Chapter 19

Ash

A fter I cleaned up at Soren's, I decided to drive back to see Mom. I didn't want to leave things the way they were after today's lunch. I knew that if it was just the two of us, we'd be able to have a calmer conversation. But as I arrived home, I realized Aiden was also there. To his credit, the moment he saw me, he told the two of us he was going for a short walk, giving us the privacy we needed.

"I'll make us coffee," Mom said once Aiden left, and I nodded while sitting down by the table.

I watched her move around the kitchen. She was still in the same dress she wore earlier, which only now did I notice was indeed see-through. No wonder Soren was uncomfortable when you could clearly see the shape of her breasts. Mom was a beautiful woman, and she should wear whatever, but I couldn't help but see where Soren was coming from. He might have been a bit harsh, but that was Soren, blunt to the bone.

"Ash?" Mom's voice brought me back to the moment and to the mug she placed in front of me.

"Thank you," I mumbled quietly, then took a sip from the hot brew.

She sat down. "Of course."

It wasn't often that things felt awkward between Mom and me. In fact, it rarely ever happened. It was probably because we always agreed on everything, until today .

"I know meeting Soren didn't go as planned, but I hope next time will be better." I smiled, but she didn't return it and instead looked down at her drink.

"I don't think there should be a next time."

"What do you mean?" I put my coffee aside.

"I don't want you to see this man."

Hold on, what?

Shocked, I blinked at her. "What are you talking about?"

"He's clearly a bad influence on you."

I huffed. "You just met him today, Mom."

"True, but it's not just about today. For the past few months, I've been seeing how you've changed, and while I was concerned, I didn't say anything."

"And today, you finally decided to speak up?" I cut into her words, my voice laced with anger.

"Yes!" She leaned closer. "Fuck yes, I did. He's a bad influence, Ash. And what's worrying me is that you aren't even aware of the effect he has on you."

I put my hands flat on the table and stood up, not minding that my chair almost fell back. "What on earth are you talking about, Mom? Bad influence? Soren is the most generous guy I've ever met."

"He's not a guy. He's a man." Mom got up herself, her brows pinched close. "A grown-up man who's taking advantage of you."

"He's only twenty-six."

"And you just turned nineteen last month," she spat back into the tense atmosphere.

I took a step back so there would be a bit of distance between us as I gaped at her. I couldn't believe the things she was saying, let alone agree with them.

"You're right. I'm nineteen, which means I'm an adult who can do whatever he wants and date whoever he likes."

Her stare hardened. "Not under my roof, you can't."

I had no idea what bug got into her head that made her so irrational, but it didn't matter, not to me anyway. If she was too blind to see how much Soren meant to me, I had no intention of convincing her. And yet, her rejection hurt me. Seeing the disappointment on top of anger twisting behind her eyes was a kick to the gut.

Swallowing hard, I took a deep breath. "Well, it's a good thing Soren asked me to live with him, then."

"What?" She gasped and tried reaching for me when I moved away. "Ash! You can't be serious right now. Don't you see what he's doing? Throwing his money at you, pampering you with gifts? He blinds you from seeing things as they are."

My blood boiled with her accusations, and I wanted to break something. Instead, I clenched my palms into tight fists and kept them close to my sides.

"What am I too blind to see, Mom?"

"He's manipulating you into being someone you're not."

"He's just showing me a different version of myself, and you're too hung up on the past to see it. I'm still the same guy I've always been, but I've matured, because that's what happens, Mom. You grow up." When she didn't speak back, I went on. "He loves me, Mom, and I love him."

She huffed, shaking her head. "He doesn't love you, Ash. He loves himself. One lunch with him was enough for me to know that much. That guy… that man , all he cares about is his own damn ego, and it kills me you can't see it yourself." She rolled her eyes. "How smug and pretentious he was when he gave you that ridiculous car. And the way he wrapped his arm around you to show ownership? God , what an asshole."

What was she talking about? Did we attend the same lunch?

Soren loved me. I knew he did. And she had no right to dismiss his way of showing me that. Was he possessive? Yes, but I loved it. I loved giving him the control, even if Mom thought it was unhealthy. It felt good, and for fuck's sake, I wanted to feel good.

"Just open your eyes and see what a jerk he truly is, Ash—"

"Shut up!" I screamed so loud my throat hurt. "Just shut the fuck up!"

