Chapter Four

Eleven years later

Aksel fell sick when he was eighteen.

He was weak and feverish, andhecompletely lost his appetite. What little food Vagrippa and Lucien managed to talk him into eating, he threw up. And threw up. And threw up.

It was beyond alarming, because Aksel had never gotten sick in all the years Lucien had known him. Never. He had grown into a tall, imposing young man, his body as strong as his personality. It just felt wrong for him to be bedridden.

"What's wrong with him?" Vagrippa demanded the moment the doctor emerged out of Aksel's room.

"Is it dangerous?" Royce said, stepping forward.

Lucien bit the inside of his cheek hard to force himself to stay quiet. He was just a second spouse of Aksel's late father. It was lucky that Vagrippa was too worried and distracted to tell him to leave. Normally, she was a jealous mother, especially when it came to Lucien and Aksel's relationship.

In the years since Lucien had joined the Cleghorn family, his relationship with Vagrippa hadn't improved. She was perfectly amicable in public on the rare occasions Lucien left the house with the family, but at home she talked at him rather than to him. Things had become worse ever since Garrick's untimely death a few years ago. Oh, she had never been outright rude to Lucien, but the lack of warmth in her gaze was obvious. Vagrippa didn't like him. She didn't seem to like how close her younger son was to Lucien. She didn't like that Aksel always took Lucien's side whenever Vagrippa criticized him.

Lucien still winced whenever he remembered the look on Vagrippa's face a few months ago, when she discovered Aksel in Lucien's bed. Lucien hadn't even been able to say anything in his defense—he had just stood there, feeling ashamed and chastised and unsure if he deserved it. He'd felt fourteen all over again, called vile things he didn't feel like he'd earned. He hadn't been able to utter a word. Not that it mattered much; Vagrippa and Aksel had done all the yelling. When Vagrippa had finally calmed down, she admitted that she might have overreacted but had said in no uncertain terms that Aksel was forbidden from sharing Lucien's bed again.

"You're no longer a child,"she had said when Aksel had just scoffed. "Surely you understand how inappropriate it is, Aksel!"

Aksel's jaw clenched."There's nothing inappropriate about sharing a bed with a member of your pack. You would say nothing if you found me in Belinda's bed."

Vagrippa hadn't appreciated his lack of contrition. She'd remained unmoved.But so had Aksel. He had stood firm, an alpha to the tips of his toes. He'd refused to concede that his mother was right—until Lucien cut in and promised her that it would never happen again. Lucien still remembered the furious, betrayed flash of Aksel's blue eyes. He still remembered how hard it had been not to drop his gaze meekly and side with Aksel.

And that was still the problem, wasn't it? He was terrible at saying no to Aksel. It didn't seem to matter that Lucien was a decade older and should be the one who held the power in their relationship. He didn't. Frankly, sometimes he wondered if his mental growth had been stunted at fourteen. He didn't feel like a grown man. Partly it was probably because he'd had a very limited social circle for over a decade. He hadn't finished his schooling. He rarely left the estate. He didn't have any friends. All he had was the Cleghorns: Mr. Cleghorn, while he had still been alive, Royce, Belinda—and Aksel, of course. Truth be told, while Lucien was very fond of Belinda and had eventually grown fond of Royce, Aksel had always meant more to him than his siblings. Aksel was... he was the center of his life.Had been for well over adecade.

That wouldn't have been a problem if Aksel were a beta or an omega. But he was an alpha. And despite Aksel not having gone through his first rut, his pheromones were already strong enough to make Lucien's hindbrain think that Aksel was his pack alpha. It was kind of humiliating, that his biological need for an alpha was pathetic enough to latch onto someone nearly a decade his junior and recognize his authority over him. Well, to be fair, the fault lay partly with Aksel, too. He was too pushy. Too assertive. He didn't seem to understand the meaning of personal space where Lucien was concerned. While Mr. Cleghorn had respected Lucien's boundaries—respected his desire not to be touched and scent-marked—Aksel had just pushed through his initial resistance, scenting him and scent-marking with the innocent stubbornness of a child who didn't understand boundaries.

But it had been more than a decade. Aksel was no longer a child. He was eighteen. And yet he was still terrible at boundaries. To be fair, so was Lucien. He didn't seem capable of being firm with him.Try as he might, Lucien couldn't quash his desire to please Aksel as he would want to please his pack alpha. For all intents and purposes, Aksel was his pack alpha.

Aksel's sudden illness had completely turned Lucien's world upside down. Aksel was the strong one. He was the one person who made Lucien feel safe and protected. Seeing him sick and weakened was frightening.

"I don't have good news," Dr. Soren said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "It's a rare disease Xeus alphas sometimes get before presentation, one of the few diseases they are susceptible to."

