Chapter 3

Chapter Three

ELIJAH

A thousand times I had questioned my decision to give up Stanford and come to Carolina University for Julien. Because he needed me. Because I loved him. Because I would always choose him.

But Julien wasn't the only person who needed me.

It only takes three short raps of my knuckles before the ornate wood door swings open. The chill of air conditioning pouring out of the house clashes with the humid late summer air, causing goose bumps to explode over my arms and legs.

"Hey, man," Alex says, stepping aside to let me in.

I step inside the frat house and immediately see a difference. "Place looks surprisingly clean," I comment, looking around.

There are new pieces of furniture that weren't there before, and whatever lemon furniture polish they used is enough to choke me into unconsciousness. I give its pristine state maybe two weeks to last. Once the parties start, it'll get trashed real quick.

"Have to get the place spotless for freshman rush. We replaced most of the den furniture with new shit."

I kick off my sneakers. The Persian foyer runner cushions my bare feet like a cloud.

"Good. The paisley sofa smelled like vomit."

Alex chuckles. "Vomit wasn't the only thing. John went through the entire house with a black light. We tossed anything that lit up like a fucking neon sign."

My nose scrunches at the disturbing thought. "That's gross."

"You have no idea. Want to see the pictures?" he asks a little too enthusiastically.

"Hard pass." I peer up at the second-floor balcony. "Is he here?"

I tried texting Fallon a couple of times. Never got a response, so I decided to show up on his doorstep.

Alex thumbs over his shoulder. "Out back. He's in a pissy mood, even for Fallon."

I figured as much. That's why I came.

I stop in the kitchen to grab two sparkling waters from the fridge before heading out to the back deck.

I find Fallon leaning against the deck railing, a contemplative, solitary man. He's silhouetted by the afternoon sun hovering precariously just above the horizon. Hues of deep red, orange, and coral pink paint the sky like a watercolor, and for some reason, the sentiment of tragic beauty pops into my mind. Then again, after this morning, I'm in a weird headspace.

Setting the waters down between us, I take a similar stance beside him, dangling my wrists off the top rail, and watch a lone evening bat put on a show as it dives and swoops an acrobatic routine to catch its dinner.

Fallon takes one of the bottles I brought out and untwists the cap. "Why do I feel like this visit has an ulterior motive?"

"Because it does," I reply truthfully.

Fallon has unrequitedly pined away for Liz from afar since junior high, but he never did anything about it because of his friendship with Ryder. What happened to her hit Fallon just as deeply as the guys. And like I did for Julien, Fallon only came to CU for Ryder and me.

It doesn't matter if we're from vastly different worlds or if our friendship doesn't make sense to a lot of people. Despite our differences, Fallon and I are very much the same. We'd do anything, sacrifice everything , for those we love.

"You've seen her?" he asks.

"I have."

And that's the entirety of our conversation about Liz. He knows I'd tell him if she wasn't okay.

His shoulder brushes against mine. "Are you good?"

That's a loaded question. One of those self-destructive what-ifs . What if Julien loves Liz more than he loves me? I know it's an irrational thought mired in the baggage I carry around that's packed with years of self-doubt about my worthiness to be loved by anyone. Mom made sure to mentally screw me up in that department.

Chilled condensation drips down the green glass and over my fingers. "To be determined," I reply, lifting the bottle to my lips and taking a sip.

It's hard not to let old insecurities slither their tentacles around me. I know better, but most importantly, I know Julien. Doesn't stop the thoughts from creeping in, unwanted and unwelcome.

Fallon turns and sears me with an ice-blue gaze. "You shut that shit down quick. People make mistakes. You know fucking well Julien loves you. Stop punishing him for what happened last year."

"I'm not."

Julien has bent over backward to repair the damage he unknowingly created after Liz disappeared. He was depressed and hurting and made stupid choices. He realized it and finally did something about it. Therapy also helped. We've been in a really good place.

"I'm not," I repeat more assuredly, wanting out from under Fallon's piercing frown.

"Good."

Hooking the leg of a nearby chair with my foot, I drag it toward me. Fallon follows suit, and we recline back to watch the sunset. Most mornings, Julien and I jog up to our hilltop and watch the sunrise, but it's rare with our busy schedules that we can sit back and enjoy the sunset.

"Dad asked Pamela to move in."

