Chapter Five

It was well past midnight when Lucien heard the familiar footsteps approach his door. Gone were the days when Aksel could silently slip into his room. Aksel was very light on his feet for his size, but that didn't mean much, considering how big and tall he now was.

Lucien sighed inwardly, feeling torn. If Vagrippa found Aksel in his bedroom again, she was going to be very displeased. And Vagrippa Cleghorn wasn't a pleasant person to be around when she was displeased.

The door opened and shut quietly.

Then the mattress dipped under Aksel's weight before he spooned him.

Lucien squeezed his eyes shut, exhaling.

Despite his dismay and worry, the tension he'd been carrying all day melted away as soon as Aksel's familiar scent surrounded him. Safe , it said. Aksel-safe-Aksel .

The weight of the arm around him wasn't as familiar as it used to be before Aksel's latest growth spurt, but the way Aksel held him was the same. Comforting. Protective. Worryingly possessive.

"Aksel," Lucien chided gently. He wished he could sound firmer. Sterner. Unfortunately, he was terrible at being stern with Aksel. He adored him more than was probably healthy. "You shouldn't be here. Your mother—"

"Fuck her," Aksel said, nuzzling Lucien's nape.

"Don't talk like that. She's your mother. You should show her respect."

Aksel scoffed. "Like she shows you?"

Lucien pursed his lips, not knowing what to say. There was no love lost between him and Vagrippa, and their relationship hadn't exactly improved over the past half a year.

"Aksel," Lucien said with a sigh. "We talked about it. You can't sleep here anymore. Your mother—"

"Is full of shit," Aksel muttered into his nape. His voice had become much lower in the past few months, another sign that he was approaching his presentation. Though, in Aksel's case, it would be little more than a formality. The fur on his face might have fallen out years ago, but anyone with a functioning nose could already tell that he was an alpha. Lucien couldn't imagine his scent becoming much stronger after his first rut; it already was pretty strong, despite the fact that Lucien was on suppressants and his sense of smell was diminished. Belinda constantly complained that Aksel was "very stinky." Privately, Lucien didn't agree. Aksel smelled just right to him: a strong, woodsy scent that for the past decade he'd equated with safe and home.

"She's right," Lucien said. "It's inappropriate. I promised Vagrippa that you'd stop sleeping in my bed."

"But I'm not sleeping," Aksel said, a smile in his voice.

Against his better judgment, Lucien laughed. "You're impossible."

"Mhm," Aksel hummed noncommittally, rubbing his nose against Lucien's neck.

Shivering, Lucien shook his head, trying to clear it from the pheromones. Alpha , his omega instincts all but purred. Safe.

"I'll leave in a few hours," Aksel promised, his strong hand slipping under Lucien's shirt and stroking his belly soothingly, as if he were a cat.

He certainly felt like one.

Lucien squeezed his eyes, nearly mewling from how good Aksel's touch felt. He enjoyed being touched by Aksel in a way he didn't enjoy anyone else's touch. Belinda and Royce touched him sometimes, but they were always so careful with him, so tentative, as if they were afraid he'd shatter. Aksel never touched him like that. He didn't touch Lucien like he thought he was broken.His touch was always firm, confident that it was welcome.And in a twisted way, when Aksel touched him, Lucien utterly believed that there was nothing wrong with him. That he was normal. Unbroken. Untainted. Not physically deformed.

"Your skin is so soft," Aksel said, pressing his thumb into his belly button. "Mine is like sandpaper compared to yours. You're so soft everywhere." His hand moved upward, over his ribcage before cupping his chest. "You're even softer here. Like silk."

