Chapter 18

My eyes openedwhen I felt the bed sag and someone crawl in next to me. I smiled sleepily as Becks rubbed noses with me.

“Hey,” I whispered into his lips as I tilted my head so it wasn’t just our noses touching. I still couldn’t believe I was allowed to do that.

“Hey. How was work?”

“It was great. Exhaustin’, but I made a shit ton in tips and my coworkers seem cool. How were your shifts?”

Becks raised an eyebrow and nipped at my lip. “I know you were usin’ Jay to spy on me.”

I shrugged, not at all sorry. “You know I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

He relaxed into the mattress and wrapped his arms and legs around me, and brought me close.

“I know. But it was okay. I struggled a little but I got through.”

“I’m proud of you, baby.”

Becks snorted, his nose wrinkling.

“Where’s Jay?”

Becks grinned. “He’s spending the night at Dakota’s.”

“Dakota? Oh, is that the nurse?”

“Yeah, apparently, they’ve been talking. He even came to the bar tonight.”

That was interesting. Jay never spent the night at someone’s house besides ours.

“So that means we have the place all to ourselves.”

My heart was pounding a mile a minute. Did that mean what I wanted it to? I wanted to ask but I was also afraid of pushing Becks.

Becks buried his face in my neck. “You always smell so good.”

“I showered when I got home.”

“Mmmm.” Becks laid half on top of me, his hands drifted up and down my body. Soon, I could feel his lips graze my throat and then move down to my collarbone. His tongue peeked out and tentatively licked across it.

He glanced up, his smile seductive. “Taste good too.”

I was trying to stay still and let Becks explore. This felt important, to let him do it at his own pace. But fuck, did I want to touch him.

“Is this okay?” Becks asked, a little unsure. I rubbed my thumb along his arm in reassurance.

“Yeah, baby. It’s perfect. You can touch me where you want.”

Becks nodded, but I could still see a little doubt in his eyes. I leaned up and kissed him. I needed him to know how much I wanted this.

“I promise I’ll let you know if I need you to stop, but Becks, don’t stop. Not unless you want. I-I need you to touch me.”

That seemed to give Becks the confidence he needed to keep going. He adjusted us so that he was kneeling in between my spread legs. I wished I didn’t have on pants, but I’d let Becks decide if and when he was ready to take them off.

His callused fingers ran down my sides and felt so good. They seemed to touch every rib, leaving little goose bumps in their wake. He ghosted along the waistband of the sweats but ignored it, sliding his hands back up over my stomach instead. Still, just the hint of a tease was enough for my dick to take notice and start twitching.

Becks was wearing nothing but boxer briefs, so it was obvious he wasn’t hard yet, but that didn’t bother me. From the little bit he’d shared, plus what I’d seen so far, I didn’t think it was that easy for him to get erect. That was okay. Besides, my twenty-year-old horny ass would make up for that easily.

Becks stopped exploring, with his hands resting right over my pecs. His eyes flew up, like he wanted to make sure it was okay. I smiled and rested my hands on his hips. The pressure was light, I wasn’t trying to push him, but I felt like he needed my touch to help stabilize him.

His thumbs teased over my nipples, and fuck, even that light touch lit me up inside.

Becks’s grin was naughty as he raised an eyebrow. “You like that, butterfly?”

“Y-yeah. More.”

He huffed in amusement. “Always so bossy.” But Becks rolled his fingers over my nipples, causing my back to arch in pleasure. The more I reacted, the more confident Becks got, and I nearly screamed out in joy when he slowly leaned down and flicked his tongue across my already hard peak.

“Fuck, Becks. More. I need more.”

“These are so sensitive. You’re so hard and all I’ve done is play with your nipples a bit.” He sounded like he was doing research for a science experiment. Well, this experiment was ready to move onto step two. I dug my nails into his hips before even realizing it.

“Shit, sorry, baby,” I mumbled, going to pull away, but Becks shook his head.

“Don’t stop, butterfly. I like your marks on me.”

Damn, did he know what he was doing to me with those words? “I like puttin’ them on you,” I admitted, my cheeks a little red.

Becks switched to my other nipple and used his teeth and lips that sent a little bite of painful pleasure right through me. I scratched down his back.

