20. Batman’s Calling

BATMAN'S CALLING

I should have canceled,stayed home and made sure that Penny was alright. But I knew if I didn't leave the fucking apartment, I'd just sit there and constantly think about her all the time.

It's not healthy, I'm more than well aware.

My obsession with Penny is only getting worse with each passing day. When she read that letter, though? More of me understood why she feels like she can't be with me, why our family is the crucible of who she is.

Doesn't mean I'm not pissed about it.

It's been a series of stupid games the twins have come up with and Aiden looking like he's floating on cloud nine thinking about his new girlfriend. At least I know Penny is over at her new friend's house tonight. That's good. She needs a close friend.

The twins are wasted, singing and dancing acting like the happiest bunch of assholes I've ever seen and I can't take it anymore. I've had too much to drink, but not in a way that makes me feel good. I feel hopeless and somewhat depressed as I look over at Aiden.

"Cigar?" I ask Aiden.

We head outside to the back deck, listening to the roar of the ocean as we sit in a moment of silence before I look over at Aiden, smiling at his phone.

"I'm happy for you, ya know?" I tell him and I mean it. I might be slightly fucking jealous that my love life isn't as complicated. But I'm happy that Aiden has found someone. Even if it's still somewhat of a secret to the general public.

"I know."

"You deserve to be happy. I'm excited to meet her. You know, outside of Avalon." I smirk and he rolls his eyes. He, in fact, did not kick my ass after that encounter. What a softie.

"You deserve to be happy too, Lincoln."

"I'm not sure the rest of the family would agree," I reply, and he clearly doesn't get the connotation of what I'm saying and I wave him off. "You should invite her to The Bahamas. I know it's a while away, but that just gives you more time to be together."

His relationship is new, and hard launching her into the Carlson household is honestly just rude. But if they last the next couple of weeks, I know our mother would be thrilled.

"I'll ask her."

"I'm going to go for a walk," I say, grabbing another drink and waving off my brother as I walk down the beach.

The beach is nice as it always is as I walk in the sand, letting the lights from the ocean front houses guide me.

I pull out my phone and scroll through to Penny's name.

Are you awake?

Penny

Jessa's couch is uncomfortable as fuck.

I smile and decide to call her instead of texting.

"Who's this?" she says with a little slur in her words.

"Batman," I say in a deep gravelly voice and she laughs.

"How is Gotham faring without you?" she asks.

"I'm pretty sure Aiden is talking to Jessa and the twins are probably passed out somewhere in the house."

"Jessa is sound asleep," she replies, which means Aiden is also very likely passed out.

"Did you have a good day?" I ask her.

I swear I can feel her smile over the phone. "I really did. It's been so long since I've had a girlfriend to hang out with. It's nice. Her and Aiden are going to be perfect for each other."

"He seems happy."

"They deserve to be happy," she replies.

"So do we."

There's a soft silence for a moment over the phone and she sighs. "Can we be different people tonight?" she asks.

"I already told you I'm Batman."

She laughs and sighs before she speaks again. "I wish you were just Batman."

"Me too," I reply, looking out at the waves.

I grab a shell and toss it into the water, both of us still on the phone, just wanting some amount of closeness.

"We've got to stop doing this, Linc."

"I know," I groan.

"Maybe some distance?"

"Okay," I reply, hating the thought entirely.

"Goodnight, Linc."

"Night."

I hang up the phone and stare at the dark, inky ocean in front of me. I either need to work on this obsession and give Penny up, or I need to convince her that this isn't some fleeting feeling.

It's beena week and a half and I haven't seen Penny. I consider going to Avalon. Hell, even going to Key Club and meeting someone new. But every time I think about doing it, I immediately shut it down. I'm trying so fucking hard to move on, but no matter what I do, I can't.

I always thought the phrase when you know, you know, was bullshit. Especially since Penny has been in my face this whole time. But after everything we shared, I know she's my person. She's the one I'm supposed to be with.

I'm working obscenely late when Aiden walks through my office.

He rounds the chair in front of my desk and sits on it.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, not even looking away from my computer.

"Even for you, this is a bit much," he says, waving a hand in my direction.

"I like my job."

"No, you're fucking burying yourself in this job. What's going on Linc? I mean, I knew things after Vanessa were bad, but lately you just seem?—"

"I'm fine, just have a lot of work to do."

"You haven't been going to Avalon."

"I didn't even really like Avalon," I say, and my brother glares at me.

"You're so full of fucking shit. Is this about some woman?"

No, it's about the woman I should be with right now, but we just so happen to have a complicated family tree.

"I'm fine, Aiden."

