Chapter 2

Chapter Two

JULIEN

Ryder one-hands me and pushes me back in my seat.

"I'll pull over and kick you out of the car if you look at the speedometer again."

My knee bounces a mile a minute. "Can't you go any faster?"

"No."

Elijah leans forward and reaches around my headrest. I grab on to his hand like a lifeline, so damn thankful he's here.

Looking at my phone mounted to Ryder's dashboard, I tell Ry, "Take the next right."

He slows down and flicks his blinker. "I can see the screen just fine, Jules."

We turn into the parking lot for an apartment complex, and my nerves skyrocket. Jay and I don't know anyone who lives here, and not many students have returned yet. Classes don't start until next week, and freshman move-in day isn't until Saturday.

"Look for his truck."

"Do you think this is where she lives?" Elijah asks as we scan the parking lot.

"I don't know." I don't know anything anymore.

It's funny how your entire world can tip over in an instant. This morning started like every other. I woke up with Elijah in my arms and watched him sleep for a while. A habit I can't seem to stop. Not because he's beautiful to look at, but because every morning that I get to wake up next to him is a gift.

I fucked up a lot last year. I let my grief control me. It sucked me down a sinkhole of depression I couldn't escape from. Drinking, doing self-destructive things without considering the consequences or how it would affect Elijah. Taking him for granted.

That's the thing about depression. It's pernicious and relentless, and once you're snared by its barbs, they're almost impossible to escape. I was drowning. I couldn't breathe past the pain. And it almost cost me the love of my life. I wouldn't have blamed Elijah if he left me, but he didn't. His unwavering love is what saved me. He's my miracle. I could spend a lifetime making it up to him, and it wouldn't be enough for the shit I put him through.

Elijah taps my shoulder when he spots Jay's truck. "Over there."

I'm out of the front seat before Ry turns off the engine.

"Do you see him?" I ask Elijah when he gets out.

We look up when we hear raised voices. A door to an apartment on the second floor is wide open and hanging off its hinges.

"Oh, fuck," Ry says and takes off at a run.

Alarm curdles like acid in my stomach. "He wouldn't."

My brother wouldn't be that idiotic.

That thought gets verified when Ryder shouts, "Jay, what the fuck are you doing?"

Elijah grabs my forearm and gets me moving, but it's the blonde woman who runs out of the apartment and slams into Ryder that gives my feet wings. Holy shit, it's really her.

My heart seizes. Literally stops beating. I'm filled with the weight of unanswered questions I struggle to comprehend. The memories of waking up to the sound of sirens flood back—Liz lifeless on the gurney, the blood, the tortuous hours spent waiting while she was in emergency surgery, three days later when she was torn from our world. All the months of tirelessly searching for her. All the nights I was haunted by the thought of never seeing her again.

Yet here she is, mere feet away, so close that I could reach out and touch her.

Liz was my best friend, my confidante, and my anchor in the storm of life. Her disappearance had been a relentless ache, a gaping void that swallowed me whole.

Tears choke my eyes as I look at her. I'm unable to move as a whirlwind of conflicting emotions consumes me. The anguish of her absence collides with the relief of her return, and they combine with an overwhelming surge of happiness that threatens to engulf me. I'd probably plummet down the stairs if Elijah wasn't holding my hand.

"Help me," Liz pleads.

Needing to make sure she's real, I brush a hand down her hair in a soft caress.

Her fingers frantically grip Ryder's shirt. "Please help me. That man broke into my apartment. He grabbed me."

Her terror is palpable and has my vision hazing with red when I see Jay through the doorway.

Ryder bands his arms around her. "You're safe, Elizabeth. Nobody's going to hurt you."

"Liz," Jay says, and she physically flinches.

I cut my brother a scathing look to shut the hell up. Something is very wrong. Ryder said Liz acted like she didn't know him. She's acting like that now. What in the ever-loving hell is going on?

When she stumbles to get farther away from Jay, Ry reassures her. "I promise that you're safe. No one will hurt you."

Liz peeks around him, and deep lines etch her brow when she finally notices me. There's zero recognition. Nothing. Creases of confusion wrinkle her forehead when she glances over her shoulder at Jay, then back at me.

"There're two of you? I don't understand what's happening."

That's a huge understatement. I feel like we've walked into the Upside Down.

