Chapter 16

When I wakeup Friday morning, the air is crisp and cool. Finally, fall is making an appearance. I can’t help but grin as I cross to the dresser, pulling free my last clean jeans and a soft cotton shirt. Goosebumps rise on my forearms, I shove my arms through the long soft sleeves of my blue Cougars football hoodie before I shove a black fleece blanket into the corner of my game day bag. I know that it will warm up during the day when the sun’s out, but I’ve learned the last two years that when the sun goes down after the game that metal bus covered in thin glass windows makes for a cold ride home.

I jog across the lawn when Cam pulls up in Glory, hoping to steal a minute alone with him before Beth catches up to ride with us to school. Quickly hopping into the cab and pulling the door shut behind me, I turn and pause as I catch his slow perusal of my outfit. Even as a blush warms my neck and cheeks, I feel a grin spread across my face.

“You’re wearing your glasses!”

“I am,” he draws his eyes back to mine. “And you’re wearing the hell out of that jacket.”

“Yeah?” I grin even wider, flexing my arms uselessly beneath the thick fabric. “You like this? Team issue.”

“Knew I’d seen it before,” he mutters with a grin, his right hand reaching to trace along my left bicep. “I love you in blue.”

My heart stutters for a moment, dissecting his praise as I sink into his eyes, then nearly stops when the door opens behind me. I jump, nearly bumping my head against the cab’s felt liner, before I settle closer to Cam and glare at my sister.

“Jesus!” I rub the top of my head.

“Move,” she rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to crawl over you to get in the middle.”

“Just take the passenger seat,” I shrug, maybe too casually. “It’s easier.”

“What?” Beth looks at the floorboard, confusion written across her face. “That makes no sense, my legs are way shorter than yours.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just keep them to the side like this. Come on, we’re gonna be late.”

“You always make me ride in the middle,” she furrows her brow, suspicion seeping into her tone.

“Yeah, well, you’re usually faster! Let’s go, get in the car already!”

“Ugh!” She throws her backpack at me before pulling herself into the truck and slamming the door. “You are such a spaz!”

Cam chuckles silently to my left, shaking me where I press closely against him as I reach for my buckle and hope my expression isn’t giving too much away as I push the bag back onto Beth’s lap and settle my legs in the passenger floorboard to give him room to shift as he pulls out of the driveway.

“It’s gameday,” he shrugs and accelerates. “And we finally have some decent weather. I guess we’re all a little more energized.”

“Whatever,” she rolls her eyes, pulling out her phone to text one of her little freshman friends. “You guys are weird.”

I settle into my seat, too busy enjoying the way my boyfriend’s pinky is hanging from the gearshift to trace little circles on my knee to care very much what my little sister has to say this morning. The moment Cam has set the parking brake at the school Beth slips out the door, throwing a quick thanks over her shoulder, and hurries off towards the gym door. There’s no pep rally since this week’s game is out of town, but the cheerleaders still have morning practice first period.

Throwing a quick glance around the parking lot, I see that no one is in the cars immediately surrounding us. Taking advantage of the brief privacy, I lean to the left and press a kiss to my boyfriend’s cheek. His blue eyes sparkle, and I feel my cheeks warm as we grin at each other.

“Good morning,” he murmurs.

“Morning… Just wanted to do that, before we go inside. And tell you, I think you look really good today.”

“Thank you.” His tone is serious, showing his real appreciation for this moment before I slide across the cab and we get out of the truck and sling our bags over our shoulders to leave in the locker room and head to our first classes.

Everyone at school seems to be reacting to the cold front too. Tall leather boots and low swooping scarves fill the hallway as I make my way to first period, and a few brave souls have jumped in with long sleeve henleys and vests. I’m not willing to commit quite that much yet, as much as I love fall. We all know that it could be ninety by lunch period, even if it will cool down again later in the day, but the first real dip in temperatures is just so tempting after such an unforgiving summer.

Each class we have together today, I find myself nearly unable to keep my eyes off of Camden in those damn glasses… and I’m not the only one. I don’t think he’s ever worn them to school before, and all day I’ve heard whispers and giggles of girls talking among themselves.

“Oh my God, look at Camden… Like, he’s always hot, but don’t his eyes look super blue today?”

“Yeah,” Susan Barnes giggles, twirling her hair and making what she must think are bedroom eyes at my man. My man? Seriously Elliot? What, are we in Days of Our Lives? “I didn’t even know he wears contacts!”

