Chapter 5

FIVE

He's having the dream again. At least, he thinks it's a dream, because it happens about the same, and then it stops, and it melts, and then it restarts. Like a movie in his mind, and it has to be. In his mind. There's no television here. He's pretty sure.

Only a room, maybe a bedroom. It's cozy and warm, and he has the sense others are nearby, music playing in the distance, people laughing. Joyful. He's happy, too. He's made of joy and cheers and celebration. So is the boy with him, who's also laughing and cheering and hugging him tight.

Holding the boy close.

The boy smells so good. Feels amazing in his arms. They hold each other tighter. He wants to kiss the boy so badly, to make the boy his.

Before he can, the boy closes his eyes and disappears like a faint scent in the wind.

Gone.

The boy is gone. The room is gone. The bright, joyous sounds are gone.

He is alone.

But not for long.

He's in the room again…

"Why hasn't he woken up yet?" Liam snapped. "Why can't anyone tell us something?"

Isa placed his open palm on the back of his mate's neck. They'd both been on edge all afternoon, waiting for the sedation to wear off so Linus could come around, and so far he'd remained unconscious. When his neurologist, Dr. Westin, came around with Demir in tow, Liam had practically leapt off Isa's lap where he'd been resting since dinnertime. Liam was impatient, stressed out, and beyond exhausted, and those things didn't wear well on him.

"These things are unpredictable," Dr. Westin replied in the same patient monotone he'd used all week. "Linus's fever is gone, the infection has cleared up. The sedation is working its way out of his system. Now it's up to Linus to wake up."

"Can't you give him something to help with that?"

"Given his concussion, I'm uncomfortable doing that. He needs to wake up naturally and in his own time. We will, of course, continue to monitor his vitals and brain activity. He's no longer comatose, Misters Higgs, he's simply sleeping."

Liam released a familiar, grumpy sigh. "Okay."

"It's only been a couple of hours, Liam," Demir added. "You know Linus. He likes to do things in his own time. By his schedule. He's like Dad that way."

The gentle tease got a small smile out of Liam. Isa winked at Demir, grateful for his sense of humor during this crisis. Even though Demir had graduated medical school a decade ago, sometimes Isa still boggled over the fact that his son was a practicing physician and researcher. And that he'd accomplished so much already in his relatively brief life.

"I am stubborn," Isa replied. "It's probably an alpha thing."

"Nah, all your kids are like that," Liam said. "Even Layne."

"You're pretty stubborn yourself, Liam," Demir added with a smile of his own.

Liam sighed but smiled, too. "I guess it's just a Higgs thing. Rubs off on you whether you're blood or not."

Demir coughed.

Isa kissed the top of Liam's head, then addressed Dr. Westin. "So we just wait?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Dr. Westin replied. "Talk to him like he's awake and listening. Encourage him. I won't lie to you. Linus is going to experience some severe pain these first few days and weeks, even with painkillers. Once he does wake up, we need to get him up and moving around as soon as possible and started on physical and occupational therapy."

"Occupational therapy?" Liam asked.

"It's the day-to-day things he'll have to relearn in a wheelchair," Demir replied. "Things like doing the dishes and navigating his home. But his assigned therapists will explain everything in greater detail, and they'll work with you both, since I assume Linus will continue living at home."

"Of course, it's where he's always lived. And it's a single-story house anyway, so he'll have the best access. For his…"

As Liam trailed off the thought, it fully hit Isa with the weight of a ten-car collision: Linus would be in a wheelchair. For weeks, if not months, until the prosthetic process happened, his bright, energetic youngest boy would be confined to a wheelchair. They'd have to rearrange some of the living room furniture, put handrails in the bathroom, get a shower seat, install a ramp to the front porch.

So many things.

"Oh, Isa," Liam said, his normally soft voice barely a whisper now. "I hadn't even considered the house yet."