"I know things must be confusing. It's the same for us. You act like you don't know who we are. We've been searching for you for over a year," Ry says.

Her frightened gaze locks onto me. "I don't know who any of you are. I don't remember ."

She doesn't remember us? How is that possible?

Elijah releases my hand and pulls out his phone. He opens a folder and swipes to an old selfie of him and Liz sitting in the bleachers at one of my high school soccer games.

Pointing to himself in the picture, he asks, "Do you remember me?"

Liz shakes her head. "No. Should I?"

"I'm Elijah."

A dark head of hair pokes out of the apartment two doors down. "Do you mind? I just got off the night shift, and I'm trying to go to sleep." He slams his door closed.

"Maybe it's best if we talk inside," Ryder suggests, and Liz immediately tenses.

Her gaze bounces between the three of us before she reluctantly nods. "Okay."

Liz stays near the door, warily watching us when we come inside. The apartment is spacious with an open-concept layout. A granite counter island separates the kitchen from the living room. There's an attached breakfast nook and a short hallway that must lead to the bedroom. Furniture that appears brand new decorates the space, and a few moving boxes are scattered around, waiting to be unpacked.

"Liz. Baby. Please ," Jay pleads.

Liz visibly flinches again and backs up a step. Can he not read the room?

Taking his forearm, I drag him to the couch.

"Sit your ass down, shut up, and give her a damn minute. I can't believe you broke down her fucking door," I seethe in a harsh whisper.

He grapples against my firm hold when I none too gently force his obstinate ass down onto the couch.

Elijah takes a seat next to him. "Jay, you're scaring her."

Somehow, thankfully, what he says gets through.

Ryder eases down to the floor in front of us, and two long, awkward minutes pass as she stares at us and we stare at her, and no one says anything. I use that time to take her in, still not believing she's actually here. She looks different, yet somehow the same. She's more muscular, her arms more defined. The color of her eyes is the same, but the wariness and discomfort sheltered behind them are new. There isn't a flicker of recognition. Nothing. What the fuck happened to her?

"Where have you been?" I ask.

Her head cants to the side with trepidation. With my heart trying to climb its way up my throat, I wait for her to say something. Anything .

When she doesn't, I ask, "You don't remember any of us?"

Her hands fidget at her sides, her fists clenching and unclenching. She looks like she wants to bolt but is forcefully willing her feet to remain glued to the floor.

"I don't…" She takes a deep breath and taps the fingers of her right hand against her outer thigh like piano keys. "The only thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. I was… in a coma… that's what I was told anyway. I don't really know since…" Her chin dips to her sternum, and she shrugs.

Ryder loops his arms around his bent knees. "You were in the hospital in Fallen Brook. We visited you every day. We were told some guy showed up. A cousin or something. And then you just vanished. No one would tell us who the guy was or where he took you. Where have you been?"

Liz swallows, then clears her throat. She takes a small, tentative step forward. "Um… Seattle."

"Seattle?" Jay practically shouts.

Liz doesn't retreat this time. On the contrary, she looks pissed. Anger visibly vibrates through her body like a plucked string.

"Look, I don't know you, and to be honest, I'm a hell of a lot freaked out right now. How can I believe anything you're saying?"

Following Elijah's example, Ryder takes out his phone, opens his camera roll, and offers it to her. Liz quickly snatches it from his grasp and swipes through photo after photo. Varied reactions steamroll across her face, changing from anger to intrigue to amusement.

"That looks just like mine," she remarks.

"What does?" Ryder asks.

She flips the screen around to show him the image. "The car. Mine is red."

Ryder pulls back, astonished. "The red Hellcat parked outside is yours?"

I didn't see it. Then again, my attention was elsewhere.

A small grin curves her lips. "Yeah."

"I'll be damned," he mumbles.

I keep my hand solid on Jay's leg to make sure he stays put. "I'm Julien."

She swipes from one picture to the next on Ryder's phone, then stops on one.

"Is this us?"

She shows me the photo, and hope kindles when she recognizes it's me and not Jay. Even though we're identical twins, Liz could always tell us apart. I remember the first day we met when we were six years old. Jay and I found her inside her fort in the woods behind her house. We played in the creek catching crawfish. She said it was easy to tell us apart because we had a different number of freckles across the bridges of our noses.

