Chapter 4

Chapter Four

JULIEN

With his ear buds in, Elijah doesn't hear me when I step out onto the balcony. A steady breeze circulates the strong scent of honeysuckle that perfumes the evening air and helps dampen the sour, earthy stench of new mulch that management recently added to the plant beds surrounding the property. I like to come out here for the tranquil views of the campus in the distance. When it's lit up at night, it looks like one of the LED snow globes Mom likes to collect, sans the snow.

Leaning a shoulder on the jamb of the sliding door, I quietly take in Elijah's somber profile. He left to go see Fallon soon after we came back from Liz's. I didn't stop him, no matter how badly I wanted him to stay. As much as Liz's return has taken us by surprise, I have a pretty good idea of what he must be thinking, and guilt rides me hard because my past fuckups are what put those doubts inside his head to begin with.

Sensing my presence, Elijah glances up from his phone. The blue hue from his screen gives way to the darkness when he turns it off.

"Hey."

Shoving from the doorway, I walk the two feet it takes to stand in front of him. Gentle eddies of air lift silky curls of his wheat-blond hair away from his forehead.

"Hey," I reply.

Bracing my hands on the arms of the wide Adirondack chair, I tenderly press my mouth to his lips, letting the feather-light kiss linger for a moment. When I pull back, his wary hazel eyes tether themselves to my face, trying to gauge what mood I'm in.

Elijah Barnes has the sweetest, most empathetic soul of anyone I've ever met. He's a nurturer by nature. Kind and good to the core. I often tell him that he's my angel. The nickname fits and not because of his gorgeous, empyrean looks. His love saved me.

"Jay said you went for a run."

The morose mood that filled every inch of the condo felt like ants crawling over my skin. I had to get out for a while and away from Jay and Ry's bickering over what to do about Liz. There really isn't anything we can do, other than be there for her. Reestablish those connections. Pray that a miracle happens, and she gets her memory back. I can't— I won't —consider the possibility that she never will. She's in there, somewhere. Lost. We'll find her. We'll be her light to guide her back.

"Needed some air," I reply.

Elijah gives me a quizzical look when I curl my hands under his armpits and lift him off the chair. Once he's on his feet, I sit down, pull him into my lap, and wrap my arms around him. After readjusting his legs to drape over the side, he snuggles into me, nose nuzzled in my neck.

"You smell good." He sighs, burrowing in deeper.

I kiss the top of his head, then rest my cheek against it. "Took a quick shower. How was Fallon?"

The button of his nose brushes the day's growth of stubble under my jaw. "How you'd expect."

"Quiet and broody. Got it." I play my fingers through the wispy strands of the hair at his nape.

Elijah's chuckle reverberates through his chest. "Pretty much." His head angles back slightly. "How are you?"

"Got you in my arms, so I'm pretty damn good."

His teeth nip my chin. "You know what I mean."

I playfully pinch his ribcage in retaliation. "I know what you mean. I swear, I'm good."

As good as I can be, considering. But I can't let my worries over Liz start a runaway avalanche that will bury me alive. Been there, done that. I won't put Elijah through that hell again. I won't put myself through it.

He splays a hand across my pectoral, right above my heart. "I'm here… if you want to talk."

"Elijah." I wait for him to meet my gaze. When he does, I tell him, "I'm here, too. For you and with you. Not going anywhere."

He seems to understand the deeper meaning behind my words, and his chest deflates as the breath he was holding rushes out.

A fast-moving trail of light catches my attention as it streaks across the sky.

"Shooting star."

Elijah twists around. "Where?"

As quickly as it arrives, it burns itself out. "Just missed it."

I show him its trajectory with the movement of a finger.

"Did you make a wish?" he asks.

"I did." Cupping his cheek, I guide his face back around.

His stunning hazel eyes that are more green than brown under the sparse moonlight sucker punch me in the gut with the power they hold. But it's the upturned curve to his lips that does me in. Elijah's smile makes me weak in the goddamn knees—has since the first time I saw him.

"What was it?" he whispers, like anything louder would break the wish's magic.

"I'll show you."

Using the strength a lifetime of playing soccer has gifted me, I rise from the chair with him in my arms. With the added muscle mass he's packed on, he's a lot heavier than he used to be. Doesn't stop me.

" Julien ," he protests. "I'm too heavy. Don't hurt yourself."

"Put your legs around me."

Joining my hands under him, he wraps his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. But it's his effulgent laughter that has me grinning like a lovesick fool. I am so fucking gone for this man.

Needing to kiss him more than I need air, I push him against the stucco wall of the building and ravage his mouth. His lips eagerly part, and I taste his moan when our tongues touch. With teasing strokes, I build up our kiss, sinking into him and taking it deeper. A kiss is something so simple, yet it can be everything. A connection. A declaration. A promise. A claim.

Elijah fists the short strands of my hair, the slight sting of pain amping me up. I'm seconds away from saying "fuck it" and taking him out here on the balcony.

"Bedroom. Now," he pants before latching on to the sensitive spot on my neck where it meets my shoulder.