"What disease?" Lucien said before he could stop himself.

Dr. Soren glanced at him before focusing his gaze on Royce. "We call it the Bosovich Disease, after the healer who first described it. We still don't know why only some Xeus alphas get affected by it, but it's theorized that the affected patients have a stronger expression of the Xeus gene. It's a complex disease and the types of symptoms and how severe they are can differ widely from person to person, but in simple terms, your brother's digestive system is at odds with the hormones produced by his body. Most food makes him extremely nauseated; that's why he keeps throwing up."

Vagrippa looked ill. "What can we do? He needs to eat! He hasn't managed to keep anything down for the past three days. He's getting weaker every day."

The doctor sighed, a wrinkle forming between his brows."We can use intravenous feeding," he said. "The problem is, we have no idea how long this disease will last. It might be years before his hormones stabilize, which usually happens around their first rut—and that could still be years away for your son. It's not rare for Xeus alphas to have their first rut late: at twenty or even later. Intravenous feeding simply wouldn't be sufficient to satisfy his nutritional needs for years. And if his digestive system isn't used for years, it'd be extremely hard to get it working again. I will put together a diet for him, comprising food that may not make him too nauseated, but..." He shook his head, looking troubled. "He's a Xeus. His body needs more nourishment, not less. This disease will almost certainly stunt his physical development irrevocably—and that's the best-case scenario."

"What is the worst?" Royce said sharply.

The doctor gave him an apologetic look. "This disease is highly unpredictable and dangerously volatile. Sometimes it affects the immune system, too. There have been cases of deaths."

Paling, Vagrippa grabbed Royce's arm for support.

"Is there nothing we can do to help?" Lucien croaked out, his hands clenched together. He wanted to see Aksel. He needed to see him. He needed him.

Dr. Soren started shaking his head before pausing and looking at Lucien thoughtfully. "You're a Dainiri omega. And you used to lactate, correct?"

Lucien looked at him blankly, the abrupt change of subject confusing him. "Yes," he said, tugging the fabric of his loose shirt anxiously. He tended to wear oversized clothes that hid his curves, so the doctor's uncertainty was understandable. But the question was still baffling.

"Yes," Vagrippa said, stepping forward. "What does it have to do with anything?"

"We can induce lactation in him," the doctor said. "It will be easy, since Dainiri omegas who once lactated already have the necessary hormones. Assuming he can sustain lactation and is willing to do it, it will almost certainly help your son. There is nothing more naturally nourishing and easily digestible than a Dainiri omega's milk. It's very rich in nutrients and vitamins. It should agree with your son's digestive system. As an additional benefit, it has anti-inflammatory properties, which should help with the pain and fever. It's the ideal solution for Xeus alphas in his condition."

"Then Lucien will do it," Vagrippa said.

"We can't ask that of him," Royce said, laying a hand on Lucien's shoulder.

Lucien flinched away from the touch, and the alpha immediately dropped his hand, his expression softening. "Ignore what my mother says," he said. "You don't have to do it. I know you didn't want to nurse Belinda, either, and this is a much bigger undertaking. I don't want you to feel pressured—"

Lucien shook his head. "I'll do it, Royce," he said. "I want to."

Royce peered at him, doubt clear in his dark eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Lucien said honestly. He might not be comfortable with this idea, but it paled in comparison to the fact that Aksel needed his help. Aksel needed him. For once, Lucien could help him . For the past decade, Aksel had always been there for him, protecting him and comforting him, the one person Lucien could always count on.

Lucien would do anything to help him. Anything.

This was a small price to pay.

***

Despite the doctor's words, Lucien had been half-convinced that it wouldn't work. He'd expected that Aksel would find the idea ridiculous and humiliating. After all, Aksel wasn't a child. He was eighteen. He was already almost as tall and big as his older brother. But to Lucien's surprise, Aksel listened to the proposed solution in silence, looked at Lucien with his feverish, tired eyes and just nodded. His wide shoulders were glistening with sweat, his muscles straining as he hoisted himself up into a sitting position. He was clearly exhausted and in pain, and Lucien barely stopped himself from helping him. Aksel wouldn't appreciate being fussed over in front of an audience. Like all alphas, he was very proud.

After Dr. Soren administered the shot to induce lactation, Lucien found himself unbuttoning his shirt under the watchful eyes of Aksel's mother, brother, and doctor. His face was red, and his hands were shaking.

Eyeing him, Aksel frowned. He glared at his mother and brother. "Go away. You're making him uncomfortable."

Vagrippa said, "But Aksel—"

"Let's go, Mother," Royce said. "Let's give them some privacy. This solution is likely embarrassing for them both."

She pursed her lips. "Very well. But Dr. Soren will stay to monitor Aksel's condition."

