today was obviously hard for you," Dad said. "When your bondmate is hurting, it hurts you, as well."

"I've never heard anyone cry like that before," Miko replied, a little surprised by how hoarse he was. He hadn't cried in a while but the emotions still strangled him. "Like his heart was being torn out of his chest and shredded to pieces right in front of me."

"I can relate to that a little bit."

"You can?" Miko raised his head and met his sire's eyes. A depth of understanding simmered there that surprised him. Omi had never been seriously ill or injured a day in Miko's life. He'd slipped at the bakery once when Miko was nine and sprained his wrist, but that was it. What on earth was Dad talking about? "How?"

"I went with Omi the day he got the genetic test results from Peyton's doctor. Omi had been on pins and needles the entire day before and morning of, and I did my best to keep him calm. But when the doctor told us Peyton was positive for Donal Syndrome…Omi's heart broke wide open. I saw true grief and terror that day, and I had no idea what to do to help him."

Of course, it's about Peyton. The drama's always about him.

Miko shut down the unkind thoughts and focused on his parents.

"You stayed by my side," Omi said. "You called my friends for reinforcements, kept Peyton distracted, and you stayed. You were there when we spoke to Tarek and Isa more about the Hamilton family, and their history with my parents. You slept on my bedroom floor that night."

"I didn't know that." Miko looked back and forth between his parents, not surprised by the love-struck, knowing smiles they were sharing. Miko had been told the basics of Omi's history with the Hamiltons, a wealthy family who'd once tried to buy Omi as a young, unmated omega. But they hadn't shared all the details, and he imagined those had been very dark days for his parents and two-year-old Peyton.

"Mikel was amazing that week. Even though most of my friends didn't trust him yet, he kept me together when I wanted to lay down and break apart. Beyond the mating bond, he showed me his heart then, and I knew I could fall in love with him. And I did. And we made you."

"Well, not right away," Dad added with a grin. "Actually, Morgyn was born the week after I slept on your floor."

"I remember this story," Miko said, glad to be talking about something besides his own current love-life crisis. "You guys were all at Uncle Jaysan's house following Senior Hamilton's arraignment, and Uncle Jaysan went into labor that night with Morgyn."

"Gosh, I remember that whole night so clearly," Omi said with laughter in his voice. "Branson wouldn't stop repeating cuss words. Ronin drove Jaysan, Morris and me to the hospital, and we left poor Mikel behind to help watch the kids."

Dad glanced at the corner bookcase where dozens of candid photos filled dozens of picture frames, all taken over the years, before and after Miko was born. "I think I handled myself pretty well when faced with a pack of eight toddlers in various stages of being potty-trained, as well as Isa Higgs."

"Isa was being potty-trained, too?" Miko asked, unable to resist the joke.

Omi choked on his laughter.

"Very cute," Dad said. "Back then, I was extremely intimidated by the alpha mates of Omi's friends, especially Tarek and Isa, because they were constables and they knew my personal history."

And his criminal history. Miko had been thirteen when his parents told him those details, and he'd adored them both for their honesty. His sire had done a horrible thing once upon a time, but he'd also survived torture Miko could never hope to understand at the hands of Miko's long-dead grandsire. His past and his survival made Mikel Tovey one of Miko's own personal heroes.

"I completely get the intimidated part," Miko said. "Emory is my best friend, but I'm still a little intimidated by Eriq. He was a patrolman and constable for years before he was Emory's mate."

"But you're completely comfortable being around Eriq now?"

"Of course, I'm comfortable. I don't think I've ever seen an alpha turn completely to mush the way Eriq does around the triplets, and I've seen a lot of my older friends become parents. But Isa doesn't intimidate you anymore, right?"

Dad shrugged. "Sometimes he still does. He's twice my age, had two mates, has five amazing children, two grandchildren, two step-grandchildren, and he had a forty-year career in the Constabulary."

"Hey, you've got a mate, two great kids, a terrific grandkid, and you own a successful business. And you're a pretty awesome sire."

"You're biased."

"Yes, he is," Omi said, "and so am I. We're also supposed to be biased. And we're here to lean on each other during the worst times of our lives, like right now." He tugged on Miko's knee until Miko angled to face his omegin more fully. Omi held both his hands in his lap; Miko anticipated the speech, one he'd heard more than once since the day he learned his big brother had a deadly illness, and again during and after Peyton's coma. "Things are going to be hard. Maybe for a long time. Linus will always be part of our family, but you need to be sure about the bond and what you want for your future."

Anger sparked behind Miko's breastbone. He knew his heart and mind, damn it. Miko yanked his hands away from Omi. "I know what I feel when I'm with Linus. And I will not abandon him now, not when he needs me the most."

"I am not implying you will or suggesting you should, Miko. I understand what it means to feel the mating bond. I pursued Mikel when he wanted to give me the freedom to find a better alpha, someone without his baggage. But the bond didn't lie, and while we have had our struggles like all couples do, we've also built an incredible life. You feel the bond and if Linus feels it too, and he accepts it, you two can also build an incredible life. But it will be hard, because you're starting in an uphill battle against a torrential downpour, and I hate this for you."

Miko flinched away from those words, but it wasn't enough, so he stood and took several long steps away from the couch, his fingers twitching with anger. "You hate that Linus is my bondmate?"

"No, baby, not at all. I love Linus. I love Linus and Layne, Aeron and Morgyn and Jenson, Karson and Jaxson and Tynan like they were my own kids." Omi's eyes glistened. "What I hate is that you didn't get to come home last weekend and spend your heat in safety. I hate that Linus was hurt so badly and that he's in so much pain. I hate that you two didn't get a chance to explore feeling the bond after your first heat without this huge, life-changing thing happening to you both."