"Knowing our circle of friends," Demir replied gently, "I have a feeling someone has already been out to the house taking measurements. You guys will not be doing all of this alone."

"Do you think Tarius will switch rooms with Linus? His is bigger."

"Something tells me Linus won't want to switch rooms." He reached out and squeezed Liam's free arm. "So many things in his life are going to change, and there's a good chance he's going to want as much normalcy as possible. His room, his bed, even something as mundane as the soap he usually uses."

"And he won't be going home right away," Dr. Westin added. "He's going to need to spend at least two weeks in in-patient rehabilitation." Isa felt Liam tense up to object, but Dr. Westin went on. "I know you want to take your son home, but in-patient is his best option in terms of immersive therapy. Plus, we still don't know what his physical and cognitive function will be yet, not until he wakes up."

Isa filled in the blanks for himself: We don't know if he'll be able to walk, talk, or move what's left of his body.

All the wait-and-see was making Isa a little crazy. He was a fixer and a protector, not a watcher and waiter. At home, he could be overseeing all the changes they'd need to make for Linus's eventual return, but he also couldn't leave his mate or his son's side right now. Even going across the street to their communal hotel room for a power nap felt like a betrayal to his family, and no way was he going anywhere today. Not until Linus opened those dark brown Haley-Higgs eyes and smiled.

"We're still in early days," Dr. Westin said as he checked his watch. "I have an appointment soon, but the nurses will page me if Linus begins waking up. Remember, talk to him."

He left but Demir remained. Even in his lab coat and with the first glints of gray flashing in the overhead lighting, Isa still saw his little boy standing in front of him. The precocious child who'd worn his omegin Herris out with his games. The teenager who'd survived his own trauma and decided to cure an incurable disease. The young man who'd walked into a three-way relationship with love and poise and determination. His little boy. His to love and protect, just like Demi's brothers. Just like Linus, who was broken in a way Isa couldn't fix.

Familiar, frustrated, grief-filled tears pressed against the backs of Isa's eyes but he wouldn't let them fall. He had to be strong now; he could have a nervous breakdown later. Probably call his therapist, too.

"A nurse mentioned you asked permission for Miko Tovey to visit," Demir said. "That was kind of you guys. I imagine he's feeling a lot of guilt over the accident. Seeing Linus with his own eyes probably helped."

"Probably." Liam practically grunted the word. Isa understood his grumpiness over the visit and Miko's decision to stay away for the time being, even if they both disagreed.

Demir, naturally, caught onto it. He knew his stepfather well. "What's up? I thought you guys didn't blame Miko for the accident."

"We don't," Isa replied. They'd both agreed not to spread the bondmate news to anyone Miko did not choose to tell himself, and Isa didn't trust Liam to censor himself with the hurt so fresh. "I do think the visit helped Miko understand things a little better. Put the accident in perspective."

"He's lucky he walked away with bruises and contusions." Demir winced. "Not that I wish any harm on Miko, I adore the guy. But…you know."

"We know, son. We all wish Linus was awake and whole. Linus protected Miko at the cost of his own body." Like any good alpha and bondmate would. He rested his chin on the top of Liam's head, hoping his own mate understood the underlying meaning in his words.

Demir smiled at them and nodded. "He'll make someone an amazing alpha and partner one day."

"He doesn't need to think about that right now," Liam snapped. "First he needs to wake up. Then he needs to walk."

Isa bit his own tongue, surprised by Liam's quick turnaround when an hour ago he'd been all for Miko revealing he felt the mating bond. He kissed the top of Liam's head then said, "We all need to take Linus's recovery one step at a time."

"Yeah," Demir replied. His pager went off and he unsnapped it from his belt. Glanced at the screen. "I have to go, but I'll check in later."

"All right. We'll text you if he wakes up."

"Thanks, Dad. Liam." Demir slipped out of the room.

