Chapter 15

Turnsout having Camden as my boyfriend isn’t really all that different from having Camden as my best friend. Every morning his pickup truck pulls up and I get inside, sometimes one of us makes breakfast and other times we stop for food on our way to school. We sit next to each other at lunch, pair up together in classes, and ride home together.

The biggest difference seems to be that sometimes, when we’re alone, I find our hands reaching for each other. When they meet, it’s like I have extra nerves made only to feel Camden. It never feels sweaty, like it sometimes did with Casey, or like I’m ready for him to let go… Or maybe it does still feel sweaty, when we’re hot from practice, but I just don’t care? Either way, it’s the highlight of my day when Cam folds my hand in his and strums his thumb across my wrist like the strings of his guitar.

It’s Wednesday afternoon. As I walk down the crowded tile hallway after the last class of the day, my phone chimes with an alert from the coaches; tonight’s practice has been canceled due to a meeting both coaches have to be at. I’ve just finished reading the memo when Cam’s face fills my screen, and Sixpence None the Richer flows from my speaker. Kiss me- I quickly pull it to my ear, glancing nervously to the side at the people next to me, but no one seems to have noticed.

“Hey you,” I murmur.

“So, my afternoon just freed up,” Cam’s voice is a little gravelly, like maybe he was remembering what he’d set my ringtone to. “And I was wondering if you had any plans?”

“Nope,” I grin, slipping my free hand into my pocket as I walk. “I’m free.”

“Well, that’s convenient.”

I shake my head, smiling at his antics.

“I’ll meet you at the truck?”

“Okay, sure. I’ll see you in a minute.”

“Okay.”

Phone to my ear, I listen for the disconnect but it doesn’t come. Instead I hear the rumble of students talking in the hall behind him, mirroring the sounds around me as we make our way to the back of the school. After a minute I adjust my bag on my shoulder and clear my throat.

“You didn’t hang up.” I say accusingly.

“I did not,” he agrees easily.

“Well,” I laugh. “Why didn’t you hang up?”

“Maybe I like hearing you talk,” he says, almost sounding vulnerable.

“I like hearing you talk,” I grin wider. “But you know I’m going to see you in like thirty seconds?”

“True,” his voice is suddenly louder as I pass the last open hallway, and before I can really look around I finally hear the beep sound in my ear and Cam steps in next to me as we approach the glass doors in front of the gym. “But why wait thirty seconds?”

“Hey,” I grin, bumping the backs of our hands together as we separate from the crowd and head towards Glory.

“Hi.” Cam slips his phone into his pocket. “How was math?”

I groan, watching his grin spread from the corner of my eye, the twerp.

“Awful,” I moan. “It was torture, as always. Of all the classes to have every day, it’s math… talk about bad luck.”

“My poor baby,”

His tone is light, but the words still bring a blush to my cheeks and a warmth to my chest. Not you poor baby, but his poor baby… I try to fight my smile, but one side still tilts up without my permission. It only grows more when we reach the truck and Cam picks up his pace to make it to my side first and open the door for me. I glance around, checking to be sure no one is staring at us, before I hop into the cab and flash him a smile. He winks and smiles back, but it almost seems like there’s a disappointed edge to it… But it’s gone when he hops into the seat next to me and starts Glory up.

“So,” I clap my hands on the tops of my thighs as we pull out of the parking spot. “What’re we gonna do with all this free time?”

“Well,” Cam’s eyes glance to the side before focusing on the traffic in front of us as we all try to flee the school parking lot. “Could I take you on a date, we could get an ice cream? Maybe check out the antique store, see if they’ve gotten any more vinyl in?”

“Oh,” I bite my lip, hands fidgeting uncomfortably with the loose material of my sweatpants. “Well, uh… I don’t know, aren’t you a little peopled-out from class?”

The cab is quiet for a minute.

“No,” Cam answers finally. “But, if you don’t want people to see us out together…” He let the word fade out, waiting for me to interrupt, but when I don’t he stiffens his arms and clears his throat. “Then, I can come up with something.”

“Okay,” the silence falls between us again, thick and uncomfortable. Why am I like this? “I’m sorry,” I almost whisper.

Why am I like this? Am I even capable of dating someone without hurting them? Without making my friends hate me? God, Casey hates me and Cam is going to hate me too because I’m not ready for people to see us, and-

“Hey,” Cam reaches his right hand to squeeze my knee, temporarily disabling all thoughts. “Stop spiraling.” He smiles easily. “It’s okay, really. No need to say sorry.”