Her eyes shot wide, and she looked genuinely scared. I was scared, too, because I never reacted this way, but she was doing it on purpose. She was pushing me to this point.

"Ash," she said calmly, reaching for me again. This time, I didn't push her away, and she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Baby, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just worried."

Tears welled in my eyes as I stood in silence, allowing her to apologize.

"I love you more than anything in this world. You know that, right?"

I nodded because perhaps she was starting to see she was acting crazy, too?

Putting her palm against my cheek, she pulled me close and kissed the side of my head. "I don't want us to ever fight like this, but you've got to understand, Soren is bad for you. He's not a good guy."

Furious, I moved away from her embrace and shook my head.

"No." Every muscle in my body tensed. "He isn't. And if you can't see it for yourself, then you have no place in my life."

Her brows shot to her hairline, and fear flicked in her eyes. "Ash!" she gasped as I began walking away.

"Weren't you the one who told me not to apologize for love?" I hissed her own words back at her. Funny enough, neither she nor Aiden seemed so eager for me to cut Kai out of my life despite everything that he did to me. But Soren? Whose only crime was loving me?

"It's not the same, Ash." She raised her voice. "I understand it's hard to listen, but just look at your reaction. And moving in with him? He's pulling you away. First, you quit your job at Rob's."

"It was because of school!" I shouted.

"Bullshit. It was so you could spend more time with him."

By now, we were almost at the door.

"Then you decide to go to college? Give up on your dreams?"

"Dreams can be changed."

"Listen to you! You don't even sound like yourself." She waved her hands at me. "The Ash I know would never speak this way."

"Well, I matured. And it's a good thing, or else I would have ended up like you. An almost forty-year-old woman who's still single and dresses and acts like some teenager."

Taken aback, Mom's face fell. And although a part of me regretted what I'd just said, I was too angry to care. Just then, the door opened, and Aiden stepped in. All it took for him was one glance to know he'd walked into a heated argument.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I told Mom I'm moving in with Soren, and she didn't approve," I said, voice cold, then turned my back to her.

"Chief." Aiden put his hand on my shoulder, but I pushed it away.

I then remembered I came here for another reason. Pulling Kai's letter from my back pocket, I shoved it at Aiden's chest.

"What are you—"

"I don't need it," I hissed before stepping out of the house and moving toward my new car when Aiden followed me.

"Aren't you going to at least read it?"

"No." I swung the driver's door open. "You can throw it away for all I care."

Aiden grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"Kai's your friend, Ash. You should—"

"But he's not," I cut him off midsentence, noticing Mom had also stepped out of the house. "He's not my friend, and you two keep forgetting it. Kai treated me like shit, okay?" I hissed at them both. "So why do I need to give a shit about him?" I tsked, clenching the car door harder. "He's just an addict."

Aiden's eyes widened before his brows pulled into a deep frown I'd never seen on his face before.

"He's a human being, Ash, and he's trying his hardest to do better."

"Yeah, right," I huffed, recalling back to that time I found him passed out. "And you believe him?" A broken laugh escaped me. "He's just going to relapse again and again until the day he overdoses. Save yourself the trouble, Uncle. That's how addicts are ."

Aiden's face, which had been serious until now, turned blank. Dropping his hand from me, he stepped back. "I have never been so disappointed in you as I am right now," he said, his eyes locked with mine.

My heart clenched at his words, and I swallowed back the lump that formed in my throat.

"I know that you're young, and part of being young is being stupid, but I expected more from you."

Another punch to the gut.

"Well, I don't care," I hissed and climbed into my car. Even if what I'd said was cruel, and perhaps stupid, Kai was no longer a part of my life. So why should I care?

I ignored Aiden, turned on the car, and drove out of there. I couldn't understand why they hated Soren so much while they were more than willing to forgive Kai? The guilt they burdened me with was unfair, and unable to hold back my tears, I cried. I cried because I hated failing them, and somehow, I'd ended up doing just that. Each tear I shed burdened me with guilt because it forced me to doubt what I knew in my heart. Their hatred toward Soren made me doubt myself , even if just for a little bit. Ashamed of those thoughts, I bit my lip. I loved Soren with a full heart, and he loved me back. So why did they make me feel so bad about it?