Chapter 18

Eli

Five hours and counting.

That was how long it had been since Mav had last spoken to me. But it didn't matter because it felt like just seconds had passed since he'd cut me open and left me to bleed to death.

No.

One word. One word that was proof of what I'd known from the moment I'd woken up one morning in a haze of confusion and pain and realized that I would never have the family I'd started to believe I could have after Dom Barretti had come into my life.

I'd been so determined to follow through on my plan after I'd told Ronan to take me to the airport. There'd only been enough time to call Brennan to ask him to watch Baby for me and to tell the hospital I had a family emergency. Ronan hadn't argued with me when I'd informed him of the change of plans and asked him to take Baby back to my place after dropping me off. He'd simply agreed and reminded me that he'd need my house keys. Once we'd reached the airport, he'd spoken to the waiting pilot for a couple of minutes and given me a brief hug during which he'd whispered a few short words in my ear that had become my mantra as I'd waited to confront Mav inside of the jet .

Fight for him.

Fight wasn't even an adequate word for the battle that had ensued, both with Mav and within myself. I'd wanted nothing more than to get off the plane and go home so I could lick my wounds after Mav had told me he wouldn't even try to love me. And while I'd tried to get off the plane, I wouldn't have gone home. I would have done exactly what I'd said I'd do and followed him, no matter what it cost me.

I wasn't leaving Mav even though he'd already left me. Once I was sure he was okay after dealing with the loss of his mother, then I'd let him go. But that wasn't all I was going to do.

No, I'd had a lot of time on the flight to think and I'd come to the realization that returning to Seattle had been a terrible mistake. I'd thought being around Dom and his family would somehow heal the wounds I'd inflicted upon myself with one terrible decision, but being around my surrogate family had made me realize they were no longer even that to me. I had become an outsider looking in on a life I could no longer have. And even though Dom, his brothers and their partners would never know what I'd done, it didn't matter because I knew.

Five hours was both a lot of time and not enough. Because while I hadn't needed much time to make the decision to leave Seattle for good, I'd had plenty of time to think about what it would be like to try to start over again. When I'd done it the first time when I'd left Seattle to go to school on the east coast, I'd chosen to see it as a new adventure. This time around, I'd be leaving behind so much more than bad choices. Leaving the family I'd wanted to be a part of more than anything would cripple me. But leaving Mav…I had no way to even describe what that was going to do to me. He'd become the one person I could be myself around. Who would I be now?

"Eli, we're here," I heard Mav say and I looked up from where I'd been staring blankly out the window. I'd glanced at my watch when the pilot had announced that we were beginning our descent into Newark, but I didn't remember anything after that. I was lucky Mav hadn't decided to just leave me sitting there .

My fingers felt numb as I worked the seat belt loose. I grabbed my bag from the seat next to me and stood. Mav hadn't moved and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't and he finally turned and left the plane. I steeled myself for what was to come and followed him.

When I got off the plane, I saw Mav standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes on a man standing about a hundred yards away, a big SUV right behind him. The two men stared at each other for a long time. The other man's expression was unreadable from where I stood, but I didn't miss the tension in Mav's frame. When I reached him, he glanced at me and then began walking forward. I stayed a few steps behind and watched the interaction when Mav reached the other man. They studied each other for a long time before the other man put out his hand. Mav hesitated and then extended his arm, but their handshake wasn't traditional. Instead of grabbing each other's hands, their hands wrapped around each other's forearms and held there for a long moment. Then the stranger smiled and stepped forward to wrap his other arm around Mav and pat him on the back. It wasn't a lover's embrace, but rather one of brothers.

When they stepped back, the other man's eyes fell on me and then shifted back to Mav.

"Mace, this is Eli Galvez. Eli, this is Mace Calhoun. We used to work together."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," I murmured as I held out my hand. I hated that Mav hadn't even attached the nondescript moniker of "friend" to me when he'd introduced me.

Because we weren't even that. I was a good fuck, nothing more, I reminded myself.

"It's nice to meet you, Eli," Mace said as he shook my hand. "I wish it could have been under more pleasant circumstances," he added as his gaze shifted back to Mav. "We don't have to do this right away," Mace said to Mav. "I can take you to your hotel-"

"No," Mav interjected with a shake of his head. "I need to get this over with."

Mace nodded and then reached for my and Mav's bags. He stowed them in the back of the SUV while I climbed into the backseat and Mav sat up front in the passenger seat. None of us spoke as we made the twenty-minute journey to the Coroner's office, but I did hear Mace make a call to tell someone named Detective Adams that we were on our way. I'd purposefully chosen the seat behind Mace so I could watch Mav as we drove and the closer we got to our destination, the more rigid his frame became. By the time Mace was parking the car, Mav's jaw looked like it was going to crack from the pressure.

I followed Mav and Mace into the building and ultimately the basement where it was considerably cooler than the upstairs had been. A portly man in a cheap suit was waiting for us, file folder in hand.