Omi stood but didn't approach. "When you were born and Dr. Troi told me you were omega, I swore to you then and there that I would do everything in my power to protect you. To keep you safe and not let you go through the same torment I did between my first heat and finally meeting Mikel. I never wanted you to struggle. And you were always such a well-adjusted kid. You were happy and healthy and doing well at university, and I never had to worry about you. Not until now."

"You never worried about me because you were always too fucking busy worrying about Peyton!"

The room went perfectly silent, and even in the gloom, Miko saw the shift in Omi's expression—from shocked to pained—and he couldn't look away. Not even when Dad stood, creating a triangle between them. Miko was a little stunned himself, having never spoken this truth out loud. Fatigue, stress, and confusion had destroyed his brain-to-mouth censor and the words had tumbled out.

"Of course, we worried about you," Omi said. "You're our son, we'll always worry."

"But I'm not the sick son. I'm not the one you coddled during every head cold, rushed to Emergency for every nose bleed, or celebrated every tiny achievement, like I'd just discovered the cure for cancer. That was Peyton."

"Miko, that's not fair," Dad snapped in a sharp tone he rarely pointed at Miko. "Your brother spent most of his life with a deadly illness hanging over his head."

"Oh, I know, believe me. From the day you told me about Donal Syndrome, I saw how you treated us different, even if you didn't realize it. My entire childhood made more sense. Favoring Peyton, doing what he wanted to do when him and I disagreed on an activity. I've spent the last ten years of my life as the extra kid. Not the baby of the family like Linus or Jenson, just the extra kid. Hell, if I'd been beta instead of omega, you probably wouldn't have thought of me at all."

Dad growled. "Miko, that's not fair. I know you're upset about Linus, but we loved you and Peyton equally. I thought we've shown you that."

"Saying it daily and showing me daily aren't the same thing." Goddess, he'd wanted to say all these things for years. Things he'd thought and wrote about in his journals, but had never voiced to anyone, not even his best friends. Because his best friends had always been going through their own shit, and Miko had been their sounding board. The person they vented to. The person who stooped low to hold the weight of everyone else's burdens on his own shoulders.

When Emory Cross was abducted and missing for five months, Miko had been out of his mind with worry, his imagination spinning out on what was happening to his beloved friend. He'd done his best to comfort Emory's omegin Kell and to hide his own grief. When Emory was returned to them, pregnant with triplets, Miko had avoided seeing Emory at first, unwilling to overwhelm Emory with Miko's tumultuous emotional state. But when Emory reached out, Miko had once again swallowed his emotions and supported his friend. He'd supported Emory through bed rest, boredom, his eventual Cesarean birth (and the heart attack that came with it), and his recovery. Most nights, Miko had cried himself to sleep, so he could get up and put on a stoic face for others the next day, just like when Peyton was in his coma.

Years of pent-up anger and turmoil had finally reached its boiling point, and Miko couldn't hold it back anymore. "When I came out of Linus's room tonight, I needed you. I had just seen my mate fall completely apart and sob in my arms, and I needed you but you just sat with Peyton."

Omi choked on a sob. "When you came out, you looked and acted like you needed space, and then you sat alone and texted us. We were trying to give you space to process what happened in Linus's room."

"You've given me space my whole life! Smother me for once, instead of Peyton! This is happening to my mate, not his! Just for once in this family, I need something to be about me ! Not him."

"We didn't mean to make this about Peyton, I swear." Omi was openly crying now, and Dad put his arm around Omi's shoulders, leaving them close together, and leaving Miko a world apart. "We love you so much, Miko. We never meant to hurt you."

"It just happened, right? Because I'm so independent you don't think I need a safe place to fall apart? That I can just handle everything without support? Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I can't. For the last four years, I have watched people I love hurting, seen them sick and in pain, and I have ached for them. Alone, always fucking alone, and I'm still alone. Peyton has Layne, Emory has Eriq, Caden has Zaq, you guys have each other. I don't have anyone except my mate, who's stuck in a hospital bed, can't smell our bond, is missing his leg, and I don't know what to do!"

Miko despised the wail in his voice at the end, and it was followed by a harsh noise not quite a scream, not quite a growl, that seemed to erupt from his very core. Dad's shoulders went back and he shifted his weight, adopting a defensive position, as if expecting a direct physical attack. Miko had never struck another person in his life, but he'd also never experienced this sort of blind rage before, and he didn't know what to do with it.

"You aren't alone," Dad said "I know it feels that way right now, because you're angry and overwhelmed and can't see a way out. I've been there. You are not alone, son."

"Please, Miko." Omi reached out a trembling hand.

Miko didn't think; he slapped that hand away. Omi gasped and drew closer to Dad. His mate and protector. Shame and disgust clashed with Miko's fury. He stalked toward the front door and did a mental check that he still had his wallet and mobile phone.

"Miko!" Dad slid into the small space between him and the door, and it took all Miko's restraint not to shove at the wall of alpha blocking his escape. "Please, don't leave."

"I need space. It's what you guys love to give me, right? Give it to me now."

"You're too upset to drive."

"I'm going to walk three blocks to the bus stop. Move."

Dad narrowed his eyes, his inner alpha not liking the order, or much liking Miko's belligerent tone. "Where are you going?"

"Out!"

"It's late on a weekend, you're upset, and you're an unmated omega. That's not a good?—"

"I've got pepper spray on my keychain, I'll be fine. And it's your fault I'm upset. I can't stay here." Dad's mobile rang with a familiar, programmed tone that sent Miko's temper boiling again. "Better get that, Peyton needs you."

Instead of stoking his temper, Miko's snapped words seemed to deflate Dad. He stepped aside. Miko grabbed his coat off the wall hook, and he fled his childhood home.

He fled the parents he loved and all the reminders of his life spent as runner-up.