Chapter Eleven

1. Chapter begins with: Laurie Toby

Alexis:Uhhh, I'm embarrassed at myself for being so into this pretentious arty shit. But I feel slightly smug about the fact that the gaps (both in terms of chronology and perspective) between the POV sections decrease as Laurie and Toby get closer to a properly balanced and mutually fulfilling relationship. Here, despite being in conflict, they are literally on the same page which anticipates the completeness of their forthcoming reconciliation.

2. Paragraph begins with: In case he came to his senses sooner rather than later…

Alexis:This is a Dorothy Parker quote. Because of course Toby would have a Dorothy Parker quote for his voice mail.

3. Paragraph begins with: He sits up and he's looking at me, so I kind of have to look at him back.

Alexis: Coming back to Spires after so long has involved a touch of papering over the cracks here and there. You know, fixing continuity errors and the like. Occasionally, though, I see something like Marius's pointy shoes and am genuinely a bit stunned at how well I knew these books, and these characters then, and—honestly—still know them now.

As for Marius's pointy shoes, they made a triumphant return in 2024's Chasing the Light.

4. Paragraph begins with: "Well, neither do you, so stop judging."

Alexis:I'm sure Coal is not most people's image of an ideal parent, but she's got a point. I didn't actually want to make her a bad mother (because, ouch, what a terrible cliché to say nothing of a can of worms gender-wise), but I did want to make her a complicated person. Toby would certainly not be who he is without her; I think when he feels less insecure in general, he'll come to appreciate that.

5. Paragraph begins with: "Then he should stop."

Alexis:The "Person from Porlock" was supposedly, well, a person from Porlock who interrupted Samuel Taylor Coleridge when (in the grip of opium) he was writing ‘Kubla Khan.'

Apparently the Person from Porlock detained Coleridge on trivial business for over an hour, which meant that by the time he picked up his pen again, his original vision for the poem had faded from his mind. Hence its flawed and fragmentary state.

Orrr… Coleridge was off his head, couldn't work out how to finish his poem, and invented an unwelcome visitor by way of an excuse. Basically a Person From Porlock ate his homework.

Since Toby is such a lover of poetry, it feels apposite to mention Stevie Smith's ‘Thoughts about the Person from Porlock'—where she uses the possibility of the Person from Porlock being imaginary to explore ideas of inspiration, isolation, and depression. A Google search of the name will bring this up, and it's a wonderful poem (not least because, unlike ‘Kubla Khan,' it's actually complete). There's also UA Fanthorpe's ‘The Person's Tale' which sadly the internet cannot produce for me. From memory, I seem to recall it's about an irate man from Porlock who had to visit Coleridge on business and found him smelly, stoned, and incoherently burbling about a pleasure dome. #JusticeForPersonFromPorlock

6. Paragraph begins with: She pushes the hair out of my eyes.

Alexis:I was trying to tread carefully with Marwa here. I didn't want to make her some kind of magical, healing hospice nurse. But equally I wanted to show that she genuinely knew Toby and cared about him and wished him well. Essentially I think she has a necessary briskness to her—she deals with death and grief every day, after all—but a lot of compassion too. Which includes moving people on when they need to be moved on. Which Toby absolutely does.

7. Paragraph begins with: Because love is strong.

Alexis:While Toby is not particularly religious, I think there are aspects of religious writing that stick with you and can be extraordinarily comforting at the right time. This is, of course, an echo of the Song of Solomon 8:6 (ESV).

Set me as a seal upon thine heart,

as a seal upon thine arm,

for love is strong as death

Of course—kind of rarely for the Bible—the Song of Solomon is talking mostly about romantic love here. But I think these ideas about love (that it is powerful, that it faces obstacles, that death and love are inextricably connected) are pretty damn universal.

8. Paragraph begins with: Laurie rolls off my bed and stands carefully.

Alexis:Having spoken such a lot in these annotations about the emotional nadir, I tend to try and unite characters pretty quickly—in this case, within twenty-four hours.

Of course, I do sometimes leave characters apart for significantly longer. Sometimes it feels necessary, or circumstances demand it. But on a personal level I'm becoming increasingly resistant to "I must go away to do xyz, or prove myself abc, before we can be together" because I'm so drawn to the idea that being in love is being part of a team. And while you shouldn't drag your teammates through all your bullshit all the time, sometimes it's easier to get through bullshit when you're not alone, and I think it's okay to acknowledge that. Yes, it's important to be strong. But sometimes we're weak too. And sometimes, through no fault of our own, there really is a lot of bullshit.