24. I Don’t Hate You

I DON'T HATE YOU

I shouldn't have comeon this fucking trip.

Not only is Penny around every goddamn corner I turn, but she keeps giving me this sad look like I'm the one who broke her heart.

I was the one who wanted this; I was willing to risk it all, but she's acting like I'm being unreasonable.

Ben and I are setting up the bonfire for the night. We do this every year.

"You sure you're not drinking?" he asks me.

"Changed my mind about that," I say.

"My man. Help me get the cooler?"

I nod, helping him fill it up and carrying it down to the beach where the rest of my brothers, Penny, and Jessa, are waiting. Penny glances at me, the sunset and fire hitting her face in just the right light.

Why'd she have to be so devastatingly beautiful?

I take my seat, sipping on my beer. I promise myself only two. I can't keep self-medicating.

"Who would have thought that big bro would bring a girl on vacation? I thought you were going to become a cat lady, Aiden," Ben jokes, and Aiden rolls his eyes.

"True, I thought his social security would be on auto-pay to Avalon," I reply, feeling like a dick, but I can't help it. Watching my brother with his girl on his lap has me feeling jealous. It's a disgusting trait, but I can't take it back now.

Aiden narrows his eyes at me, and his girlfriend sticks up for him.

"It will be, except it will be a couples membership." Ben and Gavin start cackling and I can't help but to tip my beer and metaphorical hat in her direction. My brother beams at her, happier than a pig in shit, and I'm back to feeling like a lonely asshole.

"Can we talk about something else besides Avalon?" Penny says, looking at me and I shrug my shoulders. "It's so nice to have another girl. Don't you fuckers ruin this for me," Penny says, pointing at each of us. The twins hold up their hands in mock surrender, and she glares at them a little before turning and smiling at Jessa.

"So, what did our precious brother have to do to nab you? It surely wasn't his ugly mug," Gavin says to Jessa.

"I did have to look past his face. You're right." My twin brothers and Penny laugh as she leans closer to me. "But if I had to pinpoint a moment, it was probably when he took a splinter out of my finger and kissed it."

Penny makes an aww sound while the twins make noises of revulsion. I look over at Penny and wonder if there was a moment she fell for me too, or if it was all just sex for her. God, when did I become such a loser?

"Disgusting," Gavin says, verbalizing my own thoughts.

"One day, you two will eventually stop acting like children," Penny says.

"We're planning on being single forever," Ben says for the both of them, and Gavin nods in agreement.

"Single by choice or because no one wants to date you assholes?" Penny asks, and I have to hold back a laugh.

"We can't all date a bunch of winners like you, Penny," Gavin says, and Penny glares at my brothers. Feeling particularly called out by that statement, I step in.

"Will you two shut the fuck up, already?" I sneer.

"What about you, Lincoln, hmm? You can't seem to hold down a girlfriend either," Ben says, doing what he does best, getting under my skin.

"I'm going to head in for the night," Penny says, giving her friend a wave and walking back to the house.

"Yeah, I'm done too. Make sure you put the fire out," I tell the twins and they wave me off as I follow Penny back to the house.

It's truly pathetic, the way I'm like a lost puppy following her around.

No matter how many times she kicks me, I still want her to want me.

I groan, tossing my beer bottle in the trash and head up to the shit hole room we"re staying in together.

She's lying on the bed with her arms crossed over her torso as she looks at the ceiling fan cycle.

"Scoot over," I tell her.

The twin bed is pressed against a wall, so she turns to the side, her back to the wall. I lie on my side and stare at her for a few moments.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Me too."

We don't go into what we're sorry for, because we both already know. I'm sorry for being a dick and she's sorry she can't give me what I want.

"What are we going to do, Linc?"

"Maybe you should move out," I say, hating the words falling out of my mouth.

She nods, even though she looks like she hates the idea as well.

"I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you. That's the complete opposite of how I feel about you."

"I don't hate you either," she says, and I fear it's the closest thing I'll ever get to how she really feels.

My hand automatically reaches out and pushes her hair off of her face. She presses her face against my palm and closes her eyes.

"Let me kiss you, just this once," I ask.

Her eyes open, her face nuzzling my hand as she licks her lips and nods in agreement. My hand slides behind her neck and cradles her head as I lean forward and press my lips against hers.

It's everything I thought it would be.

Penny kisses with her whole body. Her one hand gripping my hair and the other resting on my chest, that slides up and cups my jaw.

