Chapter 27

“Y’knowyou don’t have to do this, right?”

I glared at Beckett where he was in the driver’s seat. Jay had loaned us his car so we didn’t have to walk or take the subway, but I kind of wished we had. At least I’d be doing something and not just sitting here, lost in my thoughts.

“No shit. I’m aware. I have free will,” I snapped like an asshole, as my fingers tapped relentlessly against my thighs.

Becks covered one of my hands with his, but it wasn’t enough to stop the fidgeting.

“No reason to be a little shit to me,” he replied amicably, making me want to be even more of one. When I was young, I used to hate when he got all calm the madder I was. It drove me nuts. These days, he usually just pulled my hair and kissed me until I forgot my name, but he couldn’t do that now. Another reason we should’ve just walked.

“Sorry,” I mumbled because I really had been actin’ like a little shit to him all day and for no reason. He didn’t force me to call up Wesley Hayes and agree to meet him.

I had asked Becks for Wesley’s number that day, but I hadn’t touched it. I’d just pulled up the contact a few times a day and stared at it, but every time I’d gone to reach for the call button, I’d chickened out and closed out the contact.

Then Beckett had gotten a text a few days ago from Wesley, to let him know he’d picked up another job and would have to leave in a week. He had no idea how long he’d be gone or when he’d be able to reach out again. This would be my last chance for a while to meet him for real and clear the air. Becks had told me about their conversation, but I needed to hear it from the guy’s mouth. I’d gotten real good at reading people over the years, and even though I trusted Becks and his instincts, this was one time I needed to figure this out on my own.

Becks squeezed my fingers. “It’ll be alright, butterfly. Remember, we can leave any time we want. No pressure.”

I swallowed and nodded as I stared out the window. We’d decided to just meet at a coffee shop, that way I could just walk out if I needed to and not have to worry about waiters or checks or anything. Didn’t help the nerves though.

We finally pulled up to Cool Beans. It was one of those swanky, overpriced places that was in the middle of downtown. I’d never been there before. I couldn’t really justify spending 6 bucks for a cup of coffee. The instant shit we had at home was good enough. A few of the staff at work went there all the time, since it was just down the road, but I always declined. It worked for today though. It wasn’t like I planned on getting anything anyway.

It took a bit for Becks to find a spot big enough to parallel park Jay’s big ass truck, and the one he found was a block and half away. After all that, we were running late, but I tried not to feel bad about that. I didn’t owe this guy anything. I took Beck’s hand as soon as we got outta the truck and leaned heavily on his strength to keep me calm. I could do this. All I had to do was listen. No expectations. No promises.

Wesley was standing outside, his hands shoved in his pockets. He looked calm and in control, but I could see the tightness in his jaw and how set his shoulders were. Knowing he was nervous too made me feel a little better.

Once we were face-to-face, I nearly stumbled back and made a run for it. Holy fuck, I had his eyes. Becks had told me that, but I hadn’t really noticed when I saw him the first time, and it didn’t hit me until I looked at him. My eye color was unique. I didn’t know anyone else with my shade of blue, and to see it staring back at me was fuckin” weird.

We looked alike, and I didn’t know what to make of that. Except he was huge. Wesley’s muscles had fuckin’ muscles. I thought even with steroids, I’d never be that fuckin’ jacked. What the hell? I guessed that was where I took after Mom.

“Hi, Riley. Beckett. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared. I was being rude, but I couldn’t get my brain to work enough to speak.

Luckily, Becks got me, as usual, “Nice to see you again, man.”

Wesley nodded politely at him. “You too. Um, should we go inside?”

I really was an asshole because the insecurity in his tone made me more comfortable than anything else. This guy was a fuckin’ Navy SEAL. I was sure he’d seen some wild shit over the years. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a kill count that was higher than my age. But as badass as he was, he was still nervous and awkward, understanding how weird this situation was.

When I still didn’t speak, Becks sighed heavily but took over. “Sounds good.”

Wesley went in first, which gave Becks and me a moment alone. Becks spun me around so I was facing him and cupped my face in his hands.

“Are we doin’ this?”

I softened. We. Because no matter what happened with Wesley Hayes, I’d still have Beckett.

Instead of giving him an answer, I poked out my tongue and licked his hand.

Becks’s eyes sparkled with humor even as he jumped outta the way and released me. “Eww, asshole.” He wiped his hand across my face, making me laugh. “Why you gotta be so gross when I was tryin’ be sweet?”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes to peck his lips. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just . . . I love you, Becks. I think I just needed to remember that whatever happens with Wesley don’t mean shit as long as I still have you.”

