15. Lorin

Chapter fifteen

Lorin

" I see you've forgone gloves completely," his grandma said the moment he sat down at the table, his heavy bag filled with books thumping against the floor when he put it down. "Are they now a thing of the past for good?"

Kit had crawled his way into Lorin's lap before he could even process it, winding himself into a tight ball on his knees before plopping his head down and falling asleep. His fluffy tail was wrapped around Lorin's wrist as if he was afraid Lorin would find a way to leave without him, even with Kit literally sitting on top of him.

The clinginess was growing with each day, and not just on Kit's end. It seemed like spending time with human Kit had finally made Lorin realize what it felt like to have a shifter familiar. To be a mate. It wasn't just Kit feeling it. It was like everything was increased tenfold and fed through their bond back to him.

He'd read some stuff on shifter familiars and mates since learning about Kit. He wanted to know more. But nothing could have prepared him for how intense it all felt. It made him think of his parents, and he thought he was finally on his way to understanding the depth of their love for each other.

At least a little bit.

He got restless whenever Kit was out of his sight. He knew Kit needed to go frolic in the woods from time to time, and that he both enjoyed it and craved it, but he didn't like spending too much time separated from him.

The images still swimming inside his head made it hard to let go. Knowing Kit had lost so much already made him feel so protective of him. Knowing there was a human in there, a human who seemed to be everything Lorin hadn't even known he wanted just amplified everything.

He wanted to see him again. Wanted to hold him and tell him he was there and that he'd do everything he could to get him back. He'd said that to the fox countless times since the ice bath, but he needed the human to hear it too. To know it and to be reassured he had made the right choice picking Lorin as his mate. For some reason, it felt beyond important to be seen as a valid, worthy mate to Kit.

"Lorin?"

Lorin snapped his head up. "Sorry what?"

Grandma rolled her eyes. "I said I haven't seen you wearing those gloves the last few times I've seen you."

Lorin looked down at his hands and flexed them against Kit's fur. The rune symbols were vivid, the nails sharper than ever. All marks of Lorin's power. He placed his hands on top of the table, on full display. "No sense in hiding them anymore, is there?"

She studied him carefully before asking a question that sucked all the air out of the room. "Are you no happier for them? Truthfully."

"I…" He bit down on an evasive response, searched his heart, and instead looked deep into her eyes. "They still scare me…but…"

She waited patiently for his answer for the first time, not pushing him for words.

"I haven't worked everything out, but I can say that every time one appeared, I felt happy. Proud. I've never felt that before."

"I'm glad," she said, shifting in a way that wasn't typical of her. She broke his gaze and looked to the side. It was almost nervous. "That you came to that conclusion for yourself after trying. That's all I ever wanted for you. I know I'm a difficult witch. I pushed you away—"

"I shouldn't have left like that," Lorin interrupted her, his chest tight with feeling. Her eyes met his again, across the distance that was smaller now than ever. "Without a word or a note to say where I was. I know we weren't seeing eye to eye, but you didn't deserve that."

"We both made mistakes. I can see that clearly now. All I care about is that you're happy. Even if that means you're in the city. I might even have it in me to come visit."

He knew it took a lot for her to admit that, and it made his eyes sting and his throat tight.

"I missed you," he said, the emotion so high it had to be spilled into words.

She reached across the table, taking one of his hands in hers, and he knew she'd missed him terribly too. They stayed like that for a moment, as the emotion swelled and crested between them like beautiful ocean waves after a storm. But as she looked down at their hands, her brow began to furrow. She squinted and tilted her head, turning his hand in hers to look closely without a single word.

"What?" he asked when she kept staring.

"Your marks are interesting," she said, releasing his hand finally and folding her fingers together.

"Interesting," he repeated. "Interesting how?"

"I know I've seen them before somewhere, but I can't for the life of me place them or remember what they mean."

"I only tried one or two little spells to see if I could get to the bottom of what's happening to Kit." He stretched his fingers and looked at his marks himself. "They appeared after that."

"What sorts of things did you try?" Her voice was nothing but curious and slightly pleased.

"Just stuff I found in the books from the library and the Magic Shop. Anything that sounded like it would help me reach Kit's human form to try and figure out what happened."

