21. Whiskey Joe’s

WHISKEY JOE'S

Jessa and I are laughing,drinking too many margaritas and enjoying the outside bar when Aiden calls her phone and I ignore it, looking around at the people dancing in the sand, swaying in my seat to the beat of the music the live band is playing.

Maybe we did go a little hard and heavy on the margaritas with too little food. But fuck it, this has been the best I've felt since the last night Jessa and I hung out. If only I could tell her everything, it would be a relief to have a friend's point of view on this, not just my therapist's.

But I'm too scared of what she might think. I'm too scared of what everyone would think if they found out what Lincoln and I did. I've finally got a good friend. The last thing I want is to be judged for what I did by accident… and then on purpose.

God. I take a deep swig of my margarita in an attempt for the tequila to disrupt my nerve endings and make all these feelings go away.

Why are longing and regret at the forefront of my mind? I miss Lincoln, and I hate that I do. It's not even just sex, I miss his smiles, his jokes, his touch. I miss everything about him and I wish I didn't.

Jessa nearly shakes me, in order to get my attention. "Penny, Aiden is trying to decide whether to drop Lincoln off first or come and get us."

I blink at her a few times. "He's with Lincoln?" she nods and fuck, I know I shouldn't see him. But the part of me that still desperately wants him doesn"t agree. It's probably the margaritas making the decisions but oh well. "Tell him to pick us up first."

"Did you hear that?" she says down the phone, while Aiden replies "Okay. See you soon."

I start biting my nails. Oh fuck. Why did I tell him to bring Lincoln? I can't see him like this. I'll cave.

"Everything good, Pen?" Jessa asks.

"Yeah, maybe too many margaritas?"

"Let's get some water and wait till Aiden gets here."

I nod and Jessa grabs us some water and we sit by the bay and wait for Aiden and Lincoln to get here.

"So tell me more about the family. I haven't met a partner's family before," Jessa says nervously.

"You have no reason to be nervous. They'll all love you."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because Aiden adores you, I adore you. That's all you need," I say with a smile.

"It's just new, you know. I'm not used to how easy and fast this is all going."

"When you know, you know," I tell her and she smiles.

"Oh, there they are," Jessa says, pointing to where Aiden and Lincoln are headed towards us. Lincoln looks pissed as hell. Perfect.

"Oh fuck," I whisper as Aiden takes a seat next to Jessa, and Lincoln sits next to me.

"Water?" Lincoln asks me and I give him a look that I'm sobering up. "Good."

Lincoln stares as Aiden kisses Jessa on the head and I know it's longing. It makes my gut churn with guilt.

Because I understand that longing more than I'd like to admit. I shouldn't want to kiss Lincoln right now, but I do. I want him in every way I know that I possibly can't.

Why is it so fucking hard wanting what you can't have?

"Jessa, you've met my brother," Aiden says, and I can hear how annoyed he is with his brother's behavior. I'm even more frustrated because I know I'm the reason he's been drinking.

I hate it.

"Hey," he says, tilting his head, and I make an exacerbated noise in the back of my throat. He's mad at me. He shouldn't be rude to Jessa. He glances over at me like he's done nothing wrong. "What?" he asks, and I glare at him.

"You can be a little nicer to Aiden's girlfriend, considering he hasn't had one in forever."

Lincoln laughs at his brother's expense and shakes his head, going back to glaring at me.

"How much have you had to drink?" Lincoln asks me, like he isn't completely wasted himself.

"A few rounds, but one of them was free?"

"What?" Jessa asks and I shrug at her.

"This older dude wanted to buy us a round. I might not be the brightest, but I don't turn down free drinks."

Everyone looks at me like I'm insane for taking a free drink, and I shrug it off.

"Can I please drive you two degenerates home now?" Aiden asks, looking at me and Lincoln.

Lincoln's hand lands on my thigh and he rubs his hand back and forth under the table. My heart rate immediately picks up as I glance over at Aiden and Jessa who seem like they're in their own little romance bubble. I should stop him. I know I should fling his hand off and tell him we promised not to pursue this any longer. But it feels too good, and I missed him way too much.

I know there"s a sick part of me that likes the wrongness, the fear of getting caught. Though I don't truly want that, not really. I try to grab his hand, and he swats me away.

"I need to eat something," Lincoln complains and I nod in agreement.

"I swear, if you fucking throw up in my car," Aiden warns him.

