Chapter 4

FOUR

"…tell they'd been drinking all night and hadn't gone home yet. The booze practically oozed from their pores. They were banging on the front door, demanding coffee and donuts, and we'd barely gotten all the chairs off the tables." Mikel sipped his coffee, briefly pausing the story of drunk and disorderly university students he'd begun telling to Isa and Kell.

Kell Cross had arrived not long ago as moral support for his friends, but the grand-omegin seemed exhausted himself. Not surprising, since he was frequently an extra pair of hands wrangling Emory and Eriq's triplets. But Isa appreciated him taking the time to be there for Liam.

Isa had asked for a distraction from whatever Miko was discovering about himself and Linus in ICU, and Mikel had pulled through with yet another humorous tale of life at Perks. Isa vaguely remembered overhearing Brogan telling this story to Liam a few months ago, but he paid attention to his friend anyway. Mikel had an engaging voice and a no-nonsense way of telling a tale, especially one about his coffee shop. Isa tried to give Mikel his full attention, instead of constantly glancing at the waiting room entrance.

"The coffee was brewed, though, and we were just waiting on a final batch of cookies to come out of the oven, so I told Miko to go ahead and open," Mikel continued. Miko had worked at his parents' shop this past summer, like he had during previous university summer breaks, and the reminder only made Isa more anxious. "Naturally, these three tools are all alphas, and they overtake a table right in the front windows facing the sidewalk. Instead of coming to the register to order, they start shouting at Miko for double espressos and eclairs. Real classy, right?"

"Drunk alphaholes always are," Kell replied. "Of course, you set them straight?"

Mikel shook his head and grinned. "No, Miko did. He's tall for an omega, right? And these guys are completely wasted so they don't clock his gender right away, and?—"

Isa's mobile chimed with a text, so he checked while keeping half-an-ear on Mikel's story of Miko standing up for himself.

Liam: They're bondmates but Miko got weird. I told him to leave. Need you.

Getting weird by itself wasn't alarming, but things had gotten bad enough that Liam asked Miko to leave? "Sorry, Mikel," Isa said, no longer caring about the story. "Kell, please excuse me. Miko is done in ICU. Liam wants me to go back in."

"Really? Did Liam say anything?" Mikel twisted around to look at the waiting room entrance, but Miko didn't appear.

"I'm sure Miko will tell you, but Liam needs me right now." Isa had initially resisted the idea of Miko knowing if he was Linus's bondmate right now, because Linus would not need that additional stress when he woke from his coma, but Liam had insisted it was a good idea. That it would give Linus something else to fight for during his recovery. In this particular instance, Isa did not want to be proved right.

With nothing else to say, Isa stood and headed toward the ICU doors. Buzzed the nursing station to let him inside. No sign of Miko on the brief-but-still-too-long walk to Linus's room. Linus's eyes remained closed. Instead of his usual spot beside the bed, Liam stood by the room's large window, arms crossed, most of his face turned toward the uninspiring view of another building's reflective windows.

"Little one?" Isa asked. "What happened? Where's Miko?"

"I told him to leave."

"I know but why?" He approached his mate, grateful Liam didn't tense when Isa rested his palm on the back of Liam's neck. "Talk to me. Your text said Miko felt the bond. That wasn't what he wanted?"

"I thought he wanted it to be true, Isa, but then he got weird." Liam reached back to clasp Isa's hand but continued staring out the window. Despite being physically connected, Isa despised this emotional distance from his mate. "He said he ought to keep his distance and not let Linus know they're bondmates, that it'll be better for his recovery. How? Isa?" Liam finally turned, his eyes filled with both fury and grief. "How can he think being with Linus will hurt his recovery? As an omega, being apart from my mate while he's hurting is unfathomable to me."

"You and Miko are in very different places in your lives, Liam. We've been mates for twenty-three years. Miko just learned he has a bondmate who's one of his best friends, but who is also someone he's never looked at romantically before. Has Brogan ever mentioned that Miko has been eager to meet his bondmate?"

Liam scowled. "Not that I can think of, not since Miko started university. Why does that matter?"

"Because this is a huge shock to Miko, little one. A week ago, he was a single student getting ready to root for his home team in the biggest game of his best alpha friend's career. Now that friend is hurt, Miko has a bondmate, and everything that was once stable in his life has been tossed into the wind." He ran his fingers through the soft, black curls at the base of Liam's neck. "In some ways, I can empathize with that kind of upheaval in what you think is a stable setting."

"When you met me?"

