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20. Adam

The whole night of the dinner had felt like a dream, and the following day, it only continued.

I had expected Chase to kick me to the curb after we both came, but instead, it had seemed like he wanted me there with him. I slept like a baby in his bed, a deeper sleep than I'd gotten in a long time. When we woke up, he made us coffee, eggs, and toast in the kitchen before we both had to head over to my house for more renovation filming.

In the passenger seat of Chase's little blue Honda Civic, I'd never felt more comfortable next to another person. I clutched my coffee in the Thermos he'd lent me and I scrolled through the mountain of comments on the video we'd uploaded, still shocked.

"They want more from us," I told Chase as he drove further up the mountain toward my house. "Someone said you seem hot. I agree with them."

Chase's smile may as well have been directly tied to my heart. Chase was a confident person and ate up compliments like a pro, but when I complimented him, he acted a little different than when they came from anyone else.

"We can give them more," he said. "Another hand job or blow job video, maybe?"

"Or you could fuck me, this time," I offered.

If his smile was addictive, the look of surprise on his face when I managed to shock him was even better. Chase wasn't easy to shock.

"Adam, you're going to make me have to pull over on the side of the road if you say things like that," he told me. "And we need to get to work."

I couldn't help but smile as I looked back out the passenger side window at the pine trees flying by in the summer morning light.

"Since when is my life so fun?" I asked. "I get to make videos with someone as cool as you. I'm getting my dream renovation done on my house. I can talk to you without feeling like I'm some sort of alien."

He pulled up to a red light and stopped, looking over at me. "You really feel that way? Like it's easy to talk to me?"

"You're easier to talk to than anyone I've ever met," I told him.

"Coming from you, that might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "It means a lot to me, too," I said. "I was able to talk to business executives last night. You make me feel like I'm not as socially inept as I thought I was."

"Hey, you were rocking it on your own, last night," Chase said. "You even got Emmett talking about the Batman movies, and I couldn't believe it. I wasn't helping in those conversations. It was all you."

I shook my head. "I was able to do it because you were across the table from me. Knowing you were there made me feel more like myself, or something."

"I never thought I'd say this, but you're complimenting me too much," Chase said. "I'm going to get such a big ego that my head's going to pop off."

"Let it get big."

"My ego's already doing fine," Chase said with a grin. "Yours should be big after last night. Fucking me like you own me."

My cock perked up under my pants. "Don't say that. I can't have an erection while we're filming for the Fixer Brothers."

For the last couple of minutes of the drive, images from last night flashed through my mind. I was still somewhat convinced that this was all just some elaborate prank, and that Chase couldn't possibly have wanted me as much as I wanted him. I'd never felt so turned on in my life, but I'd also never felt so connected to anyone, either.

The tires crunched on the gravel as Chase pulled up outside my house. He looked like some kind of fallen angel, the rays of slanting sunlight hitting his hair and lighting it up like a soft halo. He hummed along to whatever pop song was playing lightly on the radio, pursing those lips that had been all over me last night.

"Let's get in there before the guys all show up," Chase said before hopping out of the car.

Right. That was another thing I had to stay on top of: remembering that what Chase and I had was a secret, not only from the other crew members, but from the thousands of people watching us on OnlyShots, too.

I got out of the car and watched him slowly pace up toward my front door.

My little secret.

The hottest secret I'd ever had.

I made my way to the door and was about to turn the key in the lock when I realized the door was slightly cracked open. I cocked my head to one side and pushed it open, poking my head in.

"Hello?" I asked.

"There you are!" I heard Charlie's voice call out from in the kitchen.

I whipped my head back around to look at Chase, who was as wide-eyed as I was.

"Charlie?" I asked.

"I'm in here," he called over. "I'm hauling in tile."

"I didn't see the Fixer Brothers van in the front driveway," I said as I entered the kitchen, where Charlie was stacking strips of tile on a workbench.

"Shawn took the van back to the office to grab his phone. Left it there this morning accidentally," Charlie said, looking up at me. "You look chipper today. Are you still wearing what you wore to the dinner last night?"

