Chapter 20

Kai

4 Years Later

B eads of sweat covered my skin as I dropped my last box on the bed. With my hands free, I used my shirt to clean up my forehead, then grunted with the flaming heat. For fuck's sake, moving to a new place was hard enough, but doing it in the middle of August? Real fucking smart, Kai. But hey, at least this was my last box to unpack, and since I didn't have work tonight, once I finished this up, I got the evening to myself.

"Need a hand?" my new landlord asked while peeking into the room.

"Nah." I cleaned my face from sweat with my shirt one more time before turning to meet Aiden. "I'm almost done here, but thanks, old man."

Aiden smiled before knocking on the doorframe with his knuckle. "Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to ask, kid."

"I'm twenty-two and got a child of my own. Don't you think we're past the ‘kid' phase?" I asked while pulling my hair into a half bun. It had been quite some time since I'd last got a haircut, and my hair passed my shoulders now. I sort of liked it this way since I looked like an epic Viking.

"Just because you grew some hair on your balls doesn't mean you're a man." The old bastard winked, and in response, I flipped him off.

We both laughed until I cleared my throat and looked around the room.

"I know I said it already, but thank you for letting me stay here."

"Don't even mention it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, once you're done here, we can make lunch," he said, and after I replied with a nod, he left me to continue working.

As always, Aiden acted like his generosity wasn't a big deal. Whenever I thanked him, he responded with a soft smile before quickly changing the subject—like he just did. And despite his modesty, my gratitude would never be enough for what he had done for me. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. If he had given up on me like most people in my life had, which they had every reason to, I would have probably overdosed years ago.

Because of my addiction, I'd been in some really bad fucking places, but it was only after I reached rock bottom that I realized how low I'd gotten. After three failed rehabs, I didn't see the point of trying again when Aiden convinced me otherwise. He'd believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself, and here I was, three years and two months later, sober.

With small, everyday victories, I took control over my life. I got a job, started working out again, and even returned to surfing. But the most important thing of all was meeting my son, Paris, who was an adorable little monkey. It took Zoe time to trust me enough to let me see our kid, but ever since she had given me a chance, I'd made the most of it. I would never be able to make up for the time I'd lost with Paris, like being there for his first steps, but I sure as hell tried to be here for him now. One of the things I'd been taught in rehab was that grieving over the past won't help with recovery, but learning from it will. Therefore, I knew that in order for me to heal, I had to be honest with my surroundings and, first of all, with myself .

That was why one of my first sober decisions was to divorce Zoe. Regardless of her deserving a lot more than what I had to offer, we were just not right for each other. I still cared for her, as she was the mother of my kid, but nowadays, we were no more than friends. For a while there, we'd tried living together for Paris's sake. It didn't turn out well, and long story short, this was how I'd ended up here.

Back to the box still waiting for me on the bed, I started unpacking. When I was almost done, my skin turned cold as a flush of lilac caught my eye. One night a few years back, I got high as fuck and had the strong urge to see Ash. Like an idiot, I snuck up to his room, but he wasn't there. At first, I'd gotten angry, but then my anger turned to sadness, and I began crying like a baby. After I calmed down, I opened his closet and took out what reminded me the most of him and had kept it with me ever since. With my breath caught, I grabbed the hoodie from the bottom of the box and brought it to my face. The cotton was still as soft as ever, and the scent… Thank God . It still smelled like him.

Unable to resist, I took a deep inhale, allowing Ashy's sweet, nostalgic scent to surround me. Clenching the cloth harder in my hands was like grasping those precious memories and trying to relive them. But those weren't just memories; they were longings and emotions—emotions that once destroyed me as I tried to deny them.

I didn't have any right to miss Ash, not after the way I treated him. The dark stains on the sleeve of his hoodie were evidence of how I, with my bare hands, had ruined the relationship I cared about most in this world.

While using drugs, full weeks had been erased from my memory. Months even. But some events were engraved in me forever, like that night. I regretted it wholeheartedly, and if I could reverse the clock and change what I did, I would. But that was impossible, and now, I was left with a lilac hoodie.

With a heavy sigh, I took one last sniff of his scent, carefully hung it in my closet, and went back to organizing my room.

"Are you sure about not joining me?"

"To the woods?" I slumped my ass on the couch and half turned to look at Aiden, who was standing by the door with his camping gear. "Yes. I am one hundred percent sure I don't want to go sleep in a tent for three nights."

"You used to love it."

