Chapter Eight

Saylor

Reed finally reached out to Matt and told him he knows Mila’s whereabouts. Matt isn’t happy. My dad isn’t happy, and my mom is a bouncing ball of nervous energy. It’s been a month of her being gone, and us being worried about her, and wondering if she is alive. Besides her bogus note that we shouldn’t worry about her, she hasn’t reached out. I’m furious with her, while at the same time, I want to hug her for being alive.

On top of it all, I wasn’t the one Ciaran reached out to; he called my mom to set up the mission. After our disastrous date night, we’ve barely talked, unless it’s about Rogue. Not that I blame him. I can see why he’s mad, but I also feel entitled to my feelings. Glancing down at the ring on my finger is like physically feeling the weight of the decisions I made.

“Matt is on his way,” My mom breezes into the room and grabs her purse from the kitchen table. “Are you ready?”

“Yup,” I stand and grab my own bag, “Let’s find out what’s been going on.”

We race out the door and into my mom’s car. As she drives through town, it hits me that I haven’t seen Ciaran since our date night. I’m scared to see the disappointment, or the confusion, from the other night in his eyes. I might crumble, and if I give in, I wonder if either of us will ever be truly happy.

“What’s wrong with you?” My mom side-eyes me in the car. I roll my own eyes hating that she can always read me so easily. “I haven’t seen Ciaran over lately, did you guys have a fight or something?”

“Or something,” I tell her, my shoulders shrugging.

“Did he not like the house you picked?”

“I didn’t look. We found Mila’s note the same day so I canceled the showings. He’s disappointed,” I manage to tell her. I turn my phone over in my hands wondering if I should just call Kimberly myself to reschedule.

“Honey,” My mom starts, and I see her pause as if weighing her words, “I’m worried about you, Baby. You and Ciaran were head-over-heels in love, you said yes to his proposal, and now I feel like you’re confused, and I don’t know why. Did something happen in your relationship? Does he regret it? Did he cheat? Did you cheat?”

“No, mom! Oh my god, nothing like that!” I scoff at her and almost laugh at the face she makes.

“Well I’m sorry. I just don’t get it. Your dad is as flabbergasted as I am. I just sort of thought once you had the ring, you would be getting married, like yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, Saylor, I love that you are living with us and I have my babies with me, but usually people planning a wedding also want to live together,” She glances at me.

“It’s complicated mom,” I meet her gaze and I know she can see through me. “I want to have a house and be married to Ciaran. It’s just not as simple as everyone thinks it is.”

“What isn’t?” My mom laughs, “I think you both have already been through some difficult times, and only grown stronger. Do you think that’s the issue?”

“Look at you and dad. Look at what you guys went through. Erika and Matt. Rogue is complex and complicated. I’m establishing my career and path here, but what if it goes wrong. I just think that there is no point in rushing into marriage right now if we really have all our lives to be together, right?” I argue.

“Say,” My mom exhales, “Your dad and I…if we had talked and communicated, even once, when we were younger, and set aside our pride, we might have had our happy ending sooner. It was a different circumstance. And even so, I wouldn’t change it. Because I got Mila out of it, and your dad has Silas. Erika and Matt…again you can’t even compare. They’re both stubborn and prideful, and then you add in Erika’s history, I’m not surprised it took them this long, but they made it. You and Ciaran are not the previous generation of Rogue.”

“I know that mom,” I breathe deeply, “I just don’t want to depend on Rogue and Ciaran. I want us to be strong together, and apart. So we can really get through everything. He wants to rush everything right now, and I don’t see why.”

We’re both quiet as she drives through town until finally we’re in the Rogue Auto Shop parking lot. “Saylor,” she turns to me and takes my hand in hers, “I can’t tell you how to think, or what is the best answer. What I can tell you, from experience, is that life is too short. Things can change in a flash. You love Ciaran. He is head-over-heels for you too. Sometimes that really is all that matters.”

“Don’t worry about us mom,” I pat her hand, and try to smile, “We’ll figure it out.” I reassure her, even as my stomach tightens.

We get out of the car and make our way inside. Everyone is already gathered in the basement, so we head down there. I watch as my mom immediately finds my dad and he embraces her. She leans into him, needing his strength. My eyes glance around and after finding my friends I walk over and hug them, then my brother, and Matt. While I move around the room I’m forever aware of Ciaran. Only this time I don’t feel the usual warmth coming from him, or feel his burning gaze on my skin. My heart thunders against my rib cage when we finally stand toe-to-toe. His arms slide around me, and he pulls my body to his side, but the heat is gone. It feels automatic, robotic, the way he shifts so we aren’t even pressed together.

I don’t know how long we stand there, but soon Matt is talking and I can barely concentrate. I glance up at him, and the world stops. There is no emotion on his face. His eyes hold no feeling, or sign of life in them, when he glances down at me. It’s the mask he wore when we first met, before he crawled under my skin and I worked my way into his heart. My breath hitches.

“In Arizona. With Reed,” My dad’s angry voice pulls my attention. My eyes glance around wildly to my mom’s red face, Matt’s head bowed, and the astonished smile on Oaklynn’s face, that she is trying to hide.

“Wait, what?”

Matt looks up to me and nods, “Mila found out where Reed lives in Arizona and went to stay with him.”

“Why?” The word blurts out of my mouth.

“Mila has been learning to walk. She looked for Reed and traced him to where he lives. Apparently, she’s been staying with him, and wants to talk to us,” Ciaran’s voice rumbles in his chest.

I glance up at him again, but he’s looking at the screens. “You knew about this?”

“We just found out yesterday when Matt talked to Jason,” Ciaran answers.

I open my mouth to ask him why he didn’t tell me sooner. I could have been worrying about her less if I’d known, but then remember our silent war. “Are we going?”

“Well I am for sure going,” My mom holds up her hand, and my dad grins at her.

“I sort of figured you would,” Matt answers, “We’re assembling a small team for travel. I got the info from Reed himself, but I still feel there is a protocol for safety. Especially given our recent mission so close to the border .”

“Kelly, Silas, Matt, and Ciaran plan to go,” My dad says before turning to me, “You in, Say?”

“Yup,” I clip out, my arms folding over my chest. I have so many questions for Mila, and I am dying to know what the hell she was thinking. She kept so many things from us, lied to us, and has been staying with Reed. I know about Reed, I have seen Reed for who he truly is. And even though I know he would never hurt me, I just don’t see what Mila does.

“We leave in two hours,” Matt announces and the screens turn off, “Start packing.”