Once they were alone, Isa gently turned Liam to face him, and then hunched a bit to meet his mate's eyes. "You're angry at Miko now, aren't you? For walking away from this?"

"A little bit, yes." Liam scowled. "I know it isn't fair and that Miko has a lot to process, too, but…"

"He's an easy target for your anger?"

"Yeah. And being mad at him here, in this room, is a safe space to feel those feelings so I don't take them out on anyone else, especially you." Liam rubbed at his tearing eyes and sniffled. "I'm so fucking angry, Isa. I need Linus to wake up."

"I know. Me too. All of it. We're both going to be angry a lot going forward, and I need you to know that you can always vent to me. I have the big, broad shoulders to carry your rage and fear, little one. Give it to me whenever you think you're going to stumble and fall."

"Thank you." He turned and once again leaned his back to Isa's chest. "What should we read next, Linus? Maybe I should pick a book you don't like so you'll wake up and tell me to stop. Or I could make up a really bad story of my own, full of clichés and misunderstandings and love feuds and all the things you complain about when I'm watching Beta University. Or better yet, I'll read the recaps of all the episodes I've missed this week out loud."

Isa chuckled. "That should wake him up."

"I hope so."

So did Isa.

Waiting for Linus to wake up was going to give Miko his very first ulcer. His anxiety hadn't been this awful during those forty-six days they'd spent waiting for Peyton to wake up from his coma. Those unending weeks of waiting and wondering had been torture for their entire family, especially their parents, but Miko had still believed Peyton would come back to them. He'd prayed every single day for his brother's recovery, and he'd gotten his wish. Maybe not as quickly or as perfectly as he'd hoped, but Peyton was alive, cured of Donal Syndrome, and living his best life with his mate and son.

Linus deserved to wake up and find all those things, and even though he'd only been off sedation for twenty-four hours, Miko felt each of those hours like they had taken a year to pass. Twenty-four years of waiting, worrying and wondering. Twenty-four years of being separated from his bondmate and wishing he was by Linus's side.

But separated was better than forgotten. He'd never forget the devastation in Layne's eyes when Peyton woke from his coma and no longer recognized not just his family, but Layne as his mate and as the man carrying his unborn child. Layne had been completely broken by the loss of his mate and, compounded with other past traumas, had been briefly suicidal. They'd gotten through it and most of Peyton's memories had returned, but what if Linus woke up and had forgotten his family? What if he forgot those amazing moments Miko and Linus had shared at the party before the world went sideways?

Miko didn't think he could handle that sort of rejection, not when he'd only just discovered this incredible link to his lifelong friend.

Omi and Dad had been amazingly supportive of his decision to stay away from the hospital. They'd also kept his secret about the mating bond, which hadn't been easy, especially last night. Peyton and little Caleb had come over for dinner and a visit, since Layne was at the hospital with his parents and Linus, and Peyton was not subtle when suspicious. He even pestered Miko into a video game tournament, until they figured out they were both trying to let the other person win and gave up.

Miko turned down lunch with Emory and Kell at the Cross house. The last thing he needed to be around was an empathic omega, even if said omega was his best friend. He didn't want sympathy, he wanted to be with Linus, and that couldn't happen right now. So he tried to catch up on the classwork he'd missed this week, for the class he should have been in at that very moment, and snacked on cold leftover pizza.

At exactly 1:07 pm (he knew the time because he'd been staring blankly at his alarm clock instead of his textbook) his phone buzzed. He checked, hoping it wasn't another of his friends trying to get him out of the house today or make plans for the weekend. The last time he'd made plans, exactly one week ago tonight, he'd ended up in the worst accident of his entire life.

Group text from Tarius: Linus is waking up. They paged his doc. More when I know more!!!!