Lucien let out a fond, long-suffering sigh, squirming a little. Heprobably shouldn't be allowing this, but he could never tell him no. Over the years, he had become conditioned to Aksel's touch to the point that nothing Aksel did seemed outrageous, and the problem had become worse since Aksel's illness—since Aksel had started touching him there . When Aksel touched him there , it was about the only time Lucien didn't feel disgusted with his body. The fat protrusions on his chest didn't feel revolting and alien when Aksel touched them with obvious appreciation. Thanks to Aksel's reverent touches, he'd learned to accept his body—for the most part. He'd even come to think of his protrusions as breasts.

"Fuck," Aksel said hoarsely, squeezing his breasts. "Your tits feel amazing."

"Don't call my chest that," Lucien said, flushing. "And you shouldn't touch me there. It's not at all proper. You aren't a child."

He could feel that Aksel was smiling against his nape. "But I haven't presented yet," he said. "Until I do, it's perfectly fine. Right?"

Lucien's forehead wrinkled. "There's a flaw in that logic somewhere..." God, it was simply hard to think when he felt so nice. Whenever Aksel touched his skin, he always felt a rush of happiness-goodness-rightness , and Aksel's emotions only amplified his own, because he liked pleasing Aksel a little too much.

"Your tits feel very full," Aksel said, kneading his breasts, his voice low. "Do you need me to help you out?"

Lucien caught his bottom lip between his teeth, hesitating. His chest did feel uncomfortably full, but he couldn't keep accepting Aksel's help . Yet he couldn't not accept it, either.

It had become something of a dilemma over the past few months.

He had been supposed to stop feeding Aksel a few months ago, when his hormones finally stabilized and he recovered from his illness. Lucien had fully intended to stop feeding him as soon as Aksel started eating regular food. But he hadn't foreseen how hard it would be to stop.Aksel wasn't a baby. He drank a lot. And Lucien's body had adjusted accordingly over the months he breastfed him, producing so much milk that it was incredibly painful to stop feeding him completely.

Every attempt to stop had ended in pain and tears. The drugs for stopping lactation didn't work well on Dainiri omegas, so Lucien had to end the breastfeeding naturally. Unfortunately, his stupid, broken body didn't seem to understand that it needed to stop producing milk. Over the past few months, Lucien had managed to decrease the amount of hismilk, but he still needed to express it every few days. Unfortunately, his milk ducts were prone to clogging and sometimes only Aksel's mouth could help.

There was also... the embarrassing, shameful part of him that longed for the feel of Aksel's mouth on his nipples, sucking hard and bringing the long-awaited relief. It felt so good, to have his breasts sucked by Aksel's hot, hungry mouth, to feel the pleasure Aksel emanated, to bask in the warmth of the act, the sweet, golden connection between them. He'd never felt closer to another person than when Aksel drank his milk. He wasn't sure why it felt so good with Aksel, but it did. Lucien loved having him so close—he always wanted him even closer. Part of him was absolutely loath to give it up.

But he must give it up.The act might be innocent, but it was getting inappropriate, considering that Aksel no longer needed it and was way too old to be breastfed.

"Come on," Aksel said, squeezing his right breast. "Your tits are so firm. I can tell it's painful for you. Let me help."

"You know I'm trying to stop lactating," Lucien said. "If you keep drinking it, my milk won't go away."

Aksel massaged his chest, his strong fingers kneading the firm, aching flesh."Who cares? I don't like seeing you hurt. It's been two days since I helped you. You're nearly bursting, Lucien. You need my mouth."

Lucien swallowed a whine. His skin felt oddly sensitive tonight, his breasts heavy, the nipples aching more than usual.He did want Aksel's mouth on them.

No.

They had to stop.

This wasn't appropriate. It had stopped being appropriate a few months ago, when Lucien had first noticed the spicy undertone in Aksel's scent whenever he sucked and touched his breasts. Lucien had a sneaking suspicion it might be arousal, but he wasn't sure. He didn't exactly have experience with aroused alphas—experience he remembered, that was. He never brought it up—it would be mortifying if he was wrong. Not that it wouldn't be mortifying if he was right. It was an inappropriate situation either way.