Lincoln rolls his eyes but picks up the menu. He orders some food and never stops touching my leg under the table. Of course Jessa drops her phone at that time and bends under the table to grab it. Lincoln isn't paying attention and I'm too slow to move his hand.

Fucking stupid slip up.

When she pops back up, she blinks at me, clearly confused by what she just saw. I shake my head and she just waves it off. I'm nervous she's going to tell Aiden what she saw, but I don't think she would do that to me.

"Aiden?" she says, looking over at him.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Do you want to dance with me?"

"Sure," he agrees, and they stroll off to the dance floor.

It's official, Jessa Peters is the best friend a girl could ask for as she distracts my cousin and moves him far away from our table.

Lincoln's hand slides further up my dress and I grab his wrist.

"What are you doing? Jessa just saw your hand on my thigh," I hiss at him.

"Good."

I pull his hand off, and he plants it right back on.

"Stop being so fucking difficult," he complains, like I'm being unreasonable.

"Fuck you. I'm not being difficult. We decided that we wouldn't do this, it was the weekend only. We can't be anything beyond that."

"No, Penny. You decided," he says, his gaze boring into mine. "I know you miss me just as much as I miss you. Tell me you didn't miss me and I'll leave you alone."

"Linc," I sigh his name and he squeezes my thigh hard and I look up at him. Usually I'm a pretty good liar, but right now as much as I know I should lie, I don't.

"That's what I thought," he says and I sigh.

"I'm thinking I should move," I tell him softly. I've been debating it for the last few weeks, him living on the floor beneath me only creates a deeper tension. Maybe if I'm out of the complex and only see him for family functions, it will make things easier.

"No."

"No?"

"No, you're not moving. No, you're not denying us what we both want. Just give me a chance, Penny."

I scrub my face, wishing I hadn't had so many margaritas and that he hadn't drunk so much of whatever it was that he was drinking.

"Tell me it was just sex," he says, his handsome drunken face pleading with me. "Tell me it was just about that and I'll stop, Penny."

I swallow. "You know it wasn't."

I try to pull away from his hand, but he holds me there.

"You knew I was with Aiden. You wanted me here," he says.

Well, he's fucking got me there.

I'm not sure what lie I can possibly say, but he doesn't let me get one out. "You've missed me just as much as I've fucking missed you. Did you tell Aiden to come pick you up because you wanted to see me?"

He squeezes my thigh tighter.

"Yes," I grate out.

"I want you in my bed. I want to finish that stupid fucking show with you and feed you breakfast and fuck you into my mattress," he says.

He presses his nose against my cheek and I want to give in. I want to tell him I want all the same things. That I'd happily go home with him right now if the circumstances were different.

"What happens when you realize that you like the idea of me, not really me, Linc? What happens when you get bored or decide you don't want the same things as me? You'll be okay, you'll be forgiven. I'll have nothing."

"How could I ever get tired of this, of you?" he asks and I swallow, his words linger against my ear as I look over his shoulder and see that Jessa and Aiden are about to turn around and I pull away in shame.

Lincoln's eye's meet mine and he looks behind him, realizing that they are headed in our direction.

He rolls his eyes as the server brings our food.

"Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?"

"Me, Lincoln. I care, and you acting like I'm being ridiculous just pisses me off." He grumbles something and starts eating his food like he's a starving man as Jessa and Aiden take their seats next to us.

"Christ, Linc. Slow down," Aiden scolds him.

Jessa's eyes dart between the two of us, trying to figure this all out. Making two of us, because I don't know what I'm doing. We can't keep playing this tug of war where he tries to convince me this can be a real thing and I'm the clear-headed one.

Lincoln eats with one hand, and places the other back on my thigh. The worst part is? I love it. I love that he always wants to touch me, that he's so into me, and he would scream it from the rooftops if he could.

His hand slides up, nearly touching my pussy and I jump slightly.

"You good?" Aiden asks, giving me an odd look.

"Yeah, Penny? You seem tense?" Linc says, his hand gripping my hip.

I'm not sure who misses Lincoln more, me or my vagina.

"I'm fine," I lie and Lincoln nearly cups me from the outside of my clothes. We're in public, Jessa and Aiden across from us, I should feel ashamed, I should be scared that we're going to get caught… yet, I'm wet and wish everything around us would disappear and we could be alone again. I clear my throat and shake my head. "I'm going to run to the bathroom real quick," I say, grabbing his hand and squeezing it before walking across the sand to the restrooms.

