22. Adam

I blinked my eyes open to see my living room still shrouded in darkness. A small amount of light from my outdoor light was coming in through the curtains, but it was clearly the middle of the night, nowhere near dawn yet.

Almost instinctively, my usual loneliness crept in. I did this sometimes, falling asleep on the couch while watching a movie and waking up hours later all alone.

But there was a warm weight pressed up next to me. Chase was right there, sleeping soundly and breathing evenly. The light blond portion of his hair was illuminated, doing that thing where it made him look like he had a halo.

I wasn't all alone, for once.

A yearning ache settled in my chest at the same time that my cock started to harden. I gently put my arm down around his shoulders, pulling him toward me while trying not to wake him up. We had both crashed out on my couch at some point, and we were slumped into the corner of the couch on a cluster of plush pillows. The deep, wide, super comfortable sectional was something I'd splurged on when I'd moved in, because it was more like a comfy bed than a couch. But until now, it had seemed like a bit of a waste.

All this couch, and no one to share it with?

But waking up next to Chase felt right. He smelled like him. I was somehow both turned on and cozy all at once.

I wasn't supposed to want him for anything other than fun and sex, but he was so good with all of the other things, too.

I'd expected Chase to be detached, removed, or almost emotionless. But he was a kaleidoscope of expression, all the time. He made me feel like I mattered as a person, not just as a person with a cock he wanted to ride.

God, I wanted him to ride it again.

I was a confused, horny, desperate mess. I shifted on the couch and tried to force myself to fall asleep thinking about nothing, but instead my mind was full of images of him. The way he looked at me from under his lashes, like he was flirting without even knowing he was doing it. The way he took my cock, almost begging for more.

The way he'd been all embarrassed when his family had called him earlier tonight, and how all I'd wanted to do was cover him in kisses and make him realize how he had nothing to be ashamed of at all.

I loved that he was right here next to me.

I drifted off into a sleep laced with dreams of blue hair and blue eyes and so much desire it almost hurt.

The next time I woke up, I turned over to look and no one was there.

I knew I should have expected that.

I hummed, blinking in the now very bright, direct sunlight pouring into my living room. I reached for my phone on the table and saw that it was a little past seven in the morning, and the Fixer Brothers crew would be here by eight.

I breathed in deep, sitting up on the couch.

This was normal. I knew I shouldn't have a hollow, empty feeling waking up without Chase next to me, because Chase wasn't going to be waking up next to me. He had every right to leave, because that's what "no strings attached" meant, anyway.

I glanced at the coffee table and saw that there was a note, scrawled out on a scrap of cardboard from the kitchen renovations.

Adam,

Had fun last night. Sorry I fell asleep on the couch, but hope you have a good morning. See you soon.

-Chase

I rubbed my palm over my eyes, still trying to blink away the sleep.

It wasn't exactly the warmest note I'd ever read, but it was nice that Chase thought to leave one at all.

Because he doesn't owe you anything,I reminded myself.

I got up, showered, and grabbed a protein bar from my makeshift cabinet-pantry at the side of the kitchen. I knew I wasn't going to be needed for any of the renovation filming today, so I could throw myself into my work upstairs or even head into the office if I wanted to.

I had to focus on something other than last night.

And, actually, I had a pretty good idea of what I could do to truly get my mind off of things and take care of the morning wood that appeared without warning under my pants.

I headed upstairs, knowing I only had a short window of time to take care of it. I forgot about all of the lighting and camera tips and went back into my default mode, just grabbing my phone camera and pointing it at myself.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and hit record, gripping my cock and stroking it for the video.

"This is for you," I said without thinking.

When the camera was recording me, I became… myself. Not the guy who fumbled socially, who never knew what to say, who was a shy wallflower who'd rather be alone.

In my videos, it didn't matter. I said what I wanted. And this morning, I knew what I wanted to say.

"I had dreams about you, all night," I murmured as I filmed my cock. I was already throbbing, and it was a good thing I needed to be quick because I was going to be quick, whether I liked it or not. "Nobody gets me hard like you do."