"Did it help?"

"I think so." He bit his lip and looked away as he tried to find a way out of telling her exactly what he'd tried. There didn't seem to be one. If he wanted to help Kit, he had to be open. He took a deep breath and looked back up into her eyes. "I found a ritual that allowed me to see some of his memories…"

"Boy!" she barked, her voice going loud. "One or two ‘little' spells? Tell me you didn't attempt a Seeking ritual without anyone there to supervise!"

She looked enraged. He should have known she'd know which ritual he was talking about the moment he mentioned anything more specific about it.

"I might have…" he mumbled.

"You're going to send me to an early grave. I swear to all that's powerful in this world." She groaned, shaking her head. "You could have called. No. You SHOULD have called, Lorin."

"You told me to figure it out," he said, knowing he sounded like a petulant teenager after just apologizing for his actions when he actually was one.

"And now you decide my word is gospel? I did not tell you to put yourself and your familiar in danger with zero support or preparation," she said, exasperated. "Where did you even find the Seeking ritual?"

"It's in one of the books I have." He reached for his bag.

"How? Your mother certainly never owned any books with that inside. The library wouldn't be giving out books with rituals like those in them to whoever wants them. And I know The Owner dances to the beat of his own drum, but even he knows better than to just hand out information that dangerous to people with zero experience!"

"I found it in the library book," Lorin said, sifting through the books in his bag.

"I'm going to have some very strong words with them." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Lorin winced as he finally found the correct book and pulled it out. As an elder, her words held a lot of weight. He placed it on the table between them, pushing it over.

"I found it a few days ago and marked down some other rituals I thought might help, based on what they claim to do. But some of them gave me the creeps, so I wanted to ask you first."

"Oh, so now you've located a shred of common sense?" she grumbled, pulling the book toward herself and checking the cover. "Takes him trying out a ritual that could kill him to figure out he can't just go headfirst through the wall."

She kept grumbling under her breath as she cracked the book open, turning a few pages, the frown getting deeper on her forehead.

"Is this a joke?"

She looked back up into his eyes and he shook his head, reaching out and turning the pages until he found the first ritual he had marked for her to look over.

"This is the first one that seemed like it might help," he said, pointing his sharp nail to the list of ingredients.

She didn't look back down.

She kept staring at him.

"Lorin, what do you see on the page here?" she asked slowly.

He returned her frown. "What do you mean? The ritual is detailed there. There are ingredients listed and a few drawings of how they should be arranged before attempting it to make sure it works. Some history on the origins of the…ritual…itself…"

He trailed off, looking at her as she stared at him, the frown slowly replaced by a wide smile. One warmer and more delighted than any of the cryptic Cheshire cat ones she usually gave to the world.

"What?" he asked, nearly squirming in his seat, causing Kit to wake up and perk his head up over the edge of the table.

He gave Lorin a quick lick on the nose and then turned to look at his grandma, who was still silent. Still just watching him with that smile and what looked like pride in her eyes.

"I should have known," she finally said, Lorin's world flipping upside down when she reached up to dab at her right eye. It was completely dry, but she did it for dramatic effect, he was certain of it.

"Known what?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Your reclusive tendencies, the aversion to any common type of magic, the need to have answers to everything before trying anything for yourself, the bookworm tendencies you've had since you were a little boy," she said, describing who he'd been his entire life. "I should have seen it the moment you came back, but I missed it somehow."

"Missed what?" He was getting frustrated. Kit was standing on his lap now, his front paws braced against the table as he channeled Lorin's energy.

"And your marks," she continued, grabbing for his hand again and lifting his fingers until they were held up between the two of them. "I've seen them once in my entire life. I should have remembered right away. These don't show up often."

"Can you please just tell me what's happening?" he asked, pulling his hand away and stuffing his fingers into Kit's fur for comfort.

"You're a pathfinder," she said, offering no further explanation. As if the word alone was supposed to be enough to fill him in.

"Okaaaay?" he said. "Explain, please."

"Pathfinders are rare, Lorin. It's a branch of magic very few people tap into as their calling. But you have clearly chosen that as your way."

"How can I choose something I've never even heard of?"

"Magic guided you where you needed to be," she said sagely, nodding. "You'll be important to the community. Pathfinders always are."