"No. Uh, yes, I mean. I—"

"I let him crash at my place last night," Chase said, coming up behind me in the doorframe. "After you left the private car, Adam was feeling pretty woozy."

Charlie furrowed his brow. "You seemed pretty in control of yourself during dinner. And for the first part of the car ride."

I felt heat creeping to my cheeks. "The liquor hit me hard in the second half, or something," I said, scrambling to make up something believable. "Thought I was going to pass out."

"He was as good as new after chugging some water at my place, though," Chase said. "Wow, Charlie, you look amazing today. Is that a new shirt?"

Chase was a wizard. He was easily able to distract Charlie into a different conversation while I headed upstairs to my closet, pulling on fresh clothes for the day. When I got back downstairs, the other guys had gotten back, as well as part of the film crew.

The day got started as normal from that point, and soon we were in the full swing of filming and renovations. I made some appearances, but spent a few hours upstairs in my office, working on cleaning up some databases for my research work.

The strange feeling from the morning lingered in my chest all day, though.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't like that we hadn't told Charlie the truth, even though it was a white lie. I was no good at keeping secrets. And even though I was protecting both Chase's privacy and my own, it didn't feel right.

I got lost in my data, and the next time I looked at the clock, it was the afternoon. I knew the crew would be wrapping up for the day soon, and I headed back downstairs.

"Hey, Adam. We're getting very close," Shawn told me as I walked into the kitchen and saw that most of the backsplash tile had already been placed. "Still needs grout, of course, but you can tell how good it's going to look."

"It's going to be amazing," I said. "You guys are the best."

"We'll be finishing up that portion tomorrow," Shawn said. "Just about wrapped up for today."

I glanced around the kitchen, looking behind the cameras. "Have you seen Chase?"

"He headed out around ten minutes ago," Shawn said. "Got all the shots we needed for today."

My heart dropped.

"Oh," I said.

I didn't know why I should feel so surprised. Chase didn't always say goodbye to me before leaving for the day, and it wasn't like he owed it to me. But I felt his absence more than I would have liked to admit. I stuck around as the Fixer Brothers and the rest of the film crew wrapped up for the day, and I gave the guys a hand hauling out a few boxes of extra tile.

"See you in a couple of days," Shawn said out front as he waved goodbye. "I assume you'll enjoy the days off without all of the sawing and hammering noises while you're trying to work upstairs."

He flashed me a smile before hopping in his van and heading off. I made my way back inside, shutting the front door behind me, finally in the silence of my own home.

The silence that usually was like paradise to me.

Right now, it felt different. Hollow, even.

I never would have thought that I could miss the construction sounds and the bustle of tons of people in my space, but I stood in my entryway and felt a strange emptiness hit me, wondering where the hell it came from.

I really did miss it. I missed the guys, and I wished I could have had the chance to tell Charlie the truth, even though that was unrealistic. I even missed the cranky director, Flynn, who looked at me like I was an idiot every time I was dorky on camera.

And I could picture Chase in every corner of this house now.

My solitude was peaceful, but it was… incomplete.

I headed through the construction zone chaos that was my kitchen and then went back upstairs, pushing past the double doors to my sunny bedroom balcony. I sat back on one of the lounge chairs, letting the summer wind hit me.

I pulled out my phone.

No new messages from Chase.

No new messages from ChillyIcyBlue, either, which I never could have known was something I could miss so much.

I'd only closed my eyes to rest for a moment, but when I opened them, the quality of light on the balcony had completely changed. I blinked my eyes open, seeing that the sun had dipped below the line of trees.

I checked my phone and saw that I'd apparently napped for two hours without realizing it. I'd had some vivid dreams, too, which came back to me all at once, in a rush.

Some of the dreams had been about Chase. Ones where he'd been in control of my cock, edging me and edging me but never letting me come.

Reallyfucking hot, no matter how sexually frustrating they had been.

