Chapter 17

Mav

My insides bled as I heard the doors behind me slide open, but I steeled myself for what I needed to do. "I told you I don't want you here anymore."

"It's me."

I glanced up from the browser on my phone that I'd been using to try to find the next flight out and saw Ronan pushing the double doors closed. I assumed his presence meant that Eli hadn't waited for him so I said, "He probably just left. You should be able to catch up to him in the garage."

"He's in the living room," Ronan said, his voice quiet and unreadable.

I turned away because I knew what it meant that the man hadn't just gone and collected Eli like I'd asked. "It's none of your business, Ronan," I murmured as I woke my phone back up and started searching the flights again.

"Just like it's none of his?" Ronan asked.

I didn't respond to that and instead said, "I've got a lot of shit to do."

Ronan stopped next to me and snatched my phone away and tossed it on the bed. "Seth is working on having the plane readied for you and as soon as you're airborne, I'll make the arrangements to have your mother's body transported wherever you want."

I knew Ronan was talking about the private jet he and Seth had recently purchased so they wouldn't keep needing to charter a plane when they wanted to travel somewhere. Since Seth suffered from extreme anxiety, they'd found it more prudent to buy a private jet so that they could travel on their own schedule and bring Seth's dog, Bullet, with them. And it wasn't like the men couldn't afford it.

"That's not necessary," I muttered as the numbness I'd felt ever since the man on the phone had muttered the words that had ensured I'd never hear my mother's voice again. Even if it was just to beg for money.

"What happened with Eli?"

The shift in conversation caught me off guard and a wave of pain flooded my insides as I thought about the terrible things I'd said to him. I'd been desperate to drive him away, but the words had been unnecessarily cruel. And a complete lie.

"Nothing. It's over. I'll need a few days and then Memphis can put me back in the rotation."

"I'll talk to Eli about going with you. If it's his job at the hospital-"

Anger surged through me at that and I shoved past Ronan to grab my bag from where it was sitting on the dresser in the far corner of the room. "I don't want him to come with me and I don't need your help! I'm fine," I snapped as I began jamming the few clothes I'd taken out of the bag the day before back into it.

"Mav, I know you're hurting, but this is what family does-"

"Family?" I spit out. "We're not fucking family, Ronan. We're employer and employee!"

I had my back turned so I didn't see Ronan until he was on me. He grabbed me by the arm and yanked me backwards until I hit the wall. I took a swing at him, but he easily caught my fist and then pinned my arm against my side. Besting Ronan physically wasn't possible, so I didn't bother to struggle.

"The other thing family does is they tell one of its members when they're being a fucking idiot. Now shut the hell up and listen to me."

Ronan's hold on me eased, but he didn't release me and I found I was suddenly too tired to care. I'd let him say his piece and then I'd get the fuck out of this city for good.

"Stop running, Mav," Ronan suddenly whispered.

The drop in his voice was so dramatic that I focused my eyes on him.

"Just stop and look around you for a minute. Hawke, Tate, Matty, Seth, me…you've got us whether you like it or not. We are not going anywhere, no matter how hard you push us away, do you hear me?"

I hated that a little spark inside of me fluttered to life. I hated that even as Ronan released me, a part of me wished he hadn't. I managed a nod, though I wasn't sure what I was agreeing to. I couldn't deal with this shit right now. Maybe not ever.

"Let us help you, Mav," Ronan said gently, too gently.

I nodded again, my throat feeling too dry to actually speak. I pushed off the wall, but found it hard to do anything else.

"Tell me what else you need," Ronan murmured.

"Take him home," I whispered. "Please."

"Mav-"

"I can't have him here, Ronan," I said simply, hoping like hell Ronan would just take my word for it and not ask any more questions.

He studied me for a long time and then nodded. "I'll have Seth text you once the plane is ready."

As Ronan turned to go, I grabbed his arm. Pain spiraled through my belly as I whispered, "Take care of him, Ronan."

"I'll keep him safe," Ronan promised and then he patted me on the shoulder. "When you get back, we'll figure everything out."

I nodded, but said nothing.

Because I had no intention of coming back to Seattle. Not for my Harley, not for the family Ronan had so easily proclaimed me to be a part of, and definitely not for the man I'd somehow managed to fall completely in love with without even realizing it.

Instead of texting me, Seth appeared at my hotel room door an hour later and informed me that he was driving me to the airport himself. Seth was close to the same age as Eli and had a similar build, though he was a bit taller and had a head of thick blond hair and bright green eyes. I hadn't gotten to know him until well after he'd gotten together with Ronan, but my initial impression had been that he was a quiet and kind-hearted young man, but also somewhat docile. But the second I'd started telling Seth I would ride my Harley to the airport, he'd pulled my bag from my hand, said that my plan wasn't acceptable and proceeded to walk to the elevator. When I'd joined him, he'd taken my hand in his for a gentle squeeze before letting me go.