My cock swells rapidly behind my basketball shorts. He knows all my erogenous zones and uses that knowledge masterfully. But I know his just as well. Thrusting my hips, I grind my erection against his turgid length. When I circle my hand around his neck, squeezing lightly, Elijah's eyes fly open, his pupils contracted to pinpricks.

"God, yes. More."

My sweet man loves to be dominated. It's fun to discover his kinks, things I would never have guessed he'd be into. Things I never thought I'd be into either.

"Hold tight, baby," is all the warning I give him as I readjust my grip and carry him inside.

Ryder is leaning on the counter island, eating a bowl of cereal. His spoon arrests midway to his mouth as he watches us with unconcealed amusement.

"Swear to god, the two of you fuck like rabbits. If E was a girl, he'd be knocked up by now," Jay comments from his perch on the barstool across from Ry.

Elijah dissolves into giggles. Fucking giggles . So damn cute.

"Night, y'all," I say, not stopping to chat.

Still laughing, Elijah asks, "You gonna knock me up?"

"I'm sure as hell going to try."

"You know that's biologically impossible."

Enjoying the banter, I reply, "Not with the filthy way I'm going to fuck you, Angel."

"Promises, promises," he taunts.

Pushing my bedroom door open with my foot, I use my heel to slam it shut. With the curtains drawn, the room immediately shrouds in darkness. I know the layout by heart and easily carry him to the bed, making sure to sidestep my gym duffel I left on the floor.

I set him down on his feet long enough to strip us out of our clothes.

"Let me—" he starts to say, dropping to his knees.

"Nope."

Elijah releases a whoosh of breath when I timber us onto the mattress, the brief second of weightlessness making my belly swoop. Using my arms to push up, I settle between his thighs. He pulls me in, his warm hands, hardened by calluses, lift to cradle my face. My eyes flutter close when his fingertips begin their exploration over my brow, down the apples of my cheeks, and to my lips where he outlines my upper Cupid's bow. When his thumb brushes the seam, I curl my tongue around the digit and gently suck it into my mouth. His dick jumps in response, and I grin.

"Arms above your head and don't move."

His pout is adorable, but he does what I say. I have plans to lick every inch of his body. My mouth is already watering at the thought. With a reverent touch, I draw a heart in the center of his chest just below the sternum, then write our initials inside it: J + E. Placing a soft buss on top of the invisible E, I skim open-mouthed kisses down his torso, blazing a path along the soft dark-blond hair of his happy trail.

The Elijah underneath me is so different from the boy I fell in love with. He was always fit from swimming, but his physique has changed dramatically over the last year. Hard, chiseled ridges of muscle now exist where there used to be soft curves.

Elijah bucks his hips off the bed. "I want your mouth on me."

I hold him down, anchoring him in place with a forearm banded across his stomach, and lick up the indentation of his Adonis belt.

"My mouth is on you." Nipping languid circles around his navel, I inhale the heated muskiness of his skin. "Do you remember that song?"

He gasps when I bite into the flesh of his upper inner thigh.

"What… song?" His frantic fingers dig into my scalp, urging my face to his crotch.

Flattening my tongue, I drag it up the thick vein on the underside of his cock, then rim the tip, lapping at the precum leaking out.

"That John Mayer song. Something about your body is a wonderland."

He emits a string of noncoherent noises when I take him into my mouth, hollowing my cheeks and sucking hard.

"That's… literally… the name… of the song. Jesus, Julien. You feel so good," he moans.

I slip a finger through my saliva dripping down his cock and slide it to his ass. I sink my middle finger two knuckles deep and finger-fuck him. His breath hitches, and his back arches off the bedcovers when I add a second finger, scissoring them to stretch him out.

"Fuck me. Please , Julien."

As much as he loves to be controlled during sex, I love it when he begs so prettily.

Crawling up his body, I lave his nipples with thorough attention.

"You keep doing that, I'm not going to last."

Taking a taut nub between my teeth, I tenderly bite down and tug.

He writhes under me. "Julien, I mean it. I'm going to?—"

"Not yet." I reach between us and tightly grip the base of his dick like a cock ring.

"Sadist."

"Masochist," I reply, increasing the pressure until his eyes roll back in rapture.

Ignoring the rules to keep his hands above his head, Elijah brings them to my chest. I wait with torturous, bated breath while he takes his sweet-ass time mapping my torso with his hands. Everywhere he touches, my skin electrifies, tiny, little sparks of current that scatter forests of gooseflesh in their wake.

He dances those wonderful fingers down my abs, around my hips to my lower back, then up and along the sides of my spine to my shoulders.

I love how he touches me. Like I'm precious. Like I'm worthy. There is nothing more wonderful than the way Elijah loves me. He does so completely and with his whole heart.

I pump his cock a few times, manipulating the head until pearls of his cum spill out. Gathering some with my forefinger, I fingerpaint the word MINE across his lips and kiss him. The salt of his essence explodes on my tongue.

"Let me get the lube."

Doing a one-armed push-up, I reach for the drawer of the nightstand.

"Don't need it."