"But what do they do? And how do you know I am one? I didn't even do anything."

She looked down at the book still open in front of her.

"This page is blank to me," she said, tapping her finger against it. Lorin felt Kit perk up in his arms at the words. "All I see is the cover and the title of the book."

Lorin held Kit by his sides as he stared at the words on the page, the drawings stark against the beige surface, the letters small and neat underneath each of the drawings. They were clearly there.

"You can't see that?"

She shook her head. "I can't. And I imagine nobody else can either."

Kit made a digging motion with his front paws on the surface of the table, turning his head to look at Lorin.

"You can't either?" Lorin asked him, and Kit flicked his tongue out, licking Lorin on the nose.

Lorin pressed his lips tight, the events of the past days rushing through his mind. The absence of the books he'd found from the library system, the strange smile on The Owner's face when he'd offered Lorin his first book from the shop, Glenn's comments when he'd come for a visit, Kit's obvious distaste for Lorin's reading choices.

None of them could see?

None of them could read the information he could?

"A pathfinder?" he asked quietly.

"There are usually a few per generation of witches. Spread around the communities to cover as much ground as possible. They have access to knowledge others don't. They can find answers for people, tap into rituals that would be lost without them."

"Like the Seeking?"

Her face turned serious and she leaned in, warning him. "They also guard the secrets that shouldn't be widespread. There's a reason some rituals and spells disappeared from public knowledge."

Lorin swallowed, the magnitude of what she was saying falling like weights on his shoulders. A mantle she was draping over him, wanted or not. And it wasn't lost on him. He'd felt the fear when he'd cast that spell and it had gone wrong. How he'd almost lost himself. If it hadn't been for Kit, he might not even be here right now. Spells like those were dangerous and were right to be hidden.

"I understand."

But it made the reason he'd come to see her all the more dubious. His heart pounded.

"I know that look," she said.

"What?"

"This ritual you wanted to show me," she said shrewdly, eyes narrowing. "You said it gave you the creeps. Am I assuming that's because the possibility of death is high and not because you don't want to touch the ‘yucky ingredients' as you used to love saying?"

"I was ten." He rolled his eyes despite everything. "You can't hold that against me forever."

She gave him a flat look. "You were eighteen."

"Excuse me for not wanting to turn frog eyes into a paste!"

"Lorin," she said, her patience clearly wearing thin with the diversion in topic.

"It's not dangerous…I don't think…" he said slowly, wincing a little. "It just seems…dark."

His grandma was the line between light and dark. She was the gray area of shadow where they touched. He'd seen her work with things that would make anyone else shiver, but she always knew where to stop.

Lorin had no idea where the boundaries were, but the shiver he'd gotten down his spine when reading had been indication enough for him to go to her this time. The Seeking was one thing, and he'd more than learned his lesson there.

This was something entirely different.

She hummed. "Go on."

"It details a witch's research into animals and how to transform them…into humans," Lorin said cautiously, and Kit popped his head up in interest. "At first, I was excited. I thought I'd found the answer. But as I read further it became strange… It seemed like the goal wasn't anything to do with shifters."

His grandma frowned but nodded for him to continue.

"The animals kept their animal minds but were forced into human bodies. A lot of them went mad. The town was terrorized. It wasn't even clear what the goal was for the witch. They were cast out, and that's the end of the entry."

"Such experiments were unfortunately common in the past," his grandma said gravely. "Witches pushing nature and magic too far for the sake of curiosity."

"I put it aside entirely after that. It was too barbaric," Lorin said. "But one thing occurred to me about it that I kept coming back to. The animals that were being transformed were animals fully. They weren't shifters."

"You think that because Kit's mind stays the same between shifts that the consequences would be negligible." She summarized his thoughts for him without him having to voice them.

"I don't know. Which is why I came to you."

She sighed, sinking back into her ancient wingback chair. Sjena flew down from the rafters and settled on her shoulder. "It's impossible to predict. Magic cannot be tamed and forced to our will. We harness it, but we do so understanding and respecting the wildness of its nature."

"I wouldn't ever attempt anything that could put Kit in danger," Lorin said. "But I'm struggling to find anything to help."