We hadn't spoken on the ride to the private airport other than Seth giving me some general information about the trip and that a car would meet me at the airport in Newark and drive me to the ME's office. By the time Seth had pulled up to the small hangar where the jet was parked, I was a jumbled mess of emotions. But it wasn't my mother I was thinking about – no, just one episode kept playing on a loop in my head…the moment I'd reduced every beautiful thing that had happened between me and Eli to a few ugly words.

Because you're a good fuck.

I climbed out of the car and went around the front to collect my bag from Seth. As soon as I took it, he was wrapping his arms around me. I knew the act was meant to offer comfort, but all it did was make my skin crawl.

"Take care of yourself, Mav."

I withdrew from Seth as quickly as I could and murmured, "I will."

"We'll see you when you get back."

I nodded and stepped past him. The pilot was standing at the bottom of the stairs. He shook my hand and introduced himself and told me to make myself comfortable while he and the co-pilot finished doing some pre-flight checks on the outside of the plane .

My insides began to knot up as I stepped into the plane as I realized this was really it – that this time when I left, there would be no turning around.

It's the way it should be , a little voice inside of me whispered.

And then everything just stopped because the first thing I saw when I stepped into the spacious cabin wasn't the huge white leather seats or luxurious décor.

No.

The first thing I saw was the reason I was fleeing Seattle for good.

Eli.

I stood in the doorway of the plane for several long seconds in complete and utter disbelief before I forced myself to step inside. Eli had been sitting in one of the seats in the first row, but he quickly stood when he saw me. He was wringing his hands together and the look on his face could only be described as terrified. I couldn't help but wonder if he was afraid I'd physically hurt him or if he was just waiting for me to inflict more verbal wounds on him.

The brief excitement that had surged through me at seeing him dissolved and was replaced with anger. "Fucking Ronan," I muttered.

"I did this, not Ronan," Eli said, his voice shaky. "I told him to bring me here when he said he'd arranged a plane for you."

I had no doubt that Ronan hadn't put up much of an argument.

"You're not coming with me," I said as I turned to look out the door to see if Seth had left yet. Irritation went through me when I saw that he was leaning against the front of his car, along with the pilot and co-pilot.

Yep, I'd been played.

"Go," I said as I motioned to the door.

"I'll follow you," Eli said.

I lifted my eyes at that and saw that Eli had moved closer to me and the terror in his eyes was gone and had been replaced with a grim determination.

"I'll find the ME's office in Newark and wait there until you show up. And when you push me away again, I'll figure out where you're going next and I'll follow you there too. I don't care how many times you tell me you hate me or that you don't want me or that what we had together didn't mean anything," Eli said angrily. "I. Am. Not. Leaving. You."

I hated the sudden rush of warmth that filtered through me at his last words.

"Fine," Eli suddenly said and although there was a thread of hurt in his voice when he said it, he straightened his back as he stepped past me and I had no doubt he would do exactly what he said. I snagged him by the waist and stepped forward until Eli's back was pressed up against the wall of the plane. His arms came up to grab mine as I held him there with my body.

"It won't change anything," I said as I shook my head. "I'm not coming back here."

Pain flooded Eli's eyes and he dropped them. I hated myself for what I was doing, but I couldn't escape the self-preservation instincts that had kicked in. If I spent any more time with this man, I'd never be able to walk away and I wouldn't survive it when he did. Not if he did, when he did. Because I had no doubt it would happen someday. He'd see the things in me that all the others had and when he turned his back on me, I wouldn't be able to put the pieces back together again.

"You won't even try?" Eli asked brokenly.

"Try what?"

"To love me?"

I closed my eyes, but it did nothing to ease the ache in my chest. "No," I lied in desperation. I needed him to get the fuck off this plane and go home, because even now, the urge to tell him the truth was fucking killing me.

I risked opening my eyes and saw that Eli was staring at my chest. I'd expected to see tears or pain, but all I saw was the same emptiness I'd seen that day in the parking garage when he'd thought I'd wanted sex in exchange for self-defense lessons. I reached up to cup his face in the hopes of bringing him back to me, but quickly dropped my hand. "Eli, go home," I urged gently, though my insides were screaming at me not to let him go .

Eli turned away from me to head towards the entrance, but when he whispered, "I'll see you in Newark," I grabbed his arm to stop him.

I let out a loud curse that had him flinching, but I ignored him and stepped to the door.

"Let's go!" I shouted and didn't bother to wait to see what Seth and the pilots' reactions were. I dragged Eli to the first row of seats and pushed him down in one. Instead of sitting next to him, I went to the back of the plane and searched the cabinets until I found the various bottles of alcohol I'd expected would be there. I grabbed one without even looking at what it was, sloshed a generous amount into a glass and swallowed it in one drag. By the time I picked a seat on the opposite side of the plane, well away from Eli, I started to feel the burn of what had turned out to be scotch. But it wasn't enough to take my mind off the young man who'd somehow invaded every part of my soul in just a few short weeks.

I doubted there was enough alcohol in the world to do that.