“He used to wear glasses, when we were in elementary school,” Carly Jones whispers helpfully. “But he didn’t look like that back then…”

They dissolve into laughter until the teacher tells them to quiet down, and I find that a heavy dark feeling is hovering somewhere around my chest. That feeling follows me, only easing when I catch Cam watching me out of the corner of his eye during Spanish, until eighth period when I sit in my usual seat towards the back of the class. Two girls that I recognize from the cheer squad sit behind me, and they’ve been whispering quietly all week. Today, however, they’re less quiet as they work together on our chapter notes assignment.

“Holt’s looking finer than usual today,” Leigh Brighton says. My jaw clenches. Can’t they talk about anything else? “He can pull off glasses.”

“I haven’t seen him,” Casey’s friend Mary laughs. “But it seems like everyone’s talking about it today. Don’t they have anything bigger to worry about?” I always knew I liked you, Mary.

“Honestly, it’s like they’ve even forgotten we have a game tonight. I think it’s because I’ve never even seen him with a girlfriend… Have you?”

“No,” Mary replied thoughtfully. “I guess not. Do you think he’s dating someone at another school, or something? Casey’s never talked about a double date with him, or anything…”

“Okay so,” I feel Leigh’s eyes on my back, but when she sees I’m not looking she continues in a hushed tone. “At lunch, Casey said she doesn’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend.”

“I’d volunteer,” Mary giggles, and I feel my eyes narrow as I push a little harder on my pencil than necessary. Maybe I don’t like Mary after all.

“Girl, you’d have to get in line,” Leigh laughs, and a strange bit of pride seeps past the jealousy burning in my chest. “But Casey said he’s been kind of weird this week, evasive, and smiling at his phone a lot. She thinks he might be dating someone, but he won’t tell her anything.”

“Wow… They’d have to be someone special, considering he’s never even looked twice at any of us. It’s not like Stella just coincidentally needs to bend over every time he walks by…”

The two laugh and turn back to the assignment, but I can’t help but linger on the conversation as a small smile rises to my face. It sticks around through the rest of class and when the bell rings and I slip into the sea of escaping students outside and to the athletic building it’s only grown. As I pass into the locker room I jump slightly, smacking my palm against the metal door frame with a satisfying ting to the amusement of my teammates.

“Graves is in a good mood,” Jenson grins from the corner. “What’s with that?”

“Game day, baby!” I grin back, rolling my shoulders as I cross to my locker where Cam is sitting, a half smile on his face.

“Save that energy for the field,” he chimes in, pulling up his shirt in a way that is honestly not fair.

I stare pointedly ahead at my locker, willing my face to stay still as I shrug. The noise level rises around me as our teammates all filter in, and I get changed before turning to lean back against the lockers and cross my arms over my chest.

“Say, Jenson,” I feel Cam’s eyes on me. “I heard some of the girls in class talking today, and it got me thinking. Who do you think’s the hottest cheerleader on the squad?”

“Oh, man,” Jenson makes a dramatic face. “You can’t ask me to choose just one! Stacey’s hot, but Virgin Mary’s mouth…” He shakes his head with a grin as Mike Fritz jostles him from the side. “I don’t know, man.”

“Gotta be Casey for me,” Colton Harrel throws over his shoulder, then blushes and eyes me nervously. “No offense man…”

“None taken,” I shrug and smile at him. “She’s gorgeous.” I raise an eyebrow at Cam. “What about you, Holt? I hear Stella’s kind of got a thing for you.”

Hoots and laughs rise around us, but Cam just shrugs with a sly smile.

“Not my type.” He stands and stretches.

“What, blonde and leggy?” Samson guffaws from the corner.

“Yeah,” he shrugs again. “She’s a beautiful girl, but not for me.”

“What’s your type, then?” Jenson raises an eyebrow. “I never see you out with anyone, come to think of it. I can’t even picture it.”

“I guess, if I had to pick someone,” his voice is far too casual as he picks up his bag. “I’d say that Graves is more my type than Stella Mikes.”

My stomach drops, and heat burns in my cheeks. I cannot believe he just said that, what the- the hollers grow louder around us and Jenson lunges over, wrapping an arm around Cam’s neck with a laugh.

“Beth?! Dude, you can’t say that about his sister!” He laughs even harder.