It had to stop.

"One last time," Aksel said huskily, pinching his nipples. His hand was so large that he could engulf both of his breasts and squeeze the nipples together.

Lucien shuddered, his breasts aching and heavy.

He felt... strange. Different.

Pulling away, Lucien sat up and switched on the bedside lamp."That's what you said last time!" he said with a scoff, turning to Aksel.

For a moment, he was taken aback once again by how big Aksel was. It seemed he just never stopped growing. He dwarfed Lucien completely now, his shoulders wide, his long body pure muscle. Despite being a decade younger, he was already as tall as Royce was. Alphas usually had another growth spurt after their first rut, so Aksel was bound to become even bigger than he already was.

Alphas that size normally scared Lucien, causing a strong instinct to flee.But that instinct was silent now. It was Aksel . Aksel would never hurt him. Aksel was harmless. The sullen look he gave Lucien was proof of it. He might look like a fully formed alpha, with dark stubble covering his firm jaw, but he was just eighteen. Lucien had to be the responsible one.

"Come on, Luce," Aksel said, his blue eyes fixed on his chest intently, as if he could see through the fabric of his shirt.

Lucien squirmed, trying to ignore how heavy and sensitive his breasts felt.

"Come on," Aksel said, his eyes heavy-lidded. "Lift your shirt. I'll drink just a little, I promise."

Lucien hesitated.

"Fine," he said uncertainly. "But just a little, all right?"

Aksel's hooded eyes flashed with something that might have been triumph.

Looking away,Lucienlifted his shirt to his chin, shivering as the cool air hit his nipples, making them harden.

God, this was so uncomfortable. He was so ugly down there. Why would Aksel even want to look at his fat breasts? Lucien preferred it when they did the nursing in the dark, under the covers.

"Fuck," Aksel whispered, his voice strained.

Then he leaned down and licked the pink tip before swallowing it into his mouth.

Lucien closed his eyes, all the tension leaving his body, replaced with relief and the familiar, golden sense of connection the more Aksel sucked. "You need a shave, darling," he whispered, stroking Aksel's prickly jaw with his thumb. The stubble didn't really hurt, but it felt odd against his skin, sending weird tingles all over his chest.

Groaning, Aksel covered his chest in kisses before latching onto the other nipple and sucking hard.

"Aksel... you said just a little..."

"Yes," Aksel said, his voice so low it was barely recognizable. "Just a little more." He sucked aggressively, swirling his tongue around the hard nipple. "Look how fullyour tits are for me."

"Stop calling my chest that," Lucien said feebly, trying to find the strength to push Aksel's mouth away. But it felt too good. So, so good.

Aksel groaned again, the heavy undertone in his scent suddenly spiking.

When Lucien forced his eyes open, he stared dazedly at Aksel's head on his chest. There was something obscene about the hunger on Aksel's chiseled face as he sucked on Lucien's teat. It was hard to look away from it. But in his peripheral vision, Lucien noticed something else...Aksel had a hand in his pajama bottoms and he was... he was moving his hand up and down.

It took Lucien a moment to realize what he was doing. "Aksel!" he choked out, shoving him away. "What do you think you're doing! You—you!"

Aksel sighed and removed his hand from his pajama bottoms. "What," he grumbled, looking annoyed. Annoyed!

" What ?" Lucien said incredulously. "Get out! How dare you to—to—"

Shaking his head, Aksellaughed. "You're so prudish, Luce. You can't even say it. It's adorable."

His ears burning, Lucien glared at him. "Get out," he gritted out.

Aksel dropped his smile. "Are you seriously angry?" he said, reaching for Lucien and moving him into his lap.

Lucien glowered at him, slapping weakly at his bulging biceps. "Let go of me this instant, Aksel."

Aksel let go of him—only to put his hands on Lucien's face. "I'm sorry, Luce," he murmured, looking him in the eyes beseechingly. "Don't be mad at me? I hate it when you're mad at me."