"These memories you saw of Kit's in the Seeking, what were they?"

"They were scattered, but I saw that it was witches who did this to him. I couldn't tell why or how, but it was definitely witches. A coven of them."

"I worried, but to have it confirmed…" Grandma hissed. "Disgraces to the community."

"I also saw Kit's family," Lorin said, looking down at Kit's soulful gaze. "He lost them somewhere and has been trying to find them, I think."

"The friends I contacted in the shifter community haven't given me any answers about Kit's origins, unfortunately, but there have been whispers of a few other disappearances."

Lorin snapped his head up in surprise, feeling Kit do the same. "You think they're linked to whoever took Kit?"

"It's impossible to tell since shifters don't move in the same ways as us. A lot of them don't create large communities or keep in touch regularly, due the nature of the animal that guides them. But there have been enough that it has raised suspicions among some."

"Surely someone else must have heard of this? Somewhere?"

"I'll keep searching, but we need to keep this quiet, Lorin. A coven of witches with no respect for magic or humanity is no small matter. I'll inform the other elders at our next meeting and ask for their opinions."

Lorin nodded fiercely. He was by no means on a crusade to topple an empire. Of course he wanted these witches brought to justice, what they were doing was despicable and he had a personal vendetta now because of Kit. But he wasn't stupid enough to assume he could be the one to do it when there were witches of his grandma's caliber out there. He just wanted to help Kit.

That was his focus for now.

"Has Kit shifted again since the last occurrence?" his grandma asked.

"After the ritual, it lasted for much longer. About an hour or so…"

Her eyebrows winged up. "And you didn't think this was pertinent information?"

"There's a lot going on!" Also, subconsciously, maybe Lorin wasn't thrilled about the idea of explaining all the interactions that occurred between himself and Kit that night. "And he wasn't able to actually talk to tell me anything. It seemed like he was hurt."

"It might have something to do with being forced to be shifted for so long," she murmured. "There are bound to be consequences."

Lorin held Kit tighter to him. "Is there anything we can do?"

"Only if he shifts again. We can't treat the fox for human ailments. But it is interesting that it was for a longer duration…" She trailed off. "This was after the ritual, you said?"

Lorin nodded. "Do you think it's related?"

"We won't be putting it to the test either way," she said sternly. "You were lucky enough the first time around."

Lorin sighed and nodded. He knew she was right, but being out of options again was more than disheartening after days of struggle. He looked down at Kit, stroking his ears in apology.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'll keep looking."

Kit licked his wrist.

"The ritual you mentioned before," his grandma said suddenly into the silence.

Lorin glanced at her in surprise.

"Read it out for me. Word for word."

Lorin did as she asked. Slowly. Carefully. Making sure to not miss a single word. He sketched out the drawings to the best of his ability, tracing over some directly with the paper.

"Your idea has some merit," she said finally. "But the biggest risk is to Kit."

They both looked down at the fox who was following the conversation avidly.

"Then maybe we shouldn't," Lorin said, backing away immediately with a sick feeling in his stomach. "I can search for something else."

Kit made a yowl, planting his paw on the book and looking at Lorin firmly.

"It could be dangerous. You heard her," Lorin said.

Kit yipped.

"It's not guaranteed to work. It could all be for nothing."

Kit laid a paw on Lorin's chest, right over his hammering heart, like he could sense his distress.

"It's his decision," his grandma said. "He's had enough agency stolen from him."

Lorin clenched his jaw. He wanted to deny her, to let his fear rule him, but she was right. Lorin wasn't there to make these decisions for Kit. He was his familiar, but Kit was his own person.

"Okay…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay. It's your choice. I'll help you if this is what you want." He felt a small tongue lick his neck.

"I'll be there as well. This is far too advanced magic. And we'll need someone else's help too. The ingredients listed aren't common," his grandma said.

Lorin snorted. "I may have a solution for that."

Kit

Nooooo. He didn't want to be awake. He was too comfortable and felt so warm and protected. He could feel arms around him and he knew they were Lorin's. Safe and firm as they held him close in his sleep. Why would he want to leave that? There were literally zero benefits to moving from the position he was in.

But there was an insistent shaking on his shoulder and Lorin's voice was calling out to him over and over and over again. Kit finally turned his head and nipped at Lorin's fingers.