"Exactly. I was pushing forty, set in my ways, with three nearly-grown sons, and I had accepted my bondmate was gone. That I would be a widower for the rest of my life. And then I was assigned this awful case about a fight ring full of kidnapped omegas, and I walked into the cell they were keeping you in. The patrolman who found you was scaring you, but you let me touch you. You let me carry you to safety. That one moment changed the rest of my life."

Liam took a step forward and leaned into Isa's chest, his arms wrapping around Isa's waist. "You changed mine, too. But our situation is so different from Miko's. I was pregnant and those hormones prevented us from being sure about the bond for months. Miko's sure."

"Yes, he is, but his life has been forever changed by the discovery. And I have to admit that I admire his courage for thinking of Linus first right now. Of worrying that the bond will be too much, when our boy already has so many things to deal with when he wakes up. I'm not thrilled that this was happening now, because I'm scared Linus will focus too much on Miko and the bond, and not enough on his recovery, because that's what alphas do. We protect our mates. But right now, Linus is the one who needs to be protected."

Liam looked sharply up, his mouth twisted. "You agree with Miko keeping his distance?"

"I think we have all raised our different sons to have agency and to speak up for themselves, and that's what Miko is doing. And it's possible he'll change his mind in two hours, once he's had a chance to really sit with this and think about it. But if he doesn't…I think we need to respect his choice and not force him to take steps he isn't ready for."

"I would never force Miko, and you know it." Liam rested his forehead against Isa's chest and sighed. "His choice."

"His choice."

"What do we tell Brogan and Mikel?"

"I don't know. I didn't tell Mikel what your text said about the bond, and I didn't see Miko pass the waiting room when he left. I have no idea what his parents know, but we can't keep this from them."

"We can if we hide in here and never leave."

Isa chuckled. "The nurses will chase us out at nine anyway."

"I know, I'm just being selfish. I don't want Linus to hurt any more than he's already going to. If Miko felt something the night of the party, there's a good chance Linus felt it too."

"Baby steps. First, Linus needs to wake up. The doctor already warned us he could have temporary memory loss from both the accident and the coma, so we may have time before we need to worry about that. Time for Linus to understand his new reality."

Liam let out a loud, furious snort. "Our son's new reality is that we gave the surgeon permission to cut off his leg, Isa. That's his new reality. He's going to hate us."

"Probably. But we're his parents." He pressed a gentle kiss to Liam's forehead. "He's allowed to hate us if that gives him the energy to heal. We'll bear it together, like we've born everything else together. And we'll love him to bits for however long it takes."

"Linus doesn't deserve this. He should be in class, preparing for finals, not laying there like that and missing part of his body."

"You're right. Linus and Miko should have gotten home safely, so Miko could get through his first heat, and then our sons realize they're bondmates, and they begin planning their future together. But fate fucked us all over. Again."

"It wasn't fate, it was that stupid taxi driver running a red light."

A stupid, reckless driver who'd been released on bail, but who was still facing a host of charges at a future date. The moron was lucky Isa was retired and unable to access his personal records, including his home address—and that the good friends he still had in the constabulary were smart enough to ignore Isa's requests for the information.

"Consequences will catch up with that driver," Isa said, the statement as much a fact as a vow of personal vengeance if the justice system didn't come through with a proper punishment. Not that any judge would order the driver to be strapped down so his own right leg could be surgically removed, leaving him as maimed as his son, but an alpha sire could dream. "You don't need to waste energy hating him, all right? Let's focus our energy on Linus."

"I can do that." Liam brushed a lock of dark hair off Linus's forehead. "He's always been so independent, Isa. Outgoing and active, striving to be the best at whatever he does. So different from Layne and his quiet anxieties. This is going to hurt him."

"Yes, it will. But he'll have us. His brothers, his friends, and if the goddess is willing, his bondmate, too. They both just need time."

Liam sighed and leaned into Isa. "We've got all the time in the world to give him."

I wish that was true, little one. I truly wish it was.

But Isa vowed to give all the time he had to his youngest, to help him push forward and take this new, unexpected life by the wheel and steer toward something wonderful. A future he could thrive in when Isa was no longer there to protect him. Him, his mate, or his other four sons.

Please.

Miko didn't have a destination in mind when he sneaked past the ICU waiting room, unable to face anyone right now, not after his painful dismissal from Liam. So many unnamable things boiled in Miko's heart and gut, and they left him fuzzy and off-kilter, and all he knew was he needed fresh air. Fresh air, even cold air, would help, so he walked, following various exit signs until he finally found a door to freedom.

