Chapter 20

“What’re you doing?”

I glanced over at Jay as he flopped down on the couch next to me. It was rare for both of us to be off in the middle of the day like this. Too bad Riley had to go into work.

“I’m checkin’ to make sure Ri got into work okay.”

I ignored Jay’s side eye as he leaned over and looked at my screen. “You’re seriously trackin’ him?”

“It’s the find my location app. Ri knows it’s on, so it’s not stalkin’.”

“Does he know you watch him on it like a creeper?”

I gave Jay the finger. “Fuck off, man. I gotta make sure he’s safe.”

I frowned at the app. Where the fuck was Ri going? He was currently headed in the opposite direction of his job.

“What the fuck you doin’, butterfly?”

Jay frowned down at my phone. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s not going to work.”

“What? That’s impossible. Where’s he goin’?”

“I don’t know.”

Jay ripped the phone out of my hand.

“Jay, what the hell?”

“Hold on, Beck, he’s . . . he’s by the homeless shelters and shit.”

“Why the fuck would he . . . ?” Then it hit me. Mr. Chase. What was the little shit planning? Oh god. He wasn’t going to confront him, was he? Fuck. Oh no. No. No. No.

I pulled at my hair and jumped to my feet. Why would he go there? Why would he fuckin’ lie to me?

“Beckett. Beck, man. You need to calm down.”

“I-I need to go get him. He’s not safe. I . . .”

“It’s okay. It’ll all be okay. We’ll both go. Just breathe, man. Riley’s okay right now. See, his dot is still movin’.”

“I need to get him. He can’t go there. He can’t . . .”

Hands grabbed at both of my shoulders, to stop my constant pacing. “We’ll go over there and get him. I’ll drive so it’ll be faster. Just take a deep breath for me, man.”

He sounded so desperate that I obeyed. “Good. Thanks, Beck. That’s real good.”

“I need to go. I need to talk to him.”

“You can. Let’s head out and you can call him in the car. He’ll be fine, Beck.”

I nodded, but my feelings were in such a fuckin’ jumble, I just wasn’t sure. I was mostly panicked. Riley was gonna do something stupid because I couldn’t get my head outta my ass and deal with the situation, so he was taking matters into his own hands. That had to be the only reason Ri was at that place. I did this to him. He’d tried to get me to talk so many fuckin’ times and I’d kept brushing it off, and now he was gonna confront the person I hated the most. He didn’t trust me to handle it on my own. Riley lied to me, and it was my fault.

I followed Jay toward the front door on autopilot. “I’mma grab my truck and pull it out front. I’ll pick you up.”

I nodded, barely listening. Jay shoved his feet into his boots and grabbed the door handle, pulled it open, and was immediately shoved back as my father barreled in.

“Where is it?” he bellowed as he stormed toward me. I didn’t think. I dodged the fist headed for my face, grabbed Jay, and bodied him right out the front door.

“Beckett!” he screamed as I shoved him into the hallway.

“Sorry. Don’t come in, no matter what you fuckin’ hear. Stay out there. And for fuck’s sake, don’t let Riley come in.”

I slammed the door in his pissed-off face and locked it. I’d have a lot of groveling to do later, but it would be worth it to keep Jay away from this fucker.

Just as the door closed, I heard a crash and the sound of something breaking. Fuck me. I ran into the kitchen, where my dad must’ve snuck into when I was distracted.

“Michael!” I bellowed. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

The glass flew right past my head and crashed into the wall behind me. Fuck, Riley was gonna be pissed. He’d just found those glasses at a yard sale a few months ago.

Thinking about Riley caused a tinge in my chest. For the first time ever, he’d lied to me, but I had to push that aside for now. The one good thing was that he wasn’t here for this.

I was just pissed I didn’t even have a chance to go get his ass and drag him back, and now I had to deal with this tweaking asshole. There was no question he was on something. His pupils were blown and his whole body was shaking.

“Where the fuck is it?” he snapped. He tore open another cabinet with enough force, I was afraid he was gonna take the door off. He started tossing all our food out of it.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck outta here. We don’t got nothin’.”

I stormed over to him and grabbed his arm, spinning him around. Something sharp pressed into me, right below my sternum. I froze, my eyes flicked down. Somehow, the fucker had grabbed a knife.

My breath caught and I felt paralyzed. I was bigger than him now, stronger. I could take him. I could have his wrist broken and the knife on the floor in seconds. If only I remembered how to move.

Dad smiled evilly. “Show me where it is or I’ll finish the job I started years ago.”

I tried to move, to kick back, but I couldn’t do anything. Dad’s hand squeezed around my neck tighter. I clawed at his fingers, but I couldn’t get free, and with the way he had me pressed against the counter, I couldn’t get leverage. My vision started to blur around the edges as I tried to struggle for breath. The sharp metal pressed against my rib cage. I fought harder but I was stuck. I couldn’t move.

“You thought you could hide this from me? How dare you mock me like this! She fucking left me! Are you trying to taunt me?”