Becks rewarded me with a soft, sappy smile. “Always, butterfly. Forever.”

We took another moment, probably making Wesley wonder if we’d bailed, but finally I took Becks’s hand again and we walked inside.

Wesley’s eyes darted down to our joined hands for a second before he schooled his expression. Becks was pretty sure he had at least an idea about us being more, we didn’t exactly hide it, but if he planned on judging us, I was walking the fuck out and never seeing him again.

He didn’t say anything and just waved toward an empty table along the wall. “Does that one work?”

I nodded and followed Wesley over. He sat with his back facing the wall so he was angled toward the front door. I raised an eyebrow at Becks, who just shrugged and took the seat next to him so he could also see the door.

For a good minute, no one talked and it was awkward as fuck. I kept fidgeting with my shirt, drumming the table, anything to keep my hands busy. Beckett’s foot was tapping so fuckin’ fast, I’d thought he’d drill a hole through the damn floor. Wesley was still, but it felt like the air was vibrating around him.

He was finally the one who broke the tension. “I’m going to grab a coffee. Do either of you want anything? It’s on me.”

I opened my mouth to tell him he didn’t need to buy me with caffeine, but Becks squeezed my knee, which stopped me from running my mouth. When Becks told you to shut the fuck up, you listened because the guy never knew when to keep his mouth shut. If he thought I should give Wesley a chance, I supposed it wouldn’t hurt.

“I’ll take a black coffee, thanks.” He looked at me when I was still sitting there like a dumbass in silence. “Butterfly? You want one of those caramel things you like so much?”

Normally, I’d be all over that. It was a treat I rarely got to have, and I wouldn’t usually turn down a freebie, but the thought of all that sweetness made me feel sick so I shook my head.

I forced myself to look up at Wesley, even if I still found it unnerving as fuck. “I’m good, thanks.”

He just shrugged like it was no big deal and went to the line, leaving Becks and me alone again which gave me a chance to breathe. Fuck, why was this so hard?

Becks gripped the back of my neck, which centered me. “You’re okay, butterfly. We leave whenever you want. You’re in control.”

I nodded. I knew I was being ridiculous. From what we could tell, Wesley was telling the truth and had no idea I existed. He deserved the benefit of the doubt. And honestly, I wasn’t really even mad at him. Couldn’t blame him for shit he had no control over. But it was messing with me that he was here now and trying to be a part of my life. I would’ve loved a father figure who gave a fuck when I was 5 and grieving my mom and terrified. Or at 8 when Becks and I would walk around all the back alleys of restaurants, taking their tossed food out of the dumpsters. But now . . . I didn’t need him.

I was good. Or well, as good as I’d ever be. I had Beckett, and Jay, and now maybe even Dakota. They were my family. They were all I needed. I was raised to be untrusting and guarded, to only ever rely on my very tight circle. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to try and add another person. Especially not a father.

Wesley came back holding two coffees and my favorite frozen drink filled to the top with whipped cream and drizzled in caramel. He pushed it in front of me.

“No pressure to drink it. I won’t be offended.”

He sat back down, his eyes bouncing analytically between us. I stared at the drink. He’d bought me a drink when I’d told him no. Why? Was he trying to bribe me into a relationship? Remind me of all the things I couldn’t have because we were broke but I probably could if I let him in my life? How’d he even know this was what Becks was talking about? There were a lot of caramel drinks here . . .

“Riley, breathe, butterfly,” Beckett whispered into my ear.

“Huh?” I looked up and realized I had just been lost in my own head for who knew how long. Fuck. I ran my hands through my hair and shifted in my seat.

Wesley sighed, his head tipped back. “Listen, the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable, Riley. If this is too much for you, I understand. We can leave now, no hard feelings. I know I have no right to try and shove myself into your life.”

I picked at my nails, unable to look at him. “No,” I croaked before clearing my throat. “Sorry. No. I-I want to stay. I at least want to hear you out. I don’t want you to leave for fuck knows where without understanding. I know you told Becks most of it already, but I need to hear it from you.”

Wesley took a sip of his coffee, and collected his thoughts. “I’m honestly not even sure where to begin. I never imagined we’d get to this point.”

I didn’t know either, so I was relieved when Becks answered for me. “The beginnin’ works.”

