Chapter 2

Eli

My fingertips were still tingling where I'd held on to Mav just before he'd walked out the door. Even worse, his rumbly voice was still stroking over my entire body as I replayed his words in my head.

You know where to find me.

That was the problem. And unless I was willing to give up my nearly daily visits to the ICS unit, it would continue to be a problem.

The first time I'd seen the tall, burly, long-haired man outside room 421, I'd actually stopped in my tracks and debated skipping the room all together. He'd been wearing almost exactly the same thing he wore most days – black leather pants, black boots and a black T-shirt that stretched across his broad chest. Tattoos covered much of his arms and disappeared under the wide leather wrist cuffs he wore and I'd had no doubt they continued to his shoulders and beyond because I'd seen a hint of ink peeking out from beneath the neckline. His long black hair had been tied back with some kind of band or tie, but I'd gotten a good enough look to see that it would fall at least to his shoulders when loose.

I'd only had a profile view at that point, but I'd felt an uncomfortable stirring in my gut as I'd taken in the hard line of his scruff-covered jaw, his wide lips, and straight nose. His darker skin tone had given him an exotic look and I'd cursed the fact that I hadn't been able to tell what color his eyes were from where I'd stood trying to pretend I wasn't watching him.

But none of that was what had truly frightened me. It was the way he'd held himself as he'd stood there outside that door, his eyes scanning each and every person in the crowded hallway.

Assessing.

Unforgiving.

Dangerous.

And then he'd looked at me. And he'd kept looking at me. I'd felt it even after I'd dropped my eyes and pretended to look at the list of patient names in my hand.

I'd wanted to run like the coward I was. But then I'd looked down at the list of kids who were a thousand times stronger and braver than me and I'd forced my feet to move. I'd somehow managed to greet the various nurses and staff as I'd passed by them, but I hadn't managed to lift my eyes even once when I'd reached the door to the room where little Matty Travers was spending the next several weeks undergoing treatment for leukemia.

It had taken several minutes to even get past the big man after he'd asked me my name and I'd used those moments to sneak peeks at him as he, and another man I would later learn was one of Matty's fathers, spoke to the Director of Volunteer Services to make sure I was who I said I was.

His eyes were green. Not just plain green but deep, dark green like the tall evergreen trees that were predominant throughout the Pacific Northwest.

I hadn't asked why the little boy in room 421 had someone standing guard outside his room, but my whole body had been surging with electricity during my entire first visit with Matty and it had taken everything in me not to keep shifting my gaze to the door to try and get more glimpses of the man.

Mav.

"You sure you don't want to get checked out? "

I jumped at the sound of Brennan's voice because I'd completely forgotten about his presence. My entire body ached and my wrist was throbbing like a son of a bitch, but I shook my head. "No, I'm fine," I murmured as I turned around to face him. "Do me a favor and don't tell Dom, okay?" I said, forcing a lightness I wasn't feeling into my voice. "He'll want to wrap me in bubble wrap or something," I joked.

Brennan chuckled and reached for one of the bags of frozen vegetables on the table and handed it to me. I walked around the loveseat and sat down. Brennan came around the piece of furniture to join me, but when his eyes fell on the bookshelf, he paused and then went over to it and righted the single picture frame that had been lying face down. I felt my stomach tighten as my eyes settled on the photo in the frame, but I quickly tore them away and focused on getting the cold bag back on my wrist.

"I should probably warn you then," Brennan began as he dropped down on the loveseat next to me. "Dom and Logan are planning a welcome home party for you this Saturday. They were going to do it last weekend during family dinner, but since you had other plans…"

I forced myself not to chew on my lower lip as I was prone to do when I was stressed. I'd only been back in Seattle for a couple of weeks and while I'd come back specifically to be around the men and women who'd become my surrogate family, I'd yet to actually see any of them except for Brennan and Dominic Barretti, the man who'd saved my life.

Literally.

I'd been certain that coming home would change things for me, but the second Dom had shown up at my apartment the day after I'd arrived and enfolded me in his arms, I'd started to wonder if I hadn't made a terrible mistake.

Because the guilt of all I'd done had come boiling up to the surface the moment he'd wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Welcome home, Eli," in my ear. He'd taken the few tears I'd shed as a sign of happiness, but the second he'd left, I'd slid to the floor and let everything go. And when the invites to come visit all the various family members had started rolling in, I'd begun making excuses.