"How can you tell that's me?"

"The hair." She keeps swiping. "And this is you?" she asks Jay.

"Yes."

Leaving her guarded stance, she sits cross-legged on the floor next to Ryder.

"At the student union earlier, you said that you've known me since you were nine."

"We met in third grade. You've known Jay and Jules since you were six. We lived on the same street, Fallen Brook Drive. We all grew up together. We were best friends."

She doesn't stop Ryder when he reaches out and pushes a lock of her hair behind her ear. Jay goes perfectly still, rigid as stone.

I lean into him and whisper, "Don't."

Of course, he doesn't heed my warning.

"You were my girlfriend," Jay blurts and offers his phone to her.

I don't know how long we sit there as she goes back and forth, shuffling through the images on our phones.

She double taps on a photo of Elijah and me to enlarge it. "You guys make a cute couple."

"Thanks," Elijah replies, and she smiles at him.

It's the first time she's looked at ease since we arrived.

The longer we sit there, the more antsy Jay becomes. "Liz. Please, sweetheart. I'm dying here. I need to hold you. Can I please hold you?"

Her head snaps up, and she scowls. "Why?"

"What the hell do you mean why?"

"Jay, chill," I tell him.

Liz abruptly stands. "Why would I let some crazy man who kicked my door in and scared the crap out of me touch me?"

"You're the love of my life. We were supposed to get married. Start a family. Have a life together. I've been dead for a year missing you. Don't you understand any of that?"

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because Liz unleashes on him.

"I don't give a shit what I see in the pictures. You're a complete stranger. You're the scary guy who barged into my home uninvited and unwelcome. I'm not going to stand here and allow you to bully me into feeling something that I don't fucking remember!"

I'm pretty sure all our eyes widened. I think I can count on one hand the times I ever heard her say "fuck." The soft-spoken, sweet Liz we once knew is not the fiery, rage-filled woman currently glaring at us.

Jay pounds a fist to his chest. "I love you, and you love me."

A spark ignites behind her green eyes.

"I don't know who you are! I'm sorry if that upsets you. I'm sorry if my nonexistent memory causes problems for you . But you can't barge into my apartment and demand that I love you or tell me that I'm your girlfriend. I don't even know who I am!"

"Liz," Jay chokes, tears falling unbidden.

Her head drops in shame when she sees them. "I'm sorry. I just… I don't…"

Seemingly the only rational one of us at the moment, Elijah says, "This is a difficult situation for everyone. The most important thing is that you're okay."

Liz inhales, holds it, then blows it out in a rush. "From the pictures, I get that we knew each other and were friends. I get that. But please understand how confusing this is for me. I don't know any of you. You're all strangers to me."

All the nights I dreamed about seeing her again never prepared me for this fucked-up mess. A mess I have no freaking clue how to begin fixing.

"Why don't we order some pizzas and sit down and talk, yeah?" I suggest.

She looks like she wants to tell me hell no , and to get the fuck out of her apartment, but something stops her. Maybe her curiosity is piqued.

"Yeah, okay. I need to call Drew and Daniel first."

"Who the hell are Drew and Daniel?" Jay snaps.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Needing to get him away from her for a few minutes so he can get his head on straight, I take Jay by the belt loops of his shorts and pull.

"Help me fix her door since you're the one who broke it. You still have that toolbox in your truck? Jay," I prompt when he ignores me.

"What?"

"The toolbox in the truck. Fix her door."

He reluctantly rips his gaze away from Liz. "Fine."

The sun's angle is blinding when we step outside as it reflects off the windshields of the cars parked in front of the building. Sweat begins to trickle down the valley of my spine, but I don't know if it's from the humidity or the tumult of the last hour barraging me.

Once we get to the bottom of the stairs and out of earshot, I lay into him.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Drop it."

Not going to happen.

"Didn't you see how badly you scared her? You broke down her damn door."

Guilt takes a ride on his shoulders, hunching them inward. "I saw her and—forget it. What I did was inexcusable."

We're twins, but I'm not going to pretend to understand what he's feeling. The pain I've been swallowed by for the last year doesn't compare to his or Ry's. They're in love with Liz. Soulmate, forever kind of love. She's my soulmate, too, but in the way best friends who've shared a lifetime together are. Elijah is my forever love, and I let my guilt over what happened to Liz almost destroy us.

