15. Chase

Adam ran his hand along my cock through my jeans, looking me in the eye.

"So you were afraid I couldn't touch you without falling in love, huh?" he murmured, teasing me in his own way.

"Shut up," I said.

"I'm not going to fall for you," Adam said, his voice going gravelly as he watched me.

"Why does that sound so hot when you say it?" I protested as he squeezed me again. "You could read a grocery list and I'd find it hot."

"Tomatoes," he said in a low tone. "Three ninety-nine. Sourdough bread, four-fifty. A big, big case of beer, fifteen bucks."

"Confirmed," I said. "Even listening to you make up a grocery list sounds hot."

He leaned in to kiss me again and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, straddling him on the floor.

"I mean it, though," he murmured. "You don't have to worry that I'll get all googly-eyed and expect a relationship just because you're the first guy I've been with. I've wanted to be with a guy for a long time, but I'm capable of controlling myself."

"Glad you are, because I'm starting to think I'm not," I said. I let my fingertips roam across his chest, marveling at the dips and curves of his muscles.

He leaned back onto the towel where we'd filmed his video, this time with me straddling his still-naked body.

It was a huge relief to hear Adam confirm that he knew perfectly well I wasn't looking for a long-term, real relationship. I felt like I'd had an invisible shield wall around me for the entire time I'd known him. With most of my flings, I didn't need the shield, because the guys were uninterested in more. They were emotionally unavailable, because that's the type of guy I went after, these days.

But the way Adam looked at me wasn't like other guys.

He was the first person I'd been with in a long time who even seemed capable of developing feelings. He wasn't just emotionally available, he was openly hungry and waiting for true love.

That spooked me like I was a deer in the woods.

I didn't know what to do when someone actually wanted me. In the past, it had turned me into a razed, too-romantic fool, and I always freaked people out and moved too fast.

Adam hadn't even kissed a guy until me.

But right now, he was being direct with me, and he knew I craved him physically more than anyone on the planet.

"Want to feel your skin on mine," he said against my lips.

How could I deny him?

"Fuck yes," I told him, pulling off my shirt and reaching for the button on my jeans.

He batted my hand away and sat upward, putting his tongue on my chest before I could take any more clothes off.

Holy hell.

This was the Adam Dix I had fallen for in his videos. Playful, unafraid, and taking exactly what he wanted, like he'd been let off a leash.

"Why do you smell so good?" he murmured against my skin. "Long day of work and you still smell like I want to lick every inch of you."

"Maybe that's my superpower," I said, looking down at him as his tongue came out, licking a stripe from my stomach up to my chest.

He undid the top button of my jeans and exposed the top of the waistband of my boxer-briefs. He leaned in to nuzzle his face against my skin, breathing in like he was addicted to my scent. As he turned to one side, I caught a glimpse of the little heart-shaped freckle on the side of his face, and I felt my cock pulse just from that.

When was the last time I had felt this wanted? And why did it make me feel like I had electricity in every vein of my body?

His fingertips made their way to the top of my jeans and he pulled them down along with my underwear in one swift motion.

"You are so hard," he said as my cock bobbed free above him. "Fuck."

"Thinking about backing out now?"

He made doe eyes at me. "Oh Chase, oh baby, I can't take it, I'm falling for you, I just can't help it," he said in a teasing, sing-song voice, and I couldn't help but laugh. "One look at your cock and I am just picturing a house with you, and a white picket fence, and I need everything from you—"

"You are the worst," I said. "And the best. Since when are you so funny?"

My heart squeezed in my chest.

"Since you made me come on camera and finally let me pay you back for it," he said, running his palms along the sides of my torso.

"You're too hot when you make those little pleading eyes."

"My oh, Chase, baby eyes?"

A thrill shot through me. "If that's what you want to call them."