“Fuck.” He bit my pec, sucking the skin until I was sure he’d leave a mark.

Holy crap, Becks was markin’ me as his. Turned out, I liked his marks on me too.

“Baby, please.” My hips rocked up against my will.

“Shh, butterfly, I’m explorin’.”

I threw my head back in frustration. After an excruciatingly long time, Becks moved that glorious mouth down my body.

His fingers gripped my waistband. “Can I take these off.”

“Fuck, yes.”

Becks chuckled and shook his head. “You’d think you were desperate or somethin’.”

“Fuck off. You’re drivin’ me crazy.”

His eyes twinkled, and I didn’t know if I wanted to smack that smirk off his face or kiss it.

“But in all the right ways, right, butterfly?”

“Y-yeah,” I stammered as he pulled my pants down and my cock sprung to life, bouncing against my stomach.

Becks shifted, and finally I could see a nice bulge forming in his underwear. I was desperate to get my hands on it. And my mouth. But I wasn’t sure how Becks would feel about it.

I was having a hard time figuring out where Becks was struggling with this, and I didn’t like it. I couldn’t help him or ease his mind if I had no idea what triggered him.

It seemed like a bad idea to ask right now, and even the thought of it completely left my mind as his thumb ran across my slit.

“Beeeccks, fuck, warn a guy.”

He just grinned and did it again. “You’re drippin’ everywhere.”

I shot him a dirty look. “Yeah cause you’re turnin’ me the fuck on. That’s what happens.”

He looked at me, seeming a little unsure. “I-I want to taste it. Taste you.”

Yes, fuckin’ please. I nodded eagerly, trying to make it as clear as possible I was all the way on board with this plan.

“Yeah. Yes, Becks. Please.” But then I remembered his face when I’d mentioned it the other day. “Are you sure though? No pressure. I may be horny as fuck, but I have control.” And my fist had worked just fine so far. It would be hard now that I’d gotten a small taste of how things could be with Becks, but I’d manage fine.

Becks’s whole face softened, the tension in his shoulders melted away immediately. Then he was lying on top of me and kissed me like he owned me.

Which, yes, I was down for. But I was also learning that maybe I liked a little control in bed, so after about 1.2 seconds of letting him be in charge of the kiss, my fingers found his hair and tightened in the long part on top before fighting him for control. He relented almost immediately.

Kissin’ Becks was better than I could’ve ever imagined. Every time was sweeter than the last. When his hips stuttered, and I could feel his bulge rub against mine? Yeah, that was the fuckin’ best.

Finally, he pulled off and we both stared at each other, breathless and punch drunk. I rubbed a little saliva away with my thumb.

“Not that I’m complainin’, but what was that for?”

Becks pecked my lips. “It was just . . . Fuck, butterfly, you’re perfect.”

I scrunched my face in confusion. “I’m not followin’.”

He shrugged, frustrated. “It don’t matter. Just, yes, I’m sure. I know it’s weird. Doin’ this stuff should bother me more, right? Bring back memories. But it’s the opposite. For some reason whenever I imagine you sucking me, all I can see is what happened then, but it’s you . . .” He choked on the words.

He squeezed his eyes shut. I cupped his face. “Baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain it. If you’re still up for it and wanna suck my dick or whatever you were plannin’, both me and my dick are still very much down. If not, that’s fine too. Whatever, Becks. I wasn’t lyin’ when I said just being with you was enough.”

His lips wrapped around my tip. There was a moment where neither of us moved. Beckett seemed to be testing the waters, just to make sure he was good, and I was afraid to do anything to upset it. I stayed as still as possible, barely breathing. He relaxed and opened up his mouth, taking more of me in.

I rested my hands lightly on Becks’s back. I didn’t want to freak him out but needed to touch him some way.

After a few tentative movements, Becks went all in, giving me the best blow job of my life. Okay, it was my only blow job, but I just fuckin’ knew it would be the best because it was him. He kept doing this thing where he flicked his tongue along the underside of my dick and every time had me squirting more precum. He kept inching down millimeter by millimeter in the most excruciating beautiful torture until he took me in nearly all the way.

Becks pulled back, trying to catch his breath. His eyes were glassy and his lips were swollen as he watched me. “You taste so fuckin’ good, butterfly. You’re driving me crazy.”