But there had been other moments of the dreams, too. Silly, funny, comforting ones, where we'd been in bed together or chatting about simple stuff, and one where we'd been making outlandish desserts together.

Tell people when you're thinking about them. I remembered the piece of advice from yet another list I'd read, trying to improve my social skills over the years.

Screw it. What did I have to lose?

I pulled up my texts with Chase.

Adam Richardsen: Crashed so hard into a nap on my balcony just now. Dreamed that we created our own dessert salsa.

I stuffed my phone in my pocket.

I knew I couldn't expect quick responses. I'd never been a big texter to begin with, and with Chase especially, I knew I needed to reel in my expectations. For all I knew, he could be dick deep in another guy right this moment, or out at one of the many bars and clubs he loved to party at.

But when my phone buzzed a minute later, it didn't stop my heart from doing a little backflip in my chest.

Chase Blau: Dreaming about us being sweet salsa tycoons? Give me the details. Was it berries?

I smiled to myself.

Adam Richardsen: This one involved chocolate. The dream is a little hazy, but maybe it was sort of a cherries and chocolate situation. I do remember we made millions from it, though.

Chase Blau: Dessert salsas and filthy videos. Our claims to fame.

Adam Richardsen: We know what the people really want.

Chase Blau: I'm sitting at home trying and failing to paint a watercolor of a zebra, so your afternoon sounds better than mine.

Adam Richardsen: Isn't a watercolor of a zebra just black and white?

Chase Blau: Oh, Adam. You have no idea the type of zebra I'm trying to paint.

Adam Richardsen: A special zebra, huh?

Chase Blau: A gay zebra. A really, really gay one.

A picture followed shortly after, and I saw what Chase meant. It wasn't just your average zebra, it was a rainbow technicolor one, and the outline was very detailed underneath the explosion of vivid color.

I snorted a laugh, shifting on my lounge chair and tapping out another text.

Adam Richardsen: He's beautiful. And honestly, Chase, you're insanely talented. How can you call that painting a failure?

Chase Blau: Zebra just doesn't look gay enough.

I laughed again, smiling at my phone like a fool.

Adam Richardsen: Well, I think it's great. I'd hang it on my wall.

Chase Blau: I'm half kidding. I do like the lil zebra, so far. But I need a break from painting, and now I'm restless. Such is life.

I stared at the text for a minute, then two minutes, then five. An evening breeze rolled through my yard, tossing my hair to one side.

My heart beat a little harder as I contemplated how to reply to his text. But the stupid online social advice still rang out through my head, over and over.

Tell people when you're thinking about them.

I'd spent a lifetime being timid, shy, and fearful. And where had it gotten me? Taking social risks with Chase had been the single best thing I'd ever done for myself, and I thought of an even better piece of advice that spurred me on: What Would Chase Do?

I knew what Chase would do.

He wouldn't hesitate. He'd tell me to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do, and do it proudly. I was able to do it last night, so why couldn't I keep doing it now?

I tapped out another text to him, pushing past the pounding of my heart.

Adam Richardsen: Well, I happen to have all the makings for s'mores and a very comfortable couch, if you want to come over and get rid of your boredom.

It was so far out of my comfort zone. I couldn't remember the last time I'd extended an invitation for someone to casually come over. It was such a simple thing for so many people, but for me, it was huge.

I was sure Chase would say no. But I'd asked.

When my phone buzzed again, something leapt in my throat.

Chase Blau: S'mores… salsa?

I laughed so hard, relieving any tension that had built up.

Adam Richardsen: I hate you. Not s'mores salsa. The old school, real deal.

Chase Blau: Now we're talkin'. I'll come over.

It was as simple as that.

All of the uncertainty that had bubbled up in me after Chase left earlier this afternoon was erased in a moment, just because I'd had the courage to ask him to come over.

The courage to tell him how I was really feeling.

To tell him that I wanted him.

Adam Richardsen: Front door's open for you. Any time.

Chase Blau: I'll admit, I was secretly just wanting to be back there with you since I left earlier, anyway. I'll be over in an hour.

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