Chapter 16

Becksand I fell asleep on the couch after we cleaned up some, and Jay never woke up. He was still snoring, loudly, when I woke up around 7 the next morning and got into the shower. I let the lukewarm water wash over me, pretending it was hotter and stronger than it was as I thought about last night. I still couldn’t believe that had really happened. It felt like a dream.

I was sure Beckett was going to freak out and start doubting this again. But all he did was hold me tight as we tried to sleep in a space that was barely big enough for one of us, let alone two. But we made it work.

The bathroom door opened, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Sorry, it’s me,” Becks murmured sleepily.

“Scared the shit outta me,” I grumbled, but still smiling like a fool as Becks started to handle his business.

I waited till he was done washing his hands and brushing his teeth before I dared to ask the question I’d been thinking since he’d walked in.

“Wanna share some of this mildly warm water?”

Becks snorted and the shower curtain opened. There was a moment where he just watched me, his eyes taking me in like he’d never seen me before. Even if I was felt a little vulnerable, I didn’t cover myself. I wouldn’t hide from Beckett. He blinked rapidly, like coming out of a haze.

I raised an eyebrow and waited to see if he’d take me up on it. “We gotta be quiet. I don’t wanna wake up Jay. But if we share now, there might be some water for him when he does get up.”

I smiled. “Always so resourceful.”

He just shrugged. Becks hesitated before shucking his sweats. Then, it seemed like he visibly said fuck it and pushed them down and kicked them to the side before he joined me in the tight space.

I was standing just inches away from him in our shower that was not built for two. I grabbed his loofah and put some of his body wash on it. I was gonna wash him, but he took it from me, so I just stood there watching him as he scrubbed down. Should I be this turned on from a shower? This shouldn’t be that sexy, right?

“You like what you see, butterfly?”

I rolled my eyes, still watchig’ him unashamedly. “You know I do. It should be illegal to be that sexy. How do you even have abs?” It wasn’t like he went to a gym.

Becks shrugged. “I guess from a lot of manual labor, and maybe good genetics. I gotta get somethin’ decent from the parentals, right?”

“True.”

He nodded. “Wash, Ri. Waters already gettin’ cold.” Oh shit, I was so distracted by everything that was Beckett Cooks that I’d forgotten. I grabbed my own loofah and body wash and began getting clean.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I gotta take a piss.”

I was so close to Becks that we were practically touching. I knocked my head against Becks’s chest in frustration as Jay lumbered into the bathroom without bothering to knock.

Becks’s arms tightened around me, and held me in place. He bit his lip, as he tried not to laugh.

Meanwhile, I heard the toilet seat get pushed up and Jay peeing like we weren’t even there.

“Jesus, man, can you knock?” Becks mumbled, still trying not to laugh.

“Shoulda locked the door.”

Jay pissed for what felt like fuckin’ forever, to the point where the water started to get ice cold. I pushed the curtain open enough to see him.

“Can you hurry up? It’s freezin’ in here.”

I realized the moment I fucked up when Jay’s head whipped toward me, his eyes fuckin’ huge.

“Shit,” I whispered as Jay shoved his pants up and pushed the shower curtain open and came face-to-face with Becks and me naked.

I stared, horrified. I had no idea how he would take it. I knew him and Becks had talked a bit about us, but I didn’t know what he’d said, not really. I didn’t think he’d be mad or grossed out, but it didn’t stop the nerves. Not that we were even doing anything, but it sure as fuck looked like it. Of all the reactions I expected, him busting up laughing wasn’t one of them.

Becks shut off the freezing water. “Shut the fuck up, Jay. I don’t know what’s so fuckin’ funny.”

He looked up, still trying to stop laughing. “Nothing. Sorry . . . nothin’. It’s just . . . I guess you got your head outta your ass. You’re welcome by the way!”

Becks reached for him, but Jay danced out of the way. “I’ll leave you two to finish! Sorry for the interruption!” He fuckin’ skipped outta the room.

I looked at Becks, who just shrugged. “Apparently, Jay’s been seein’ somethin’ between us for a long time.”

“Should we apologize? I feel like kinda an asshole after everything he’d been through and then this.”

“Better not fuckin’ apologize, kid! This is the highlight of my week. Hell, probably the year.” Jay popped his head back in the bathroom, as he clearly didn’t leave us alone like he’d said. “I really don’t mind, like at all. I’m happy for you two.” Then he was gone again.

Becks grabbed the two towels that were hanging over the rail and handed one to me before he stepped out. So that was it?

Apparently. We dried off and then walked into the bedroom, relieved to see that Jay wasn’t in there. He must’ve gone into the living room. I was reelin’ a little. I was still coming to terms with being with Becks in any shape or form, and now Jay knew too. I mean, I guessed I shouda realized he’d find out sooner or later, but him walking in on us, even something innocent, was unexpected.

Beckett kissed me lightly. I leaned into it, but it was over way too soon.

“Let’s get dressed and see if we can find something to eat. We both gotta suck it up and hit the real world soon.”

Dread sat in my gut like a rock. With everything, I kinda allowed myself to forget that we had to face the real world today. I had my first shift at the restaurant, and Becks was going back to both his jobs. I wanted him to wait on the bar at least, but I was shut down. I thought it was too much to do all at once. But we needed the fuckin’ money, and once Becks saw just how low we were, he’d refused to back down. Jay still had another day off before he had to go back and he promised he’d stay at the bar the whole time with him, but I felt terrible putting that on him. He was dealing with his own shit. But there was little else we could do at this point if we wanted to make rent and be able to eat.

Becks seemed to realize where my mind went. “I’ll be fine, butterfly. I promise.”

He’d pretend to be, I was sure. Who knew what would be going on in his head, though? I didn’t want him to have to go through that, especially without me there. Maybe I could talk to Nathan, my new boss, about only doing day shifts, at least until I was sure Becks could handle the bar. The tip money wouldn’t be as good, but it would be worth it to make sure Beckett was okay.

“I love you, Becks,” I said instead. It was something we said to each other all the time, but I hoped that, for once, he caught the hidden meaning behind it. That I meant so much more than brotherly love.

“I love you too, butterfly.”

It was all I needed to hear.