The door opened into one of the many small gardens, withered and brown for winter, the cement paths empty of wanderers, the metal benches lonely and forlorn beneath the gray sky. The entire outside world looked like Miko felt inside after walking away from his best friend and bondmate. But it was for the best.

Right?

A week ago, Miko would have laughed in anyone's face if they'd suggested he and Linus were bondmates. Growing up, a few of their friends had teased them because of their genders, but they had all seen how close Layne and Peyton were. And when the pair mated, all the jokes had stopped, because no one had ever heard of two pairs of siblings being bondmates. It didn't matter that Linus and Layne were half-siblings, sharing an omegin but having different sires, just like Peyton and Miko had different sires. It had seemed silly and impossible.

But now…not only possible, but too seriously real.

He sat on one of the cold metal benches, uncaring that he was shivering in the cold without his coat. Leaving it behind in the waiting room had been dumb, but he also hadn't been thinking clearly. He ought to go inside but found peace in the chilly outside world and its current silence. It was a comfortable silence.

The silences of hospitals were terrifying sometimes, for all the reasons people were trying to reduce noise. Not to upset patients or their families, not to speak too loudly and spread personal information. Trying to walk without shoes squeaking or belts jangling, startled by every little squeal of a gurney's wheel or ding of an elevator button. The loudest quiet noises in the world happened inside of a hospital.

His phone buzzed with a text alert he ignored. He couldn't ignore everyone for long or they'd worry, and he'd already worried his family enough. And now they had to spend their precious energy reserves on getting Linus through the next few hours, days, weeks, and months. Not on Miko. Never on Miko.

Miko hadn't spent his entire life with a guillotine hanging over his head like Peyton, whose body had carried a deadly disease that could kill him at any time—until he was cured, and even that had come with months of illness, memory loss, and anguish. The first time Peyton had looked at Miko with no recognition in his eyes had punched him in the heart. Watching their parents do everything possible to jog Peyton's memory was like slowly drowning in two inches of water. His eventual recovery was nothing short of a miracle.

What if Linus woke up and his concussion caused similar memory loss? Miko wasn't sure his heart could bear being forgotten by another alpha he loved—especially not an alpha his entire being insisted was his bondmate. The alpha mate created for him by the goddess herself, the man he would spend his life with raising a family.

Is that why I ran? I couldn't stand it if he wakes up and doesn't see me? Doesn't know me?

Yes, that felt right. As the cold numbed his body, Miko smiled at a leafless bush, proud he'd worked this out but also ashamed of his weakness.

His omegin wouldn't have run like that. Omi had actively pursued Dad when he discovered they were bondmates. Omi hadn't let anything keep them apart, not even Dad's own fear and traumatic past. Miko knew every single secret about Linus, everything worth knowing, but he hadn't been strong enough to stay.

"Miko? What are you doing out here?"

A familiar, deep voice boomed down the path from the door he'd exited. Gaven Freel took a few steps toward him, arms crossed over his purple scrubs, his breath puffing out in vapor clouds. Gaven was a family friend, alpha, and as of his graduation from the program two months ago, a registered nurse. He was still doing various specialty rotations and had no seniority to choose his schedule, so he worked in the various wards and observation floors as needed.

"Hey," Miko said dumbly.

"Hey, back, dude. Did something happen with Linus?" He came closer and sat, wrapping a muscled arm around Miko's shoulders. "You're shivering. Let's go inside."

"They're letting Linus wake up. I just…" He couldn't mention the bondmate thing to Gaven, not before he told his own parents. "I'm so scared for him."

"I know. But he's got the best doctors on his team, and the best cheering squad of anyone in Sansbury. Remember how we all came together for Peyton? And Emory when he had the triplets? We're all here for Linus, too."

"He deserves to walk again. He deserves to have his dreams come true like they were supposed to."

"He does. Nothing about this is fair, Miko. How are you?—?"

Miko didn't want or need questions about himself right now. "How are Frey and Yvan doing?" Gaven and Frey's first child, Yvan Serge Freel, had been named after Frey's late omegin Ivan, and Gaven's beta parent Serge.

When Miko first heard the baby's name, he'd amused himself wondering if their next son would be named Monte Dex, or even Dex Monte. It wouldn't surprise him in the least. Frey and Gaven were both incredibly sentimental, and Gaven himself was named after a late friend of Serge's from nursing school.

Gaven's smile seemed to brighten the gray day a little bit more. "They're great, thanks. I can't believe Yvan is already six months old. It doesn't seem possible. Frey is absolutely beside himself with joy being an omegin. His brother Colm practically forced us to go out on a date last weekend so he could babysit. He loves being Uncle Colm."