In an uncharacteristic show of aggression, Elijah yanks at my wrist, throwing off my balance, and I collapse on top of him.

"Brat."

His smile widens. "Fuck my face or fuck my ass. I don't care which."

One mirth-filled eyebrow arches. "So needy."

"Yes, I am," he says, digging his blunt nails into my backside.

I don't want to take him without some kind of lubrication. The last time I did, he walked funny for a week.

I hold my palm up in front of him. "Lick."

The velvety coarse texture of his tongue tickles my hand as he laps at it like a fucking lollipop. I transfer his spit to my cock, slicking it up, then spread his ass cheeks. As soon as I line up, I push forward, breaching that tight ring of muscle that is my heaven. He clamps down around my shaft, the sensation the most excruciatingly amazing feeling in the world.

"Always so tight. Fucking perfect," I praise.

Another kink of his.

"I love you," he moans, head thrown back, mouth parted, and eyes cinched closed in ecstasy.

At his declaration, my hips slam forward with more force, and dual hedonistic sighs of shared pleasure echo between the walls.

Missionary style is my favorite position because I get to watch him. See every emotion that crosses his gorgeous face. Elijah in the throes of passion is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

"Harder," he urges.

Not able to deny him anything, I take him without mercy. Every thrust rocks the bed and bangs the headboard against the wall. Something I know Jay will complain about tomorrow since his bedroom is on the other side, and the walls are paper thin.

"Love you, E," I declare, feeling that telltale coiling tingle at the base of my spine as my orgasm builds, wanting to break free.

Our hands reach for one another and take hold. Another connection, this one stronger. His internal walls spasm, telling me he's close. I need him to fall over that knife-edge cliff with me.

I undulate my torso with every swivel of my hips, rubbing my body over his dick like a horny cat.

"Be there with me," I say through gritted teeth, barely able to hold back.

His mouth opens on a choked moan, body locked tight, and he comes hard. Warmth pulses between our bodies and up his chest. I ride him through his orgasm before I follow him into that sweet bliss. Fucking Elijah is my paradise. Every. Damn. Time.

I don't pull out when I press out chests together, sealing my mouth over his in a decadent, lazy kiss.

With a goofy grin plastered from cheek to cheek, Elijah shifts and pulls me down fully on top of him. He likes feeling my weight covering him. Says I'm like a human blanket.

"That was"—he licks his lips—" amazing ."

"More than amazing." I kiss him again. My best friend, my lover, my forever.

We're covered in his cum with mine leaking out of him. We'll need to change the bed sheets. Later, not now.

Nibbling a line up the column of his throat to his ear, I muse, "Thoroughly knocked you up."

His laughter is the sweetest music. "Definitely preggers."

Once my dick goes flaccid, I slip out and roll to lie beside him. He snuggles to my side, his head on my chest, and sketches looping patterns over my heart with brushstrokes of his fingernail. A light pitter-patter of raindrops hits the windowpane just as a flash of lightning illuminates the room like a strobe light. No thunder follows after several seconds, indicating the storm is far away. With only our breathing to break the silence, the bedroom takes on a peaceful quietude as we listen to the falling rain.

"Do you want kids?" I ask.

We've talked about marriage but never children, so I'm curious. There are options if we want to start a family. We could adopt or hire a surrogate.

"Of course."

"How many?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. At least two. I don't want my child to feel the loneliness I did growing up."

What he says hits me with the gentleness of a wrecking ball. I had Jay. And Liz and Ry. He only had his dad until he met Jessi and Fallon.

"Move in with me."

It comes out of nowhere, but it feels right. He basically has been living here all summer, but that will end soon when he moves back into the dorms with Ash. I don't want him to go. I want him here. I want to fall asleep every night with him right next to me and wake up to his smile every morning. I want that future we keep talking about.

My stomach twists into knots when he stares up at me with huge, unblinking eyes. His mouth drops open, only to close. I wait for him to say something. I'd even take a flat-out no . When nothing comes, my fingers curve around the back of his head to hold his gaze steady on mine. I need him to see the truth of my words.

"I love you. I want to be with you. We don't have to live here with Jay and Ry. We can find our own place. I don't care as long as I have you."

I catch the glistening of tears before he quickly drops his cheek to my chest. "What about Liz?"

Not understanding because Liz has nothing to do with it, I ask. "What about her?"

"She needs you and Ry and Jay right now."

I stroke his hair, twirling a curl around my pinkie. "She has us. We're going to be there for her every step of the way."

His splintered exhale fans over my sweat-slicked skin. "I think we should wait until things settle down. I also don't want to skip out on Ash."

"Elijah."

Wriggling out from under my arm, he heads to the attached bathroom and disappears inside, not bothering to turn on the light.

I don't push, even though every fiber of my being says otherwise. I have a pretty good idea what's going through his head. He won't say it out loud, but I know.

He calls from the bathroom, "Join me?"

"Coming," I reply, rubbing circles over the ache in my chest.

I didn't think my heart could break a second time today, but Elijah's fear that I'll leave him for Liz rips me wide open.