"I just want you so, so badly…"

He was saying it in his playful, jokingly flirty voice, but it was still fucking working on me. God, I liked him. I liked the awkwardness he usually had, and I liked this confidence he apparently had when he was naked with me, too.

His gaze was on my cock, and I started to realize why he liked being watched—it felt really good having him watch me, too.

"I am a fan of the way you look at my dick," I told him.

"I am really, really enjoying looking at it," he murmured.

"You've never been with another guy?" I asked. "How's it going, so far?"

He dragged his tongue along the spot near my collarbone and I melted under his touch.

"Going to go out on a limb and say I love it, Chase," he murmured against my skin. He moved underneath me, standing up and reaching out a hand for me to grab. "Come here."

I took his hand, standing up and marveling at how good he looked naked. "So I get to be the first guy you do anything with. Exciting."

He led me over to the bed. "I always thought that was a liability, not a good thing."

I lifted an eyebrow. "It's hot as fuck, Adam. If I'd known you were a virgin while I was watching your videos, I'd have come even harder watching them."

He let his jaw drop open in mock shock. "I am not a virgin."

"Okay, fine," I said. "What did I call it before? Your gay sex virgin cherry?"

A corner of his mouth came up into a smile. "Yeah."

"So you don't have experience with other guys," I said. "Other than, y'know, coming for me, now."

He cocked his head to one side, his eyes thoughtful. "Maybe that's what we should name our video. My first time coming for another man."

"You would certainly get a lot of clicks," I said.

He gave me a look, calculating something behind his eyes. "Could I…. could we film me giving my first blow job?"

My cock ached.

My instincts still told me to pump the brakes, to tell him it was a bad idea.

But it was just for one of his online videos. It was a hot thing to film, not a lifelong commitment. What was I so afraid of? That if he wrapped his lips around my cock, he'd fall for me hopelessly, and then I'd have to let him down?

Or was I more afraid of something else?

Either way, I knew that I wanted to ignore every fucking thought in my skull right now because the idea of Adam's mouth around me on camera was making me leak precum already.

"You'd be willing to do that?" I asked, my voice slightly hoarse.

His eyes slid downward, looking toward my cock in a way that made me all hot.

"I still wouldn't want to show my face," he said. "But we could film it from some sort of side angle, and keep your face cropped out, too. Hell, you can wear a hat or something, if you don't want your hair in it."

"Adam, I would show my full face on camera as you absolutely destroyed me, don't worry," I assured him. "I'm not worried about that, but I'll definitely keep my identity secret to help protect yours, too."

I went over to the camera and brought it to one of the nightstands on the side of the bed. I framed the shot, zooming in close enough that my face wouldn't even be in frame if I was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Ready?" he asked, and when I looked over at him I saw the hint of a smile on his lips. The look in his eyes was giddy, like he was about to unwrap a present he'd wanted for a long time, instead of just suck my dick.

"You're really adorable," I said softly. "You know that?"

It was a rare moment of affection for me—when I was about to get my dick sucked, I wasn't usually calling guys adorable. At least not these days.

But it had just come out. Adam was tall, strong, and deeply handsome with his dark hair, but he was also, without question, completely adorable.

It did all sorts of strange things to my heart.

"Where should we go for the shot?"

"I'm going to sit on the edge of the bed, and you can face away from the camera," I said. "It can kind of be like that one video you had that showed you from the back. Which I loved, by the way."

"I still can't believe you've seen all of my videos," he said, shaking his head. "I'm going to try not to think about how embarrassing that is."

"It is anything but embarrassing," I said. "You should feel proud. You ready to start rolling?"

"Almost," he said. "Just one more thing I want to do before we start."

He took a step toward me and leaned in, pressing his lips to mine.

Way too sweet to me. He was way, way too sweet.

I sighed against him as his hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer toward the strong, warm bulk of his body. His tongue slid out and I opened my mouth to his, deepening the kiss.

For someone so shy in the rest of his life, he sure as hell wasn't when he kissed—his hands gravitated lower until one of his palms landed on my cock, squeezing it gently.