"That's wonderful. It's been ages since I've seen them. I'm sorry it's been so long."

"Don't be. It's a lot harder for us to get together now that we're all getting older and having families. Ever since Yvan was born, I don't see Rei, Emory or Caden nearly as often as I did when we were kids, or even teenagers. It's part of growing up."

"Right."

"So is facing the really hard stuff."

"Yeah." Miko knew Gaven was trying to circle back to Linus and the accident. But Gaven was three-plus years older and they'd never been close, not the way Gaven had been close with Peyton and the other guys his age. They'd never had a heart-to-heart talk, and Miko wasn't interested in starting now. "Are you on a break? I don't want to keep you."

"On my way in, actually. I'd be lying if I didn't say I got a text from your sire asking me to keep an eye out for you on the grounds."

Miko groaned. "Great. What else did he say?"

"Nothing else, just that he was worried about you. You know, out of our massive collection of parents, I think Mikel is probably the least gossip-y of them all. Probably makes him a great person to confide in, huh?"

"He is." Gaven was subtly urging Miko to talk to his sire about whatever was clearly bothering him, but Miko wasn't sure he was ready yet. "Thanks, Gaven, but really, I'm okay. I just needed some air. I promise I won't sit out here and freeze my ass to the bench."

"Good, or I'll never hear the end of it." He squeezed Miko's shoulder. "I'd also feel better if you came inside with me. Not to any particular ward, just inside where it's warm. Please?"

"Okay." His legs were stiff so Gaven helped him stand and half-limp down the walkway to a side door that required Gaven's ID badge to re-enter. The warm air felt wonderful, and he didn't need wonderful right now. He needed space to think and decide if what he'd done, what he's said to Liam, was truly the best course of action. "Listen, Gaven, I'm going to take a taxi home."

"Are you sure? I bet Mikel would give you a ride."

"I know he would, but no. I need to be alone for a little while. I'll be okay."

"All right. I know you're worried about Linus and his future, but you've got plenty of friends who will listen if you need to talk about anything."

"I know I do, thanks. Give Yvan a kiss for me next time you see him."

"I will. Say hello to your folks for me."

"Sure."

Miko escaped in the opposite direction Gaven was headed and made tracks toward the main west entrance, where he was most likely to find a taxi. There were usually a few lined up in the circle during the day, waiting for discharged patients or car-less visitors. His stomach rolled at the familiar yellow-and-black vehicles, and he took several steps backward. Away. The last time he'd ridden in a taxi…nope. Not tonight.

He kind of wanted to avoid the bus, because now that he'd had his first heat, his scent had changed. The last thing he needed was to draw the attention of an interested, unmated alpha while he was distracted with grief and confusion. He also didn't want to disturb Mikel for a ride, so he sucked up whatever courage he had and walked over to the bus stop. Waited.

Once he was in the back of the next available bus to his side of town, he checked the missed text.

Dad: Isa went into ICU and hasn't come out. Where are you? What happened?

Guilt pitted his stomach. Miko replied: Safe, heading home. Don't want to talk right now.

Thirty seconds later: Did you get your answer?

Yes. Talk later.

Okay. Love you.

Miko put his phone away. Leaving Dad hanging on the question of whether or not Linus was his bondmate was borderline cruel, but he couldn't tell him in text. Hell, when Peyton had sprung similar news on their parents, he and Layne had cooked up an entire extended-family dinner to announce they were dating, in love and having a baby. Miko wasn't about to make a grand gesture like that, but he could at least say it to his parents in person.

Which was why he got off the bus in front of Perks, instead of at home. A familiar white-walled, wide-windowed bakery and café his parents had owned for most of Miko's life. He'd grown up within those walls, crawling under tables, stealing tastes of unbaked batter, and deciding at the grand old age of five that he hated coffee forever (that didn't last).

Warm, coffee-scented air greeted him as soon as he opened the door. It was mid-morning so not as crazy-busy as it would be during peak breakfast and lunch hours. A few tables had patrons. Symon Lee, their baker, was putting a tray of freshly-baked something into the glass display case. Omi was wiping down a table nearest the door, and he glanced up, lips poised as if to greet a new customer.

"Miko, what are you doing here?" Omi asked, hand tightening around his dishrag. "Is Linus awake?"

"Not yet." Not that he knew of, because he'd run from the situation. "I need to talk to you."