“Lucky he’s your best friend,” Leigh’s twin brother Matt shakes his head across the aisle. “I’d kick your ass!”

“Come on,” Samson raps his knuckles against the lockers, an inexplicably serious look on his face. “If we’re finished curling our hair and talking about our crushes, we’ve got a game to get ready for, boys.”

I shake my head, grabbing my bag and heading for the practice field where the booster club has gotten dinner catered for us, and leaving the noise behind me as the conversation continues. Cam catches up and we both grab a box and a drink, smiling gratefully and finding a place to sit and eat before we have to get onto the bus.

“You’re an ass,” I mutter before I dive in.

“What?” Cam laughs. “You started it.”

“What if they knew you meant me?” I know the anxiety is tinging my voice, sounding like anger to someone who didn’t know me as well, but Cam hears it.

“Hey,” he extends his knee for just a moment, pressing it firmly to mine before retreating back to his own space. “I’m sorry.” He turns to face me, giving me his full attention. “I would never say something on purpose to make you scared. I didn’t think about that.”

“It’s fine,” I say to my box, tearing my roll into pieces.

“But, El… What got you thinking about that, anyway?”

“I don’t know, I sit by Leigh and Mary in class and they, along with every other girl in school, were talking about how good you looked in your glasses today… I think it made me a little crazy.” Cam just laughs, and I smile at his hands for a second before continuing. “It’s stupid, I guess, but they were saying how I guess they like, try to show off during cheer to see if you notice them, and I guess I kind of just… Wondered, if it ever worked. You know, like, if you ever think any of them are hot.” I shrug.

“El,” his voice still rings with humor, but he nudges my shoulder until I look him in the eye. “What the heck? I told you that I’m gay.”

“I know,” I blush more, wincing. “I must sound insane.”

“A little,” he shrugs, ignoring my glare. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just… hated them talking about you like that. Right in front of me, wishing you were theirs…”

“Well, it’s not like they know I’m yours,” he shrugs, oblivious to the warmth that statement sends through me. “Since we’re keeping it kind of quiet, you know?”

“Yeah,” I bite at my lip. “Yeah, that’s true. Sorry, I know I’m being silly.”

“It doesn’t make you silly to feel jealous,” he grins and bumps my knee with his own. “But if you don’t want people to know we’re together yet, you’ve gotta tone down the crazy just a bit okay?”

He laughs loudly, ducking to the side to avoid being hit by the piece of roll I throw at him, and we both settle back against the building to finish eating dinner. After we’ve finished eating and thrown away our garbage, we join some of our teammates in the endzone of the practice field to stretch a little and get limber until the buses pull up with the squealing hiss of the air brakes. The rest of the team finishes up their meals and gathers their bags and we file our way onto the first bus, leaving the second bus for the cheerleaders and trainers.

Cam and I take our usual seat, tuck our bags under the bench, and lean back as we wait for the bus to be loaded and cleared to take off. It’s a bit of a long drive tonight, a little over an hour. It’s not the farthest we’ll drive this season, that honor is held for a Saturday game just before homecoming, but it’s still a long trip on the packed bus.

The energy on the bus is high, everyone joking and laughing and keeping each other ramped up as we drive. We’ve done so well this season that it feels like we’re invincible, like we’re the conquering champions ready to take down the enemy on their own turf.

As we pull into a parking lot surrounded by chain link behind a dated stadium, I turn my head to face Cam. I lift my hand in a fist, tilting my head towards him and waggling my eyebrows. He laughs, understanding my poorly coded message that I want to kiss him right now, and raises his hand to tap his knuckles against mine.

My good mood is untouchable as we grab our bags and trot down the stairs to the blacktop, taking high knee steps away from the doorway to start our stretch. Brock, the college intern trainer, leads the way down the side of cinder block buildings past an echoing weight room to the visitor’s locker room.

The guys laugh and mess around as we change, most of us taking the opportunity to hold a leg into the air or lean against the wooden benches mounted under the half lockers to stretch a little more. Long bus rides can be killer, and having limited motion is just not an option when the game gets heated. When everyone’s ready Samson leads us out the far door, following a tunnel that leads us to the edge of the field where we head to start warming up as a team before the game.