I moaned into his mouth, letting my teeth sink into his lower lip. He only squeezed my cock harder, and I wanted to cover his body with mine.

"If we don't start recording soon," I murmured, "I'm going to come before we ever film anything."

"Go ahead," he told me, looking down at me like he wanted to devour me.

I pushed the button on the camera and started recording. He kept one of his hands on my thigh as I stepped over toward the bed and sat down on the edge of it.

Adam made his way between my legs, kneeling in front of me. My cock throbbed just at the sight of him there, pushing my legs open so that he could get a better angle.

"Promise you'll tell me if I'm doing anything wrong?" he asked in a low, velvety voice. The camera couldn't see his eyes, but I had a full view of them, beautiful and green and looking at me like he couldn't wait to suck me off. My own super hot little secret.

"I don't think that'll be an issue," I said, my breath hitching as he moved his palms up my thighs and then leaned down to press little kisses along them, too. He licked a slow stripe from the inside of my thigh all the way to the base of my cock and I let out a low moan.

I had wondered if the camera being there would take me out of the moment.

But instead, it spurred me on.

It turned out it still felt just as thrilling to be on this side of the camera. Adam's first time was with me, and it would be forever immortalized. Having the camera on us made me feel devious and bad in a good way, like someone was watching. But right here in the room, there was no one but us.

I liked that combination a little too much.

I shivered as Adam looked up at me, letting his tongue slide in one smooth motion from the base of my cock all the way to the tip. He lapped his tongue along the tip and I reached out, lacing my fingers through his hair.

"Excellent job, so far," I said, my voice breathy already.

"I want to give you more."

"I'm all yours," I told him. Right now, it was undeniably true.

I watched as he pushed the tip of my dick into his plush lips, the tip disappearing into his mouth.

And I promptly forgot absolutely everything other than the feeling of his mouth on me.

He hummed and let his tongue slide out around the ridge.

So fucking good it was unfair. I would have liked to be able to give Adam some first-timer advice, but the way he was moving his tongue along me was everything I needed.

"Take more," I whispered, looking him dead in the eye.

He seemed to like the challenge. All at once he slid down the rest of my shaft, taking me as deep as he could.

Oh, this was bad. So very bad.

I could already tell that I was going to want this every day now that I'd gotten even one minute of it.

Too. Intense.

He hummed again around my dick and I struggled not to sink back too far onto the bed, knowing that my face would show in the video if I were to lie down.

He pulled off, wiping at his lips with the back of his hand. "How's that?"

"Like you were made to suck cock," I said.

I knew it would be hot for the video, but it was also the honest-to-God truth. Adam's confidence with filming videos and kissing translated directly into his blow job skills, because even as he moved slowly, teasing at me, he seemed to love every second of it.

And that love of being there meant everything.

This wasn't some sloppy hookup with a stranger from a bar. This wasn't just another blowjob, given quickly and without much thought.

Being with someone who clearly wanted it—really fucking badly—was the Holy Grail. I had forgotten how good it could be.

Adam teased me for a while, exploring my cock in every way he wanted. He teased at the ridge of the tip and also ran his tongue in sweeping patterns along my shaft as I slowly melted into pure sensation.

I pulled in a long, shuddering breath as he took me deep into his throat as he could, his eyes watering slightly as he glanced up at me.

"Fuck, you are perfect," I said, softly enough that it probably wasn't even picked up in the video.

It was more than a little alarming how much I was enjoying myself. I cared about everyone I hooked up with, in a friendly and respectful way. But I never let myself feel anything serious for them. I didn't care deeply, in the way that I'd tried to eliminate from my brain.

It was harder for me to do that with Adam.

I cared about him a lot, already. And it was a particularly dangerous thing to feel while he was taking my cock in his mouth like a fucking champion, knowing that it was the first time he'd ever done it.