I tried to shake my head, beg for him to let me go, anything, but I was trapped. His hand squeezed tighter even as the knife pressed into my skin and pushed down.

My whole body bucked and I tried to scream around the hand choking me, but I didn’t know if any sound came out. Help! Please, someone help me!

A fist pounded on the door so hard the apartment was fuckin’ shaking and shocked me out of the nightmare memory.

“Beckett, open this fuckin’ door now or I’m breaking it down!” Jay barked.

Dad glanced toward the door. The distraction was enough for him to pull the knife just a centimeter away. The tip had been pressing into my skin and had probably left a nick. I stepped back, grabbed his wrist, and twisted him around so his arm was behind his back. The knife fell to the floor.

He grunted in pain and slammed down on my foot. He was wearing boots and I was barefoot so it hurt like a motherfucker. I clenched my jaw but didn’t let the bastard go.

“You need to get the fuck outta here. We got nothin’.”

“I know she left the freak money! That should be mine! I’m the one who had to deal with you two. I should be the one who gets it!”

What the hell was he talking about? Mom didn’t leave us with any money. She didn’t have any to leave. Her small life insurance policy went to funeral expenses, and whatever was left over went to hospital bills. Or at least, that was what I’d figured. I sure as shit had never seen any money, and neither had Riley.

I twisted his arm farther, bracing myself as he kicked me in the shin.

“Don’t say that shit about Riley. In fact, keep his name outta your fuckin’ mouth. You don’t deserve to breathe the same air as him, let alone say his fuckin’ name. We don’t have no money. Anything we did fuckin’ have ended up in your nose years ago. Let’s fuckin’ go.”

Not letting go, I started to drag him toward the front door where Jay was still screaming and pounding on it. I could hear one of our neighbors yelling for him to shut up, but I knew no one would call the cops or bother to come out and see what was up. It wasn’t that type of building.

I didn’t expect the elbow to the gut, so I wasn’t prepared for it and let go of Dad’s arm. He spun around and landed a fist on my face before I could block it. Fuck, why was he so fast? Was he on fuckin’ speed? I staggered back, nearly stumbling, but managed to keep my balance. The room spun but I ignored it as another fist came flying. I dodged it and took advantage of the asshole being off balance and bodied him to the floor.

My fist smashed into his jaw. “I fuckin’ hate you! We don’t have anything! You took everything from us.” I punched him again. “Why can’t you leave us alone!” Another punch.

My vision was black and all I heard was white noise. I was so sick of this fucker ruining everything. How was life so unfair that they took someone as good as Mom so young and so brutally but left fuckers like him alive? Why wouldn’t he just die? Nails bit into my skin but I ignored it. Another punch.

Something heavy landed on my back, and my arms were pulled behind me.

“No! Get the fuck off me! He needs to die!”

“I know, baby. I know. But not this way. Not like this, Becks. Please. Please stop fightin’ me. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

I stopped thrashing. “Butterfly?”

Lips touched my neck. “Yeah, baby, it’s me. Riley. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

I shook him off, and this time he let me. I turned to face him, my vision still blurry around the edges. Riley knelt in front of me, his eyes full of concern. His hand was out like he wanted to reach out to me, but he hesitated.

He looked fine. Worried, yeah, but there didn’t seem to be a mark on him. I grabbed his face and twisted it this way and that.

“Becks, what’re you doing?”

“Checkin’ to make sure you aren’t hurt.”

He covered my hands with his, staring right at me. “Baby, you’re the only one who got hurt. Not me. I’m fine. We need to do something about him, and then let me take care of your face.”

I jumped when someone knelt next to me and then relaxed when I saw it was Jay.

“You fuckin’ locked me out, you asshole!”

I cringed. “I’m sorry. You needed to be safe.”

He rolled his eyes. “You let me make that decision for myself, you fuckin’ idiot. He could’ve killed you and I couldn’t get to you. Do you know what that would’ve done to me?”

I looked down at my bloody and cut hands. Fuck, they looked bad. What did I do? I started to turn toward where I knew my dad was lying in a heap behind me, but Riley cupped my face. I flinched, and he immediately drop his hands.

“Sorry. Shit, sorry. Just— Don’t look please. Jay and I will take care of it. You don’t need to see that.”

I swallowed. “Did I— Is he dead?”

Jay shook his head. “No. He’s still breathin’.” He glanced at Riley. “I’ll get him out of here. You just take care of Beckett. I know y’all need to talk.”

Jay went to stand up, but I grabbed his arm before he could stand. It hurt to look up but I managed it.

“Jay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

He glared down at me. “No, you shouldn’t have. But I get it.”

My shoulders relaxed as his expression softened. “Are we good?”

I got a sharp nod. “We’re good. I got this.”

I knew I shouldn’t, but I turned as Jay went to grab my dad. He looked . . . bad. His face was smashed in and his body was still. If it wasn’t for his rapid breathing, I’d think he was dead. Fuck, I almost killed my own father. I-I’d lost it. All I’d felt was rage. I’d wanted to kill him. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was a monster.