Wesley smirked but steeled his shoulders and started talking. “Your mom and I, we were best friends growing up. Inseparable. Our moms used to joke about being future in-laws and their grandbabies all the time. So it only seemed natural to us as we got older that our relationship evolved that way.”

He took another sip, and I sat unmoving, fascinated by someone who knew my mom as a kid. I hadn’t seen my aunt, her sister, since right after the funeral, and if anyone else was alive, they’d never tried to find me, so I knew so little about her. Most I knew was from stories Becks told me.

“But honestly, I don’t think I ever loved Laurie like that. I loved her, but like family. I think it was expectations more than anything. We were on and off all through high school. We’d either be so close, it bordered on codependency.” I knew all about that. “Or we’d be at each other’s throats. Even if I never left for the Navy, I don’t think it would’ve worked out between us in the end.”

Somehow, that made it better. Maybe life would’ve been better if I’d known my birth dad, but I wasn’t missing out on some perfect little family. Besides, if she did stay with Wesley, I would’ve never known Becks and that was just unacceptable.

“Anyway, I did leave for the Navy. We tried to keep doing our thing while I was away, but it was fucking hard. Like I told Beckett, when I came home for leave right before I joined the SEALs, we said our goodbyes. That’s when Laurie got pregnant.”

Wesley went on to tell me everything he’d already told Becks, just with more detail. He tried to fill in some blanks, like he was pretty sure he’d been in Bolivia when Mom had died. He couldn’t tell us any specifics, of course, but even the little bits locked things in place better.

“I found out about you by accident.” Wesley had been talking for what felt like hours, but I refused to stop him. Fuck, I’d barely blinked since he’d started. I was terrified to find this out, but now that I was here, I needed to know. That very small part of me that had always wondered about my birth dad needed to know I wasn’t abandoned by him, at least not on purpose.

“My mom died late last year. It took a while, but my sister finally convinced my dad to move in with her and sell the big house we grew up in. I found this letter shoved in a locked file. They hadn’t even open it.” He dug something out of his pocket and placed it on the table in front of me.

Becks had told me he had a letter but that he hadn’t read it. I eyed it but wouldn’t touch it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what it said.

Wesley didn”t comment but kept talking. “It took me a while to find you. You kind of dropped off the radar fifteen years ago. There’s a spotty school record with years unaccounted for.” Yeah, because Dad didn’t always remember to enroll us in school when we moved, and most places wouldn’t let a kid Becks do it. It wasn’t until all that shit went online that we were able to go consistently.

“I had a job that kept me away for a while, and I had to stop the search. When I came back, I finally found you.”

“How?” I asked, the first words I’d spoken since he’d begun.

He smiled sheepishly. “I have some connections. Eventually, I found your enrollment record in the community college.”

I should probably be pissed he was so invasive, but it kinda made me feel good. Like, I felt wanted that he put so much effort into locating me. I was sure that screamed of some kinda abandonment or daddy issues, but whatever. Never claimed not to be fucked up.

Once Wesley finally finished, a heavy silence fell between us. Becks said something, but I didn’t know what. He was still holding my hand, though. I had a hard time processing my thoughts, but instead of shutting down and hiding under a snarky comment, I decided to be honest. Fuck, when had I become so mature?

“I—” I swallowed. “I think I might need some time to process all that. I understand, and I’m not mad or anything. But it’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, butterfly,” Becks finally added gruffly.

Wesley’s eyes assessed Beckett, but then he turned to me. “He’s right. You have nothing to apologize for. And take all the time you need. You have my number. You can reach out to me whenever you’re ready. If you’re ready.”

I nodded, grateful he wasn’t making a big deal about it. After that, we shifted the conversation to lighter stuff. Sorta. Wesley asked about our childhood, though I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on. We kept it super vague, just brushing on it, and spoke mostly about each other. I was sure he had questions about Michael and my and Becks’s relationship, but he didn’t ask and I was grateful. Becks told a couple stories about Mom. Then I told him about my two semesters of college that I’d managed to take and how we were savin’ up for me to go back. We talked about Jay and how I loved to cook when I was stressed.

Wesley talked about his weakness for banana bread and his obsession with Norwegian death metal. He also mentioned a Luca about 50 times, causing both Becks and me to give each other looks. He kept calling him a coworker, but no one talked about a coworker that much, and I had questions.