"No, you're not. I know a thing or two about not being okay, Lincoln."

I look away from my computer and over at him. He's basically handing me a life preserver, but I'm in too deep. I'm drowning in this need and there's nothing Aiden or anyone else can do to prevent me from drowning.

"I promise. I'm good."

He sighs and stands up from his chair.

"When you decide you're not fine, I'll be there."

He leaves my office and I go back to work, trying to drown out all these feelings I wish would go away.

Another Saturdaywithout Penny in my bed feels like a fucking crime. I feel like shit as I leave to go grab my food for the evening, which I will be eating alone, like some crotchety old man with no friends.

Penny makes me want to be better. Fuck, I'll buy a pair of Reeboks and learn to be nicer to people if that's what she wants.

I'm leaving the apartment building and I see Penny standing in the lot. She's wearing a dark blue sundress with her hair in a messy bun.

Fuck, she's so beautiful.

Wait? Why does she look so nice and where the fuck is she going?

A black SUV rolls around the lot, a handsome man rolling down the window and smiling at her before she gets in.

You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Instead of going and getting take out, I drive down to the bar we all used to get wasted at when we were all home from college.

A date? Could she seriously be going on a date right now?

I'm not an idiot. I know Penny could land any guy she wanted. She's my person. It wouldn't make sense for me to be hers. Doesn't make me any less selfish, wanting to hoard her away for myself.

But she told me that I needed to move on, that we couldn't do this.

How the fuck am I supposed to move on? I hadn't even moved on from my last fucked-up relationship; I don't think there's any working past this.

I order drink after drink, wanting to feel numb.

Deep down I know I use alcohol too much, so I don't have to feel, but right now I truly don't even fucking care.

The idea of Penny laughing with some asshole on a date makes my stomach churn.

"Seat taken?" A woman asks and I wave at the seat. "Party for one, I guess?" she jokes.

I laugh sardonically and roll my eyes.

"What an asshole," she says to her friend and I order another drink.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I groan, digging it out and seeing my brother's name.

Ignore.

He calls three more times until I finally give up and answer the fucking thing.

"What?"

"Why is Jasper calling me and telling me that my brother is acting like a drunken asshole at the bar?"

"I don't know. You have three brothers."

"Do you want me to call you a ride?" Aiden asks.

"I'm fine, Aiden."

He sighs over the phone. "Fuck it. I'm coming to pick you up."

"You don't need to do that."

"You sound like you're fucking wasted. I'll be there in a half-hour."

"Fine," I say, before hanging up and ordering more drinks. Wondering how much more I can get down my gullet until Aiden arrives.

Aiden gets to the bar way before his thirty minute ETA.

"Let's go," Aiden says, handling my tab and tipping the bartender graciously.

"I'm a whole ass man, I can get myself home."

"You're coming with me," he says, grabbing his phone and making a call, stepping away. I keep sipping my drink and he rolls his eyes and snatches it away.

"I'm not done drinking, asshole," I tell him.

"Shut the fuck up," Aiden says back to me before sighing and talking to the person over the phone. "Sorry, I'll be there in fifteen."

He puts an arm around my waist and supports my weight, lugging me into the car.

I press my face against the glass, it feels great against my skin.

"This isn't the way to my house," I say, looking out the window as we cross a bridge.

"I've gotta go pick up Jessa first."

"Your girlfriend."

"Yes, my girlfriend."

I make a noise of understanding and close my eyes as Aiden drives us wherever the fuck we're going to pick up his girlfriend.

I'm tired and groggy by the time we get there and he looks over at me before we get out of the car.

"Whatever this is, you've gotta work through it man. This isn't you," Aiden says, looking me up and down as he gets out of the car.

Whiskey Joe's is on the bay so you have to walk through sand to get to tables, the bar, and chairs. It honestly feels pretty fucking unsanitary when I think about it. My feet sink in with each step, the music is loud and there's a bunch of rowdy assholes who have pulled their boats up to drink and eat.

Why the fuck is Aiden's girlfriend at Whiskey Joe's by herself? And why the hell couldn't he have just dropped me off at home instead of making me suffer this unending trek to get to a shitty wooden table plopped in the sand.

Aiden groans, grabbing my arm and I follow suit, hating the bright glare of the sun and how miserable I feel.

It's then as we finally are approaching the tables that I realize Penny is with Jessa. I want to pull her into my lap and drown her in the ocean at the same time—it's very confusing. I got wasted and made a complete asshole out of myself while she's just been at this shithole of a beach bar with her friend the whole time?

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I mumble as we approach

"What is your problem, Lincoln?" my brother asks.

Our pretty, unobtainable cousin. That's my problem.