"Mr. James?" the man said as he extended his hand. We'd stopped in front of a large glass window that was covered with a curtain on the inside. I knew exactly what was on the other side of that curtain and I felt my stomach roll.

"Yes," Mav said stiffly as he shook the man's hand.

"I'm Detective Adams. I've been assigned to this case."

Mav nodded and I barely noticed when both Mace and I were introduced to the man because I was focused on how Mav's eyes had shifted to the window. I ached to touch him, to tell him that everything would be okay.

"When you're ready, I'll have the ME pull the curtain back," the detective said.

"I'm ready," Mav said without hesitation and he faced the window. I automatically moved to his side, but I doubted he noticed me. Mace was on his other side. The detective went to an intercom and spoke into it and a second later the curtain was drawn back. I forced myself not to react to the sight of the covered body, but I felt like I was going to throw up when the ME began drawing back the covering to reveal the body.

I hadn't asked Mav how his mother had died, but I had my answer the instant the woman's face was revealed. Because there was a small, almost perfectly shaped hole on her right temple. I shifted closer to Mav when I heard a rush of air escape him .

Pain tore through me for him and without thinking, I automatically reached out to grab his hand. A few moments later, his fingers remained lax in my grip so I began to release him, but the second my fingers loosened, his hand tightened around mine.

"Mr. James, is this your mother, Kim Red Winds?" the detective asked as he read the name from a piece of paper in the folder he was holding.

"Kimimela," Mav murmured. "It's her Indian name. She shortened it to Kim when she left the reservation. It means Little Butterfly," he said dully.

The detective didn't respond, but I saw him jot it down.

"What happened?" Mav asked, his eyes never leaving his mother's bloodless face.

"It was a domestic altercation with the man she was living with. Witnesses said they were often heard arguing and evidence suggests she may have been trying to leave him when he shot her."

"Where is he?" Mav asked, his hand tightening on mine.

"Dead. He took his own life shortly afterwards."

Even though Mav's hold on me bordered on painful, the rest of his body showed no reaction whatsoever.

"Mr. James, the ME will need some information on what you would like done with the body. Have you selected a funeral home yet?"

"No funeral home," Mav said. "I'm taking her home."

"Come in," I called when I heard the knock on the door. I'd been sitting out on the balcony of the guest room in the townhouse Mace shared with Cole and Jonas, the two men he lived with and who I had already guessed were his lovers based on the single master bedroom Mace had shown us when he'd given us a tour of the place.

I'd been surprised that Mav had agreed when Mace had suggested we stay with them rather than at a nearby hotel, but I'd figured out why he'd said yes as soon as we'd gotten to the spacious townhouse. Because when Mace had shown us to the bigger of the two guestrooms, Mav had declared the room mine, leaving Mace no choice but to offer him the second guestroom on the other side of the hall.

Mace pushed open the door. He had a couple of towels in his hand which he placed on the bed. Behind him trailed a small, fluffy tabby cat that promptly jumped up on the bed and lay down on top of the towels.

"Digger," Mace murmured as he reached for the cat.

"No," I said quickly. "Leave him."

"You sure?" Mace asked as we both watched the cat curl itself into a ball, its tail wrapping around its body. I hadn't missed the fact that the animal was missing one of its eyes. From the moment Mav and I had stepped over the threshold of Mace's townhouse, we'd been greeted by several dogs and cats, though I hadn't seen this particular one at the time. Mace had explained that a few of the animals were fosters, but with the way he greeted them and they him, I had to wonder if they would be fosters for long. Because the huge, heavily tattooed man clearly had a soft spot for them.

"Yeah," I said as I stepped forward to run my hand over the cat's soft fur. "I'd love the company," I added before I could think better of it.

"Well, if you need anything else, just let me know. I'm going to get dinner started since Jonas is teaching a late class and Cole won't be back from Connecticut for another hour or so."

Agitation was rolling through me and the idea of being cooped up in the room across from the man who hadn't acknowledged me even once after he'd dropped my hand at the Coroner's office after his mother's body had been covered back up had me unable to sit still for more than a minute at a time. "Can I help?" I asked.

"With dinner?" Mace asked in surprise. "Um, yeah, sure."

I turned to close the balcony door so Digger wouldn't go outside and then followed Mace from the room. I glanced at Mav's closed door. He'd disappeared in there shortly after Mace had finished the tour with the excuse that he had arrangements to see to, but I wasn't certain that was the complete truth since he'd made several calls from the car and I'd garnered enough information from the one-sided conversation to glean several things.