Miko burst into tears, unashamed of the great, wrenching sob that seemed to rattle his bedroom walls. He was home alone, thank goddess, so no one came running. This was the news he'd been waiting for and now he didn't know what to do. Rushing over to the hospital didn't make sense. He couldn't see Linus until he was out of ICU, but he should be there to support the rest of the family who was stuck in the waiting room, especially Layne. Layne and Linus had always been so close, had survived a traumatic childhood kidnapping together, and Layne was a wreck like his parents.

Yes, damn it, he could get his shit together and go support his brother-in-law. Layne and the rest of the extended Higgs clan was his family. It was time to stop blaming his sore muscles from the accident; time to stop wallowing over the fact that he'd been unconscious for most of his first heat; time to put the bondmate thing aside for now and focus on the people he loved who needed him.

His phone rang. He smiled at the display.

"Hey, I got the text," Emory said, voice pitched high with excitement. "Brandt and Oliver already have the babies. Want me to pick you up on my way to the hospital?"

"Yeah, I do. I'll be ready when you get here."

"Great, see you in about ten minutes."

Miko chuckled softly as he pocketed his mobile. Emory and Kell must have finished lunch if they were ready to dash right out the door, because it took at least ten minutes to get from the Cross house to Miko's neighborhood. Although the distance was likely to change soon, since Emory and Eriq were on a serious house hunt for someplace close to both their parents' homes, but with enough space for three toddlers to grow. Eriq's constable salary only went so far, though, and they'd already been outbid three times on potential homes.

Fortunately, Kell and Ronin Cross were in no hurry to see Emory and Eriq move out of the family home. Then they'd be true empty-nesters, since Emory's twin brother Caden and his mate Zaq had just gotten their own apartment this past summer. The twins' older beta brother Branson lived in a one- room apartment and seemed content to be single, but the gossip grapevine said he was seeing someone. Miko didn't know or bother to pry; everyone deserved privacy.

Besides, Branson wasn't the only single beta in their friend group/family. Layne's big brother Tarius had been single as long as Miko could remember. Not that Miko had ever dated anyone, either, but he was only twenty. And dating was more difficult for young omegas than betas, because there were a hell of a lot more betas out there than single alphas.

Whatever. Miko wasn't interested in any other alphas right now. The only one on his mind was Linus Higgs.

Miko was on the front porch waiting when Kell pulled up in front of the house, Emory in the passenger seat. He slid into the back seat, a little surprised to see Branson occupying the spot behind Emory.

"You get roped into lunch in my place?" Miko asked Branson.

"No, I'd just stopped by the house to talk to Dad when the text came through," Branson replied. "Figured I'd hitch a ride over, see if I can do anything for the family."

"That's kind of you."

Branson shrugged one shoulder. "How're you feeling, Miko? Since the accident?"

"Okay. Not as sore as I was a few days ago."

"That's good."

The awkward small talk ended, and the rest of the drive was silent. When their quartet arrived at the ICU waiting room, the place was overflowing: Layne and Peyton; Aven and Yosef and their son Tobias; Tarius and Caden and Zaq; and people Miko didn't know who were obviously there for other patients. One face that did surprise him was Danyel, Linus's soccer teammate. The guy was sweet and had tried asking Miko out more than once, but Miko had always declined.

Today, he accepted a firm hug from Danyel, who Miko hadn't seen since the party last weekend. "Half the team wanted to come," Danyel explained, "but Coach thought it better if only one person was here, so we didn't overwhelm the rest of the family."

"I'm sure Linus will be thrilled to know you're here," Miko replied. "He needs all the support possible."

"Yeah. I can't believe he lost his leg, though. Good thing he played one last game, I guess?"

Miko bit back a snarly reply that Linus would not only walk again one day, but he'd play soccer, damn it! Danyel looked incredibly uncomfortable and was probably doing his best. No one liked being in hospitals (except maybe the people who worked there), and Miko had no idea what Danyel had gone through when his parents died.

"Are there any updates?" Kell asked Tarius, loud enough to capture Miko's attention.