I respond with a jerky nod, letting out a long slow breath as I try to clear my racing thoughts. Instead I think of my boyfriend’s hand resting on my knee, his thumb slowly drifting up and down the outer curve until he has to reach up to shift up a gear, only to return it as if he knows it’s the only thing grounding me. My own hand reaches out, slowly, to rest on top of his. My eyes flick out the window as we turn onto Main Street. Realistically, I know no one is staring into the cab of the truck to see us holding hands… But I’d be lying if I said there isn’t still an itch on the back of my neck, keeping me from relaxing into the seat.

When we near the ice cream shop Cam does turn into the lot, but instead of us going inside he pulls up to the drive through speaker. It crackles to life, and without asking me what I want he orders a double scoop of chocolate chip in a cup for me before ordering himself peppermint. A warm feeling starts in my chest, slowly seeping through my veins until I’m sure I must be radiating excess heat as I watch his tan muscular arms easily steer us around the corner of the building to the sliding window. As if he can feel the change, Cam turns slightly to glance at me and smirks.

“You okay over there?”

“You didn’t ask what kind I wanted.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugs a little. “You always get chocolate chip, it’s your favorite.”

“It is,” I agree, my smile growing slightly. “And you got it in a cup, even though you like cones better.”

“I know, but if I get it in a cone you always feel like you have to finish it fast, and then you don’t enjoy it as much, so,” he’s blushing as the window opens, and he quickly exchanges a handful of cash for two tall cups, passing them for me to set them in the cupholder before nodding at the cashier and starting forward. “Is that weird?”

“No, I… Like it. That you know that about me.”

“Yeah?” His blush spreads even as his smile grows.

“Yep.” Now I’m blushing, grinning out the passenger window. “It makes me feel, I don’t know… Important.”

“You’re very important,” he murmurs, focusing on the road as he takes the familiar route back to our neighborhood. We sit in comfortable silence, until he pulls to a stop in his driveway. I reach to undo my seatbelt, but Cam reaches a hand towards me. “Stay put,” he orders. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, uh, okay?” I raise an eyebrow in question.

“I told you,” Cam grins. “I’m taking you on a date.”

I cross my arms in front of me and lean back against the bench seat, grinning in return as I watch him hurry to open the door and slip inside the house. Whatever he’s doing in there, it’s taking a little while… My neck cranes towards the window, trying to sneak a peek through the curtains in the kitchen to the movement I could see beyond, but I can’t see more than the shadow of my giant of a boyfriend as he passes through.

When he finally appears in the doorway, I can’t help but laugh. A canvas bag is tucked behind his shoulder, and in both arms he juggles a teetering pile of blankets and pillows. There’s one tucked between his teeth, trying in vain to keep the rest of the bundle contained, and his eyes gesture animatedly to the car door as he gets closer. I laugh even harder, leaning across the bench seat to open the driver door and swing it wide, and letting out an exaggerated ‘oomph’ as Cam tosses the pillows in my face before climbing in after them. Settling back into my seat, I pull a pillow into my lap and hug it to my chest.

“What on Earth is this?” I demand playfully, my eyes following the path of Cam’s hands as he draws the seatbelt across his chest and shifts Glory to back out of his driveway.

“Supplies for our date,” he pseudo-explains. “You’ll see soon.”

“I don’t like surprises,” I try.

“Yes you do.”

Yep, I do.I grin, hugging the pillow a little tighter. Cam glances over at me, his eyes sparkling when he sees my smile, and turns on the radio. His hand taps against the gear shift, almost on beat but maybe just a bit too quickly, and I roll my bottom lip over my teeth. He’s nervous… About our date. Oh, this is our first date… Now I’m a little nervous… I scoot a little to the left, bunching the blankets slightly more between us, then slowly reach my hand up to rest against the back of his shoulder. I’ve seen my mom and dad do this a million times, but they didn’t seem to look quite as… awkward as I feel right now.

He immediately tenses under my hand, and I regret every decision that has brought me to this moment. Shit, Elliot, why do you take a nice moment and make it weird… I shift to retract my hand, an apology on my lips, when he relaxes and leans into it. Oh, okay… Maybe this is… Fine? After only a few seconds, sitting there with my hand on his shoulder feels… weird. There is no way this is right… Slowly, hesitantly, I slide my hand up and across, tracing the trail from his shoulder to his neck.

Cam hums, arching his neck to extend my path, and I grin as I follow the unspoken request. My fingers dig in slightly, massaging into the firm muscle of his shoulder as we turn off of Main.

“Where are we going?” I whisper.

“You’ll see soon,” he whispers back.

My smile grows somehow wider, and I wiggle myself back into my seat. My hand stays, fingertips idly reaching for the longest hairs drifting down to the back of his neck and twirling them. I trust him, it doesn’t really matter where we’re going… I know we’ll have a good time, because we always do. Whether we’re studying for a test or playing football or listening to music in his bedroom, as long as we’re together it’s a great time. How did I ever think I was heterosexual? A laugh bubbles in the back of my throat, and Cam turns slightly towards me, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay,” he says, rolling his eyes playfully. “Hey, go ahead and unbuckle would you? We’re about there.”