Images of Chase filled my mind, unbidden. I didn't want to think about him in particular, but all I could imagine was the feeling of his body pressed up near mine. The feeling of his lips on me.

"You know this cock is yours, whenever you want it. And you know I wish this was your lips wrapped around it. Fuck, you would be so perfect. I'm going to come for you. I'm yours—"

I broke off as I came quicker than I ever had for a video. I would have been embarrassed if I hadn't been so damn turned on.

It had been better when I'd recorded with him, though.

I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to imagine a life where he disappeared from my world, the moment my kitchen renovations were over.

But I didn't know what other future there could be.

I stopped recording and lay back on my bed for a few breaths, listening to the faint sound of the birds chirping up a storm outside my balcony doors, coming back down to Earth. I hopped in the shower and quickly washed up before heading back downstairs.

When I checked my phone again, I realized I had notifications from the morning that I'd never looked at.

I scrolled through to see texts from Chase, from earlier this morning.

Chase Blau: Ignore that note I left you. I'm at the coffee shop, do you want anything? I could bring it back.

Chase Blau: …Aaaand, ignore that last text. I won't bug you, you seemed like you needed sleep.

Chase Blau: Last night really was fun. When can we film again? Filming with you was the most fun I've had in a long time.

Chase Blau: Honestly, everything I do with you is more fun than anything I do without you.

There was a gap in time of about forty-five minutes between those texts and the next one:

Chase Blau: Ignore all those texts. I'll see you when we come over to film in a bit.

Chase Blau: Or maybe not, if you're working. I'm not trying to say you have to be home, or anything. Christ, I am texting you too much.

A smile slowly spread over my face as I read each text.

He was rambling. Fumbling, like I always did. And it wasn't that I enjoyed seeing someone else be awkward—I usually hated it, actually, and I just wanted everyone to be as socially confident as I wished I could be.

But with these texts, I saw a portion of myself in Chase. Which was a rare thing to witness. He was second-guessing himself, but it only came off as intensely charming.

Everything Chase did came off as intensely charming.

Adam Richardsen: See you soon, Chase. And here's a little something from this morning.

I sent him the short video I'd just taken, straight to his text messages.

I had filmed it with the intention of uploading it to OnlyShots, but I knew deep down that the person I'd filmed it for was him.

And only him.

Every word I'd said in the video, I'd been thinking of him. And I wanted that video to be all his own.

Twenty minutes later, a knock sounded out from my front door.

"Let's finish up this kitchen," Shawn said as I swung the door open. He was there with Nathan and Charlie, all three of them in their work clothes with tool belts slung around their waists.

Behind them, in the driveway, one of the film crew vans had just parked, and I saw Chase's blue car pulling up behind it.

"Kitchen's all yours," I told the construction guys, giving them a little salute.

Chase walked up to the front door and the look he gave me made me feel like my chest was made of butterflies.

If I thought he'd been adorably awkward in the text messages, it was only ten times more apparent in real life.

He came up to the front door, glancing behind me toward the other guys, who had all filed into the kitchen. He cleared his throat, shifting on his feet.

"Ah, thank you," he said. "For the video."

I bit my lower lip. "Did you enjoy it?"

He swallowed, his gaze dancing from my lips to my eyes and back again. "I didn't have time to… fully enjoy it, because I was heading out to my car when I got it. But holy fuck, Adam."

"It's one of my favorites."

"You're crazy if you don't upload that one," he told me. "It's one of your best, ever."

I shook my head. "I decided that video is just for you."

His eyebrows shot up. "What? Why?"

I shrugged. "Because I like you. And you're worth it," I told him.

A blush crept onto his cheeks and filled me with a deep satisfaction I didn't even know I'd been looking for. Was this how Chase had felt when he'd first met me? Absolutely relishing every opportunity to make me squirm in the best possible way?

As the day went on, there were only more opportunities for me to make Chase feel special. I offered him some more fresh-cut watermelon in the morning, which he loved. During his lunch break, I came downstairs and showed him a couple of recent comments on our last video that had been complimenting the specific film quality of it compared to my other videos.