"Dr. Westin is in there now with our parents," Tarius replied. "Demir, too. All I know is Linus was moving his head and his eyes, and his brain activity is up. It can take time to fully come around, especially with a concussion in the mix. I'm getting texts from Demir, but there isn't a lot happening very fast."

"Okay, thank you. Do you need anything?"

Tarius shook his head. "I just need Linus to look at me and smile."

We all need that so badly. Miko bit his bottom lip and kept the thought to himself.

Omi texted a few minutes later, asking Miko if he was at the hospital. Miko replied that he was and they were just waiting. Omi promised to stop by in a few hours with treats from the bakery.

Layne was pacing a hole in the floor by the far wall. Miko approached, unsure what he'd even say, but Peyton shot him a look from a nearby chair and subtly shook his head. The look clearly said "not now." Layne was anxious and probably still a bit hurt by Miko keeping his distance since yesterday morning. Fair enough.

Miko found an empty chair somewhat apart from their group, dropped his face into the palms of his hands, and prayed.

Linus Higgs hadn't been this confused since the night his big brother Layne told everyone he was pregnant, despite never having gone into heat. The entire table of extended family had been stunned into silence by Layne's announcement of "I'm pregnant," when the most anyone had been expecting was that they were in love and moving in together, and then they'd all eat dessert.

Waking up felt a little like swimming through a pool of pudding. He'd had an easier time peeling his eyelids apart the morning after the worst alcohol bender ever, and even then, his mouth hadn't been so dry, his throat so sore. Every part of his body seemed to ache in some way, especially his head and right leg, but it was a muzzy sort of ache. Not sharp but not quite dull. Mostly irritating and uncomfortable. His other senses felt like they were wrapped in cotton, not allowing any real scent or taste to break through. People were talking, saying his name, encouraging him, and he wanted to tell them to shut the hell up so he could concentrate.

Different sensations competed with each other, as did the irritating voices, and as light and dark shapes began to form real faces, Linus tried to remember what had happened.

Where am I? Am I hungover? The party…someone…Miko.

Miko!

"Mifighr." He couldn't make real words with his mouth so dry. Something cold touched his lips. Cold and moist. Ice. He sucked greedily, somewhat aware of at least four people surrounding him and his own reclined position. Vague medicinal smells, but nothing familiar, not even his own scent. Not the toasted coconut scent he remembered last, so close and sweet and comforting.

Miko.

Someone was squeezing his left hand and he tried squeezing back. "He's coming around," Papa said. "He squeezed my hand. Linus, baby? Dad and I are here. So's Demir."

Why Demir? I want Miko.

More word salad fell from his lips.

"It's all right, Linus," a strange voice said. "I'm Dr. Westin. You've been unconscious for almost a week. You were intubated for a time, so you might not be able to speak right away. Take your time."

A week? Why a week? Is Miko okay?

He tried to think back but everything was so fuzzy. The last thing he remembered was winning the championship game. Celebrating with his friends. A party. Dancing. Miko and that delightful scent he'd never paid attention to before. It was so important but why?

"Wu'hpn?"

"What happened?" Papa interpreted correctly. "A week ago, you were in a car accident. Do you remember that?"

He shook his head no once, but that made his temples throb. "Nuh. Miko?" Finally, a whole word.

"Miko was in the car too, son." Dad's deep, comforting voice somewhere behind Papa. "You both left an after-game party in a taxi. The driver ran a red light and you were struck by another vehicle."

Car. Struck. No, no, no, Miko!

He garbled out something that was supposed to be "Is Miko okay," but even he knew it was a mess. He flailed, and Papa's grip on his hand remained strong. Someone else pressed on his right shoulder, keeping him down. Demir? His senses were so fucked up and his vision was still a little foggy, like a steamy mirror after a shower. He really needed someone to wipe off his eyeballs and unclog his nose so he could figure out what the fuck was happening!