As the door closed after Aksel's mother and brother, Dr. Soren cleared his throat impatiently. "Go ahead."

Aksel scowled. "At least turn away. Lucien will not undress in front of you."

"I'm a doctor, son."

"Turn away," Aksel bit off, his voice nearly a growl.

Dr. Soren flinched and crossed his arms over his chest, his unease obvious. Although Aksel hadn't officially presented yet, his attitude was already that of a pure alpha, his scent dominating the room. It didn't seem to matter that he was just eighteen and had been sick for days; his sheer presence was difficult to ignore.

"It's fine, darling," Lucien said gently, pushing a sweaty lock of Aksel's dark hair away from his face. God, Aksel was burning up. Stress was the last thing he needed right now.

"It isn't fine," Aksel said. "I can smell your discomfort." Staring the doctor down, he ground out, "Turn away."

Heaving a sigh, Dr. Soren did as he was told.

Relaxing, Lucien whispered, "Thanks."

"Don't be stupid, Luce," Aksel said with a tired scoff. His eyes were red-rimmed and sunken after days of illness, but they still looked at Lucien intently, mature far beyond his years. "Thank you . You're my favorite person, you know that, right?"

Lucien had to swallow the sudden lump in his throat before he could speak again.

"We don't know yet that it'll work at all," he said awkwardly, finishing unbuttoning his shirt. He let it fall open. There was no use dragging it out.

Aksel stared at his chest.

Lucien fidgeted self-consciously. It had been years since Aksel had seen him shirtless. Aksel hadn't been disgusted back then, but he was no longer a child. His opinion might have changed.

"Well?" Lucien said with a small laugh. "Dinner is served, sir."

Laughing hoarsely, Aksel finally moved forward and buried his face against Lucien's bare chest. "Fuck, you smell so good," he murmured, his voice pitched low.

He nuzzled into his right protrusion, breathing deeply, before finally closing his mouth around the pink nipple and starting to suck, his mouth hungry and impatient, his large hand massaging the protrusion, probably to stimulate milk production. He must have been starving after days of illness.

Lucien was a little worried that the drug wouldn't work. But then he felt a rush of warmth and the half-forgotten sensation of his chest filling with milk. He hadn't experienced it in a decade.

Aksel hummed appreciatively, his throat working as he swallowed, and started sucking harder.

Lucien bit the inside of his cheek, feeling… odd. The sensation wasn't unpleasant. Just odd—but not in a bad way. To his surprise and relief, he didn't feel the revulsion and the sense of wrongness that he'd felt all those years ago with Belinda. This was Aksel. With Belinda, he'd been forced into breastfeeding and he'd resented it immensely, but this was Aksel . He didn't mind doing this for Aksel. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Aksel. And it felt... good to know that his body could helpsomeone he cared deeply about—someone who cared for him too. Aksel might not have been his blood relative, but he was pack. He was pack in a way no one else in the Cleghorn family was. It felt good to take care of Aksel. To feel needed by him. To sate his needs.

That said, Aksel's mouth on his nipple still felt odd. His nipples—both of them—felt tight and kind of achy, and the more Aksel sucked, the weirder it felt. It was incredibly confusing.

"How do you feel?" Lucien asked quietly, threading his fingers through Aksel's sweaty dark hair, his thumb stroking Aksel's stubbled cheek. "Any nausea?"

Aksel shook his head, making a frustrated noise when the breast emptied out. He latched onto the other nipple and resumed sucking hungrily.

Lucien bit his lip, that strange ache growing with every moment. He wanted… he wasn't even sure what he wanted. He wanted Aksel to keep sucking, and at the same time he wanted to push him away. This somehow felt like too much and not nearly enough.

Shaking it off, hepressed his palm against Aksel's forehead. It was noticeably cooler. It was working! Lucien grinned. "His fever is nearly gone, Doctor!" he said excitedly. "And he doesn't feel nauseated."

"Excellent," Dr. Soren said from somewhere behind him. "Feed him whenever you can, as often as possible. If you're uncomfortable with direct breastfeeding, you can use breast pumps, though I don't advise it—pumps don't stimulate omegas' letdown as well as a mouth, and it might be difficult for you to sustain lactation if you use only breast pumps."

"I don't mind feeding him like this," Lucien said, stroking Aksel's dark brow.

Aksel looked up, his blue eyes intense as he grabbed Lucien's hand and squeezed it, his scent thick with gratitude, fierce affection, and something Lucien couldn't identify. His grip was no longer as weak as it had been lately, his strength clearly returning.

Lucien smiled, feeling so very warm on the inside.

Aksel was going to be all right. He was going to be all right, because of him , Lucien.

It seemed his soiled body was still good for something.

Maybe it was time to stop hating it.