From the corner of my eye I see the cheerleaders filing onto the sidelines, setting up their props and stretching as the crowd begins to filter into the stands. As if she can feel me watching, Casey turns over her right shoulder to face us. Lifting one half of my mouth into an awkward smile, I raise a hand in greeting… And she promptly spins back around, dismissing me cooly. Beth shrugs apologetically, then leans into talk to Casey as my teammates hoot and laugh and shove me on the field.

“Alright,” Samson raises his voice slightly to be heard over the guys. “Everyone shut up, and focus on the game.” He takes a moment to be sure they’re listening, then turns to speak to me privately. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I smile, shrugging. “They’re fine, I know they’re messing around. I’m okay about the breakup, I just…” I look over my shoulder where Casey and Beth are practicing some kind of arm routine. “I want my friend back.”

“Give it time,” he shrugs. “It’ll all work out. But, for tonight,” he slaps my shoulder pads, hard enough I stumble a step before catching myself. “It’s game day, baby!” His loud statement brings on a cheer from our surrounding teammates, and I’m grinning as I get started on a real warmup.

We’re on top of our game tonight. Focused, driven, speeding missiles of black and blue as we do our best to take the win… But some nights, it just isn’t in the cards. It’s a hard fought victory for the home team, and we’re all breathing heavily as we shake hands with sweat-drenched gloves. The locker room is quieter than normal as we quickly shower and change, ready to get on the bus and head home.

Crickets chirp as I carefully make my way down the path from the cinder block locker room to the buses, watching my footing in the dark. My hands are shoved firmly into the pocket of my hoodie, and I let loose a long breath before taking the steps onto the school bus. In the dimly lit interior I slide onto our regular seat, watching my tired teammates lumber past me before Cam finally joins me there. He leans his head against mine for just a moment, sighing heavily as he settles back into the gray bench and Coach stands in the aisle at the front of the bus.

“Well, boys,” he taps the clipboard against his leg. “Sometimes it’s just not our day. You played hard, and I’m proud of you. Now, let’s get home and get ready for next week’s win, huh?”

There are mixed responses throughout the bus, some of us disappointed and others just tired. Coach steps off the bus, the lights go out, and after the final approvals have been given the two buses pull away from the lights of the parking lot and towards the road leading back to the interstate.

The soft glow of phones can be seen all throughout the bus, and as Cam pulls his own out I glance down and smile. On the screen is a photo of the two of us… Nothing too special, just the two of us laughing at the fair… Beth must have taken it. Or maybe Casey. My smile falls just a bit around the edges, but I pull out my phone and lean in closer to my boyfriend.

“Hey,” I whisper, holding the phone halfway up the seat. “Say cheese,”

He glances at my phone and smiles, his eyes melting sleepily as he inclines his head towards mine. I snap several photos as we drive under the streetlights, hoping the camera catches one where you can see us, and almost drop my phone when Cam swoops in for a quick kiss on the cheek. I keep snapping, blushing, and sink a little lower down in the seat as I turn to Cam.

“You played a good game tonight,” I keep my voice quiet, both for privacy and out of consideration for teammates who might be looking to take a nap.

“Not good enough,” he sighs softly, unlocking his phone again and swiping until he opens the music app. “We still lost.”

“Someone has to,” I shrug. “You guys take it a lot harder than we did on JV. Sometimes, it’s just your time to lose.”

“Yeah, well,” I watch him reaching into his bag, pulling out his earbuds before shoving it back under the seat. “It just sucks, I guess. I always worry, like, what if this game is what makes the difference when it comes to playoffs?”

“It could be,” I shrug. “But all we can do is try every week.” Cam grunts noncommittally, offering me an earbud which I take but don’t plug in yet. “I’m still very proud of you… proud that you’re my boyfriend.”

He stiffens slightly next to me. I lean down, unzipping the corner of my bag open to tug free the blanket I packed for tonight. I drape it over our laps, smiling at Cam as I reach for his hand. Brushing my thumb over his under the blankets, I reach across to put the earbud in my ear with the other hand. Cam grins, lighting up as he glances from me to his hand. Still laying low, I let my head rest against his shoulder. Cam pushes a button and music flows through the earbuds as he leans his head on top of mine, and I close my eyes. Under the blanket, his thumb traces slow pathways along mine.

We sit there, wrapped up in each other. On the bus, but in our private and safe bubble, I hold my boyfriend’s hand. In public. Almost. A smile rests on my face, and I feel more at peace than I have in a long time as I slip into a sleep that lasts until the lights overhead blink on in the school parking lot.