"Do you think you can talk them out of it?" I asked. "I offered to take a shift at the hospital for another volunteer," I lied. I knew my reprieve wouldn't last long, but I just wasn't ready yet. Not to mention the bruise on my face wouldn't be gone by then and while Brennan might have bought my excuse, there was no way in hell Dom would have.

I felt Brennan's eyes on me so I forced my own up. Brennan was close to my own age and while he wasn't as seasoned in picking out lies like Dom was, he was still a smart guy. He studied me for a moment and then nodded his head. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

"I stopped by to see if you wanted to come look at apartments with me," Brennan said. He looked at my wrist which I still had pressed against my chest. "But seems like you should get some rest."

"Yeah," I mumbled. "You're getting your own place?"

Like me, Brennan had returned to Seattle after graduating from UCLA but unlike me, he had actual family to stay with. His brother Zane and his husband Connor lived in Queen Anne with Zane and Brennan's younger sister, Hannah, as well as their five-year-old son, Leo.

If I hadn't been looking at Brennan at that exact moment, I would have missed his small smile just before he said, "Tristan's transferring to the UW this fall. We're sharing a place."

Even though it had been a while since I'd last seen Logan and Dom's adopted son and Brennan together, Brennan's reaction didn't surprise me. I'd seen early on that Brennan was infatuated with the younger man, but I suspected the feelings went one way because as far as I knew, they'd never been anything more than just friends.

"Are you guys-" I began.

"No," Brennan quickly interjected and a mask of indifference fell over his face. "It just makes sense to get a place together."

I wanted to ask Brennan if that was the best idea considering how deep his feelings appeared to run, but he caught me off guard when he quietly asked, "So how are your parents? "

My stomach rolled, but I swallowed hard and nodded. "My mom is good. She's trying to keep busy with the charity work she does for veterans and their families."

"And your dad? How is he holding up?"

"He's good," I managed to get out and I steeled myself for the inevitable next question.

"And Caleb?"

"He's hanging in there," I murmured non-committedly.

Brennan sat back against the couch cushions and shook his head. "Fuck, poor guy. Finding his own brother like that…"

I could feel bile rising in my throat and I quickly stood and went to the kitchen and snatched the other bag of vegetables off the table, putting both back in the freezer.

"Sorry," I heard Brennan murmur and I closed the freezer door to see him standing a few feet away. "I shouldn't have brought it up," he said.

"No, it's okay," I responded with a sigh. "It's just been a rough few weeks."

Brennan nodded in understanding. "I'll make sure Dom and Logan hold off on the party."

"Thanks," I said and when Brennan leaned in to carefully hug me, I actually felt a moment of relief.

"It's good to have you home, Eli," Brennan said against my shoulder.

Tears stung my eyes as I said, "It's good to be home." Because it was yet another lie in a long line of lies I couldn't seem to escape.

"I'll catch you later," Brennan said as he released me and turned to go. "Go easy on the stairs, man," he added with a chuckle and then he left, giving Baby a quick pat before closing the door behind him.

The second the door clicked into place, the tears fell without warning and I covered my mouth with my uninjured hand to stifle the sobs in case Brennan was still within hearing range. I sank down into one of the kitchen chairs and tried to get control of myself, but when Baby bumped my good arm, I lost it and reached down to wrap my arm around the big dog who'd been the only certainty in my life from the moment Dom had given him to me. By the time all my tears had been spent, I was physically exhausted and every part of my body hurt. I got up and started to go to my bedroom, but stopped when my eyes caught on the picture frame Brennan had righted. I used my arm to wipe away the tears on my face as I went to the bookshelf. I stared at the eyes in the picture that were staring back at me and I wondered how I hadn't seen it. Of all the things I'd seen in the eyes of the men who'd used me when I was a kid, how could I have missed what I so clearly saw now?

I bit back another sob and quickly turned the picture over before heading to my room. I just needed to forget for a little while. Tomorrow would be here soon enough and I'd have to figure out where to go from there. An unbidden image of forest green eyes jumped into my head as I crawled under the covers of my bed.

You know where to find me.

Yes, I did. And that was part of the problem.