"It's okay, Miko is okay, scrapes and bruises," Demir said. "You got the worst of it. You hit your head really hard and have a concussion, and, um, it's been pretty rough. We're all just relieved that you're finally awake."

Someone applied more ice to his lips, and Linus sucked on the moisture. His vision seemed to clear more. Sounds strengthened. The images of his parents sharpened, and he got a look at their tear-streaked faces. Goddess, but Dad never cried. Linus must look like complete shit if he was crying in front of other people. Even Demir's eyes were glittering. This Dr. Westin character was tall, fair-haired, definitely alpha, and the only person in the room not oozing emotional overload.

"Feel weird," Linus said.

"You've been on heavy antibiotics, as well as sedation and painkillers," Dr. Westin said. "It'll be some time before the medications are fully out of your system. We'll begin the weening process once you're up and mobile again."

That kind of made sense. His head definitely hurt, and as awareness stole in, the dull throb in his lower right side turned into a sharper throb. He shifted his hips, aware of his numb ass, and a shock of white-hot pain jolted from his toes to his scalp, and he yelped. "Fuck, what was that? Huh?"

"Try not to move just yet," Demir said. "Your body has gone through a huge shock, Linus. The crash was very serious. You were hurt badly."

"Where?" He hands moved just fine. He wiggled the toes of his left foot. No problem, felt like ten. He couldn't seem to do it with his right foot, though. Alarmed, he tried to bend the knee and got another of those agonizing flashes. "Shit. Wazzat?"

Papa covered his mouth with his free hand, his dark eyes leaking fat tears that sent a cold wash of terror through Linus's entire body. Behind him, Dad was scarily pale, his gaze fixed on the end of the bed. From his half-reclined position, it took effort and concentration for Linus to bend his neck forward. To be able to look down past his chest and torso to his legs. His…leg? No, legs, the right one was just bent weirdly.

His left leg stuck straight out, the shapes of his thigh, shin and foot visible beneath the tan blanket. His right was oddly shaped, like it was bent at the knee and propped up with a pillow but that wasn't right. He couldn't feel his toes or see past where his knee bent too soon. No, that wasn't right, either. What the fuck was he seeing?!

"Where's…my leg?" Acid scorched the back of Linus's throat, bile sharp on his thick tongue. "What…Daddy?"

"It's okay, baby boy." Dad scooted around Papa and placed his big, strong hand over Linus's heart. Pressed their foreheads together. Linus closed his eyes and tried to absorb his sire's strength, to understand what was happening, to feel anything except pain and confusion. "I'm so sorry I can't fix this for you."

"What'd they do to me?" Linus despised the wail in his voice, but his emotions were beyond anything he could comprehend or control. Something was wrong, something was missing, and every instinct in his body screeched at him to fight. To fight for what was taken. He shoved at Dad's chest. "What?!"

"Your leg was badly crushed in the accident, Linus," Dr. Westin said. "You also suffered a severe concussion, which made surgery on your leg dangerous. When you developed a life- threatening infection, we had to amputate your right leg below the knee in order to save your life."

"No!" He hit Dad again, his own chest tightening. Lungs heaving. Dad gently pushed his forearms down, keeping him firmly against the mattress. Linus strained, tried to kick, and got more agony for his efforts. He screamed, not sure what, fueled by terror and grief and the sharpest sense of loss he'd experienced in his entire life. "No!"

"I'm so sorry, baby," Papa was saying, over and over, while Dad held Linus down.

Linus thrashed, desperate to wake up for real this time, to escape this nightmare. To go back to a fun night with his friends, the soccer star with the world at his feet, and a handsome omega on his arm. In his arms.

"Miko!"

"—help him relax," someone said.

Warmth flooded Linus's body, loosening coiled muscles and chasing away his instinct to fight. The raging agony in his pelvis and legs dulled to something far away, less immediate. He closed his eyes and let whatever they'd given him carry him away from the hell he'd woken up in.

Please, goddess, please…not my leg…