That would teach him.

The bite felt off though. It didn't feel like he'd managed to grip the way he wanted to. Lorin didn't taste the same as he usually did. There was something on Kit's tongue that was sweeter than usual.

He cracked an eye open and lifted his chin to blink sleepily at Lorin. He looked different. Clearer. Sharper. Like Kit had gained another set of eyes and was using them to their full potential.

He was so close.

Hot breaths washed over his face, and he could feel the sofa at his back, pushing them closer. He glanced down to find his body plastered to Lorin's from head to toe.

His very human body.

He froze for a second before trying to spring up and talk and touch Lorin all at the same time, the excitement rushing through his veins like fizzy bubbles. He got tangled in the blanket covering them halfway, immediately flopping back down onto Lorin's chest, face on his soft cotton pajama top. He nuzzled closer for a second, taking in Lorin's scent, a mixture of leather and paper that reminded Kit of comforting stories and curling up warmly.

It was only when he had dragged in enough lungfuls that he peeked back up from under his messy hair, the light strands easy to see through.

He wouldn't have wanted to miss what he saw—the awed smile that was reserved only for him. It was filled with so much. Kit felt like he could get a stomachache from just how much. He wanted to eat it all anyway.

Lorin brushed his hair away from his face with soft fingers, careful of his nails, before running his thumb over Kit's cheek. It sparked electricity all over and Kit mewled a little, stretching to get closer.

"Hi," Lorin whispered, his face still puffy with the remnants of sleep, flushing a beautiful dusky pink.

Kit wanted to say it back to him so much. Wanted to talk to him so bad. But he could feel the pain radiating from his throat already. So he gave Lorin a tiny wave, making him chuckle.

"Welcome back. I don't know how you're here, but I'm so, so happy to see you."

The words made Kit swallow hard, and he squeezed Lorin's arm in agreement. He'd missed him too. Even though he was always there, it wasn't quite the same as this. It was different to hold him properly. To feel so intimately close to him. To feel like there wasn't a timer ticking over his head, ready to snatch him away.

"Are you okay?" Lorin asked softly.

Kit nodded, a little bit unsure but mostly honest. For all intents and purposes, he was fine. Just…not able to control his shift still.

"I don't know how much…" Lorin started, but then shook his head and cupped Kit's cheek, tipping his face up. "How much can you understand when you're in your fox form?"

Kit nodded, trying to indicate that he understood most things. Maybe not things as complex and intricate as he did as a human, but his human self was still in there, helping him understand.

"Kit…I…" Lorin looked between his eyes with his own full of emotion. He trailed off, his voice breaking slightly. "Stars, I wish I'd known you'd be here. I would have been prepared. I'd have made use of the time. I have so much… There is so much I want you to know…"

Kit whined low in his throat and grasped at Lorin's collar with needy fingers. He knew. He really did. Lorin didn't have to say much for him to know there were universes between them that they needed to navigate. But Lorin also didn't know they were still much closer than he could imagine. They'd get there. Together.

He strained his neck and brushed their noses together, much like he did when he was in fox form. He felt Lorin shudder in answer, fingers curling on his back and behind his ear.

He hoped Lorin would understand.

He was the same Kit. In whatever shape he came, he was himself and he was there. With Lorin. For good.

"Grandma and Glenn are coming tomorrow for the ritual. Are you sure… I know you said yes as a fox, but do you still consent to it?"

Kit nodded against his forehead. There was nothing else for him to do. Lorin felt like the ritual would help and Kit trusted him beyond any reason.

"I promise I'll do everything I can to keep you safe," Lorin said, his eyes darting over Kit's face wildly, as if he was trying to memorize him, brand him into his mind in case he never saw him again.

Kit nodded, taking Lorin's hand and twining their fingers together.

His nails started elongating.

His heart picked up speed.

"You're leaving again," Lorin said, and Kit closed his eyes, helpless and disappointed for a second, but also…hopeful, somehow.

He lowered his head to place a small kiss over Lorin's shirt, just above his heart, trying to speak without words as his skin grew fur and his body shrank back into itself.

"I'll see you soon," Lorin said. "I promise I'll find a way for you to stay."