Glory slows as he speaks, and the clicking of the turn signal fills the cabin before we turn off the main road to a worn dirt path that I recognize as his grandpa’s land. I dutifully unclip my seatbelt, hopping out of the truck when he comes to a stop in front of the rusty old gate. When I touch the gate I hiss. The sun’s unforgiving rays have soaked into the pipe all day, and it’s hot to the touch. Quickly reaching to unhook the chain, I tug it open so Cam can drive through and then pull it shut behind us, shaking my hands as if the air will wipe the sting away on my way back to the truck. I swing inside, and Cam reaches for my hands. He brings them to his lips, kissing each palm slowly, and my breath catches in my throat as I watch.

“My poor baby,” he puts one hand back on the steering wheel but keeps the other firmly in mine as we follow the dirt road. “Thanks for getting the gate.”

“No problem,” I clear my throat. “If we’re going to make these trips a regular thing,” I say loftily, thinking about our campout. “You might need to start carrying oven mitts in the truck.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Camden laughs, filling the truck with the sound, and I grin as I look out the window at the tall grass we pass.

We don’t go far, just past the line of sight from the road where a shady patch of trees pops through the grassy field. Cam pulls over, angling the bed of the truck so it is fully in shade, engages the parking brake, and grabs a pillow on his way out of the cab. Raising an eyebrow in question, I follow his lead. A heavy groan rends through the air as he lifts the latch on the tailgate, swinging it flat and tossing the pillow inside. He makes quick work of the other blankets and pillows, forming a sort of nest as I smile and look on. When he returns to the cab to fetch his tote bag I grab the ice creams, scrambling into the back of the truck in front of him. The truck rocks as Camden hefts himself up, and I can’t help but laugh as I dramatically sway with the movement.

“You’re such a goof,” he grins, settling into the corner of the truck bed.

“You love it,” I crow, shifting closer.

My right knee is bent between us, my left leg straight, as I lean in closer. A heat seems to build in Cam’s eyes, and I realize just how close we are… I want to kiss you. We haven’t kissed since the other day, in my room. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it, but sitting here so close to my best friend… to my boyfriend, it’s kind of all I can think about.

Does he want to kiss me? His eyes dart to my lips, and I grin in victory. I’ve seen enough rom-coms to know that’s a good sign.

Slowly, giving him plenty of chances to run, I lean closer into him. My nose traces the edge of his jaw, his rugged breath puffs a curl up off of my forehead as it rises higher, until I tilt my chin and press my lips against his. Cam’s left hand rises to my arm, pulling me further into him as we melt together. A slow warmth is building in my stomach, my hand rises to Cam’s cheek and slowly slides along his jaw to twine my fingers into his hair. He hums against my mouth, his chest swelling, before he breaks the kiss gently. Leaning into my hand, he drifts his head down to press his lips firmly against my neck, just under the hollow of my ear, and my breath catches in my throat.

This… This is what I have always been missing before. This is sunshine, this is life-giving, this is…

“I do.” He murmurs. Huh? “I love it, when you’re a goof with me.” Oh, I grin, settling against his side. Right.

“Well,” I clear my throat. “Good. So… What else do you have planned for this date?”

“So hard to impress,” he scoffs, grinning so I know he’s joking.

Cam keeps his left arm on me, shifting to reach around my shoulders and pull me all the way to his chest as his right hand digs in the bag. He draws out cans of our favorite soda, popped bags of popcorn, and finally his laptop. I know I’m grinning an embarrassing amount, but I can’t help it… When Camden Holt set out to create a special date, he delivered.

“I brought some DVDs,” he smiles sheepishly. “I thought we could watch The Shop Around the Corner?”

“Have I seen that one?” I settle happily against him, bringing over the ice cream and scooping a large bite for myself as he logs into the device.

“I think so,” Cam nods, sliding the disk into the reader and clicking to get the movie player running. “It’s very You’ve Got Mail, but with James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan.”

“Oh, yeah! I remember this one.”

I shift as he settles back to get comfortable, resting my cheek against his chest as the movie begins. Sometimes Cam’s fingers drift idly across my bicep, like it’s the most natural thing in the world to hold me as we watch one of his old movies in the middle of a field on a Wednesday afternoon. At the cheesiest parts of the film, I can’t help but grin. I’m a sucker for a happy ending, a romantic storyline about a handsome man and a beautiful woman who fall in love with each other and live happily ever after.