In the afternoon, I went out to get fresh-squeezed juices for the whole crew, and came back with the haul and passed them around to everyone.

Chase was upstairs using the spare bathroom and when he came out, I caught him alone for a moment, standing in the light by the hallway window.

There was no one around upstairs.

So I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and watched as his eyes went all dreamy, just for a moment.

"Got you your favorite," I said, handing him the juice. "Mango and strawberry."

"How do you know that's my favorite?" he asked, taking a sip. "Fuck, that's so good."

"You told me it was your favorite combination on the night you did trivia with me," I said. "Remember they had a question about where mango was native to?"

"And you were the expert, saying it was from Asia," he said, nodding. "You're so smart. And you're so nice to me. Why are you being so nice to me?"

I ran my fingertips along his chest. "I told you. Because I like you," I said. "But honestly, I think I'm finally realizing what my problem has been for my whole life."

"Too hot? Too sexy? Too desirable?"

I snorted. "No. I've always wondered why I was so bad socially, or so bad at flirting. But I think I've realized that the problem was I was too focused on myself, and how I come off, when in reality I should have just focused on making other people feel special."

He got a twinkle behind his eyes. "It's working."

"Hmm?"

"You're making me feel special," he said. "And I don't know what the fuck to do with that feeling."

It was like my world had just quietly shifted on its axis. It was subtle, but Chase had just brought to light something that my brain had been fixating on for at least a week, now.

"You don't know what to do with it?" I asked.

He shook his head, suddenly looking more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him look. "I'm not used to it, Adam," he said, his voice dropping to almost a whisper.

"But everyone wants you," I said. "Who wouldn't want you?"

"No one really wants me," he told me, and the tone of the whole conversation shifted in an instant. "They want to have sex with me. They know I'm fun for a night out. But me? Not so much."

I'd realized a while ago that there was an ocean of feeling beneath Chase's breezy exterior. But right now he was showing me that depth more than he ever had before.

"All right, calling for wide shots!" I heard the director's voice shouting from downstairs.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt that way?" I asked, feeling rushed, knowing that he had to get downstairs.

"Because it's fucking terrifying," he admitted. The look in his eyes crushed me.

I shook my head slowly. "But nothing scares you."

He swallowed, squeezing my hand. "I wish that were true. I need to go set up this shot before Flynn sends a firing squad after me."

I wanted more. So much more. Because that's how I always felt with Chase.

"Don't go home after the work day is over," I said to him, not caring that I sounded like I was begging. "Please stay?"

He winked at me. "Knew you wished we filmed something last night."

I furrowed my brow. "It's not about filming something, or about hooking up," I said. "I want to talk to you, Chase."

"I want to show you my appreciation for that video this morning, though," he said as he pulled away, heading down the hall toward the stairs. "And show the rest of the followers, you know?"

Something sat wrong in my chest as I watched him barrel down the stairs back to his camera rig.

Of course I wanted to film more videos with Chase.

Of course I wanted to fuck his brains out, and have him fuck me for the first time, too. I wanted to sleep with him all the goddamn time, and I wanted his lips on mine more than I'd really ever wanted anything, if I was being honest.

But I also wanted him to open up to me.

For one quick moment, here in the hall, it felt like he had been doing that. Then, quick as ever, he'd gone right back into his flirty, nothing-matters mode, like his vulnerability had been nothing but an illusion.

I turned on my heel and headed out to my balcony, letting the summer sun beat down on my skin.

No. I wasn't going to spend any more time holding back, socially.

I did see a part of Chase that he never showed anyone. And he could pull back as much as he wanted, but I wasn't going to let him hide who he really was.

He could ghost me if he wanted to.

He could tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me after he was done working at my house.

But I was going to be honest with him. I wasn't going to be afraid to tell him that he was one of the best things that had ever happened to me—not just for my sex life, but for my whole goddamn world.

Chase deserved that, even if he couldn't see it himself.