But we were not in a place to ask those yet. Eventually, I was exhausted, and Becks could see I had reached my limit. I gave Wesley my number after he told us that he’d be in South America for at least three weeks. He couldn’t tell us anything else, but that he was making an effort to keep me in the loop mattered. He said he’d have spotty service, but if we texted him or left him an email, which he gave us the info for, he’d see it eventually.

When it was time to leave, we all stood by the entrance, but I was little unsure on what to do next. Did I shake his hand? Wave? Fuck, why was this so weird?

“Can I hug you, Riley? You can tell me no,” Wesley finally asked.

Shit, could he hug me? I was low-key terrified I’d panic once his arms were around me. As much as I craved Becks’s touch, and even Jay’s cuddles made me happy, having a complete stranger do it, even if his sperm was a part of giving me life, did not sit well with me.

I felt terrible telling him that though. It wasn’t his fault we were in this spot. It was his stupid parents, of which he’d informed us he barely spoke to his dad now. I could give him a hug, right? It was such a small thing.

Beckett’s arms wrapped around me. “I’m sorry, Wes. I think this was a lot for him. Maybe next time?”

There might’ve been a flash of hurt in Wesley’s eyes, but he schooled it quickly. “Of course. I’m sorry I asked.” He shifted like he was about to leave but then stopped and looked me square in the eye. “I mean it, Riley. There is no pressure for anything. You have no obligation to try and have a relationship with me. You don’t even need to talk to me. But, if you ever do decide you want to, I will always be here. There’s no time limit or deadline. I will always want a chance to get to know you, and if either of you need anything, you know how to find me.”

I was still tryin’ to process that when Wesley said goodbye to Becks and then walked out, turnin’ in the opposite direction from where we were parked. I leaned against Becks, no longer able to stand up on my own. That went better than I ever expected, but I was still exhausted.

As much as I’d resented the car on the way here, I was grateful for it goin’ home. I could just relax, close my eyes, and process everything in a way I couldn’t when I was out in public and had to keep my guard up.

I wasn’t paying attention as we got to the truck and just started to shuffle to the passenger seat, but Becks stopped me.

“Hang on, butterfly.” His voice sounded off, enough so that I started to pay attention. Beckett’s eyes were on a thick manila envelope that was shoved in the windshield wiper on the front window.

“W-what is that?” I asked, unable to keep the hitch out of my voice.

“I don’t know.”

Beckett grabbed the envelope, looking all around the lot to see who could have put it on the car, but there was no one around.

“Stay close to me, Ri.” For once I didn’t argue and came right next to him.

Becks was just staring at the envelope, and I thought we were both a little unsure what to do with it. “Should we open it?” I finally got the words to ask.

Beckett shrugged but still ripped the envelope open. He pulled out a white piece of paper.

“No. No. No.” It fell to the ground, completely forgotten as he dug into the envelope.

I grabbed the paper off the ground to read it.

I couldn’t fuckin’ breathe. No, this wasn’t happening. This had to be some kind of sick joke.

My vision was blurry around the edges as I read and then reread the note:

This is only the start of it. I’m watching every move. You can’t win. If you try to ruin me, I will come for you and everyone you love. When I’m finished, you’ll be in ruins, trying to piece together the scraps of your pathetic life. I will end it.

“Becks,” I whispered, horrified, but he wasn’t listening. He had a thick stack of photos in his hand and was looking at the one on top with dead eyes. I walked up to him and forced myself to keep it together. I gently took the stack from him, and he didn’t stop me.

There were so many pictures. Some of Becks and I together, walking to the bus stop, leaving the apartment, on the bus or subway. Some were of us alone. Me at the gas station. Me at the restaurant. Becks in the factory and at the bar. There were some of Jay too. Jay at the fuckin’ hospital. Jay and Dakota. Jay at the funeral home.

H-how long had he been watching us? Way longer than we thought. There were even pictures of us in our apartment. They looked like they were taken from a long range and through the window, but there was no mistaking Becks and I wrapped around each other on our bed.

Those weren’t the worst of them. As violating and terrifying as they were, it was nothing to the other, much older photos that would forever haunt my nightmares. I was staring at a picture of a much younger Beckett on his knees in an alley when a big SUV slowed down on the street in front of us. I could barely take my eyes away from the photos though. It was like watching a train wreck. Fuck, Becks couldn’t have been more than 12 or 13 in this picture. It looked like it was taken from a security camera in some kind of office. You couldn’t see the face of the man, but I’d know him anywhere. Mr. Chase.