Ugh. Those blue eyes should have been outlawed.Lucien hated them, because he could never resist them. Seriously, he detested that he folded like wet paper whenever Aksel used them on him. It was infuriating—and more than a little alarming—considering that he had a very serious reason to be angry with Aksel right now.

"I'm not mad," Lucien said, glaring at him half-heartedly. "But there should be boundaries, Aksel! It's not appropriate to touch your—your—"

"Cock," Aksel supplied helpfully.

Lucien's face felt far too hot. "Yes, that. Surely you understand it's not appropriate to touch it in my presence."

"Sure," Aksel said gently, stroking Lucien's cheek with his knuckles.

It took Lucien a moment to realize it was the very same hand that had been touching Aksel's penis.

Lucien jerked away from the touch, tumbling off Aksel's lap. "Stop that," he stammered, hating that he didn't seem able to sound firm. "Go to your room. And don't come back. If you don't stop this behavior, I'll have to inform Vagrippa."

"And what will you say?" Aksel said with a scoff, dragging Lucien back into his lap. "That I jacked my cock off while I sucked your tits?"

Lucien flushed. "Are you being vulgar on purpose?"

"It's a serious question," Aksel said steadily, his scent pure alpha. Commanding. Demanding. Arrogant. "Answer it."

At times like this, Lucien missed the affectionate little boy who had once deferred to him. The closer to his presentation Aksel got, the worse his alpha traits got. And yet, Lucien's attachment to him remained as strong as ever, despite the increasingly bossy attitude Lucien couldn't tolerate in other alphas and somehow found perfectly tolerable in Aksel. His own double standards frustrated and befuddled him.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lucien said, getting off his lap again.

Aksel put him back onto it. "You're blushing," he said with a smile, stroking Lucien's cheeks. "Aw, you're so adorable, I could eat you up." He pressed his nose against Lucien's burning cheek and inhaled deeply, his arms wrapping around Lucien's waist. "You smell so good when you blush."

"Is that why you insist on embarrassing me?" Lucien said, pressing his palms against Aksel's chest and feeling a pang of envy. Aksel's chest was marvelously firm and muscular, not at all like his own soft chest.

Speaking of the latter, his breasts still felt oddly heavy and achy. There was a disconcerting heaviness in his lower body too. It made Lucien want to squirm. He wasn't sure if he wanted to squirm away or squirm closer.

"Fuck, you smell delicious," Aksel muttered, shoving his face against Lucien's throat and breathing. "Even better than usual."

Lucien shuddered, the ache in his lower body becoming worse. He shook his head, trying to clear the haze in his mind. "I don't think—I feel odd, Aksel."

"Odd?" Aksel said, nuzzling his scent gland aggressively.

Lucien's head was spinning, his mind fuzzy. He really felt odd. Too hot, too much, too something.

"Hot," Lucien managed. "My body feels weird."

Aksel's hands cupped his breasts. "Your tits feel fine," he said, his voice husky as he kneaded Lucien's breasts. "Does this feel better?"

Lucien frowned. "I don't know. I think there's something wrong with the tips. They feel odd." More than usual . He didn't say that. He'd never told Aksel that sometimes he felt odd when Aksel put his mouth on his breasts. He'd never mentioned it before because he didn't want Aksel to feel guilty about it. Aksel had needed his help. He'd needed him. Lucien could handle some discomfort for him—though discomfort wasn't really the right word. It wasn't as though it had ever felt unpleasant. Just strange. A little too intense.

But this was something else entirely. He couldn't simply ignore it as he normally did. His breasts—his entire body—felt oversensitive, craving something.

His thoughts came to a halt when Aksel ducked his head and caught one of the nipples in his mouth. Hesucked, but differently from the usual way he did it, without drinking milk, andLucien gasped as a sharp, stabbing pain-pleasure pierced him from his nipple to his crotch.