I grip her hair harder, keeping her lips pressed to mine. I can't get enough.

She moans against my mouth and shifts her body closer to mine, which has my hand sliding down her frame and gripping her ass, tugging her body flush against mine.

I'm supposed to be getting her out of my system, but here we are, her claws digging even deeper.

She parts the kiss only to grab my face and look at me for a long moment.

"Fuck it," she whispers, before bringing her lips back to mine.

The kiss gets even deeper and all the resentment completely fades away. I didn't want to give her space; I didn't want to be an asshole. This is what I wanted all along. Knowing she wants me back in the same way sends a wave of need through my body.

My cock aches, and Penny immediately slides her hand down and cups it through my shorts.

I moan against her mouth and I'm about to shift my hand and slide it up her dress when the bedroom door flies open.

"Hey, do you have?—"

Penny and I part to see Gavin standing there slack jawed staring at the both of us. Penny is quick to adjust her dress, and I just stay put.

I roll my eyes and get off the bed.

"Just keep your fucking mouth shut, yeah?" I tell him and he just blinks, his gaze shifting between me and Penny.

"Um, what the fuck did my poor little eyes just witness?" he says.

"Nothing," Penny replies.

I want to roll my eyes again, but don't. I give my brother a glare and he goes back to staring at each of us.

"Am I just really fucking high… or were you two making out?"

"Jesus Christ, Gavin, get out," I tell him.

He shrugs his shoulders, holding the doorknob. His eyes are bloodshot red and he stinks as he sighs.

"You know, you two kind of make sense."

Penny gets off the bed and approaches the door.

"Please don't tell anyone, Gavin. Please," she pleads with him.

"This was a one time thing?" he questions.

Penny, being the amazing liar she is, nods her head. "We drank too much. We weren't thinking. It was just a kiss."

Gavin looks over her shoulder at me, and then back at Penny.

"Your Alabama secret is safe with me," he says.

"Gavin, get the fuck out," I nearly yell and he smiles, grabbing the door handle and shutting it behind him.

As soon as he shuts it, Penny begins to spiral. She's pacing back and forth and I just lie on my futon.

"Gavin has the biggest mouth of all of you," she complains, and I nod in agreement. "You know he's going to tell Ben. He tells Ben everything."

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Did you plan this?"

I sit up on my elbows and glare at her. "Yes, Penny. I planned to kiss you at the exact fucking moment that my stoner brother came barging in asking for God knows what. You caught me."

"Sorry," she hisses, while she continues her pacing.

"You really think Jessa isn't going to crack and tell Aiden, anyway?" I ask her.

"She said she wouldn't."

"Two people know, Pen."

"I know that," she snaps. Her pacing picks up.

I stand up and get into her space, grabbing her face.

"Take a deep breath."

She listens to my directions, and her eyes meet mine.

"I'm going to give you time to think. I didn't intend for tonight to happen, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not glad it did. I've tried to stop thinking about you, to stop wanting you. I know you feel the same way. You kissed me back. Despite everything, you want this too."

She nods her head slightly, confirming that at least I'm not deluded and dealing with a completely fucked up unrequited love situation.

"My brother just saw us and really didn't give a fuck. Jessa doesn't care either. Do you think maybe you're underestimating our family?"

She blinks at me, taking in my words before closing her eyes and resting her forehead against my chest.

I rub her back, and she pulls away.

"I don't want another life lesson, Lincoln. I want a life partner. If you really want me. This," she says, pointing between the two of us. "Then I need to know it's for keeps."

I can't help the smile that takes over my face.

"You're really going to give this a shot?" I confirm.

She bites her lip.

"We need to make sure we work before we can't take it back."

"Penny, you already know we're in too deep."

She groans, resting her head back on my chest and her hands coming back to my waist.

"Please don't break my heart or take away my family," she says, looking down.

I tug at the base of her hair, forcing her to look at me.

"Your family isn't going anywhere and out of the two of us, you're the one who could break us."

I lean down, kissing her again.

Hating that this is still a secret, but loving that she's no longer resisting me.

"Lincoln!" I hear my name screamed from down stairs and Penny and I part.

"I'm going to kill my brothers," I say softly against her face.

"Go," she says, rubbing her hands across my chest.

"This weekend is going to be long as fuck," I groan.

Despite everything, I still smile and kiss her one last time. This weekend just changed everything in a way I couldn't imagine.