He actually asked me first to make sure I was okay with it. I was ecstatic. Pamela has been good for him. She makes him happy. She's also an amazing person. Night and day from Mom.

"He's an idiot if he doesn't lock that down and put a ring on her finger."

Laughter spills out. "I'll be sure to tell him that."

But Fallon is right.

I swat a mosquito away when it annoyingly buzzes my ear, not deterred in the least by the citronella tiki torches scattered around.

"I'm heading to Durham on Sunday to help April move into her dorm."

My stepsister thought about applying here, but Duke offered her a full-ride scholarship she couldn't refuse. It'll be nice having her so close. Duke is less than a three-hour drive from CU. She already said she plans to visit me a lot, but I figure it's an excuse to come to the beach. The girl loves her sand and surf.

"Take the Porsche," Fallon says.

I knew he would offer, just like he knows I'll gratefully decline. Fallon has the misnomer of being a cold-hearted, ruthless bastard, but underneath his rich playboy exterior, his heart is huge and beautiful, and he gives it to those he loves unconditionally.

"Thanks, but my POS will make it."

"Highly doubtful."

I almost take afront at his doubtful bark of laughter. My car is crappy, but it goes from point A to B using no gas because it's electric.

"How's Jessi?"

A smile lights up my face at the mention of my vivacious, crazy best friend. Sliding my phone from my back pocket, I swipe to the picture she sent me last night.

"This is her new girlfriend. Keep it on the down low. And that comes straight from her."

Fallon leans in to get a closer look. "Is that?—?"

"Yep."

Talk about serendipity. While shopping at the corner bodega near her apartment a couple of weeks ago, Jessi literally ran into the lead singer of Badass Bitches, an all-female indie rock band popular with the college crowd. According to Jessi, the spark was instantaneous. They're taking things slow and keeping their relationship private for now. Jessi is terrified of getting her heart broken again.

Fallon lets loose a long whistle. "Damn. Good for her. I know Pixie?—"

"Of course you do." Fallon knows everybody.

He finger-flicks my earlobe. "Shut it, Barnes. As I was saying, I know Pixie, and she's good people. She's not the kind of person to sleep around, so if they're dating, she's all in."

I take comfort in that. Like my dad, Jessi deserves her slice of happiness after the shit her ex put her through.

Crossing my feet at the ankles, I recline back and gaze up at the dusky sky. A few faint stars have popped out, and I connect the dots, seeing what picture I can create. So far, a snake and a rectangle. Rembrandt I am not.

"Mind if I crash here tonight?"

Fallon's head lolls to the side, and I can feel those scrutinizing blue eyes burning a hole in the side of my face.

"You're always welcome to crash anytime, but why don't you want to stay at the condo?"

I only have a week left of living there since I'll be moving into the dorms with Ash soon.

I shrug a listless shoulder. "Just want to give the guys some privacy."

There's a lot of heavy stuff, personal stuff, that they'll want to talk about regarding Liz, and I don't want to intrude into whatever private conversations they need to have. Their world was just flipped on its axis today. A world forged in their childhoods that I wasn't a part of. It's hard to explain.

Paper crinkles when Fallon unwraps a stick of gum and pops it into his mouth. He started chewing gum when he stopped smoking and usually goes through two packs of peppermint gum a day.

"Fuck off with that bullshit. Jules needs you and will want you there. So will Ry and Jay. You're their family, man."

Feeling a little sentimental, I reach across the gap between our deck chairs and cuff his arm.

"You're mine, too. You know I love you, right?"

Fallon is my brother in every sense of the word. It doesn't matter if we aren't related by blood. Sometimes the best families are ones you create, not ones you're born into. And my family is pretty damn awesome.

He raises the water bottle to his mouth but doesn't drink. "I know." Averting his gaze because Fallon doesn't do well with emotions, he mumbles, "Ditto."

Alex appears through the French doors and plops down into one of the empty chairs, beer in hand and kicking his feet up onto the railing. The night song of insects has begun with a cacophonic chorus of noisy cicadas that drowns out everything else.

"Spring cleaning sucks."

"It's summer, dumbass," Fallon quips.

Alex cocks his head, his mouth moving silently like he's talking to himself. "I thought it was fall."

"Fall begins next month," I inform him.

His face pinches, perplexed. "Then why the fuck do they say school starts in the fall when it's still summer?"