Then he was sucking the life outta me again.

“Becks! Holy shit, that mouth. You’re killin’ me. So, so good.” He shivered at the praise, and wasn’t that interestin’? “Becks, I’m gonna come!”

He gave a few more thrusts with his mouth before popping off. I didn’t have a second to breathe before his lips wrapped around my balls.

I never even considered how good that would feel, but it was amazing. I loved it almost as much as when he played with my nipples.

I wanted so badly to return the favor, but I could only hope that one day soon, Becks would feel safe enough to trust me with that. Until then, I’d be selfish and enjoy the fuck outta this and what was about to be the best orgasm, I could just tell.

Becks pulled back and for one awful second, I thought he was gonna leave me hanging, but instead he just pushed his boxers down and freed his cock.

“I wanna come together,” he said quietly, a vulnerability in his tone I wasn’t used to.

I nodded, since I didn’t want to break the moment with words. “And I want your hands on me.”

My eyes widened. I was not expecting that. “You sure, baby?”

“Yeah. But can you grab the lube? I ain’t self-lubricating like you are.”

I glared but was just so fuckin’ thrilled at the progress that I twisted my body like a pretzel, and reached as far as I could to get the old bottle of lube out of the drawer.

I kept my eyes on Becks as I popped the top open and poured some on my hand. I was sure to most, this was so innocent, but it felt monumental to me. Even more than yesterday. This was all Becks. This wasn’t him trying to make me happy or lost in the moment. Every little thing we did was a step forward for him, and I was so fuckin’ proud.

Luckily, I hadn’t gotten soft at all, so just the feel of Beckett’s callouses around my length almost made me shoot my load. I gritted my teeth and willed myself to get some kind of self-control as I finally touched Becks.

He was so fuckin’ thick, I kind wished I could use two hands. What would that feel like down my throat, blocking my airway so I could only breathe when Becks wanted me too? Fuck. Not helping my self-control issue.

It took a while for me to find a rhythm, unsure of what Becks liked. But then, when he threw his head back, breathing heavily, I knew I was doing something right. Beckett got completely lost in the moment, so much so he stopped jerkin’ me completely, but I didn’t even fuckin’ care. Seeing him finally let go was enough.

“That’s it, Becks. Just let everything go. I love seein’ you fuck my fist. I’ve dreamed about this, y’know. Well, I’ve dreamed all kinds of dirty fuckin’ shit, but this was one of them. I wanted to know what it felt like with your cum all over my hand.”

Becks’s eyes met mine, and the moment was powerful. We didn’t speak, and we didn’t have to. Everything we needed to say was right there on our faces.

Beckett’s fist started moving again, and it was just in time because I knew he was getting close. He matched my pace, and it took no time at all for me to get back to the edge.

“Becks. Becks, baby, I’m gonna come.”

Beckett groaned. “Yeah, me too. Let go, butterfly. Come with me.”

My orgasm hit first, but he wasn’t far behind me, and soon one of my more innocent fantasies finally came true as Beckett shot his release all over my hand.

Becks collapsed on top of me, and I closed my eyes, exhausted but relaxed in a way I hadn’t been in ages. Beckett was probably crushing me, but I didn’t want him to move. I liked him right there, where I knew he was safe and there was no way he could slip away.

I played with his hair in the way I knew he liked, and enjoyed the feel of his ribs as they expanded from breathing.

Becks tightened his hold on me. “Was that okay?”

I kissed the top of his head. “It was amazin’, baby.”

“Sorry I couldn’t do more . . .”

I twisted my fingers in his hair and pulled, hard. “Oww! What the fuck, Ri!”

I pulled again. “I thought we came up with a rule! No apologizing for stupid shit. You are not gonna say sorry every time we have sex or I’m gonna be pissed.”

“Okay, okay, can you let go now?”

I released my grip and massaged the spot I hurt. “Don’t doubt how much I enjoyed it, okay, Becks?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He settled back and we stayed just like that until his breath evened out and I knew he was sleeping. We’d probably regret not cleaning up tomorrow, but I couldn’t bring myself to care right now. My eyes felt heavy, and I stopped fighting it and let sleep take over.