There’s something about watching a love story in black and white that just makes it feel more magical. I’m sure Cam thinks I watch these old movies with him as a favor, and while it’s true I have watched or listened to things I didn’t care for simply because he did that is not the case with stories like these.

Love… it has always felt so unachievable. Like a fantasy, not worth thinking about too hard because it isn’t real. But now… I glance up at my boyfriend, the blonde stubble on his jaw shining in the sunlight that streams through the trees, his eyes so focused on the movie in front of us, and that warm feeling burns stronger in my chest. Now maybe it doesn’t feel so imaginary.

Cam finally notices me watching him, and a slow smile spreads across his face even as he blushes a little. He leans down, muttering the lines along with Stewart’s drawl, slowing and thickening his normal accent to match, and I melt into his side. My fingers press into his shirt over his heart, grasping onto him as I reach up for his lips. Cam meets me halfway, kissing me gently before tucking his chin on top of my head as we watch the end of the movie.

When the music swells, and the characters kiss, I sigh happily.

“This is the best part,” I murmur.

“Yeah?” Cam’s voice is softer than normal. I feel pressure on my head, kisses pressed carefully through my unruly curls.

“Mmm,” I agree, smiling and watching until the end of the movie.

“Well,” Cam shuts the computer. “What did you think?”

“I loved it,” I sit up. “James Stewart was very handsome.”

“Oh?” Cam’s eyebrow raises. “So that’s actually your type, is it? Dark hair, chiseled jaw, tall and slender?”

“Camden,” I laugh, and the outrage on his face grows.

“So what, I’m a good placeholder?”

“Until my prince comes along,” I nod easily. Cam frowns and I laugh again, wrapping my hands in his shirt and tugging him back down as he moves to get up. “Don’t be silly, I’m only joking.”

“Are you?” He pouts playfully.

“Oh yes,” I grin, feeling bold out here in the privacy of the country. “You’re my type, Camden Holt… Your thick, blonde hair…” I slowly drift a hand up his chest and into his hair, scratching my nails lightly as he closes his eyes. “Your beautiful eyes… Especially when you wear those glasses.”

“You like my glasses?” he murmurs, eyes still closed as he tilts his chin towards me.

“Love your glasses,” I reply, shifting my body over his until my knee rests on his other side. I’m almost shaking as I kiss his jaw, then down to his neck, coming to a rest near his ear as my hands drift back down to his chest. “And your shoulders, strong, and wide… So manly.”

“I think you’re manly, too,” shaky hands rise, resting on my hips.

“I’m not,” I blush now, sitting up to look into his now-open eyes. “I’m skinny, and smaller than anyone else on the team. I don’t look like anyone else.”

“You look perfect.” The words are serious, spoken with an intensity that makes me swallow hard. Cam’s thumbs stroke down to the bottom of my shirt, slowly pulling the hem back up with them. His eyes search mine, seeking a permission I can only nod to give, as he lifts it to expose just a few inches of my tight stomach. “You’re so perfect,” he says again, thumbs now drifting up and down across my bare midriff. My muscles tighten in response, abdominal muscles sticking out slightly as I tense them, and we both huff a laugh. “So strong.”

“Do you really think that?”

“Yes.”

And sitting there, in the back of a truck, with no space between us for deception… I believe him.

“Come on,” Cam squeezes my hips, and my eyes slam closed. “Let’s head home. I’ll fold the blankets, if you’ll grab the food trash?”

“Deal,” I breathe, crawling off of him quickly.

When we are settled back in the cab of the truck, surrounded by the rumble of her cranking engine as we pull away from the shade and back towards the street, I scoot closer to the middle seat and rest a hand on Cam’s knee as he drives.

“Thank you for our date,” I look at my hand. “I’m sorry again, that I… Wasn’t up for a public outing.”

“It’s okay,” his gaze stays focused out the front window. After a while he speaks again. “You know, I’m cool with us staying under the radar and all that. But, for the record… I think we can still spend time together in public, even though we’re dating.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” his lips pull up on one side. “Honestly, we’ll probably get more questions and attention by not being out in public together. You’re kind of up my ass, constantly.”

“I’m not up your ass,” I snort and Cam grins easily beside me. “If anything, you’re up mine.” The possible implication of that statement hits me, and Cam guffaws loudly as I flush and shove at his arm. “Oh, shut up! You’re such a boy. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I knew what you meant,” Cam laughs, and I can’t help but grin as I turn to look out the side window.

“Whatever.”

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs. “I’ll wait, as long as you need us to, to feel comfortable. One day, I’d like to one day hold hands with my boyfriend… In public. But for now, maybe I could still go hang out with my best friend?”

“Yeah,” I squeeze his knee. “I’d like that.”