His first call had been to Ronan to let him know we'd arrived and that we'd be flying to Pine Ridge, South Dakota the following day to take his mother's body back to the reservation she'd grown up on. When Mace had asked about the arrangements after Mav had hung up with Ronan, Mav had simply said that Ronan would take care of having the body transported to the airport in Newark as well as to the reservation from the airport near Pine Ridge. His next call had been the telling one because after he'd said his name, he'd asked to speak to his grandfather. He'd been silent as the other caller had spoken, but when he'd said, "Tell him his daughter is dead and I'm bringing her home," and then hung up, I'd known the man had likely refused to speak to Mav. And I knew that whatever tomorrow brought when we reached the reservation, it would be pure hell for Mav.

Once Mace and I reached the kitchen, I threw myself into cutting up the vegetables that needed to be chopped for the salad. Neither of us spoke as we worked, but I didn't miss the way Mace looked at me. When I was finished putting the salad together, I noticed that Mace was making two versions of the same type of casserole. At my curious glance he said, "Cole loves mushrooms and peppers, but Jonas hates them."

I smiled at that. "My uncle does that too."

"Does what?"

"Cooks separate meals for his partners."

Mace stilled. "Your uncle is involved with two people?"

I nodded. "Two men. They've been together almost nine years. Ren keeps saying he's tired of making two dinners plus something separate for the girls, but he does it anyway."

"Girls?"

"Their daughters. Two of them."

Mace laughed. "Two daughters? They're screwed."

I chuckled. "The fathers or the daughters?"

Mace smiled. "Both I guess." He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of soda and offered it to me. He grabbed one for himself and motioned to the kitchen table.

"Those girls have my uncles wrapped around their little fingers. Ren, Declan and Jagger are the ones in trouble."

"Are they your only family?" Mace asked.

The temporary warmth I'd been feeling at the many memories of the three men trying to figure out how to manage two young daughters fled. Mace must have seen something in my expression because he said, "Sorry, it's none of my business."

"No," I said with a shake of my head. The air turned awkward between us and I felt instantly guilty. The man's question had been a harmless one. I was the one turning it into something more. "They're a big family," I said. "Ren has three brothers. Vin is the oldest and he's married to Mia. They have four kids. Dom's next. He's married to Logan and they have three kids. Rafe is the youngest and is married to Cade. They also have three kids and are expecting another one in a couple of months. There's also Zane and Connor who are raising Zane's younger brother and sister and they have a five-year-old son. Logan's sister is married to one of his best friends and his other best friend is married too."

Mace looked at me for a long time before laughing heartily. "That is a big family. You're a lucky guy, Eli." Mace took a drink and then asked, "Which one of the brothers is your father?"

"What?" I asked in startled surprise.

Mace hesitated. "You said they were your uncles. I just assumed…"

I swallowed hard and shook my head. "No, I'm not really part of the family," I clarified. "I met Dom when I was a kid and he helped me and my mom out. I kind of just hung out with them here and there."

I was glad when Mace didn't say anything. Instead, he got up to check the casseroles and put them in the oven. When he returned to the table I asked, "How long have you and Jonas and Cole been together?"

"A few months. We're still trying to figure everything out," he admitted .

"What do you mean?"

Mace tilted his head. "We know that the three of us were meant to be together, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world sees it the same way."

I nodded in understanding. "Ren, Declan and Jagger went through that. Their family was never an issue of course, but there were plenty of people who told them more than once that what they were doing wasn't natural. Especially when they had kids and started interacting with other parents and stuff."

"How'd they deal with it?"

"They figured out who their real friends were and told everyone else to fuck off," I said. "It's hard for their oldest little girl to understand sometimes why she doesn't get invited to certain kids' birthday parties and stuff," I acknowledged. "But her fathers more than make up for it – those two girls will never doubt how much their fathers love them. And you mess with one Barretti, you mess with them all," I added with a chuckle.

I glanced up to see Mace watching me thoughtfully. "Barretti as in Barretti Security Group?"

I nodded. "You know them?"

Mace shook his head. "I know of them. I work for their competition," he said. "Though I guess you can't really call us that. Your uncles are the global leaders in security. With all those army contracts, there's just no catching up to them at this point…"

I dropped my eyes at Mace's words as my stomach rolled violently. I sucked in a deep breath and said, "Yeah, they're doing really well." I looked up to see him watching me intently. "So, um, you said Jonas is a teacher?"

Mace pinned me with his gaze for several long seconds before saying, "He's an artist. He teaches art classes to underprivileged kids."

"And Cole?"

"Cole's doing some consulting work for the Navy along with his father."

The dogs lying on the floor at our feet suddenly jumped up and ran for the front door. Several long seconds later, a dark haired man entered the kitchen. "Did I hear my name?"

The beautiful smile that spread across Mace's face actually made my heart hurt and I felt tears sting my eyes when I watched him stand and embrace Cole and then kiss him softly. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey yourself," Cole said back and then kissed him again.

I'd managed to get a hold of myself when Mace turned his attention back to me and began making the introductions, but inside I felt like my entire world was imploding and for the first time since I'd gotten on the plane, I wondered if I'd made a terrible mistake.