The SUV came to a stop and Becks pushed me behind him, ready to fight. The window rolled down and I saw Wesley looking back at us, concerned.

“Are you guys okay?” He asked.

“Did you put it there?” Beckett snapped, waving the photos toward the car.

Wesley frowned. “I didn’t do anything. What is that?”

“We found this on the truck.”

Wes pulled away. Fuck, so much for him being there for me. But he didn’t drive away, he just pulled into the lot.

He got out of the car, scanning the lot, and holy fuck, was that a gun? I swallowed.

“Was that there when you got here?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

We both watched, fascinated as Wesley walked around the truck and then started to check underneath.

“What the fuck are you doin’?” Beckett asked.

“I’m checking to make sure it wasn’t tampered with or no tracking devices were left on it.” The fuck?

Wes stood up, eyes on a swivel and hand still on his weapon. “It looks clear.”

I turned towards Beckett who looked broken.

“Riley . . . I . . .”

He needed me to tell him that everything was okay, but I couldn’t. Not anymore. I hugged him instead, so fuckin’ relieved when he returned it, and squeezed me tightly.

“He’s watchin’ us. All these years, he’s been watchin’ us. I—”

“Shh, baby. I know. I’m so, so sorry.” Because this was all my fault. He was waiting for us to try and make a move on him, and as soon as I tried to do anything, this happened. Why couldn’t I just leave shit alone?

“Can I see them?” We jumped apart when Wesley spoke. I forgot he was even there.

“No fuckin’ way,” I snapped, hiding the photos behind my back like a small child trying to keep something from their parents. I stood in front of Beckett like I would have a fuckin’ chance, but I needed to keep him safe.

Wes held his hands out in front of him. I noticed he put the gun away. “Not like that, Ri. I saw the letter.” I realized he was holding it. “I can help if you let me.”

I shook my head. No, this was a family matter, nothing to do with him. “There’s nothin’ any of us can do.” He wasn’t seeing Beckett like this. I wouldn’t allow it.

Wes stayed calm, relaxed, like this was just another day for him. I guessed maybe it was? I really didn’t know what he did now that he was in the civilian world.

“I have connections, Riley. This note sounds like someone is stalking you. If that’s true, then I can help. This is what I do.”

Beckett squeezed my arm before I could speak again. “The cops won’t do shit, and I can’t have them sneaking around. H-he’s followin’ us. I won’t put Riley or Jay in more danger.”

“I don’t need to go to the cops. Not if you don’t want me to, and even if I do, I have a few that I can trust. They’d be discreet and off the books.”

“He can’t hurt Riley.”

For the first time, I saw true emotion in Wes’s expression: just a hint of anger. “He won’t. Please, Beckett. Let me help you.”

Beckett didn’t move for a while. I didn’t know what to do, so I stayed where I was, and leaned against him, letting him know I was there no matter what.

“Give them to him, butterfly. I need to protect you, and if that means trustin’ him, then I will.”

I blinked back tears. Was Becks really this desperate that he was giving something so personal to a stranger? It scared me to my bones. I wouldn’t argue, not about this. He was the one who was exposing himself, sharing a secret he’d kept buried for years. I wouldn’t dishonor that by fighting him on his decision. I handed over the photos.

“Thank you. I need to make a couple phone calls, but I’ll come by your place tonight to update you and we’ll figure it out.” Becks nodded.

“Okay, good. Thanks for trusting me with this. I’ll keep both of you safe.”

My jaw ticked but I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to go home.

“Are you two okay to get home on your own?”

“We’ll be fine.” My tone was short, but I really wanted to get Becks outta here. Our apartment wasn’t any safer but it felt better than this.

“I’m good,” Beckett responded tightly.

“Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.”

Wesley left us then and I all but dragged Beckett to the truck. “I need to drive,” he told me when I tried to get him in the passenger seat. “I need to be doin’ something, otherwise I’ll . . .” He didn’t need to elaborate. I knew exactly the kinda of thoughts that we were running through his head. I just opened the passenger door and slipped in, letting him know I trusted him completely.

As soon as the truck started up, I leaned against the window. I felt hollow. I felt disgusting and violated and the ones of me weren’t even that bad. I couldn’t imagine what Becks was going through.

I tried to watch Becks from the corner of my eye. He was clenching the steering wheel so fuckin’ tightly, his body was completely stiff. I wanted to talk, but I didn’t even know what to say. He was seconds from losing it, and I didn’t want that to happen until we were safe in the house. The hell was only just starting.