"She doesn't remember us, Jay. Things are clearly screwed-up. We need to find out what happened to her and freaking her out isn't helping."

Jay's jaw locks tight, but he nods.

When we get to the truck, he pops the tailgate down. The bed bounces a few times when he jumps into it and opens the storage box. I take the toolbox from him when he hops down.

"Before we go back up, I want to talk to you."

"I need to get back to Liz." The tears return, and he furiously dries them with the hem of his T-shirt. "You don't understand."

Hating to see my brother like this, I cuff the back of his neck and touch our foreheads together.

"Then help me understand."

The blunt nails of his calloused fingers dig into my back when he falls into me. This is not two brothers hugging. This is him seeking safe harbor, trusting me to be the pillar of strength he needs right now.

"The last words I said to her were ‘get out.' I kicked her out of our house. And for what? For protecting you? For standing by you when you needed someone? For being your friend? What happened to her is my fault."

"It's not your fault, Jay."

Easier said than believed.

He buries his face deep into my neck, his grip on me like a vise, squeezing me until I can barely breathe.

"I didn't protect her. I wasn't there to save her." He collapses to the ground in the middle of the parking lot, a broken man consumed by regret.

I crouch down beside him and rest a hand on his shoulder, needing that connection as much as he does.

"I could have stopped her from driving off. I could have convinced her to stay with us that night. You don't think that guilt has been eating me every single day? But she's here now, alive and safe. It's nothing short of a miracle. So let's fix her door, eat some pizza, and spend time with our girl." My voice catches on the last word.

He grasps my proffered hand, and I pull him to stand.

"She looks good, doesn't she? But what's with the hair?"

A small smile tugs the corners of my mouth. "I like the pink streaks."

When he traces his thumb under his chin, only then do I notice the slight redness and swelling.

"She's got a mean right hook. Clocked me good before you guys showed up. Missed crushing my balls by inches. She's changed. We have a fighter on our hands."

She punched him?

"Liz has always been a fighter," I reply somberly.

Eyes closed, his head tips back to the blue-skied heavens. "How do I get her back, if she doesn't remember me?"

I give a weak shrug, feeling just as lost as him.

"Come on. Let's make sure Ry doesn't order any pizza with pineapple on it."

By the time Jay and I fix her front door, the pizzas arrive. Liz will need to get maintenance to replace it and check the door jamb fittings. At least it hangs right and closes properly, so she can deadbolt it.

"… and CU allowed me to defer since I was already accepted. So here I am."

Crammed around the small breakfast nook table, Liz has been answering every question we've asked her.

"How long were you in the coma?" Elijah asks, rolling his pizza slice like a burrito and biting it in half.

Liz licks grease off her fingers. "I was told about two months."

Two months? Our faces collectively display our dismay.

She touches the back of her head. "They told me the swelling in my brain was what caused it. Daniel and Drew placed me in an excellent rehab facility. The staff was wonderful to me. I did all my outpatient with them, too, so I got to know many of the doctors and nurses on a personal level. One thing I don't miss is all the poking and prodding and MRIs."

"If you were in a medical rehab facility, why couldn't our PI find you?" Jay asks.

Liz shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "Probably because of Daniel and Drew. They kept me in a private facility under a false name. Said it was for my protection. They're wonderful. You and Julien remind me of them," she says to Elijah.

Liz already told us about her distant cousin, Daniel, and his husband Drew. How they took emergency guardianship over her, flew her to Washington state, and have been caring for her over the past year.

We were surprised to hear that she had a distant cousin who we never knew existed. In the thirteen years Jay and I have known Liz, no other family members ever visited. Both sets of her grandparents were deceased. There were no aunts or uncles. As far as we knew, it was just her, Hailey, and their parents.

Liz peels a slice of pepperoni from her pizza and nibbles it. "They own some big tech company. D & D."

"How bad is your amnesia?" Ryder asks, no longer ignoring the elephant in the room.

We haven't asked her about that night . We're too afraid to bring it up. If there were ever an upside to amnesia, not remembering your entire family being murdered in front of you would be a blessing.