I knock and enter the single stall. I'm about to shut the door when a large hand swipes out and stops me from shutting it. Lincoln forces his way in, shutting the bathroom door and locking it behind him.

He fists the front of my dress, pulling me closer.

"Linc, stop it," I say, pushing at his chest with no real effort. Because I want it, it's what I wanted at the table, no matter how frustrated I am with him, I always want him, especially like this.

He holds my dress in one hand, his other sliding down my body and cupping my pussy. Lincoln's eyes bore into mine, but he doesn't kiss me as he pushes my panties to the side, sliding his fingers through my embarrassingly wet slit.

"Tell me to stop," he says.

"We should stop," I say breathlessly.

His fingers rub tormenting, delicious circles around my clit. His stare is magnetizing, and I don't look away. I could get lost in his cerulean eyes, even though I know I shouldn't.

"Tell me I don't make you feel good, Penny. I know how much you like to fucking lie."

"Lincoln," I rasp out his name.

His fingers are basically the eighth wonder of the world as he works me over. The amount of cocktails I've had has me feeling the right amount of buzz and I'm nearly over the edge and he hasn't even put his fingers inside of me.

"This is a bad idea," I whisper.

"You're not moving out of the building," he says, sliding two fingers inside of me. His grip on my dress is tight, nearly holding me up as he uses his palm to rub my clit.

"We need to stop this, Linc," I say, moaning the lie right between my teeth.

He presses his face against mine, still not kissing, but his lips brush against my jaw.

"That's the fucking problem. I can't stop," he says, his palm rubbing me in just the right spot as his fingers curl inside of me. "I can't stop thinking about you, wanting you, needing you. It's all your fucking fault, so you have to deal with it."

It's fucked up, it's wrong.

But his words make me come on the spot.

No one has ever been as intense about me as the intense that Lincoln is. It's addictive. Not only the way he's seemingly obsessed with me, but I know part of the allure is the wrongness.

We're not meant to be together.

But despite everything, I want him, I need him just as bad.

He fucks me harder with his fingers, my pussy clenching around his hand as he breathes into my ear. I moan loudly, not able to control how good it feels, not giving a single shit if someone is outside of the door listening. Or the fact that Aiden and Jessa are probably wondering where the both of us are.

I just let myself feel good for a moment. Like nothing except Lincoln and I existing.

My legs are shaky and he pulls his hand away from my wet, traitorous vagina and lets go of my dress.

I go to open my mouth to speak, to say we can't keep doing this, and he pushes his two wet fingers inside of my mouth and grabs my jaw.

His gaze is serious as he stares at me, holding my jaw and forcing me to taste my release on his fingers.

"You're not moving and this isn't fucking over," he says before turning around, unlocking the door, and leaving me behind.

I lock the door behind him and sit on the toilet, taking care of myself and trying to regulate my breathing. Why am I so fucking weak when it comes to him? And why do I like when he tells me what to do?

Every time I tell him no, he just pushes me harder and I like it.

I like that he's filthy, that he says and does the right things. I like it even more that he's so into me.

But I can't do this.

I can't get swept away in Lincoln and lose everything.

I picture the look on my mom and dad's face when I tell them I'm fucking their nephew and my heart sinks. What's even worse is when I think of Lincoln's brothers. How disgusted they would all be to find out what we've been doing behind closed doors.

We've known each other our whole lives as a familial unit. Am I really willing to risk this infatuation, this sexual awakening, when it could all come crumbling down?

Even if we risked it, fooled around more, eventually we would get caught. Lincoln thinks he wants me because I'm the one person he's not supposed to want. He's in a similar crisis that I am. Two lost people looking for solace in the depths of hell.

No matter how good he feels, it's only temporary. Everything is.

I groan, wash my hands, and open the bathroom door. Jessa is standing there and I nearly take a step back from running into her.

"Are you okay?" she asks sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"He isn't?—"

I cut her off immediately. "No, it's not like that, it's complicated."

She nods her head, probably thinking back to my mental breakdown earlier in the week and clicking all the pieces together.

"I'm ready to go home," I say, not wanting to talk about it.

What can I say out loud that I haven't already said in my head? Maybe I should talk to someone besides my therapist about this, but it all comes down to the fact that it's not a good idea.

"Are you sure, Penny? I could have Aiden drop us off at the cottage if you don't want to ride with him."

I give her a soft smile. "No, I'm good, I promise."

When did I become such a good liar?