I turned on the TV. "Still do. But I just moved in today, and I want to rest." I raised my legs onto the coffee table, resting my hands behind my head and settling back on the couch. "Ha… That's better."

"You'll have your whole life to rest, kid." I'd bet my money he was shaking his head right now. "Next time, we can take Paris with us. I bet the little punk would love the outdoors just like you and Ash did."

My heart stopped at the mention of Ash's name, and my throat turned dry. In an instant, the couch didn't feel as comfortable, and I found it hard to focus on the TV. I couldn't control the way my body reacted whenever Aiden or Mel spoke about Ash, whom they hardly saw nowadays. From what I knew, Ash lived with his boyfriend, whom neither Mel nor Aiden liked. After I had the pleasure of meeting that asshole once, I definitely shared their opinion about the smug dickface.

"Sure, next time, we'll take Paris with us," I said with a half smile, trying to distract myself from thinking about Ash.

"Can't wait, kid. See you in three days," he said before getting out of the house with Sebastian, his dog, behind him.

He always took that dog everywhere. Fucking adorable .

When we were kids, Aiden always took us camping with him; it was the best time I could remember. Regardless of the fact I'd hated staying at home with my terrible parents and took any chance to spend time away from them, those trips with Ashy and Aiden were fun. Hiking during the day, then fishing in the afternoon and cooking by the campfire, only to spend the night alone with Ash after Aiden went to sleep. We'd watch the stars together, tell some campfire stories, then go to sleep. I'd always told Ash the scariest stories so he'd snuggle close to me when we slept. He was such a scaredy-cat. Funny how, even then, I tried to be close to him without even realizing why. I told myself it was our friendship that drew me to him and nothing more. I guess I was always attracted to him, even before I knew what bisexuality meant.

"Ah, shit," I grunted and moved a hand over my face. Any sexuality would do good at the moment, considering I hadn't had any activity in days . Straight, gay, bi, I couldn't care less what I was and who I slept with, considering how fucking horny I'd been. I knew not having sex for a few days wasn't such a big deal for most people, but I wasn't most people. I fucking loved sex. I loved the warmth of another body, the heat and the pleasure. It had nothing to do with my sexual identity, which I'd come to full terms with, and everything to do with my dick loving frequent action.

Extremely frustrated, I pulled out my phone and opened one of those apps that came in handy at times like this. Usually, I'd meet someone at the restaurant, but I had tonight off. Going to a bar was also out of the question with the whole sobriety thing. Besides, it was still day outside, so I doubted any bar would even be open.

With the TV all but forgotten, I started swiping left and right in the stupid app until I matched with a guy whose face I actually liked. Big, swoony eyes that seemed a bit innocent, brown hair, and fuckable lips. It seemed I had a type when it came to guys, one I learned about only after I admitted I liked men, too . My acceptance of my sexuality didn't happen overnight and had taken some time, but cutting all ties with my hideous, homophobic parents and hanging out with new people definitely helped.

Coming out as a bisexual man wasn't easy for me, but since getting sober, I didn't want anything to weigh on my conscience. Aiden and Mel were as welcoming as you could imagine and, after some time, even Zoe. Although, sometimes, I still got the feeling she wasn't comfortable with the idea that her ex-husband loved a mouthful of cock, too. I understood her, but to be honest, I did much worse things than lying about liking men in the time we'd been together.

Now, back to my phone and the cute guy who just asked for a selfie, I took off my shirt and tossed it on the couch before positioning myself in a way that made my abs look hot. I couldn't say I was ripped, but I had a pretty nice body, and the full sleeve I'd just recently got done also did the job.

With the phone in my hand I stretched my arm, flexed my muscles, and lowered the waistband of my sweats to reveal a bit more of what was underneath, then took the picture. But just as the clicking sound of the camera pierced the air, someone cleared their throat. In an instant, I dropped my phone and perked up on the couch, ready to face Aiden, who'd probably forgotten something and came back to catch me taking an embarrassing selfie. Only instead of meeting Aiden's amused gaze, I was met with the gorgeous green eyes I'd missed so fucking much, which were even greener than what I'd remembered. Always so innocent, always so pure, Ash's eyes still pierced my heart like a shot from a motherfucking Cupid's bow.

"H-Hey," Ash muttered, making it the first time I'd heard his voice in over four years.

My heart skipped a beat, and I jumped to my feet, almost stumbling while rounding the couch to stand in front of him.

"Hey."