Liz mimics Elijah's pizza burrito and takes a big bite off the end. "It's basically like someone wiped my operating system clean, and I was rebooted. I recall things like math and science—school stuff. I can play the guitar and the piano, but I can't remember how I learned to play. I remember songs and movies. It's the people, places, and events from before that are missing."

Ryder picks at the plastic wrapping off his water bottle. "You must remember some things. Why else would you pick a Hellcat like mine for your car?"

She chews as she considers his question. "I guess you're right. Everything's just locked away. The doctors are cautiously optimistic that things will come back to me, but they can't make any guarantees. I do have flashes of memories. Like tiny little puzzle pieces I have to string together to make a complete picture, except there are a lot of missing pieces." Her gaze goes to Ryder. "I had some flashes of you today."

"You remembered me?"

"Kind of."

Her cheeks pink when she becomes the rapt focus of four sets of eyes.

"What did you remember?"

"Um. I can only recall a little. Like us driving in a car with the windows down… and there's this song playing on the radio." She hums a few measures, and Ry busts out with the biggest smile.

"‘Alive' by P.O.D."

"How long have the two of you been dating?" she asks me.

Taking Elijah's hand under the table, I reply, "A few years. We met in seventh grade at one of Jay's swim meets."

I'm pretty sure I hear Liz sigh when Elijah says, "I fell hard for Julien. Love at first sight."

I bring our joined hands to my lips and kiss the backs of his knuckles. "I fell for him, too, but it took me a while to come to terms with my bisexuality. You were the first person I came out to."

"I was?" She seems happy to hear that.

"You were our biggest cheerleader. I'll never be able to repay you for everything you did for us."

Her phone chimes, and she reads whatever text message arrived. "It's Daniel. I think it's time I call it a night. I'm tired."

We don't push our luck, not even Jay. Getting up from the table, I take her empty plate and glass and walk over to the sink to rinse them before placing them inside the dishwasher.

Ryder slides over to her side and playfully bumps her hip. "What's your number?"

"Can I get in on that as well?" I ask, taking out my phone.

I hate the deer-in-headlights look that overtakes her.

"I guess so," she hesitantly replies.

After we get her digits, she cautiously approaches Jay. "Do you want my number, too?"

One eyebrow arches. "Do you want me to have it?"

"Do you think I should?"

He laughs, and she smiles. A genuine, honest-to-goodness smile. Like fucking sunshine.

"I'll take a hug, if that's okay," Elijah says.

The veil of unease that had been shrouding her falls away when Liz readily gets enveloped in his arms. She seems to be more comfortable with him, but Elijah's sweet personality has that effect on people.

"I'm so happy you're okay. You need anything, call anytime."

Her cheek brushes his shirt when she nods. "Thank you. I might just take you up on that."

Our goodbyes are brief because we can tell she's ready for us to be gone.

As soon as we get down to the parking lot, Jay slams the tailgate closed, sits on the edge of the bumper, and blows out a ragged breath.

"That was…"

Intense. Heartbreaking. Confusing as hell. Upsetting. Really fucking weird. Take your pick.

Feeling them all, I reply, "Yeah."

Liz is back. She's here. No more searching or wondering or worrying. But she doesn't remember us. A myriad of raw emotions tangles me in a web of gossamer strings made from anger, guilt, and happiness… and fear. I'm terrified that she will disappear again, for good.

Ryder sinks his hands deep into his front pockets. "At least we now know what happened to her."

Jay collapses in on himself, hunching over, elbows to knees. "But fuck, Ry. Amnesia? It's like losing her all over again. I don't know what to do. I need someone to tell me what to do."

"I don't think there is anything we can do right now."

"What if she never remembers? What if she doesn't want anything to do with us?"

I take the optimistic, glass-half-full approach. "I refuse to believe that."

Ryder accordions his long legs and sits against the backs of his heels, putting himself eye level with Jay.

"What we need to do is be there for her in whatever way she'll let us. Elizabeth isn't lost to us. I refuse to take that defeatist viewpoint. Our Elizabeth is in there. She's not gone. Think about it. She didn't call the police tonight, even though she had every reason to. She trusted us enough to be alone with four guys she doesn't remember. She was very interested in all the pictures we showed her. She talked to us about Seattle. She even bought a Hellcat," Ry muses with a small chuckle.

He's right. Liz is still in there. But how do we get our old Liz back?