He quickened his pace and I knew I wasn't going to be able to last much longer, anyway.

"You're gonna make me come if you keep doing that," I said.

He moaned deeply around me and pulled off for a moment. "Please. I want to taste you."

Of course. Of course he would say exactly what I wanted to hear.

I breathed deeply as he sank back down on me, sucking me until I was reduced to pure sensation again. Adam's face looked flushed, his cheeks hollowing out every time he sank low. His hair was fucked up in my favorite kind of way, and as his arms steadied my thighs, his biceps popped out like he was some sort of picture-perfect version of Chase's fantasies, come to life.

He started bobbing up and down faster and I bucked my hips involuntarily. "I'm going to come," I said. "Fuck, Adam, you're going to make me come."

He didn't hesitate. His fingers dug into my skin as he took me as deep as he could. He wanted me to come in his mouth, and I sure as hell wasn't going to stop now.

It was my turn to come for him. I cursed under my breath and the wave crashed over me hard and fast and I came, over and over, in his mouth.

"So good," I uttered. "So fucking good."

He moaned around me, pulling up and sucking me clean as he moved off of my cock. "Wow," he said, his voice gravelly.

"You," I said, breathing deeply, "are good at that. No pointers from me. Maybe one pointer: do more of that."

"I just did what I thought would feel good."

"Good instinct."

I looked down at him like he was some sort of impossible angel, his dark hair forming a swoop around his head.

"Hey," he said softly, smiling at me.

It made me smile too, like it was contagious. The spark of affection appeared in my chest again, which scared me as much as it felt good.

"Fuck," I muttered, nodding over toward the camera.

I had completely forgotten about it a few minutes ago. I got up and hit the button, turning it off.

"Video is probably pretty hot, even if they won't be able to see the details," Adam offered. "The followers are going to love it."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Right. The followers. I'm sure it'll be good, no matter what."

"I loved doing that, Chase," he told me, and when I met his eyes again he looked genuinely grateful. "I've wanted to blow a guy for years, and now I've fulfilled that."

"So it could have been just any guy?" I said. I was attempting a joke but it came out sounding a little more pleading than I'd wanted it to.

"Well, certainly not any guy," he said. "I had fun because it was you."

I had more fun than I've had with any hookup in a very long time, I thought silently, and it's kind of freaking me out.

"It was good," I told him.

He nodded and looked down, thinking for a moment. "Okay," he finally said. "Um, would you like to go get some dinner with me? Or maybe order in some takeout?"

Something rattled, deep in my chest. I swore I could physically feel the shields coming up inside me.

It wasn't that I had any issue hanging out with Adam—exactly the opposite.

It was that having one of the best hookups in years followed by grabbing dinner together veered a little close to boyfriend territory in my mind.

I knew it didn't mean that. I knew that I could hang out with him as much as I wanted and it wouldn't necessarily mean any attachments were forming.

But I saw the way he looked in my eyes.

And really, I felt what happened to me, deep down, when I looked into his.

"I'm going to take off, actually," I told Adam, averting his gaze so that I didn't have to see if he was disappointed. "I'll send you the video footage the second I have it edited, though."

"Right. Okay," Adam said.

I was dressed and out the door within another five minutes. The moment I got into my car, my chest tightened.

Was I really this closed off? I felt like a crazed bird in a cage. Right now, I could have been inside with Adam, comfy and ordering takeout, watching a movie and having a fun night.

He was so open. So receptive.

So fucking unafraid, with me, in a way I couldn't have predicted. Something stirred inside me, a confused longing that I had no idea where to place. My heart slammed in my chest as I sat motionless in my car for a moment, idly watching a bird flutter from branch to branch on one of Adam's front yard pine trees. The moment bloomed outward, like a bubble that wouldn't break.

I could have gone back inside his house.

Instead I stuck the key in the ignition and headed off down the road, trying to ignore the feeling that I'd left something special behind.