"Of course. Symon can watch the register for a little while. Come on." Omi grabbed his sanitizer spray bottle and led Miko through a pair of swinging double doors to the kitchen. More heat hit Miko in the face, as did the familiar scents of yeast, cinnamon and sugar. Past the kitchen and industrial ovens was a small office overrun with business paperwork and collages of family photos.

"We spend sixty hours a week of our lives here," Dad had once said of the photos, "so we need to keep our loved ones close while we're away from them."

For some reason, Miko found all those prying eyes oppressive today.

Once Omi directed him into a folding chair, he brought the rolling desk chair around to face him. "Your dad texted me a while ago and said they were reducing Linus's sedation so he could wake up."

"Yeah, they did that. I wanted to see him before he woke up. Dad talked to Isa, and he convinced Liam to let me go in."

Omi's mouth twitched, as if he wasn't sure if he should smile or not. "Okay. So you saw Linus? I bet that was upsetting."

"It was, but I was also relieved to finally see him with my own eyes, you know?" Tears tightened his throat and burned the backs of his eyes. "I've never seen him so still. It was like looking at a photograph of him, not really him."

"I know, baby. I felt that way when Peyton was in his coma. He'd gone from energetic and optimistic about the treatment protocol to a copy of the boy he'd been. We were all so scared then, but he got through it."

"He did. And I was scared with Peyton, too, but it's different with Linus."

"Because you were in the accident with him and feel responsible?"

"That's half of it." That guilt had a stranglehold on his heart and wasn't letting go anytime soon. "I needed to see Linus before he woke up to know if I should stay away from him while he recovers or not."

Omi's eyebrows scrunched. "What? Why would you even question that?" His confusion shifted into suspicion. "Did you remember something about the party? Did something happen between you two because of your heat symptoms?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"If Linus did something?—"

"Omi, no." Miko clasped his omegin's wrist in a firm hold, loving him for his protectiveness, but he needed to get this out before he exploded. "He didn't do anything except take care of me. I did start to remember some stuff more clearly today, but it was all amazing stuff. Dancing with Linus and feeling so close to him, attracted to him, and we were alone in a bedroom, and we almost kissed before he realized I was going into heat, and he was so amazing getting me out of that house safely. But there was no time to talk about anything before that other car hit us."

"Time to talk about the things you felt when you were alone?"

"Yes."

Omi's suspicious squint softened and he smiled. "Do you think the attraction you felt toward Linus was more than being near an alpha while going into heat?"

"It was. Is. That's why I had to see him, to know if what I felt was just hormones, or if it was the mating bond."

"And?"

"I felt it, Omi. As soon as I touched Linus, I knew. He's my alpha."

"Oh, Miko." He drew Miko's hand up to kiss his knuckles. "I'm so happy for you. It took me so long to find my bondmate, and you've known yours your entire life. But why are you here and not at the hospital?" Omi sat straight up in his chair. "Was Liam upset?"

"No, not at all. Not at first."

"What does that mean, not at first? He was thrilled with Peyton and Layne being bondmates. Why would he object to you and Linus? It's the most perfect outcome I could imagine."

"It isn't me and Linus that Liam got mad at, it was what I said when I realized I felt the mating bond."

"Which was?"

A single, frustrated tear rolled down his cheek, and Miko ignored it. "That I thought I should stay away from Linus while he recovers."

"But why? Why would you not want to be by his side while he goes through this? He's going to need you. He's going to need all of us. Not just for the physical recovery but also the psychological toll this is going to take on Linus."

"I know!" Miko choked back an angry sob. "A week ago, he had all these amazing professional dreams that are gone now. I know that. I took them from him, Omi. It's my fault."

"No, baby, it's not." Omi knelt in front of Miko and pulled him close, into his familiar, tight embrace, and Miko melted against his omegin. Unable to cry but he could exist there. "So many choices were made that night, but the biggest choice, the one that did this to you both? It was the driver who ran the red light. Maybe he was trying to get you home faster, and maybe his heart was in the right place, but he blew the light and was hit. You didn't do that."

"My heat?—"

"No. Listen to me, Miko, no. Your heat is not at fault." Omi pulled back, and Miko's heart broke at the tears on his omegin's cheeks. "The accident is not your fault. Linus losing his leg is not your fault. His parents made a medical decision, and what happened is what happened. You cannot change that by piling all the blame on your own shoulders. I won't let you torture yourself like that. I love Linus, and I love his entire family, but you are my son. You and Peyton will always come first for me, no matter what."

Miko couldn't hold back his tears any longer. His fear and pain and joy and confusion broke free in great, wrenching sobs. He clung to his omegin, and cried for a long time.