"Aksel..." he whispered in confusion.

"Does this help?" Aksel said around his nipple, his voice incredibly low. His hand was on the other nipple, pinching and kneading it as he sucked the right one.

"I... I don't know," Lucien said, looking at his dark head on his chest. The sensation of Aksel's mouth on his nipple felt good, but it didn't bring any relief. If anything, the ache seemed to be worsening, a hot throb starting between his legs. It took Lucien a moment to realize that he was hard.

Hard.

It was such an alien feeling. Because of his strong suppressants, erections were very rare for him, and usually he just ignored them until they eventually went away.

An alarm bell sounded somewhere at the back of his head and Lucien frowned dazedly.

Suppressants . Had he taken his pill that day?

He tried to remember, but his mind came back blank. But surely, even if he had skipped taking the pill once, it wouldn't be a problem, right? Right?

His train of thought was interrupted when Aksel suddenly switched nipples, latching onto his left one and sucking hungrily, his hand kneading his right. Oh God. He felt too warm, too achy, yearning for something, needing something—something—

"Aksel," he gasped out. "There's something wrong with me... I need..."

"I know what you need," Aksel ground out, pushing him onto the bed and settling between his thighs.

Lucien blinked up at him dazedly, trying to think, but all he could do was feel and smell. Fuck, Aksel'sscent.... It was suddenly so much stronger than it used to be, and Lucien was drowning, his mind hazy with need. He barely registered the strange, keening noise that left his own throat, and Aksel's answeringgrowl. It was a real growl, andLucien stared.

Aksel's eyes were glowing . They were still blue, but the glow was supernatural now. Predatory. The eyes of an alpha.

"Aksel," he whispered. "You're presenting. Your first rut." But it should have been impossible. The Xeus moon wasn't full. In fact...

Aksel shook his head. "Not a real rut," he said hoarsely, looking at Lucien in an odd, fixated manner. "A false one."

A false one? Lucien wracked his foggy mind, trying to remember his biology books. Right. Alphas could have false ruts, or sympathy ruts, when a compatible omega they were close to was in heat.

But.

Lucien shook his head. "I can't—I can't be in heat," he whispered, panic making his heart pound. It was true that the Dainiri moon was close to being full, but... "I'm on suppressants!"

"You must have missed a dose or two," Aksel said absently. "I've noticed that your scent has been stronger lately."

"No, I can't—I can't be—" Lucien gasped, panic clogging his throat. His first and only heat had been the stuff of nightmares, utterly ruining his life. He wouldn't—couldn't—have another heat.

"Shhh," Aksel said soothingly. Lucien breathed him in, his panic receding as Aksel's strong, familiar scent washed over him, making him feel wonderfully safe.

"I'll take care of you, love," Akselsaid. "I promise. No one will hurt you."

And just like that, Lucien relaxed, his thighs falling open. He gasped when a hard bulge pressed against the apex of his legs, and a dull ache started between them. He wanted to grind against it. He wanted to hump his cock against Aksel's hard thigh. He wanted to have something inside him. A hard cock. A thick, hard knot.

Lucien whined, gyrating his hips.

God, what were they doing? This shouldn't be happening. This was Aksel. The son of his late husband. He didn't care. This was Aksel. His Aksel. Aksel would make him feel better, as always. He wanted Aksel inside him, as deep as possible. He wished there was nothing between them, not even skin. Fuck, he was so empty.

"Please," Lucien moaned.

"Yes," Aksel ground out, positioning himself between Lucien's spread thighs.

He lined up his cock—

And then the door opened, and Royce was looking at them with wide, alarmed eyes.

"What the hell?" he growled, and yanked Aksel away from him.

There were growls and claws and punches, but Lucien barely registered it. He keened, needing. Needing Aksel back.

But Aksel wasn't there anymore.

Lucien didn't know yet that it would be almost eight years before he saw him again.